Tainted Love: Sinful Souls MC #3 (22 page)

Opening my eyes to Trevor’s voice. “Kal? Wake up babe, we’re here.”

Rubbing my eyes, I huff out. “Okay, thanks again, Trevor.”

“I need to walk you up, Kal. I have orders.”

Nodding my head because I don’t want to cause him any trouble. “That’s fine, come on.”

Pushing open the door, I step out into the late afternoon sun. I glance around our apartment car park and notice people staring. Shrugging, I close the door. I don’t really care what people are thinking right now. I lost my dignity this week, along with many other things.

I round the truck and take Trevor’s arm in mine. He looks over to me, worried. He really is cute.

“Kal, do you want me to wait for you to take a shower then take you to go and see a doc?”

I shake my head. “I’ll see her tomorrow. I just want to sleep.”

He looks around nervously. “Ade, he wants me—”

“Don’t fucking say his name, Trevor. Please. I don’t care what
Ade
wants, okay?”

He swallows and nods his head. “I understand, baby, come on.”

When we reach my door, I remember I didn’t stop at the hotel and collect my things.

“Fuck,” I swear out quietly.

“What’s wrong?” Trevor asks me nervously.

“It’s nothing. I just forgot that my keys and everything is back at the hotel.”

I knock on the door and, both wish and don’t wish, that Carter is there. He swings the door open, smiling until he sees me then his smile drops.

“What the fuck happened, Kalie!” He pulls me into his arms and sizes up Trevor.

“Carter…Trevor. Be nice, Carter. He’s just dropping me off.”

I turn to Trevor and pull him in for a hug. “Thank you, Trevor, really.”

“No problem, Kalie.” He smiles a small smile at me before he turns and walks away.

I walk in and shut the door, turning my body to a worried Carter. “Please give me time, Carter. I can’t do this with you right now.”

“No! Fuck that, Kalie. What the fuck happened?”

I roll my eyes because I really didn’t expect him to take my answer as a legitimate response.

“A lot of stuff
happened,
Carter. I’m just not ready, okay? Please don’t. I’m going to take a very long bath and sleep for a few days, and then I’m going to see a doc.”

I walk out of the living room and make my way to my bedroom. I look around and something inside me aches. The last time I was in here was with Ade. They were happy times, times when I was only his. I think a part of me feels like I’ve disappointed him in a way. He loved it so much when he found out I’d only ever been with him after all these years, and even though the men who touched me didn’t go all the way, I still feel disgusting. I feel as though he will never be able to see me as his innocent girl anymore. I feel dirty on the inside as much as I do on the outside.

Removing his hoodie that has the Sinful Souls emblem on the front of it, I fold it up and place it neatly on my bed. I tap it a couple of times before getting a towel out of my wardrobe, wrapping it around me and making my way to the bathroom.

The tub begins to fill as I turn the taps, then I pour every single bath salt I can see into it. Bubble baths, soaps, they’re all are poured into the bath. Tears begin rolling down my cheeks again as I begin to get angry about what’s happened. I’m a mess. There’s no doubt about that. I sincerely hope there’s some way that I can learn to live with what’s happened.

I feel like an idiot in a way. Poor Alaina, she was treated much, much, worse than I was. Yet, somehow she handled it perfectly. And it’s at that moment that I realize what Phoebe was talking about. She would always say how I was not cut out for their lifestyle. Vicky and her both said it. I understand that now—because I’m not. There’s no way that I would ever be okay with living in a crazy world like that.

Once I am satisfied with the amount of soap in the bath, I take off my underwear and throw them into the corner. I place one foot into the scorching hot water before putting in my second foot. It’s so hot that my skin tingles from the sensation of the heat. I suck in a breath, and quickly sink into the bath, biting down on my lip to stop me from crying out. The pain feels good. It takes away the pain that I feel ripping into the deepest depths of my soul, even if it is just temporary.

After a few minutes, the pain disintegrates and the warmth overwhelms me. I lie back in the bath, turn on my sound dock and push play on Evanescence ‘Going Under.’ I slide my head under the water and stay there for as long as I can until I’ve run out of breath. Floating on my back to the surface, I run my hands over my face to remove my hair from my eyes. While I just lie there staring at the ceiling allowing the lyrics of the song to float through my ears and dig into my now contaminated soul.

Hours pass, and when I begin to get goose bumps over my skin from the temperature of the water dropping, I pull the plug out and stand as I get out of the bath. Picking up my towel, I wrap it around myself and open the bathroom cabinet. There’s no doubt in my mind that I need something to help me sleep tonight. I see one of Carter’s Xanax tablet bottles sitting there from his accident. They’re begging me to pick them up—so I do. I pop the container lid open and drop two in one go then close the cupboard.

Turning to leave the bathroom, I stand on my old underwear that’s on the floor. I look down at them briefly before bending down to pick them up. I instantly feel sick. I swing the bathroom door open, run past Carter and dash into my room, slamming my door shut behind me. I move quickly to my desk, open my drawer and pull out some scissors and begin cutting them up into tiny little pieces before dumping them into a plastic bag and throwing it into my trash can. Once I’m done, I look down to my shaking hands. Fat tears drop from my eyes again and I swipe them away angrily.

It’s here and now that I decide that I will let this hurt for one night. I will cry for one night only. Cry for the girl I lost. However, after that, I will not let them have it. I’ll see someone to help me work through my issues, but I will not let it bring me down. Throwing my towel off, I pick up Ade’s hoodie again and shove it on then get under my bed covers.

I don’t know why I did that.

I hate Ade at the moment.

The sound of his name sets me on fire, but the ignitor to that fire comes from a place that loves him so fiercely that it could burn down villages.

And that’s where I’m fucked.

I open my eyes to the late afternoon sun. When I glance at my alarm clock, I see it reads five p.m. I moan and roll over, staring at the wall for a few seconds before swinging my legs over the edge and sliding into my slippers. I hope Carter is at work, or out. I really can’t deal with his inquisition right now. I walk out my door, closing it softly behind me and slowly make my way into the living room. When I walk in there, Vicky, Phoebe, and Alaina greet me.

“Oh, um…” I say looking around at them nervously.

Vicky stands from the couch and runs over to me with her arms stretched wide, tears in her eyes, and her face raw and red.

“Kalie, I’m so fucking sorry. Oh my God, I’m so sorry,” she says repeatedly.

“It’s not your fault, Vicky. Don’t do that.”

“Come and sit down babe,” Alaina says from the couch, her cheeks still puffy and red, the evidence from our assault apparent.

I swallow down the pain I’m feeling all over my body and walk to the sofa, wincing as I take a seat beside her. I know that after the week we spent together, I feel closer to Alaina than anyone else sitting in this room right now. Don’t get me wrong, each of them are my best friends and I love them dearly, but there’s some comfort I get from being with Alaina. She places her hand on my thigh and looks at me, right in the eye. Her tortured eyes to my tormented ones.

“We’re going to get through this. I’m going to push you through this, too, okay? We’re all here for you, Kalie. We’re your family, the club, us,” she gestures around the room, “we are yours to use as you please.”

I shake my head. “I love you all dearly.” I squeeze onto Alaina’s hand tightly. “So much.” A light smile touches my lips. “I really do,” I say pointedly at her. “But, I can’t do the MC club thing. It’s not me, I’m just not that kind of girl. I’m weak, and I cannot deal with it.”

Alaina smiles a small smile at me before looking at Vicky.

“Hon, you don’t need to
be
strong. You just need to
love
strong. The intensity of the love you have for Ade? That is what will pull you through it. He’s hurting too, and I know that doesn’t consolidate you in any way, but he’s there when you’re ready. He loves you Kal, but he knows you need time,” she whispers out honestly. My eyes are wet again, so I wipe the tears that drop onto my cheek.

“I love him, too. You know, I probably always will. But he needs to let me go.”

When I look around the room, I see understanding. And when I lock eyes with Carter, I see the wrinkles lining around his eyes.

“Don’t frown, Carter. You’re getting wrinkles,” I say with a small smile.

He laughs a quite laugh. “Let me in, baby G.”

I nod my head and swallow, before telling him everything.

In the end, he’s furious.

“This is your fault,” he yells to Vicky. “If you weren’t such a fucking slut, she would never had met Ade.” Vicky drops her head in defeat and I jump up to her defense.

“Carter! Don’t ever fucking say that again. I’m my own adult. I wanted, Ade
. Want
him. Do not blame her for that. So help me God Carter, I will move out,” I yell at him.

He winces and steps back. That was probably a low blow because he has security issues, he needs stability and all that, and when he’s not getting it from a partner he needs it from me. However, I can’t have him lashing out at the girls.

I sit back on the sofa. “I’m sorry about that, Vick.”

She shakes her head, waving her hand in front of her. “He’s right, Kal. I’m so sorry.”

“No, no, he’s not right. It is not your fault…” I pause before continuing, “I’m going to see my doctor tomorrow, then I want my life as normal as I can get it.”

They all agree and stand from their seats.

Phoebe pulls me into her arms. “I’m staying back in The Hills. I need to be near you. I’ll be back at my old place, and I bought your stuff back with me along with a new phone,” she says as she kisses me on the forehead. When I look down I notice it’s a brand new iPhone.

“Phoebe, you shouldn’t have!” I point to the phone.

She shrugs. “I didn’t pay for it. It was a gift that I do not want. So I’m gifting it to you,” she says casually.

I raise my eyebrows in surprise. “Okay, well, thank you.”

Walking with them to the front door, I hug them all briefly before saying goodbye. Upon closing the door, I pick up my bags and take them back into my room. My head is thumping again, so I drop to my bed and pull the covers up over me, letting my sleep take over.

“Ade?” Haleigh says from beside me.

“What?” I answer, watching one of the new girls work on the pole while swallowing my drink.

She places her hand on my collar, running it down the front of me before dragging it over my crotch. I look up at her, eyebrows raised and a smirk on my face. Haleigh is cute, in that all-American girl kind of way, but she’s new. There’s no way this girl knows what she’s getting herself into—she’s about to, though. I grab onto her hand, push it down under my jeans, and bring my face up to hers. “Don’t bite off more than you can chew, sweetheart,” I say smirking at her while rubbing her hand all over the cock. She bites down on her lower lip and it pisses me off instantly.

“Don’t do that,” I say with my mouth set in a hard line.

“Do what?” she asks as she runs her teeth over her lip again.

I grip onto her lip and pull it out of her mouth roughly. “That. Don’t do it.”

The motion reminds me of my Kalie. The thought of Kalie has me picking up my drink and dropping it back fast. By this point, Haleigh is practically dry humping my leg. I push her off me forcefully before standing. Walking to the bar, I snatch a bottle of Johnny Walker and walk back to the table. I pull her by the hand, making her smile and stand. She begins following me to the room, the same room I snapped Gretchen off in, not too long ago. I close the door behind me while I watch as Haleigh lies back on the bed, removing her top and skirt, and then rubbing the spot next to her.

“Come on, big boy, show me if what I hear about you is true.”

I scrunch up my face in disgust. “You got balls coming into my room and saying that.”

I take another long pull of my drink, place it on the dresser and remove my top while unbuttoning my jeans. Her eyes look at me hungrily and I almost laugh. This girl is, first of all, way too fucking skinny. I hate fucking with girls this thin. They never have enough stamina because of their lack of calorie intake, and there’s no way their bodies are built to fuck a man like me—or rather—let a man like me fuck them. Not fucking appealing to me at all, give me Kalie’s perfect curves over this bullshit any fucking day. Fuck, thinking about Kalie again makes my dick rock hard instantly. I move over the bed and pull on Haleigh’s legs roughly. I slide down her panties in one movement before pulling down my jeans. She wraps her hands around my neck, only for me to push them back down.

“Don’t,” I say to her.

Her face drops for a second until she sees my dick.

Cock-thirsty whore
.

I pull open the drawer next to the bed and snatch out a condom wrapper. Ripping if off, I roll it onto my dick. I rub my head over her clit slowly, then ram into her in one strong movement. She screams out loudly, and I put my hand over her mouth roughly.

“Fuck up, or I stop. Got it?” She nods her head quickly so I remove my hand.

I pull out of her and then slam back into her. It’s nothing but a motion, a routine. There’s nothing to it at all, it’s as though I’m fucking a faceless body. I would have more fun with my hand. The thought of this fucks me off, so I grip onto her neck while continuing to pound into her. I have to remind myself a few times to ease off my grip—the times when she starts to turn purple. When I feel her pussy clench around my dick, I flip her over and lift her ass into the air. I wrap her long black hair around my fist and yank on it so her head comes back. I continue to pound into her pussy again, trying to reach something—anything, that will push me over. Grabbing onto her neck with my hand that has her hair, the movement causes her to scream again in pleasure. The fucking sound fucks me off again and at this moment, I realize that I want to repeat the events of Gretchen all over again. I pull out of her as Kalie’s beautiful smile comes in full HD display in my head, giving me a flashback of a memory of us on the beach.