Sworn to Protect (Vows of the Heart) (12 page)

“You are a beautiful man, Ethan Lancaster.”

He almost recoiled. If only she knew. But she didn’t realize her words, he was certain of it. She had a nasty lump on her head and had been through hell. He decided to humor her. He couldn’t resist a smile as he lowered his head. “And you are a beautiful woman, Bethany Kress.”

Strangely, Ethan felt trapped in her gaze, as if he were falling into those crystal
-green eyes. She held his gaze unflinchingly and without fear. A sudden blaze of desire pounded through him and he shocked himself by realizing how much he wanted to kiss her.

Ethan forcibly restrained himself, to do something like that, to take such a liberty with her would wrong.

It didn’t help when Bethany again touched his cheek, her fingers light and gentle against his skin. Her caress sent electric tingles through him. Dear God help him, the innocent sensuality this woman exuded was as powerful as a tidal wave.

Her fingers slid down his jaw, sending a tremor through his body. Timidly she traced a fingertip over his lower lip and when her gaze focused intently on his mouth, desire seared through him so violently it was a miracle he was able to control it. His pulse jumped and his breathing grew harsh, the only outward sign of the havoc she wreaked within him.

For a brief instant, her gaze flicked to his eyes, then focused again on his mouth. Ever so slightly she leaned forward. Ethan’s heart thundered in his chest. If she did what he thought she was going to do...if she initiated the kiss, Ethan would never be able to refuse her. His control, so tenuous, would shatter.

Bethany moved closer, he felt her breath, warm and soft against his skin. His heart skipped a beat
then seemed to hold itself motionless for an endless moment.

Her lips brushed across his, tentatively, like the soft skim of a butterfly’s wings. His breath caught in his throat as she backed away slightly.

Just when Ethan was certain he would have to tighten his hold and demand more than just a teasing kiss, she moved closer. A second time her lips touched his, but she was more confident, the strength of her kiss increased.

Ethan sighed raggedly as he returned her kiss
, but fought with everything not to take over and allow his passion to run wildly out of control. Receiving a kiss from her was more intoxicating than he ever imagined, it made him giddy and assaulted his senses, straining his self-control to the breaking point.             

His control wavered enough that he touched her lips with the tip of his tongue requesting entrance. To his shock she granted it and he plunged inside, savoring the glorious warmth of her mouth. Her tongue tangled with his and she became more aggressive, kissing him fully in return and also exploring his mouth.

He groaned, fighting to restrain himself, fighting to allow her to remain in control of their kiss. She alternated between shyness and aggressiveness and near drove him mad, but he loved every moment of it. He loved the tenderness of their kiss yet at the same time the power it possessed. An invisible force sparked between them, binding them together. It ignited his body with a feral desire he had never experienced before.

But the savagery of the desire raging within him seemed wrong in the face of the tender passion between them. Bethany’s lips were soft and warm against his, he allowed her to control the kiss, no matter how insane it drove him, she felt too good to let go, to destroy the precious moment between them.

Another realization struck Ethan, dizzying him. Everything in his life had been destroyed, but when Bethany kissed him, the world suddenly righted itself. Her touch, her kiss turned him upside down and inside out, yet it was all so perfect and so very right. The world around him faded into nothingness until all that existed was him and Bethany.             

He savored the taste of her. Her arms wrapped around him as they both surrendered to the kiss. His heart raced and he knew she could feel it. His body, without command, pressed fully against hers. God, he had to stop this, or he would make love to her. But he didn’t want to stop. His body screamed at him, her kiss, her touch encouraged him. All he wanted to do was lose himself in her embrace.

Somehow, he forced himself to push away, struggling to catch his breath and control his trembling limbs. “Bethany, you need to rest.” His voice was thick with desire.

She didn’t reply, she only nodded.

“Go to sleep.” Was he telling her or himself?

She nodded again.

With great effort, he pushed away from her and ended up on his side. She turned away from him, snuggling under the covers. Again without command his body moved. He crawled under the covers and wrapped himself around her. He clenched his teeth as his body pressed against hers. There was a lot to be said for this spoon thing. His hand smoothed her mane of hair. He kissed her neck and then her shoulder as he settled next to her. His arm slid around her waist and pulled her closer.

With a contented sigh, she burrowed into him, her back pressed firmly against his chest, her hips cradled in the curve of his thighs. God, she felt good.

I am an idiot, that’s all there is to it.

But his arm tightened around her as he relaxed and closed his eyes.
Okay, so I’m an idiot. At least I’m a very comfortable one.

****

Bethany opened her eyes to an irritating beep. She blinked, trying to make her vision focus, and saw Ethan’s watch on the nightstand. The fact that the watch had awakened her instead of a nightmare surprised her. For weeks she hadn’t been able to get more than a couple hours of sleep before awaking in terror. She suddenly became aware of his body curled around hers. Was it Ethan who kept Aaron’s vengeful spirit at bay? Light filled the room, squeezing through the closed curtains. The watch continued its infernal beep. Ethan must be exhausted if he didn’t hear it.

She grabbed the watch and after a few seconds figured out how to turn it off. Settling back in the bed, she turned slightly and looked at Ethan still sleeping soundly. He appeared weary
, but more relaxed than she had ever seen him. The lines of worry on his face had eased considerably and for the first time he looked peaceful. She pushed herself up on her elbow, gazing down at him, longing to caress his face, but fearing she might wake him.

Instead
, she admired the most perfect chest and abs God could grant a man. He was powerfully built, muscles perfectly defined. He possessed the perfect balance between bulk and stature. Then she spotted four terrible burn scars and her eyes widened in surprise. He had two the size of her fist on each side of his chest, and two more on each side of his ribs. They were almost square in shape. What in the world had happened to cause such vicious wounds in such a symmetrical form?

Her horror levered upward when she spotted three circular scars on his chest. Bullet wounds. Dear God, how had he survived?.

Just when she thought it couldn’t get any worse, she saw a long, angry red scar traveling from his shoulder to his elbow on the outside of his left arm. His forearm had two scars on the inside. Looking closer, she saw a long scar running the length of the inside of his arm to the elbow. Her heart pounded in confusion and she very carefully touched his left hand, still draped across her body.

The back of his hand, his palm, and the front and back of each finger also had agonizing scars. Surgical scars, she suddenly realized. She spotted a large circular mark in the middle of his hand, on the back, going all the way through...what would cause that? It looked as if a nail had been driven through his hand.

She sucked in her breath, able to put a name to the horror she felt.

Cordova.

She knew all too well how vicious Cordova could be. The scars were indicative of one of his brutal torture sessions. While Cordova had never tortured her, she had been forced to watch a session as punishment for a mistake she had made. Cordova threatened if she made another, she would be next. Plus she had seen what he had done to Aaron. Sweet Jesus, what had Ethan suffered through? Was this the reason why he worked so hard to push people away?

“Now you know,” Ethan murmured, his voice still thick with sleep.

Bethany jumped. She felt tears burning as she met his gaze. Ethan looked at her through half-lidded eyes, but clearly she saw his pain.

He tried to tug his hand away
, but Bethany, gently yet also firmly maintained her grip. She remembered how he had not used his arm unless he absolutely had to, how he hid it by wearing long sleeves, his pain when he had carried her in his arms.

“I didn’t want you to see the scars,” Ethan said, still trying to tug his hand away.

“Why?” she asked, although she knew. They were savage and he feared she would think him ugly. Ethan simply stared at her, his expression tight and worried. Bethany instinctively pulled his hand to her mouth, softly kissing his scarred palm then cradling it against her cheek.

Ethan’s eyes widened in surprise.

“Why would you think you had to hide this from me?” Lightly, she brushed her cheek back and forth against the palm of his hand.

“If I saw revulsion or pity in your eyes, it would kill me.”

Still not allowing him to withdraw his hand, she moved to brush her lips across the inside of his wrist then lightly slid them up his forearm.

Ethan softly sucked in his breath, his eyes widening even more.

Bethany lifted her head and finally released his hand. She moved forward so her body was pressed very intimately against his, her lips hovering over his. Her fingers caressed his magnificent chest, exploring every cut and curve of muscle.

“I’ve seen the strength of your soul. You are beautiful.”

Again he blinked at her, as if her words absolutely stunned him. He cupped her cheek with his right hand and after a moment, did the same with his left, gently cradling her face.

Bethany didn’t flinch or make any move to withdraw from his touch. Truly, the scars did not bother her. His hands were warm, strong, and rough with calluses, but his touch was infinitely gentle.

“You really mean that, don’t you?” he asked, his gaze searching hers.             

“I do, Ethan. The scars only bother me when I think about the pain you suffered.”

His jaw tightened and he swallowed hard.

Bethany lowered her head a bit more so her lips were only a hairsbreadth above his, her gaze lingered pointedly on his mouth, then she touched her lips to his.

She heard his breath hitch in his throat. Bethany lightly toyed with his mouth then kissed him fully, a riot of glorious sensations exploding within her. A soft groan escaped him and he wrapped both arms around her, pulling her firmly to him, his hands caressing her hair and back. She felt him grow hard underneath her. Her hands moved of their own accord, her fingertips exploring his flat stomach, brushing over the waistband of his sweat pants.

“Oh God, Bethany,” he murmured,
but then pushed her away slightly. “Please....” She barely recognized his voice, a low primitive growl.

“What’s wrong, Ethan?”

He reached up and caught a lock of her hair, entwining it around his finger. “You are the most beautiful and remarkable woman I’ve ever met, Bethany. But I want to make love to you so badly its driving me insane.”

She hesitated, her lips twitching as she fought back a smile. “Do I have to write it on the wall for you?”

He also fought back a smile, but it quickly vanished. “Bethany, you don’t understand. Making love to you would betray every professional ethic I swore to uphold. Everyone thinks I don’t care about anyone but myself. But I do care. I especially care about you and I won’t hurt you like that.”

“Hurt me? What are you talking about?”

“I’m an ATF agent and you’re a protected witness. Making love to you, even kissing you, sleeping in the same bed with you is completely improper behavior. My job is to keep you alive, not assault you.”

“Assault me?” she asked in shock. “Ethan, you are not
—”

“Bethany, please,” he whispered. But he released her hair and brushed her lower lip with his thumb. “I am your protector. I can’t be your lover.”

She sat up indignantly. “Ethan, you are not my protector,” she said sharply. “You’re a witness just like me. I don’t want a guardian.” She paused and sighed. This was going to sound terrible, but it was time she admitted the truth gnawing at her insides. “I want you.”

He squeezed his eyes closed. “Bethany, please, you don’t know how hard this is for me. I want you just as much and its tearing me apart inside.”

“Then stop fighting it.”

He stared at her, his silver eyes mesmerizing. “Jesus, Bethany, I
—”

She silenced him by kissing him again, holding nothing back, kissing him as she had longed to do the moment she laid eyes on him. Ethan tried to resist for only a split second, then he returned her kiss wholeheartedly. The fire between them exploded, consuming both of them, out of control, vibrant, powerful, a force all of its own, growing in strength which each passing heartbeat.

“Bethany,” he murmured into her mouth. “Please, this is—”

“Right. This is very right, Ethan. You can feel it as powerfully as I can and you can’t deny it.”