But the thought of kissing him makes me cringe.
“I’m so sorry, Ky.”
His skin is ashen, and his brow is lined with furrows I’ve never seen before. His bloodless lips part like he wants to say something, but nothing comes out. He glances at the companionway as if he’s imprisoned in ice and that’s the only escape route. Beyond, the blackness of the night is so complete, it’s impossible to tell if it’s still raining.
“I…uh…” His voice cracks. “Uh…I’m supposed to be on watch.”
His eyes brim with emotions that make me want to go to him and protect him from whatever’s causing him such distress. But the truth is—I’m the one causing it. I’m the one hurting him.
“I’m sorry.” I don’t know what else to say.
He shakes his head slowly. “Don’t, T. Don’t do this to us.”
To
us
. The facts in my head twist into a tangled, jumbled mess. I love Kyle. He’s my best friend in the world, the one person to turn to when I’m sad or lonely or down. Kyle makes me laugh, he pushes me, he supports me and has guided me through every single rough patch of the past couple of years.
I owe him.
But do I owe him
this
?
Honestly…I don’t know. By being his best friend, was I leading him on?
Where’s the happy-go-lucky guy who infuses life and joy into every situation? To lose that Kyle—to lose Kyle at all—would be devastating. What would I do without him in my life?
“Kyle…”
“Tara.”
Our eyes lock. He’s always felt like I’ve understood him better than anyone. Better than his parents, his brother, his other friends, his “bedmates.”
The worst part is, I understand him right now. Just by looking in his eyes, I can see that he’s sincere. His expression is a tumultuous combination of raw, unrestrained, hopeful, and afraid. My best friend believes he’s in love with me. He’s desperate to let me know before this thing with Ethan goes any further.
Dread is a hard lump in my throat. Could I turn away from Ethan for Kyle? Maybe to save our friendship. I’ve fallen too far, way too fast, for Ethan, but I can’t—
won’t
—give up Kyle.
I bow my head and stare at my deck shoes, still soaked from the storm outside, and at the puddles that have formed on the wooden floor of the galley.
I can’t. I just don’t think of Kyle that way. That’s all there is to it.
The
Temptation
scales an especially large wave, then pitches forward over it. My hand tightens on the counter.
“Don’t do this to me,” I plead. “Don’t give me an ultimatum, okay?” Because if he said
it’s me or him
, then my choice would have to be Ethan. And that would break me, once and for all.
His eyes are still locked to mine. He doesn’t move for a never-ending moment. Then he whispers, “Okay. But…”
He steps forward. He grips the counter on either side of me, trapping me against it. His eyes darken to an intense mossy green in the dim light of the galley lamp. “I want to kiss you, Tara.”
I hold myself very still so he doesn’t see me flinch. Every cell in my body screams to get away, to escape. To find Ethan.
“No,” I whisper, so frozen my lips don’t even move.
He moves inexorably closer. “Just one. Just to see…”
My eyes squeeze shut. A part of me can’t believe this is happening, that Kyle has become something I don’t understand, someone I don’t know.
Just a few minutes ago, Ethan’s lips were on me.
My lips part to tell him no again, but as they do, his mouth brushes against mine. My eyes fly open. I go instantly rigid. My body recoils backward, but there’s nowhere to go, and his lips chase mine, trapping them again. I place my palms flat on his chest and thrust him away, and he staggers backward.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Showing you.” He’s already advancing on me again. I brace myself and raise my hands in a defensive posture, and he stops short, his gaze going from my hands to my eyes. He blinks hard. “Please, Tara. Let me show you…”
“No.”
The word is flat and icy cold in the night. I lower one of my hands and wipe the back of it roughly over my mouth, trying to get rid of the taste of his lips there.
We’re both silent for a long moment, the only sounds the shrieking wind and the splashing and creaking of the
Temptation
as she battles the storm raging outside.
Finally, Kyle takes the hand still held up in the air as if to ward him off, and wraps it in both of his. He’s held my hand many times before, and the gesture is familiar, but there’s a new intimacy to it as he hooks his thumbs around mine and squeezes. My hand is cold and damp from being outside in the rain, and his are warm and dry as they cradle mine.
He stares at our hands for a few seconds, then meets my eyes. “I love you, T. I love you so much. Think about what you’re doing. Take all the time you need, but don’t make any stupid decisions, okay? What I’m offering you…” He trails off, and I want to ask
what? What, exactly, are you offering me?
But I don’t. I’m too afraid of the answer.
We both turn to movement coming from the direction of the companionway, and Kyle’s hands squeeze tighter around mine.
Ethan descends the three steps that lead into the galley/dining area. At the bottom, he stops, raising his head to look straight at us. His gaze dips to our clasped hands, then moves to my face. His brows instantly furrow, and he takes a menacing step forward, his movement sure even with the waves tossing the floor of the boat beneath his feet.
“What’s wrong?” he growls.
Words fail me for a second. Dealing with Ethan right now seems impossible after the revelations Kyle just flung at me. I swallow hard.
“Nothing.” Which is such a lie.
He sees it right away, and his face grows darker, his eyes narrowing and his lips thinning as his gaze cuts back and forth between Kyle and me. “What happened?”
“It’s okay,” I say. “We just—”
Ethan grips Kyle’s shoulder and yanks him back from me. Kyle turns to face him, but one of his hands remains stubbornly clasped to mine as he turns to Ethan.
“She’s upset,” Ethan growls. “What did you say to her?”
The edge of Kyle’s lip rises in an ugly sneer. His hand squeezes my fingers. “Wouldn’t you like to know?”
A muscle twitches in Ethan’s jaw. Whenever he’s angry or upset, this happens. It’s as if he’s grinding his teeth so hard, his muscles engage. “You should be up there on watch,” he says tightly.
“But I’m not,” Kyle retorts in a so-what-are-you-going-to-do-about-it? tone. It reminds me of how he used to talk to his parents when they’d ask him why he went surfing instead of writing his English paper.
“Kyle,” I say desperately, “he’s right. You should be on your watch. It’s storming out there, and Nalani—”
Kyle interrupts me. “Why don’t you tell her?”
The question is directed at Ethan, and I have no idea what he’s talking about.
Something passes through Ethan’s blue eyes, widening them, and they flash brightly for the briefest of seconds. But then his features smooth out, and he says, “Tell her what?” in the coldest voice I’ve ever heard from him.
“What, exactly, you want from her. What you’re going to take from her. What you’re going to do to her.”
“That’s none of your damn business.” There is a lethal quality to Ethan’s tone that sends a trickle of dread over my ribs.
Kyle releases a bitter laugh. His fingers keep their tight grip on mine. “Everything about her is my business, asshole. If you don’t know that by now, you’re more of an idiot than I thought.”
Ethan just stares at him, his expression flat.
“No? You’re not going to tell her?” Kyle asks. “Fine, then I will.” He turns back to me, still not releasing my hand. It’s like he needs to be holding on to me, needs that connection between the two of us. I don’t have it in me to pull away. I’ve always needed Kyle more than he’s needed me, but now…
“This asshole wants to fuck you for the next few days. He wants to get his fill of you, then, when we get back to LA, he wants to pretend like he never knew you.”
My lips part in surprise—that is far, far too close to the truth.
“He’s going to use you, T. Do you understand? Like you don’t matter. Like it’s okay to treat you like you’re just some thirsty little slut.”
Primal rage contorts Ethan’s face. He shoves Kyle away from me. Kyle’s hand tears out of mine as he stumbles backward.
To hell with this. Instinct takes over, and I push myself between the two of them and face Ethan’s raised fists. The
Temptation
moves resolutely ahead, but the wind howls through the rigging, and the boat pitches beneath my feet. I widen my stance to keep my balance and stare Ethan down.
“Stop!”
Kyle scrambles to his feet behind me, but I hold out my hands to prevent him from retaliating while I glare at Ethan.
Ethan lowers his fists until his arms hang at his sides, but his hands are squeezed into tight balls. His skin is wet and pale, and exhaustion seems to pull on his features, his eyes muting to a stormy gray and the pink of his lips growing a shade lighter.
“What do you think you’re doing?” I growl.
His eyes have thinned to slits, but he sounds eerily calm when he says, “If you think I’m
ever
going to allow someone to call you a slut, Tara, then you’re sorely mistaken.”
“I wasn’t calling her a slut,” Kyle spits out behind me. “You’re treating her like one.”
“Fuck you,” Ethan says flatly. Then he focuses on me and asks in a gentler tone, “Are you okay?”
I just gape at him, blinking.
Kyle bristles behind me and presses a hand to my shoulder. “Move over.”
“Why?” I demand without looking back at him. “So the two of you can prove your manliness by trying to kill each other?”
“Yeah,” Kyle says, and he’s not trying to make a joke.
One of Ethan’s masks snaps on, and he’s suddenly perfectly calm, perfectly composed. The only emotion on his face is concern as his eyes drink me in as if to ensure I’ve come to no harm.
As frustrated as I am with Kyle right now, I’m pissed at Ethan for taking it to the next level.
“I need to talk to Ethan, Kyle. And you need to talk to Nalani,” I say pointedly.
Kyle makes a scoffing noise behind me. “Hell, no. I’m not leaving you alone with this ass—”
I whirl on him. “Stop this! Just stop, okay?”
“I can’t stop it!” he snaps back at me. “Do you think it’s that goddamn easy?”
“I don’t know! But it has to stop!”
“This isn’t over, Tara.”
“Fine!” At this moment, I don’t care about that warning—I just want him to be out of here, now. “Just go.”
He looks past me at Ethan, then back down to me, and some softness infuses his expression as his gaze caresses my face. There’s also lingering hope there. Pleading. “I can’t,” he says. “I can’t go and leave you with him. I just…can’t.”
Oh
God
! If I wasn’t on this boat, I’d grab Ethan’s hand and say
let’s get out of here
, and turn my back on Kyle until he decides to be rational again. But there’s no getting away from Kyle, not right now.
“You’re not my mother,” I tell him, but the words lack the punch I meant to give them.
He snorts. “No. I’m not. That doesn’t mean I have any inclination to leave you alone so this…so he can maul you.”
I raise a brow.
Maul?
He’s got to be kidding me.
Fatigue seeps into my bones until they’re rubbery. A sick feeling twists in my stomach. Could be seasickness, could be Kyle’s revelation tonight. All I know is that I need to get away from him. From both of them.
“Nalani shouldn’t be out there alone,” I say. She shouldn’t be out there at all—she should be in bed for the next couple of hours until her watch starts. It’s storming out, and these two crazy men are the ones who should be on watch.
Neither of them says anything. They just stare at each other, neither one willing to back down, neither one willing to leave me alone with the other.
I throw up my hand in frustration. “I’m going to bed.”
I turn my back on them and slip out of the galley, down the port-side stairs, and into my cabin. I close the door firmly behind me before sagging against it.
Kyle loves me.
Kyle is in love with me.
What am I going to do?
Chapter Twelve
I lie awake for most of the night, and as the hours pass, the gale gradually weakens until a crisp breeze fills the sails of the
Temptation
and sends it slicing through the large, smooth rollers.
Sometime after midnight, there’s a soft knock at my door. I turn over, intending to ignore it, and cover my head with my pillow, but then I hear his low voice. “Tara?”
It’s Ethan.
I hesitate for a moment but ultimately can’t ignore him. “Come in,” I say on a heavy sigh.
At least he knocked first. Kyle wouldn’t have been so polite.
He enters and turns on one of the lights near the door before sitting on the edge of my bed. Curled on my side, I stare at him as he gazes down at me. His exhaustion from earlier seems deeper now. Darker. Like someone took a piece of charcoal and smudged it under his eyes and across his jaw before taking a pencil and digging a trench between his brows with it.
“You okay?” he asks quietly.
“Yes.”
No.
“Is your watch over?”
“Yes.”
“It’s late, then.” His watch ends at three a.m.
“Or early.” He gives me the ghost of a smile.
I don’t answer.
“You want to tell me what happened between you and Kyle earlier?” he asks softly. He reaches out and captures a lock of my hair, then twines the loose curl over his index finger.
“You want to tell me why you pushed him?” I ask.
“You know why.”
I sigh. “You thought you were going to defend my honor. Is that it?”
“I was going to defend
you
. The way he was talking about you…about
us
… The things he said…” He releases my hair and looks away, toward the cabin door.
“It scared me,” I say quietly.
His laugh is little more than a puff of air. “You weren’t acting scared.”
“You know I’m always going to protect Kyle. No matter what happens between us or with him—I’ll always have his back. I owe him that, and more.”