Authors: Cindy Stark
She
should admonish him for the mess. She should make him eat a more nutritious
cereal. Instead, she smiled, loving the way his dark hair laid, smashed
against one side of his head and sticking out wildly on the other. She didn't,
for one minute, regret quitting her job in Sacramento and permanently breaking
things off with Ryan. Her future was here.
"I
think you need some milk with that cereal."
"Okay,"
he said, and thankfully allowed
her
to pour it.
He
was such an easy person to get along with. Nothing much fazed him. Robert and
Carole had done a fantastic job raising her son. She owed them tremendously
for that.
It
pained her to think she'd missed out on A.J.'s baby years. If only she'd known
what her future held, she might have kept him. But then, how could she? She'd
been a hunted girl in a mixed-up, scared place six years ago.
She
pushed away the weighty feeling. She couldn't fix all her yesterdays, but she
could definitely make her tomorrows count. And some day, when the time was
right, she'd tell A.J. she was his mother. Right now, everything was too fresh
for both of them. They were friends. She loved him, loved spending time with
him, and it was too soon to mix him up in her emotional baggage.
But
one thing was for sure, she intended to stay in his life. Legally, Jase could
block her, but she didn't think he would. If she and A.J. meant as much to him
as he professed, he wouldn't take that away from them. Of course, that meant
when Jase was in town, Allie wouldn't be able to stay at the ranch, but she'd
do whatever was best for her son.
Allie
grabbed an orange from the fruit basket in the center of the table and started
to peel it. She'd found if she did the hard part, A.J. would share the fruit
with her. She might not be the most experienced mother in the world, but she
was learning.
She
was still angry with Jase for withholding the fact he'd kept A.J. instead of
putting him up for adoption. He'd had her son all those years and never
mentioned a word. But she'd realized she couldn't be angry that he'd kept A.J.
in the first place. Otherwise, she wouldn't have her beautiful son right now.
Sometimes, she wondered if Jase had known she'd regret her decision to give up
A.J. Jase had said he'd been unable to let go of the little boy who had been a
part of her—because he'd loved her too much.
That
thought settled in her heart.
She
pulled off a section of orange and handed it to A.J. who promptly stuffed it in
his mouth with a smile.
"I
like these," he said around a mouthful.
"Me,
too." She grinned, even though her thoughts had brought a heavy,
melancholy feeling—something that had happened all too often during the last
few weeks.
She
missed Jase. Missed having his strong arms wrapped around her, holding her
tight, making her feel safe. Honestly, for someone she'd only physically been
around for very little time, he'd anchored himself deeply in her heart.
He'd
complied with her request to stay away from Oregon while she was there. Even
Robert and Carole hadn't been able to contact him. It bothered her, wondering
where he'd gone, and what he'd done since she'd left.
Had
she been wrong to shut him out of her life so completely?
But
she had. She'd made damned sure Jase knew there was no chance they'd ever have
a future together.
Carole
entered the sunny kitchen and from the look on her face, Allie knew something
was wrong. Her coffee turned to acid in her stomach.
"What?"
The
older woman gave her a grim smile. "Jase is back."
A.J.
sprang out of his chair. "Daddy's here?" Excitement burst out of
him like popping bubbles. "Where? Where is he?"
Allie
lifted her eyebrows as Carole smiled at her adopted grandson. "His car
just pulled up."
"Yes,"
the little boy shrieked as he ran for the front of the house.
Allie
felt a stab of jealousy, wishing A.J. felt that way about her. But she hadn't
earned it. Not yet.
But,
heaven help her, she would.
"I
guess you've been preparing for this day, huh?" Carole asked, with a
concerned look on her face.
Allie
had, she realized. Since the moment she'd left Jase in Chicago.
"Yeah." She'd talk to Jase, tell him of her plans to become part of
A.J.'s life. She'd make it work.
She
rose to follow A.J.'s footsteps, but Carole stopped her before she could leave
the kitchen, throwing a friendly arm around her. "You know how much I
love those men out there, the big one and the little one. I have faith in you,
Allie. You've got an opportunity here to make everything okay."
A
surprising gush of emotion tackled her. She swallowed. "I know, Carole.
I'm not going to hurt them."
Carole's
eyes watered. "I know you won't. You love them as much as I do. You'd
make a hell of a family."
That's
what she wanted, Allie realized. But would Jase? There was no way to know at
this point. So much had happened. Too much had been said.
Allie
walked through the living room and stopped at the front door. Jase stood near
the trunk of his car with his arms around A.J., laughing as the little boy
squeezed him with a ferocious bear hug. "I've missed you so much,
A.J."
"I
missed you, too, Dad. You need to stay home now. Grandma Carole says it's
time to give up your nef-rous ways."
"Nefarious?"
Jase asked, with a chuckle. "I'm going to have to talk to your grandma
about her language."
A.J.
grinned, taking his father's face between his hands and giving him a kiss on
the cheek. "Stay with me, okay?"
Regret
saddened Jase's face, taking the light out of his smile. "I will, A.J.
I'm here to stay. No more business trips."
"Sweet."
A.J. pushed back on Jase's chest, forcing his father to let him go. "I'm
going to go tell Grandma and Allie."
Jase's
gaze shifted to the doorway, and Allie stepped outside as her son reached her.
"Daddy's going to stay. He's going to stay forever."
"I
heard that." She swallowed and looked to Jase, uncertainty thickening her
blood. Where did that leave her? "I think Grandma's still in the
kitchen. She'll be so happy when you tell her." A.J. buzzed past her in
a flash of messy dark hair and Spiderman pajamas.
The
smile Jase had for his son disappeared as Allie pulled the door shut behind
her, giving them some privacy outside. "So, you're back? I'm glad to see
you're okay."
Jase
nodded. "I'm fine." He managed a small smile. "I forgot how
much I love this place and the people who live here."
She
wanted to be one of those people. "Yeah, they were all pretty worried
about you."
She
had been worried about him. "You belong here
with them." More than she did. A.J. was more his son than hers, and she
couldn't take that away from them.
But,
God, she couldn't just give him up again, either. She wished to hell she could
read Jase's dark eyes.
He
turned from her, pulling two suitcases out of the trunk of his SUV, setting
them on the ground. "I guess you might like to know the majority of the
Trasatti family is behind bars awaiting trial."
"That's
good." But that wasn't what she wanted to talk about. She walked toward
his car, the cement cold on her bare feet. She tried not to notice she was
having the most important conversation of her life while she was still in her
pajamas.
"Jase,
I know this is going to make things harder." She exhaled. He looked so
damn good in his black jeans and leather jacket. Always the vigilante.
"I can't give up my son again."
She
hurried on, not liking the way he pressed his lips into a thin line. Already,
she could see his arguments forming. "It's different this time. I know
him and—" her voice cracked, "—and I love him. And, he loves me.
I'm not trying to take him away from here, from the people he loves, but please
say I can have some kind of relationship with him."
Jase
opened his mouth, but she had to keep him from saying no.
"I
want to move to Oregon and get a job here. If you don't want to see me, I'll
visit him when you're not around. Just please, don't say no." Her
insides shook, and she realized that tears had slipped from her eyes. She
wiped them away.
Jase
watched her for a moment, not saying a word, and she was sure she'd die before
he spoke. Then again, she might die afterward, if he told her "no".
He'd told her he loved her once. She prayed he wouldn't deny her now.
"Please?"
He
exhaled, and Allie could see this was just as hard for him as it was for her.
"Allie, I—" He shook his head, and then started again. "I'd
hoped that given a little time, things would be different."
What
did that mean? "You hoped I wouldn't want A.J.?"
"No."
He took a step toward her, his dark eyes filled with emotion. "I'd hoped
you would still want
me
."
His
declaration caught her off guard. He still wanted to be with her? How could
he after the awful things she'd said to him in Chicago? After she'd told him
she could never love someone as cruel as he was?
He
took her hand, gently pulling her to him. He was big and strong and sexy, and
how could she ever deny she loved him? She gazed up into his dark eyes, hoping
the love mirrored there was real.
"Allie,
our lives have been a mess. Too much violence, too much sadness. Too much
time apart." He shook his head. "We deserve better. That little
boy deserves better. Can't we give us one more shot? You've made me realize
there's still a chance for happiness. I need you in my life. I love you. For
A.J., can't we try again?"
Her
throat closed around her words. Even if she could, she didn't know what to
say. She'd been prepared to settle for a small chunk of A.J.'s life, but now
Jase was handing her the world. A cry of happiness escaped her lips as she
wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed herself against him. The place
she'd always wanted to be. "Yes, yes," she gasped as his lips found
hers. "I want that, too."
Passion
heated their kiss, and Allie felt her world tip again, and then settle into
perfect alignment with the universe.
Everything
was as it should be.
Jase
pressed her body tighter to his, his strong arms holding her against him, and
Allie heard a little giggle from behind.
"Look,
Grandma. Daddy's kissing Allie. Do you think they love each other?"
"Yes,
honey," Carole said. "I think they do."
"What
you need is a wild night with a hot man."
Elena
Porter choked on a sip of her margarita and turned to her best friend,
Mercedes, gaping at her with watering eyes. "Excuse me?" she wheezed
out over the club’s loud music.
"You’re
way overdue, chica." Mercedes's Hispanic accent spiced her words, making
her sound sexy and exotic. She flipped her hair, her dark tresses sliding over
sun-kissed shoulders. "You’ve been working too hard, and we've both
agreed it's time to put some fun back into your life. Now that we're here, I
don't think Cabo's sun and cervezas are going to do it for you." She
pinned her with dark eyes framed by long lashes. "You need carnal
knowledge of a new man."
Elena
didn’t know why she continued to be surprised by her friend's outrageous
statements. They’d known each other for more than twenty years, and she was
well-versed in her uninhibited and outspoken ways. "Carnal
knowledge?" The look on her friend’s face was so intent that Elena
couldn’t help but laugh.
"What?"
Mercedes narrowed her eyes, clearly not appreciating the snicker. "You
know it's true." Sex was a very serious matter for her friend. It fell
into the basic needs category along with food and air. "How long has it
been?"
Elena
stiffened, not liking the turn of conversation. "What difference does it
make?" Mercedes knew better than anyone the damage Elena's
emotionally-abusive marriage had wreaked on her psyche.
"It
matters. You matter." Her friend leaned close and gave her a few
wide-eyed blinks. "Plus, you promised you'd do whatever it takes to break
out of your shuttered existence. Remember? So, tell me how long?"
They
wouldn't be having this conversation if Elena wasn't so desperate to feel like
a normal woman again. "I don't know. A couple of months?"
"A
couple of months?" Mercedes scoffed.
So
it had been longer than that. "Maybe a year?"
Mercedes
narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "Don't lie to me, chica. Who was
the last guy you were with?"
"I
don't remember." She took a drink of her margarita and turned toward the
crowded dance floor, hoping to end their discussion.