Authors: Renee Carlino
Jenny sucked in a breath and bit her lip as she looked over at me. Her expression was complete and utter pity, then it turned on a dime. Her face changed. I took a deep breath; I knew I was in for some tough love.
“You know what, Mia? You want to know something?” Her voice got strong and intimidating. “I swore I wouldn’t say anything, but I am through with the craziness between you and Will. He has not dated a single soul since he met you, he was holding out on some pathetic hope that you would break up with Robert to be with him. He had it bad for you, Mia. He wrote a goddamn song for you! But you decided to parade around with Banker Bob in your skivvies and rub it in his face.” She glanced over, eyebrows raised.
“I broke up with Robert ages ago!” I yelled before lowering my voice. “Will wrote a song for me?” I was sullen and shattered.
“You mean you broke up with Robert and didn’t tell anyone? Why, Mia? Why would you do that?”
“I don’t know, please stop yelling at me,” I whispered and focused my gaze out the window.
Jenny took a deep, long breath through her nose and lowered her voice to a more sympathetic tone. “Audrey met The Ivans at a show last year. I guess she was hounding Dustin to hook her up with Will for months. She seems nice.”
“Yes, she’s very nice. Perfect in fact.”
“He was torn, Mia. Will said you told him it was never going to happen between you two and that he should find someone else.”
“That’s not exactly what I said. It doesn’t matter, Will’s right, I don’t know what I want, but neither does he. He has record labels offering him deals and he’s just sitting on them. He wants to live on pennies and play music and screw around.” I knew there was no truth to what I was saying; my real fear was that I would fall in love with Will or that I already had and then he would just leave me alone, broken and pathetic.
“Is that what he told you?” she asked.
I knew what she was getting at, so I ignored her question. “Will wrote a song for me?” I whispered.
“Yes, he was going to play it that night in the café when you yelled out Ziggy Stardust.” As if I didn’t feel bad enough about that night. It didn’t matter; I’d blown any chance I had. Will was with Audrey, the beautiful sweetheart. I was just a bitter bitch, who would probably be alone forever, living in my father’s life with my sickly dog.
“Quit feeling sorry for yourself, Mia, I can see it on your face.”
“Let it go, Jenny, it’s done. I’ll be a good friend to Will and to you. That’s what I’ll concentrate on; I’ve been selfish and it’s not right.”
She gave my hand a squeeze and turned up the radio; we were silent the rest of the way home. When I got back to the apartment, there was a Will note on the counter:
HEY MIA, HOPE YOU HAD FUN IN THE HAMPTONS. I’M STAYING AT DUSTIN’S TONIGHT; CALL ME IF YOU NEED ANYTHING. MUAH, WILBUR P.S. THE ASSCLOWNS ARE PLAYING TOMORROW NIGHT AT DROPZONE IN PARK SLOPE. YOU SHOULD CHECK THEM OUT. It was no doubt one of Will’s secret shows. As much as I loved seeing him play, I knew Audrey would probably be there and the whole thing made me feel like crap about myself, but I’d told Jenny I would be a good friend so I guess I had to go.
Track 11: Benediction
The next night I rode the subway alone to Park Slope. I must have missed my stop or looked at the map wrong because I ended walking about two miles to the damn bar. Once I reached the street it was on, I saw the marquee from the corner. It read:
TONIGHT ONLY… WILBUR GROWS A BEARD I laughed. Will was getting really out of hand with the name thing. I thought with a name like that he was either paranoid or he wanted to prepare everyone for a really boring show. Inside the bar I noticed he was already onstage, mid song. Dustin from The Ivans was also onstage playing a singular snare drum. I spotted Audrey at the front of the crowd, standing next to a busty blonde. They were swaying to the music, dressed in short dresses with stiletto heels. I rolled my eyes and thought
what am I doing here
?
I took a seat at the bar and ordered a drink and then turned my stool to face the stage. When the song was over, Dustin jumped down and Will exchanged his acoustic guitar for the electric. He approached the microphone. “This next song… it’s a slow one.” And then he tore into a bluesy guitar riff. It was the familiar melody I remembered from one day at Sam’s when I heard it through the ceiling. It was the song I saw The Ivans play when Pete said he needed to write lyrics for it. When Will began to sing the words, I knew immediately it was my song…
With my eyes wide open
I see the secrets in the rain
I see the loss, see the pain
I see you’ve lost your way again
No lines drawn
No boundaries made
Dance with me tonight, pretty baby
and let me pray
Don’t let me hear you cry
Starve your dream
Feed your fear
I’ll hold you forever here
I need the rain to cleanse my soul
It tortures me, it’s makes me whole
I need the rain, I need it all
No lines drawn
No boundaries made
Just stay with me tonight, pretty baby
And let me pray
With his eyes closed and his head tilted up to the heavens, Will sang the song like it was a holy benediction. Tears streamed down my cheeks as I wiped them away frantically. When he finally opened his eyes, he was looking right at me. I think it startled him, his eyes opened wider and his head shot back slightly. He didn’t smile, he just mouthed “Hi” at me and I did the same back to him.
I glanced over to Audrey; she was laughing at Dustin who was climbing awkwardly back onstage. I didn’t know if I wished she had caught my exchange with Will or if I was relieved that she hadn’t. On the last song, Dustin played the spoons into a microphone; I have to admit he was quite the gifted spoon player.
After the show as I headed toward the stage, Audrey spotted me. “Hey, Mia! Come over here. This is my friend Kara, she’s Russian… from Russia.” Audrey was a little too chipper for my taste, but really how could I complain? Will could have done worse.
I stuck my hand out. “Oh you’re one of those Russians from Russia?” I smiled. Audrey didn’t get it. “It’s nice to meet you.” Kara shook my hand and smiled.
“We’re gonna take Kara to Sokurov in the village. You should come with us, Frank has the limo.” Two instantaneous questions ran through my mind. What is Sokurov? And why does she know Frank?
I pondered the questions while Audrey looked at me like, hello? And then I felt someone’s breath on my neck. “Come with us.” It was Will’s voice, low and sexy. Ahhh, why does he do that to me? I turned to face him, his lips were pressed together into a tiny smile, but his eyes had a look familiar to me. It was the listening-to-God look and it made my legs tremble.
“God, Will, don’t pressure her.” Wow, Audrey moves fast. I guess she was getting comfy in the relationship because she was already telling him how to act. The thing is, Audrey didn’t know Will the way I did. He wasn’t pressuring me or intimidating me, he was asking, pleading, begging me to go with just a look.
“Okay,” I said. He winked and flashed me a cocky grin. A group of young girls began gathering behind us so we started to make our way toward the door where we found Frank chatting with the bouncer. Although Frank was on the short side and a little heavy, he still had an intimidating look about him. He could have been taken right out of a scene from
The Godfather
. He wore nice suits with no tie and he was never seen without a black fedora. He seemed much younger than his sixty years; I figured his job required him to stay pretty current.
When we approached, he reached out to me first and kissed my hand. “Ahh, Will’s Mia.” I practically choked on my tongue.
“Hi, Frank.” I looked back at Audrey who was oblivious.
“Let’s hit it,” he said and then he ushered the group to the stretch limousine waiting at the curb. Frank sat on the bench behind the driver, next to him on the bench running down the side of the car sat Kara, Audrey, then Will. Dustin and I were in last, sitting on the seats between the doors. From where I sat I could see all the way up Audrey and Kara’s dresses, luckily they weren’t channeling Britney that night. Still, the view I had with the talent manager and the artist basically sandwiching two leggy bombshells in the back of a limo with black leather seats, mirrors everywhere and little blue lights, made me wish I had stayed home. Frank started talking to Will about something called the Big Four while Audrey and Kara giggled between them. I turned to Dustin after what seemed like ten straight minutes of seeing him staring at me in my peripheral vision.
“Hi, Dustin,” I said, expressionless.
“Mia,” he said it long and seductively.
“You’re pretty good with those spoons, buddy.”
A tiny smirk played on his thin lips. “You should see what I can do with my stick… sss.”
Dustin wasn’t a bad-looking guy. He was maybe five-ten, with shoulder-length, light brown hair. He wore his bangs sweeping across his forehead, Justin Bieber style, and he always had a backward baseball cap on. I thought it was bit juvenile for a thirty-year-old, but other than the smarminess he was nice, so I didn’t hold it against him.
“Mia, do you want me… to demonstrate that for you tonight?” He put his hand on my thigh and gave it a little squeeze.
“Shut the fuck up, Dustin, and get your fucking hands off her!” It hadn’t even occurred to me that Will was listening.
“Relax, Will, she’s not yours. She can speak for herself.” Will looked at me like
go ahead, speak for yourself
. He arched his eyebrows, waiting for me to say something. I put my hand over Dustin’s and slowly removed it from my thigh, my gaze never leaving Will’s.
Audrey giggled inappropriately and said, “It’s gettin’ hot in here,” and then I saw her wink at Dustin. It was a bizarre reaction, but I thought maybe she thought Will was just trying to protect me from Dustin’s wild ways.
“Everybody cool off, we’re here,” Frank said and then we all piled out of the limo.
Sokurov was a kitschy Russian bar with tall, round, red leather booths and a hundred different kinds of vodka. Kara jumped up and down with excitement but quickly got disappointed when she realized there wasn’t a soul in the place who was actually Russian, not even the owner. She said the place wasn’t authentic but the vodka would do. I sat on the end of the booth next to Kara and then it was Dustin, Audrey, Will, and Frank on the other end. Frank and I talked across the table to each other for an hour about recording studios in New York. He told me about the need for good studio musicians and suggested I look into it. I thought I could ask Shiel and I knew Will had connections too. The idea excited me.
I could see out of the corner of my eye Will’s arm around Aubrey’s shoulder; he was leaning into her neck, whispering something in her ear. Then I saw him take her earlobe in his teeth and give it a little tug before planting a kiss on her jaw. I stood up. “Well, I think I’m gonna call it a night,” I said, smiling. “You guys have fun.”
“Have the limo take you,” Frank said.
“I think I’m gonna walk, it’s less than a mile to my apartment.” I looked at Will, who was staring intently at me.
“I can walk you home,” Dustin said with a smirk.
“No, really, you guys, I’m fine. It’s like four blocks.” Will shook his head slightly and narrowed his eyes.
I said goodbyes, Frank kissed my hand, and then I left. My foot ached as I headed down the street. I heard someone yelling my name; I turned and saw Will running toward me.
“Mia, wait up!”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong, I’m gonna walk you home.”
“You don’t have to do that, Will.”
“I know. I want to. Anyway, I’m staying at Audrey’s tonight so I wanted to make sure you got home.” I bit the inside of my lip hard and nodded at him with a little smile. “Hey, I heard what Frank was saying. You should seriously look into doing some studio work.”
“Yeah, I really want to,” I said.
“Really?” He looked surprised and elated.
“Definitely,” I said and then a shiver ran through me. There was a chill in the air that night. Will reacted without hesitation, putting his arm around my shoulder and pulling me into him. I wrapped my arm around his waist and took a deep breath, inhaling his body wash and sandalwood smell. I wanted to commit everything about Will to memory before I lost him to Audrey and the fame that was surely on the horizon. In that moment I also desperately wanted Will to bite my earlobe. I shook my head to clear the thought. We walked in silence for a moment before I said, “Will, you don’t have to protect me from Dustin.” There was a long pause.
“I… just didn’t think the banker would appreciate where Dustin’s hand was headed, that’s all.”
“I broke it off with Robert,” I said quietly. Will stopped walking and turned toward me.
He looked me in the eye. “I’m sorry, baby. Are you okay?” I nodded. When we reached the apartment he turned to me again. “I feel bad now for leaving. Do you want me to stay here tonight?”
“No. Seriously, we broke up a while ago. He was an ass; I’m better off. Don’t worry about it, go ahead and go. I’m over it… really.”
He brought me in for a long hug “Okay, call me if you need anything.” Still holding me around the shoulders, he leaned back and appraised my face. “You’re beautiful and amazing and you have a special soul, Mia. You deserve the best.” Then he planted a swift, chaste kiss on my lips before letting me go.