This has been a dream of mine for many years: it's surreal
to have it come true. I could not have done it without the support of my family
and friends. I wouldn't have completed this without the two closest people in
my life, besides my husband and kids.

First, my best friend and kindred spirit, Tami Czenkus:
without you I would never have continued to write. Thank you for listening to
me constantly and letting me bounce a hundred ideas off you. I don't know what
I would do without you in my life. Second, to my other best friend, Jennifer
Ingman: without you I don't know if I would have had the courage to hit
publish. Again, thank you for all the power meetings we had at coffee. I truly
appreciate you girls putting up with me and listening to all my concerns and
helping me throughout this whole process
. #lovemybookbabes

I want to thank my sister in law, Jessica Berry for her
help, in choosing the title of my book. Also, for letting me bounce ideas off
of you and giving me encouragement. I want to thank my friend, Kristi Monte,for
listening to me ramble on about my book and helping me choose covers.

I also want to thank the authors who helped me along the
way. I really appreciate you all letting me pick your brains: Blakely Bennett,
TJ Loveless, Dayne Edmondson, and JM Witt.

A special thank you to Evangelene, for the countless hours
of letting me ask questions and all the great advice you gave me. I consider
you a friend and feel blessed to have you in my life.

I am a lucky person to have so many wonderful people in
my life, who listen to my ramblings and give me so much encouragement.

Thank you to all my beta readers, for taking the time to
read my book and giving me your honest opinion. Tami Lee, Sheri W., DeeJay,
Tina M., Evangelene, Jessica B., Karrie S., Kristi M., Patty V., Tonya L.,
Antoinette M., Peggy (Hope) V., Rhiannon J., Autumn O., Amy C., and Michelle S.

Dedication

To my dad,
Jim Hauff, for always having faith in me and giving me unconditional love.

I LOVE YOU

Chapter
1

I wonder how I got here. Maybe it's true what they say, it
runs in the family. I worked so hard not to be like my mother. I woke up this
morning and realized, I'm just like her.

How does that happen? I thought I was happy and life was
great. I understand more how my mom must have felt all those years ago, with my
dad. Could I be doing the same thing to my own kids? I always swore I would
never do the same thing to them. But is that fair? I mean really, how fair is
it for them to see their parents unhappy?

We started out such a happy couple, full of love and life.
Where did we go wrong? I keep replaying our last fight in my head. He kept
saying, "You're just like your mother!" Am I really that unhappy of a
person? My mother is never happy, I can't remember a time when she was truly
happy. She had a rough life, her mother died when she was young. My grandfather
was married three more times after that. None of his wives were too happy to be
step-parents to his three kids. My mom married my dad right after she graduated
high school, which I feel was to leave her dad's house. After ten years with my
dad, she divorced him. She married my dad's best friend after the divorce. That
marriage hasn't been great either, yet she has been married to him for
twenty-one years.

I always wanted a marriage like my grandparents, my dad's
parents. They were together for fifty-three years. I want that kind of
happiness. They were always my favorite people and you could see how in love
they were. Is it possible for me? That's the big question. Do I stay and try,
or let this marriage go?

That's it, I need a girl's night with my best friend,
Jaylah. She will be able to help me figure out what to do. Jaylah knows how
Kyle and I don't talk and we fight a lot about his friend "Tessa". He
works with her, they text and call each other all the time.

Jaylah and I have been best friends since high school.
Since the day we met, we were inseparable. Where she is more on the wild side,
I am more reserved. So we balance each other out, in the best ways.

My dad decided to open his own shop when I was fifteen years
old. We moved to Richmond, the summer before my sophmore year in High School. I
met Kyle at the fair that summer and being new to the school, he brought me
home to meet his sister and Jaylah. Kyle was a senior that year and I was in
the same grade as Liz and Jaylah. They had been friends since grade school.
Strange how things can work out that way. I was so mad at my dad when we first
moved, now I couldn't imagine my life without Jaylah in it. Or even Kyle for
that matter. He was a good friend to me, even before we started dating. We
became a couple after we went to Homecoming together.

I get my cell phone out and call Jaylah.

"Hi Anne," answers Jaylah.

"Hi," I reply.

"What's up?"

"Rough day, I need to talk. I'll pick up a bottle of
wine and head over to your place later, okay?"

"I figured this was coming, I'm leaving the shop at
seven, toots," Jaylay replies. I smile, because she can read me without
even seeing my face.

"Thanks, I will be there after dinner and getting the
girls ready for bed. That way Kyle can't complain I am leaving him with
everything to do."

Jaylah sighs, "I won't even say anything to that. See
you tonight, love you."

I laugh, " I know, I know. Love you too, see you
tonight."

I pull in the driveway, in time to see the girls get off the
bus. "Hi Katie and Shannon, how was your day?" I ask. The girls start
talking at once. They sit at the kitchen table and begin their homework, while
I make dinner. I still can't believe Katie is seven and Shannon is five years
old. Where does the time go? Kyle and I have been married for nine years now,
only two months till our anniversary. I wonder if it will be a happy one? I
suddenly hear the girls, squeal.

"Hi Daddy!" they both yell.

Kyle walks in and gives Katie and Shannon kisses and mumbles
his usual "Hi" to me. He walks off to get in the shower, our usual
"no talking," again. I guess this is the hardest part for me; we
don't talk anymore.

I set the table for dinner, thinking about my life. Katie runs and tells
her dad dinner is ready. I make their plates, and we eat in silence.

"How was your day, Kyle?" I ask, hoping to start a
conversation.

"Fine," he replies into his plate.

"Anything exciting happen at work?" I try again.

"I said it was fine, Anne!" he says, looking at me
with a quick sharp look. Before I can respond to him he speaks to Katie and
Shannon as if I'm not in the room. "Girls how was school today?" he
asks them cheerfully.

I hold back tears which want to surface, not understanding
what happened to us. I eat silently and listen to the three of them talking
cheerfully with each other. I feel like an outsider within my own family. When
it's the girls and I, we have a great time together. Yet, when we are all
together, I don't know how to be around Kyle.

I've lost my appetite and start cleaning up the table. Kyle
finishes his meal and goes into the living room to watch TV. This has become
our routine.

After everything is set for the evening, I get ready to go.

"Where are you going?" Kyle askes.

"I am heading over to Jaylah's, a little girl time.
The girls are ready for bed."

Kyle's face starts to get that look, I know what this
means. I am SO not in the mood for a fight. Thankfully the girls run into the
room to give me a hug and kiss good-night.

"Tell Aunt Jaylah hi for us," chime Katie and
Shannon.

"I will, be good for Daddy. I will see you in the
morning." I take my chance of leaving without a fight and say good-bye.

I let out sigh of relief when I pull up to Jaylah's cute
bungalow. I love her house, we had a blast looking at houses together. It is a
tudor style house with limestone brick with an oval shaped door, painted
cranberry. It has lead glass with the old world charm half oval windows above
the large windows, in the front. There are flower boxes hanging in front of the
upstairs windows, in the summer they are gorgeous. There is a white picket
fence that wraps around the property, with roses along the front of the house.

But once we walked into the house, we both fell in love. You
walk right into the living room, with it's wood floors, wood trim, built-in
bookcases and beautiful fireplace. Then you see the beautiful staircase, and
it's dark wood railings, with a small closet under it. The kitchen was updated,
but still kept with the charm of the house. They left the bathroom with its
vintage black and white tiles. The upstairs is a large master bedroom and
bathroom. I think that sealed the deal for Jaylah, with it's large walk in
closet and soaking tub in the bathroom.

She bought it shortly after we opened our coffee/bakery
shop, "Sweet Pleasures." More than eight years have passed since
then. We were all so happy. But time has a way of being cruel. Don't get me
wrong, it hasn't all been bad, but not how I thought it would be for us. Jaylah
was in love back then, too. I still can't believe Ben treated her that way.

I walk up to the door and Jaylah already has it open. She
has showered from working all day and is in her comfy sweats and t-shirt. I
love her look and have always been envious of it. She has hair that is buzzed
around the back and sides, it's longer on one side, than the other. It's dyed
in alot of different colors, blonde, black, plum and red. It sounds crazy, but
on her it works. She has the kind of hair that she can blow dry, tease a little
and it looks great. It's never the same style, every time she goes to the salon
they try something different. I wish I was brave enough to be more like her.
She is laid back with how she dresses, jeans and t-shirts, kind of a rocker
look.

"Get in here! I knew something was off all day at work
today. What has the asshat done this time?"

I give her a weak smile and say, "Nothing. It's the
same story, different day. I don't know what to do anymore, JayJay. Seriously,
do you think I am like my mother?"

She gives me that knowing look, "SO the asshat said it
again did he? He is so full of shit, Anne! He knows it gets to you so he throws
it in your face. You are not going to turn out like your mother." I roll
my eyes, and sigh."Stop it! You know I'm right. Your mom is a bitter
person, you are unhappy with your marriage. That does not make you your
mother," Jaylah says.

I know she is right, but it always helps to hear it from
someone who truly loves you. She is always looking out for me; we are kindred
spirits.

We open the bottle of wine and sit in the living room.
"You know JayJay, I have come to the conclusion, some things only exist
with your eyes closed."

"Anne, you can't think like that. Things will be better
for us both someday."

She doesn't sound too convincing to me. We sit there and sip
our wine, thinking of our lives. Jaylah has had some rough years, I know she's
thinking of Ben. Damn, I didn't want to drag her down too.

"I'm sorry, JayJay."

"For what? I'm fine." She waves me off, making a
face. "This is about you and what you are going through."

We sit in silence for a bit.

"So what are you going to do, Anne?"

That's the question, isn't it? I don't know the answer to
that question. But for my sanity, I need to figure it out.

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