Surviving Raine 01 (46 page)

“What’s wrong, Bastian?”  Raine’s voice was so quiet I could hardly hear her.

“Just thinking,” I responded, not really wanting to elaborate.  If I told her what I thought, she would either be pissed off at me, which was my preference, or she’d confirm exactly what I was thinking.  That was my nightmare – my constant, never-ending nightmare.

“About?”  She wasn’t going to let me off easy.

“If you…if you wanted me to sleep on the floor or something, I can.”

“Why would I want that?”

“Fuck, I don’t know!”  I tried to control my voice.  “You’ve got…choices again.  You don’t have to put up with my shit anymore.”

“Bastian…”

“
Raine
,” I mocked, then felt like a total shit for doing so.  She scowled at me.  “Fuck it, babe, you know I’m never going to be…”

“Don’t start that again.”  Raine crawled into the small bed and stuck her legs under the sheet.

“It’s different now.”

“It is not!” she yelled and then her breath caught in her throat and her hand moved up, settling on her sternum.  She spoke softly.  “Unless it’s different for you.”

I realized at that point it was my chance.  If I told her it was different for me – if I told her I didn’t want her anymore – she’d drop it.  It would be so much better for her – she could go on with her life and find a decent guy without a fucked up past and enough baggage to fill a Boeing 747.  She would be so much better off if I told her right now I only said all that shit so she’d let me fuck her.  I could make her believe it, too.

“Nothing’s different for me,” I said because I just couldn’t tell her that shit.  It would hurt her too much, and I was too fucking selfish to let her go like that.

“I love you, Bastian,” Raine continued.  “That didn’t end because we’ve changed locations.”

“But it will,” I whispered.  “It might…you know it might.”

“No, I do not know that,” Raine admonished.  “Neither do you.  Are you going to stop caring for me because you don’t have to forage for my food anymore?  Will you not want to be with me because I can shave with a razor again?”

“No.”

“Are you going to think less of me?” she pressed.

“Never.”

“Why would I think less of you then?”  She glared at me with her hands on her hips, which made me want to grab her and fuck her senseless.  I don’t know how screwed up that was.  I guess when it came right down to it, I always wanted to fuck her.  As per normal – I couldn’t argue with her logic.  If I did, I was being an ass and putting her down, which I wasn’t going to do.

“I don’t…fuck, you won’t, I guess,” I finally broke down.  “It’s harder to realize you ever thought anything of me at all out here with everyone else.”

“Well, I did and I do,” Raine informed me, leaving no room for argument.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled, properly chastised again and fucking glad for it.

“Then come to bed,” she commanded.  She pulled back the blanket covering her legs.  “Because I’m feeling about as nervous as I can be, and I need you to hold me and tell me I’m safe.”

I couldn’t speak because I was afraid I might actually cry out with relief.  Instead, I just followed her instructions.

Raine was lying down on her side on the love seat converted into a bed.  It was a little wider than a twin-sized bed, but not by much.  I looked around the elongated room, then at the bed, then around the room again.  The door to the outside and the street was directly in front of the bed.  To the right was the door where Nick and Lindsay had retired, and the one to the left was John Paul’s.  I could see the eat-in kitchen and the open door to the bathroom.  I was edgy though I couldn’t place my finger on exactly why.  Raine scooted a little so her back was against the wall, but I shook my head, reached out, and pulled her closer to the edge, and then crawled over her so I could have my back against the wall.

The bed was cramped and would have normally been considered a little uncomfortable, but when you haven’t slept in a bed for quite some time, most anything would feel pretty fucking good.  Raine sighed, stretched, and placed her palms on my chest.  I pulled her close to me and assumed my normal position of wrapping myself around her and holding her tightly.  Raine hummed, smiled, and snuggled back against me.

“How’s the pillow?”

“Perfect,” Raine said with a smile.  I doubted that – it looked kind of stiff, but she wasn’t going to complain.

I looked up and down the room again, raised myself up a bit, and pulled her underneath me a little more.  Raine glanced up at me and gave me that small, seductive-shy smile that only she could pull off.  Naturally, my cock was very appreciative of such a look and took the opportunity to notice how close he was to the promised land.  In case I hadn’t made the connection, he pointed the way for me.

Nick seemed to think that was the perfect time to waltz in and grab a bottle of water out of the small icebox under the sink.  He glanced over and made eye contact with me, took a second to understand the situation, raised his eyebrows, and walked back out.

Raine glanced around, suddenly nervous.

“Bastian, I’m not sure we should…”

Fucking fabulous.

“We don’t have to,” I sighed, resting my head back on her shoulder and trying to compose myself a bit.  I tried to shift to a more comfortable position, but all I really managed to do was grind my erection into her stomach.

“Um…” Raine giggled.  “I can still feel you, you know.”

“Well, there’s only two ways to make him go down,” I told her.  “You either have to make him happy or give him some time to relax and get over it.”

She giggled.

“It’s all right,” I said, swiftly kissing her on the forehead.  “Just ignore the little fucker, and he’ll go away.”

“Little?” she snorted.  I cocked a half smile at her and then twisted my hips to rub against her again.

“Oops,” I said.  I wasn’t even trying to be sincere since there was no way she would have bought it.  Not to be outdone, apparently, I felt her hand slide up over my length and then stop at the waistband of my new, green lounge pants only for a moment before reaching inside.  She wrapped her fingers around my cock and gave him a gentle tug.

“Oops,” she repeated.  I raised my eyebrows at her as she started sliding her fingers back and forth over me.  My back arched and I thrust into her coiled fingers, happy for anything she’d be willing to give me.  Her touch felt so fucking good, I wouldn’t last long anyway.

“If you keep that up, I’m going to come all over your new pajamas.”

“At least my panties will remain intact.”

“But you’re going to have to explain the stain,” I laughed quietly until her hand stopped moving.  Then I groaned, realizing I might have just screwed up my own good time.  My hands ran down her sides until they came to the edge of her pajama bottoms.  I started pulling them over her hips, but her hands grabbed mine, halting the progress.

“I’m not getting naked in a house full of people!” Raine insisted.

“Is that all you’re worried about, taking your clothes off?”

I didn’t wait for her to answer but brought my hand farther up her leg until I had bunched up the satin fabric around the top of her thigh.  My hand slipped inside, going through the pant leg, finding her wet heat with my fingers and sliding up and down for a moment, then thrusting a finger up inside of her, my thumb against her clit.

“I can still fuck you with your clothes on,” I informed her.

“Bastian…someone could see…”

“They wouldn’t see anything,” I said.  I yanked the blanket up farther so it came up to my armpits and just about covered her completely.  “You’d be completely hidden.  You really think I’d let any of these fuckers see you naked?”

“But they might…oh…oh, that’s nice…”

I snickered and slid a second finger inside of her, my thumb continuing to rub against her clit.  When Raine started arching her hips up against my fingers, I knew she’d be up for more.  I pulled my fingers out slowly, stroking up and down a couple of times before grabbing my cock by the base.  I used my hand and cock to burrow back through her pajama pant-leg until I felt the tip come in contact with her heat.  I pushed slowly…really, really slowly…until I was inside her completely.

Resting my head on her shoulder for a moment, I felt her around me and let her feel me, too.  I hummed quietly against the skin of her throat, kissing her softly and then flicking my tongue over her flesh.  My cock glided out of her nearly all the way and then slowly penetrated her again.  I kept up the slow pace, wanting her to feel how much I loved her and needed her for as long as possible.

Raine’s hands stroked my face, my jaw, ran up into my hair, then down my arms.  She reached down and rubbed over my ass, digging her fingers in for a moment as I slid deep inside of her.  I looked down at her, and she gazed back up at me.  She looked so fucking beautiful under me like that.  It was enough to almost bring tears to my eyes.  I had to stop looking at her altogether, or I’d be fucking crying.

With closed eyes, I kept up my slow strokes and listened to Raine’s increased breathing.  Her hands wrapped around my shoulders, pulling me close to her.  My hand brushed over her nipple, pulling it into a sharp peak as she moaned softly.  I continued my way down to her stomach and then slipped inside her pajama bottoms and stopped at the place right above where we were joined.  I arched my head back just a little, and through the cracked-open slit in my eyelids watched John Paul walk into the room, halt in his tracks, and make eye contact with me.

I didn’t stop – I didn’t even change my pace.  Any change would have told Raine we had been spotted, and I didn’t want her to be embarrassed, so I just kept slowly pushing in and out of her, rubbing her clit with my thumb at the end of every stroke.  John Paul’s expression was strange, and I didn’t understand it.  He’d walked in on me fucking girls a couple of dozen times, and he never had this strange, half-quizzical, half look of wonder in his eyes before.

He moved completely silently, thank God, and grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge just like Nick had done.  Was everyone around here fucking dehydrated?  He smiled once more and tilted his hat at me before returning to his own room and quietly closing the door.

Raine gasped, and I felt her clench around me.  While my thumb pushed against her clit harder and faster, I kept the same leisurely pace with my hips while she writhed and moaned under me, her muscles milking my dick and just about making me lose my mind.

“You’re so fucking beautiful when you come,” I whispered with hot breath in her ear.  Her hands ran up my arms to my shoulders and then into my hair, pulling me over so she could cover my lips with hers.  I was all too happy to oblige, and when she leaned back against the pillow and smiled up at me, my body tightened and let loose, spilling into her with my eyes tightly closed, relishing the feeling of being with her, inside of her, a part of her.

“I love you,” she said softly.  Her hand reached up, and her thumb ran across my cheekbone, trailing moisture across my face.  I hadn’t realized it was there.

“Always?” I croaked out, my throat abruptly tight and dry.

“Forever.”  Her deep brown eyes tore into me.

“I’ll always be yours,” I told her.  “No matter how much of an ass I am, you know that, don’t you?  You know even when I’m being a fucked up asshole, I still love you, right?”

“I know, Bastian.”

I stayed inside of her, just like I always did on our island.  My fingers trailed over her face, down her neck, and to her shoulder, caressing her softly until her eyes closed and her breath regulated.  I lay my head on the top of the pillow above her head, and closed my eyes.  Then I noticed a distinctive clicking sound, and my eyes flew back open.

There was a clock on a wall shelf in the kitchen, just over the table.  I timed the clicking sound with the movements of the second hand and let out a slow breath to calm myself.  I needed to fucking stop that shit, or I was never going to get any sleep.

Raine shifted under me a little, and I tightened my hold on her.

What if it wasn’t just a clock?  What if this Nick fucker had only been willing to help John Paul in order to get to me or to her?  What if he worked for Franks?  What if people who did work for Franks found out where we were staying?  It wasn’t just me I had to worry about – I needed to think about Raine.

I felt possessive, protective, and paranoid.  How the fuck was I going to deal with other people around her?  I didn’t even like this Nick guy getting too close.  I didn’t trust him.  I didn’t trust anybody.  I had told Raine way too much, and I was pretty sure I had only told her because I hadn’t expected us to survive.  She was in danger now, too.

A car passed by the house, and the sound of the engine freaked me out for a moment before I realized what it was.  I tucked Raine’s sleeping form under me a little more securely, wrapping my arm around her head and holding her to my chest.  I raised my own head up a bit, analyzed the room for the twentieth time and then focused back on the front door.  Another car went by, and I felt myself tense again.  Nick walked back out of his room again, heading for the bathroom.  He didn’t look in our direction, which I thought was a little odd.  Why wouldn’t he look over to us?  Wouldn’t that be a more normal reaction?  He knew we could be over here fucking – wouldn’t most people try to catch a peek?

When he came back out, I was more alert, watching him intently and holding Raine tightly underneath me.  Nick’s eye caught mine, and I saw him recoil a little.  His eyes softened then, and he raised both his hands up in front of his chest, palms out, in a clear “I’m unarmed” gesture.  He kept them like that until he was back in his own room, and the door closed.

Back to paranoia.

It was certainly one of the reasons I drank and one of the reasons I didn’t spend any time with other people.  After spending years fighting for my life in a very real sense, nighttime was often a little nerve-wracking for me.  I hadn’t thought of it for some time, since
The Oblation
, the raft, and the island had all been very small, enclosed areas, where I was all right.  However, open areas – which were naturally more difficult to defend – tended to make me nervous.  The more people that were around, the more nervous I became until I blew up at someone.