Surrender: Guilty Pleasures #1 (BBW Erotic Romance) (3 page)

“…and so I ended up flat on my
face, being dragged through a pile of horse dung, with one foot caught in the
stirrup. My horse was looking down at me and I swear, if he could have spoken,
he would have called me a damned fool. I never tried that again.”

I laughed. “It’s amazing you
survived your childhood.” I took another sip of my wine, stealing a glance at
his face in the subdued lighting of the back room. His chiseled features, in
this light, were beyond handsome. Part of me was a bit intimidated; I’d never
been anywhere near anyone so good looking. His lips alone were enough to make
my heart beat faster. They were sensuous, full and he had an almost, but not
quite, pouty lower lip. I could fully imagine being kissed by him and loving
every second of it.

Rising, I excused myself to the
ladies room. I really needed a moment to catch my breath and remind myself why
I was here.

Once there, I looked at my face
in the mirror. I was flushed, high color in my cheeks.
Calm down, girl,
you’ve only just me the man. And this is different. It’s not what you’re used
to.

Jake was not remotely like any
type of man I’d met in the past. And that was good. I wasn’t going to give my
heart away again; that’s not what this was about. Leslie had read me the riot
act about getting hurt…again…and I’d tried to tell her this was different. It
wasn’t about a relationship, or at least not a traditional sense.

Underneath all the nerves and
butterflies and flushed cheeks, I didn’t really want to be interested in Jake
in a romantic way nor him in me. I don’t want hearts and flowers and long walks
in the twilight, holding hands. I wanted to learn my limits, explore this deep
and probably dark side of my sexuality. That Jake was drop dead gorgeous
certainly didn’t hurt in any way. But I’d be damned if, when this ended, I’d
cry myself to sleep over him.

And there was that yet-unspoken
aspect of our relationship: the bondage or domination or whatever it was going
to be. We’d skirted the edges of that topic but had yet to address it head on.

 Jake was watching me as I
walked back across the room to our table, and for a moment I was that same
self-conscious girl I was with most men I’d met, feeling judged and found
lacking. And I kicked myself for feeling that way.

But then I saw his eyes moving
over my body with something closer to frank admiration, a seductive smile
playing about one corner of his mouth, and not the derision I had expected. My
heart did a little hand spring.

“I took the liberty of getting
you another glass of Chardonnay and ordering us a plate of appetizers. I’m not
sure about you, but to be honest, I was a little nervous about this meeting and
I passed on eating dinner. But now I’m finding my appetite has returned, with a
vengeance.”

I slid into the banquette,
nodding my head. “Same here. I mean, with the nerves. And the appetite, I
guess. Something to nibble on will be nice.”

The food arrived shortly and over
the delicious spicy bits of food the topic turned to our relative employment. I
explained where I worked and what I did and talked a bit about the clients I
had. Then I asked him where he worked.

Jake looked at me, an unreadable
look on his face, that enigmatic half-mile curling at the edge of his mouth.

“I didn’t think you knew who I
am,” he said finally. He had told me his last name was McNamara, but there was
nothing in that name that rang any bells for me.

“I’m the President and CEO of McNamara
Oil.”

I blinked, staring. I tried to
formulate some kind of reply, but I was speechless. McNamara Oil was one of
Houston’s—probably one of Texas’s—largest oil companies. My palms
suddenly grew damp and my throat went dry; I was sitting in the presence of one
of the wealthiest men in Texas. I took a large swallow of my fresh Chardonnay.

“I hope that’s not going to be a
problem for you.” Jake was looking at me, a slight frown creasing his forehead.
“It can be hard for some women, being seen with a fairly well-known figure. It
can be…uncomfortable at times. I’m occasionally in the public eye. And
sometimes I’m a target I guess you could say, for unwelcome attention from a
certain type of woman. Being who I am and being a bachelor is hard sometimes.”
He gave a rueful laugh, shaking his head. “It’s had its darker moments.”

Dark moments?
 As
much as I wanted to pursue that remark, I let it pass. I mentally shook my
head.

“No, I mean, yes…I mean…” It
finally dawned on me that a fairly steady stream of people, including quite a
few gorgeous young women, had waved or smiled a greeting to Jake, even in the
secluded corner where we were seated. I took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry. What I mean to say is
that I apologize that I didn’t recognize who you are. I should have, but
nothing clicked with the name.” I looked down at my disarrayed plate of food,
poking a discarded shrimp tail with my fork.

“To be honest, I think I was a
bit overwhelmed by all of this…” I waved my fork around  “…the whole
domination and bondage aspect of all of this to even make the connection.”

He still looked concerned. I
pushed on with my bumbling explanation. “But no, I don’t think that it’s going
to be a factor in taking this relationship wherever it’s going to go. It’s more
about who you are than what you do.”

A look of relief passed across
his handsome face, the frown lines fading. He grinned, a charming boyish smile
that lit up his eyes, and sent a distinct wave of something warm coursing
through my body.

“Good. I’m glad.” He picked through
the plate of food in front of him for a moment, finally looking up at me. “If
you’re ready, I think I’d like to talk about what we expect from this
relationship going forward.”

I swallowed hard. This was the
part of this meeting I was dreading the most. I had no frame of reference for
this type of conversation, but it was the reason we were here. I nodded, not
really knowing what to say, letting him take the lead.

“First I’d like to say that I
find you a very attractive woman, Abby. I think we have a great chemistry
already and you’re very easy to talk to. I think a large part of what’s going
to make this work for us is good communication, both in and out of the
bedroom.”

The word bedroom set my heart to
pounding.
This is really happening
.

“Going back to who I am, I’d ask
that our relationship be kept confidential.”

Something in my look must have
alarmed him. He reached out, taking my hand in his. It was the first time he’d
touched me intimately, with intention.

His voice was soft, intense. “I
misspoke, I’m sorry. I’m not saying that I don’t want to be seen with you; I
do. I’d be honored to be seen with you anywhere; I’d be the envy of every man
who saw us.”

I felt myself blush to the roots
of my hair. He went on, a serious cast to his voice.

“There may be times when I would
want you to accompany me to public events, maybe even as part of your
submissive role. I do want to show you off. But for the rest, what we do in
private, stays private. There are too many people who would fall on that part
of our relationship and tear us to shreds.”

He squeezed my hand again. “And I
wouldn’t want that for you. I can handle myself, but it’s not something I’d
expect you to handle.” He hesitated, still holding my hand.

“So, are you okay with this so
far?” He was looking at me intensely. I nodded.

“Good. I’m glad.” He released my
hand, his face relaxing. The absence of his touch was almost as palpable as the
warmth I’d felt from him. I left my hand on the table with the hopes he’d take
it in his again.

“Alright. So the basis of this
relationship, for me, is exploring bondage and domination in a sexual
relationship with a willing partner. I’m not really into the sadistic,
masochistic part of BDSM, or at least I’m not interested in pursuing that now.
But I’m very interested in the other aspects.” He took a swallow of bourbon.

“As I said, this is all new to
me. I haven’t been in a place in my life before, I guess, where I felt
comfortable pursuing this.” He looked at me, a calculating look in his eyes.
Then he smiled.

“And you’re still on board with
this? You’re very quiet. I don’t want to dominate the conversation…” He broke
off, grinning at his word choice. “What’s your motivation for being here? What
are you looking for in all this, Abby?”

I took a deep breath. “I guess
I’m interested in the same things as you are, only from the other side.” I
toyed with my wine glass, twirling the stem between my fingers.
Time to be
honest here, Abby.

“I haven’t had very good luck
with men. Nothing ever works out. But there are things I want to explore in
myself, the relationship between pain and pleasure, how I can give up control
in return for something…hopefully something more, exciting? More intense? I’m
not sure. I’m not a girl that enjoys either pain or not being in control. But
in this case, it’s different…” My voice trailed off. “It’s complicated.”

Jake smiled. “It is, isn’t it?
And I guess it’s something we’re going to learn along the way, and learn
together. This is all new to me as well.” He broke off as a stunning redhead sauntered
past our table, waving at him. He gestured briefly in return.

His gaze returned to me. “I was
told it’s not wise for an inexperienced Dom to choose an inexperienced sub,
that I’d be asking for trouble. But somehow, to me at least, it seemed like it
would be, well, not so much easier but more comfortable learning and exploring
with someone who was just as inexperienced in this as I am.”

Jake’s voice had grown low. I
leaned forward to catch his words.

“I have all the confidence in the
world in my ability to run a multi-million dollar corporation. But here, I’m
not quite as sure of myself.” He sat back suddenly, a startled look on his
face.

“It just occurred to me. Maybe
that’s part of this too, that I’m looking for an arena where I’m not master of all
I survey; I’m starting from ground zero here. Perhaps I’m looking for a
challenge, something else I can master.”

Jake smiled, that boyish charming
smile that seems to do funny things to my stomach. “I don’t want you to think
you’re a project or an experiment. I want you to enjoy this, to learn and grow
with me and, hopefully, make this a mutually beneficial experience, for as long
as it lasts. How does that sound?” He touched my hand briefly. “And I
interrupted you. I’m sorry about that.”

“No, you’re fine. You’re much
clearer on your motivations than I am.” I sat back against the leather of the
banquette. “I want to challenge myself as well, see how far I’m willing to go
with this. And I read some of the forum posts on the website; I should be
picking an experienced Dom as well.”

Jake laughed, a wonderful sound.
“I guess we’re going about this all wrong, but it seems like the right approach
for me.”

The rest of the evening passed
easily and very quickly. We were still talking when the bar closed. Jake walked
me to my car, both of us quiet in the dark. I was shivering in the cool air but
I thought it was due more to Jake than the spring air. We were at my car far
too soon.

“Well, Abby…” Jake hesitated only
briefly before pulling me against him, looking down at me. I could see his eyes
in the semi-darkness, hooded, almost black. Gently he bent his head, his lips
brushing softly against mine. I may have moaned a little then.

He slowly increased the pressure
of his lips on mine, capturing my lower lip in his, caressing it briefly with
the tip of his tongue. Releasing me, he looked down into my eyes. His voice was
low, seductive and very arousing.

“I think we’re going to be good
together, Abby. Very good together.” He pulled me back into his arms. This time
his kiss was anything but gentle. His lips claimed mine fully, his tongue
seeking entrance—which I granted—probing, searching, setting a fire
alight in my stomach. I know I moaned then, and loudly.

When he finally released me, I
staggered briefly, reluctant to open my eyes. His hands still held me and kept
me from falling. I heard his soft laugh, his warm breath, still carrying the
soft scent of good bourbon, washing over me.

“I’ll call you tomorrow…give us
the night to think about what we’ve talked about.” He ran a finger down my
cheek, catching a wind-blown strand of hair and tucking it behind my ear. He
leaned forward, kissing my forehead.

He waited until I’d pulled out of
the parking lot before leaving. I saw him in my rearview mirror, hand raised in
a brief wave. And then he turned away, heading to his own car.

It was a long, long time before I
fell asleep. My mind was whirling, much of it going over everything we’d talked
about, but a large part replaying our kiss, the feeling of his lips on mine, his
hands on my body. Even though his kisses had been brief, they had been
powerful, but in different ways. The first hadn’t been tentative or hesitant,
but soft, asking rather than demanding.

There had been a latent force in
his second kiss that was hard to pinpoint, but in it I felt the potential Jake
carried to dominate, to carry me along with his will. To make me submit,
willingly.

It was a heady combination, the
gentleness of his first kiss followed by his outright claim to my mouth with
the second. I finally drifted off wondering how these opposites would play out
in the bedroom.

***

I managed to be on time to work.
Leslie had already left a voicemail message, demanding the details of my
‘date’. I had already started punching in her extension number when it occurred
to me I couldn’t really tell her much of anything.

Jake had asked that we keep the
dominant submissive aspect of our relationship confidential. But I had already
told Leslie that I was meeting someone from a BDSM website; I just hadn’t told
her who.