Summer's Edge (7 page)

"He’s so wonderful! Honestly we have so much in common. I know it hasn’t been long but I really haven’t felt like this about anyone before." Becky continued to reel off Brett’s wonders and Alice listened kindly, her mind wandering to other things.

"Where do they all stay?" Alice asked. She had been wondering if the overseas players were put up in a house or just stayed in hotels. They travelled around so much.

"He and Grant have got a flat in Bristol but they often crash at Graeme’s place in Gloucester."

"Do you think he’ll ask you to stay over with him? And will you, if he does?" Staying over would mean sleeping with him. Becky, like Alice, was still a virgin.

"He hasn’t yet but he might. And yes, I think so." Becky blushed.

Alice realised she was going to end up the last of the three to lose her virginity at this rate. Jules had lost it ages ago and was probably sleeping with Leafy already.

She had fantasised a few times about Mr Walker taking her all the way in the pavilion. If he hadn’t broken it off but had instead thrown her to the floor, ripped her clothes off, and had his way with her just as brutally as he had kissed her.

She had imagined him losing his resolve at the barbecue after stripping off his shirt, taking her in his arms, stripping off her own wet t-shirt and crushing her against his amazing body.

Alice wasn’t sure which scenario she preferred. She liked the idea of a man taking control and getting so carried away that he just took her, overriding any doubts she might have. But she also liked the thought of something more mutually passionate, with the man showing concern for how she was and what she wanted.

Maybe the reality was totally different. Or maybe she could try both. It wasn’t the kind of thing they were very clear about in the magazines or books she had read. They mainly talked about birth control and had a few diagrams of different positions. The only person she could really ask was Jules but she had hesitated so far. What if her fantasies were weird? She was pretty sure Becky’s idea of sex was all honeymoon and rose petals and gentle embraces. Romantic rather than raunchy.
 

At sunset they were heading through the countryside on their way to a rave that Kate had told them about. "It’s up on some sort of hill near Stroud," she had said.

Kate was driving them which worried Alice as she had no idea how they would get back if Kate got wasted. She supposed she could drive Kate’s car for her.

It was easy enough to find as loads of other vehicles were heading there. This was a relief to Becky has she had worried that Brett and his mates, who were travelling separately, might get lost and not make it.

"The police will be here soon if they’re not already," Kate said.

"Will they break it up?"

"I doubt it. They left Lechlade alone, it was too big to stop."

Sure enough they saw flashing blue lights as they approached and found that roadblocks were already being set up. "It’s all off, it’s over," a policeman told them, trying to wave them away.

"Bullshit," Kate said, though not to the officer. "They always say that to try and break it up. We’ll just have to leave the car and walk the rest of the way." Kate managed to find a nearby field with an open gate and they parked in there, as other vehicles had done. Alice was glad they were all wearing Doc Martens, the mud from earlier rain would have wrecked most other shoes.

It was a steep climb up the hillside to Selsley Common. The sun had just gone down by the time they arrived and the sky was still light. You could see for miles across the Cotswold hills, rolling green fields divided by trees and hedgerows, villages strewn about, church steeples. It was like being on top of the world.

At the summit there were already thousands of people with the action taking place around a bowl-shaped dip. Sound systems, cards, vans and drink sellers surrounded the huge crowd dancing below them.

"That’s going to be a mud bath by morning," Jules said.

Becky was fretting about meeting up with Brett. "I had no idea it would be so big, how are they going to find us?"

"How many of them are coming?" Jules asked.

"I don’t know, Grant is but I’m not sure about the English players."

Kate had vanished to find her friends. She eventually reappeared with a dreadlocked bloke whom Alice assumed was Leafy. He wasn’t too bad looking. His dreads were tied back off his face and he wore an eyebrow piercing and a baggy army surplus jacket.

Jules was trying to play it cool but was obviously thrilled to see him.

"Come over, we’re having a smoke by Mush’s van," he said. They went with him. Mush turned out to be another bloke with dreads who was completely out of things already. There were a couple of girls there as well. One had dreadlocks with her hair shaved underneath on the sides. The other had nose and lip rings and stripey tights covered with holes.
 

Alice’s and Becky’s DMs and jeans felt like school uniform by comparison. Jules was wearing her awful multicoloured baggy trousers again, similar to Kate and Leafy so at least she blended in.

Leafy sat down and started crumbling hash into a roll-up. He took a couple of drags and then passed it to Jules.

"Alice works at a vet," Kate said to Leafy.

For some reason this sparked interest. Mush came out of his daze. "You got anything on you?"

"What I am supposed to have?" Alice asked.

"Special K. Ketamine. All vets have it. You should have told her Jules, she could have brought some," Kate told her.

"Didn’t think of it," Jules said.

Alice knew that Jules knew that not in a million years would she have taken substances from work. She was annoyed at Kate though.

"I don’t want to stay here, I want to find Brett," Becky said to Alice in a whisper.

Alice didn’t particularly want to sit around smoking either. The dance pit had more appeal. She needed something though. A drink would do.

A guy caught her eye. "Rhubarb and custard? Doves?" Alice had no idea what she should be asking for.

"Let’s go and dance or something Becky," she said and steered Becky off to where the action was.

"I hate this music," Becky said. She was still stressing about Brett.

"They’ll get here eventually, you can hear it for miles. Come on." She bought some drinks and they made their way down the side of the dip. She nearly slipped down, the grass was so muddy and wet.

You really needed something to get this music, Alice thought. She had planned not to take anything, but the night would drag with Jules off with Leafy and Becky hooked up with Brett, if he ever arrived.

A skinny lad with shaved hair was dancing around near them, flailing limbs, uncoordinated, lost in his own zone. When a light flashed over his eyes she saw his pupils like pinpricks.

"You want some pills?" he asked.

He only had one kind and judging by his eyes it wasn’t what she wanted. She should have got Kate or Leafy to fix her up with something. Otherwise they’d just get ripped off.

They stayed and tried to dance for a while but Alice wasn’t feeling it. She didn’t really want to be here. It had seemed like a good idea at the time but now she wished she’d never agreed to come. She felt kind of bored and annoyed.

"Let’s go back and find Jules. Maybe we’ll find Brett if he’s made it."

Becky was grateful for a change of scenery and they scrambled up the bank together. It was so steep that you had to take a run at it. There were people slipping and falling, struggling to make it.

Jules, Leafy and the other crusties were still hanging around the van but Kate had vanished. They were all increasingly out of it, but not as bad as Mush who seemed to have passed out altogether.

Leafy fixed Jules and Becky up and half an hour or so later as the rush was coming on Becky saw Brett and the others. She went from being the happiest person in the world to the happiest person in the universe and ran up hugging them all.

"We got lost around Stroud," one of them said. "Going round in circles, we had to stop at a garage to get directions. Then there were police everywhere."

Mr Walker was there. Alice was blissfully happy to see him but she was blissfully happy to see everyone and she just wanted to dance. She was energised and the music was suddenly much better.

Jules got Leafy to sort out Brett, Grant and another player that Alice recognised from the barbecue. Mr Walker and another dark-haired guy declined and went for drinks.

"Chris sent Stewie to keep us in line," Grant was saying to Alice. "But we all know why he’s really here."

Alice was in love with the entire world, everything was beautiful. She hugged Grant then grabbed Becky who grabbed Brett and they headed back to the music leaving the others to follow. Alice could feel their joy. They were perfect.

It was a euphoric night. She lost all sense of time. They danced and danced for hours. Nothing mattered except the music and the night and all the amazing people around them. Alice was at one with the universe.

They were so high up on the hill, literally on top of the world. The lights of towns and villages were glittering like jewels.

Grant and one of the other guys had their arms around her and it was the best feeling in the world.
 

Then she found herself hugging Mr Walker. "I’m so glad you came. I was so hoping you’d be here."

Alice couldn’t even remember how he responded. She was aware he wasn’t happy like she was and she wanted him to be. "You are wonderful," she told him. She wrapped her arms around him and held onto him. She could feel every nerve in her body flowing into his. They were a single electric circuit. She could read his mind and it was more profound than anything she had known but she didn’t know what it meant.

She was dancing again with someone, the entire hill was a dance floor. Everyone was one. It was unity.

Much of the night was a blur because time seemed to be really odd. She had only been dancing for ten minutes but then someone said it was an hour ago. She remembered the music stopping and someone who’d tried to rob people being chased by a crowd, and then it all started up again.

Then it must have been in the early hours they were sitting on the edge of the hill, maybe she was coming down, the sky was lightening at the edge. Some guy was massaging her shoulders and it was the most wonderful thing in the world. Everyone was happy. Mr Walker wasn’t, he was nearby and he looked sad. Or was he angry?

"Why are you sad?" she asked him, trying to hug him again but he put her arms down from him. She picked up his hands and put them on her shoulders and for a moment he let them rest there and his very touch was like a golden light beaming through her flesh right into her soul, her skin felt orgasmic with joy, but then he took them off and walked away and she wasn’t desolate because everything was still perfect, it was the most beautiful dawn in the world.

They all watched the sun come up. They being everyone, she thought, not just Jules and Becky and Brett and the others, but everyone there. You could see for miles, the sun was blinding. They had been given the entire world. It was theirs.

* * *

She was lying on grass. Damp grass. It was quite warm in the sun but she had no idea where she was for a moment. Then she realised she was outside Mush’s van. Various other bodies were slumped down around her, and a few people were smoking perched on some plastic crates.

There was still music playing and people dancing but it all seemed thinner than she remembered.

Where was Becky? She could see Jules still passed out next to Leafy, if that heap of old army jacket was him.

God she was thirsty. And sore.

What time was it?

Everything was so flat. It was the most beautiful day, they were on top of the world, but it was a hollow world. An empty sky. He wasn’t there.

Where was he?

"Do you need something?" It was Mush, he was offering her a wrap of something.

"No, it’s ok." It wasn’t what she needed. What she needed was gone. She had blown it. There was only one person in the world who could make the world less awful and he was gone. She buried her head in her hands.

"This’ll help."

She looked at him. He was being kind but of all things there was school tomorrow, she just had to get through this. "Have you got any water?"

He handed her a bottle and she took a sip. She should be hungry, she thought, but she had no appetite. Jules wasn’t even stirring. Alice was worried about Becky. Perhaps she’d gone back with all the boys. And Mr Walker. Or maybe she was still here?

She was certain he wasn’t here. She felt now that she would always know, in her soul and in her skin, if he was near. She was wired to him now. Even if it was only one way, even if he had been sober and hadn’t felt it. Even if all the warmth and the glow were gone now.

Maybe she had made an idiot of herself. But that was too much to contemplate right now. She closed her eyes again and lay back on the grass, the sun burning red through her eyelids. She could have covered them with her arm but she didn’t. She wanted it to warm her brain.

* * *

Then they were back at Jules’, God knows how Kate was in any fit state to drive but she got them back in one piece. No one had known where Becky was. But then there was a message left for them saying that she had gone back with Brett.

Alice wondered how she was. She hoped being with Brett would have eased the comedown.

"I always hate the day after but it was so worth it," Jules said.

"We probably should eat something healthy." Alice actually felt nauseous, but she thought this was probably more to do with low blood sugar. She was anxious about Mr Walker. Had she made a fool of herself?

"I feel like pizza or chips," Jules said. "Or a burger. But there’s none of that here so it looks like toast."

They made a pile of toast with various jams and honey. The sugar did little to perk Alice up.

"You look miserable. Is that after effects or something else?" Jules asked.

"I think I blew it with Mr Walker."

"I doubt it. Grant said he was only there because of you."