Summer's Edge (24 page)

"I think they liked you."

He laughed. "No shotguns anyway. I’ll see you tomorrow night? Will you stay over?"

"If you want me to." She wanted more of an invitation.

"I want you to more than anything else in this world. I want you tonight, right now, but I know that’s not possible." To prove it he kissed her, pressing her against him, and she could feel his need for her.

They were ok. Her and Stewart. He still wanted her, still loved her, she hoped. The ordeal of meeting her parents hadn’t sent him running for the hills.

* * *

After she had helped her parents clear up the dinner table and stack the dishwasher, Alice went to her mother’s room while she got ready for bed. Richard had tactfully taken himself off to his study to look at a letter or something.

"So?" Alice couldn’t wait any longer for the official verdict.

"I think he’s a very nice man. Incredibly good looking, not that that should matter of course. Exactly the kind of man I would be very happy for you to date."

"But?" She could hear there was a but.

Her mother sighed. She put down the necklace she had just taken off and looked at Alice.

"I wonder if you’re being fair to him, darling."

This was a shock. Alice had expected any censure to fall on Stewart, not her.

"What do you mean?"

"You have to consider where he is in life. Of course he’s older than you, but it’s more than that. You’re at such different life stages. You’re about to go travelling, Alice, then to university. You’ll be meeting any number of new young people, young men. He’s clearly in love with you and it won’t be easy for him when you move on."

"I don’t intend to move on," Alice said. "I love him as well." She was very happy that her mother thought that Stewart loved her. Somehow it gave it more validity for her mother to have noticed.

"But think about what his wants and expectations are. At his stage of life he probably wants to settle down and have a family. You’re nowhere near ready for that."

Alice couldn’t refute this point. "Not now, maybe. But one day."

"My fear is that he will wait for you, and put his life on hold, and you’ll either change your mind or feel trapped in something that you no longer want."

The problem was that her mother made sense. Frustratingly. Alice couldn’t deny her reasoning. But she also knew how she felt about Stewart. Of course she wanted to travel and study veterinary science. Yet if he asked her to go to the ends of the earth with him instead, she would do so. And she probably wouldn’t mind, though she knew that he would never ask her that.

Still, her mother had made her uneasy. Alice was sure she knew her own heart, but what if her mother was right? People did fall in and out of love.

And what if he fell out of love with her? The thought that he might go back to Australia and forget about her was almost too much to bear.

"Do you really think he’s that serious about me?" she asked. She wasn’t sure whether she wanted reassurance that he was or that he wasn’t.

"Think about what he’s risked to be with you, Alice. His job, his reputation. And then he came here and met us. People don’t do that if their feelings are only casual, not men like him anyway. He would have made an excuse and avoided us."

It was almost exactly what Jules had said to her just a couple of weeks ago. Alice had been briefly unsettled then and was more so now. Was she leading him on? Was she denying him the chance to meet someone and settle down and raise a family in the near future?
 

When she’d been pursuing him for all those weeks she had never thought about the long-term, it was all in the moment. "Do you want me to stop seeing him?" she asked.

"It’s not what I want, Alice, or even what I think is best. I’m just worried for both of you that you haven’t really thought about the consequences of this. Enjoy yourself with him this summer if it continues, but just be careful not to get yourself into any commitments that you can’t keep. Be fair to him and to yourself."

Lying in her bed that night Alice couldn’t sleep for hours as her mother’s words had left her so conflicted. Did she love him enough? She was sure she did. Just the thought of him made her stomach flip and her body long to be in his arms. She liked him. She enjoyed being with him, they laughed at the same things.

A small secret part of her already wanted him to think of her in a long-term way. She wanted to be his. But now she was scared she couldn’t trust her own constancy. Was she a fickle person? Was she being unfair to him?

She wished Becky and Jules were there so she could talk it over with them. She was seeing them both tomorrow - Becky had persuaded them to watch the cricket again as Gloucestershire were playing at home - so she could share her anxieties then.

"Maddy Pullen was right you know," Jules said as they sat watching the afternoon’s play in the half-empty stands of the County Ground in Bristol.

"About what?"

"We have turned into cricket groupies. Every one of us is dating a cricketer." Jules was seeing Mike Jackson again later that evening.

Alice felt a bit of a fraud because she still didn’t find the game very interesting and wished she could have brought a book to read.

She suspected that Becky didn’t enjoy it much either, but kept quiet out of loyalty to Brett. Or maybe it was different when you were actually watching your own boyfriend play.

"I’m not with Brett because he’s a cricketer though," Becky said.

"I didn’t say you were."

"We’re not groupies then, it’s just coincidence."

Cricketers who were all at very different stages of their careers, Alice thought. Mike who was still playing schoolboy cricket, Brett who was playing professionally, and Stewart who had retired. Even though it had been early and possibly temporary, due to injury, it still reminded her of what her mother had said.

There was a subdued cheer as Gloucestershire took another wicket.

"Honestly you wonder how they’re even motivated to play on weekdays. There’s hardly anyone here," Jules said. Looking around the stands, the majority of spectators appeared to be elderly men. There were a few businessmen who had possibly bunked off work early but it was hardly a lively crowd.

The others had noticed Alice was quieter than usual. "Everything alright with you and Stewie?" Jules asked.

"Yes. He came round for dinner last night."

"Oh god. I forgot about that. What was it like? Did your parents freak?"

"No, it went really well," Alice told her.

"Why are you so down then? School’s out, you’re not getting locked up in your bedroom, you should be on top of the world." Jules was already on top of the world again. She had recovered from her heartbreak over Leafy with lightning speed and was fully enjoying the summer holidays and months of freedom.

"It’s just something my mother said." She told them about the conversation.

"He hasn’t asked you about any of that though, has he? Marriage and kids and stuff?" Becky asked.

"No. Has Brett asked you?"

"We’ve talked about it, but only in the sense that we both want to wait a few years, whatever happens. He wants to play for Australia, I want to graduate. There’s no rush."

Alice envied how easy things must be for Becky, being so much closer in age to Brett.

"He’s not that old you know, really," Jules said. "I mean how old was Richard when he had your brothers? Practically fifty probably."

Alice supposed this was so.

"Anyway let’s face it," Jules continued. "You’ve only been seeing him for a couple of months. Weeks really, given how hesitant he was. It’s a bit premature to be worrying about this."

Jules was right, but Alice still felt odd about things. She was seeing Stewart later that evening and now almost wished she wasn’t so she could have more time to think about things.

After play finished that afternoon Becky was going to stay down in Bristol with Brett, and Jules and Alice were driving back to Cheltenham. "You’ve got time for a drink in the bar first haven’t you?" Becky asked them.

They agreed to go in for one drink. The usual crowd soon gathered: Chris, Brett, Grant, Graeme and a couple of others. "The Headmaster not with you?" Grant asked.

"No, she’s got detention later," Jules told him. There was the usual ribbing, but Alice got the sense that no one actually disapproved. Everyone accepted her being with Stewart just as they accepted Becky and Brett.

Chris in particular seemed pleased they’d finally got together. "You’ve been good for him."

"Have I?"

"He had put a bit of a wall up, after what happened. He’s been wary," Chris told her.

"Did he tell you we got caught?" Alice asked.

Chris laughed. "Yeah. Surprised they didn’t sack him."

"You and the Headmaster got caught up to no good?" Graeme asked, overhearing.

Alice explained what had had happened with them being seen together at a restaurant.

"That’s hardly incriminating. I was expecting something X-rated in the school pavilion," Graeme said.

Alice had to stand on Jules’ foot to stop her blurting anything out. Unfortunately Graeme picked up on this and what did or didn’t happen in the pavilion became the joke for the rest of the hour.

* * *

"You really should talk to him about it," Jules said as they headed back up the motorway to Cheltenham.

Alice couldn’t imagine how she could start such a conversation. Particularly when everything should be going perfectly right now. They were finally together, publicly, no obstacles.

"You’re seeing him tonight, aren’t you?" Jules continued. "Just let him know that you don’t want to make any life decisions before you graduate."

It sounded simple but really it wasn’t. Alice looked out of the window at the countryside rushing past them. It was such a perfect day. Nothing could ever feel better than the start of summer: even if it turned wet and miserable later in July, it was how it started that set the tone for the entire season.

The freedom ahead of them was exhilarating, overwhelming. Was that why she was suddenly feeling panicked? Because there were no boundaries any more, no rules? Nothing to control any of them except their own choices and decisions.

Wanting to change the subject because there was no point dwelling on it she asked Jules about her date with Mike Jackson.

"It’s nothing serious," Jules said. "It’s just, you know, lust."

Alice did know. The thought of it, the thought of the whole night that lay ahead with Stewart, suffused her with it. They were supposed to be going out on the town first but she wondered if she could persuade him to stay in and spend the entire evening in bed instead.
 

Somehow being alone with him seemed less confronting than being around other people. It was more of a bubble. She could shut out the rest of the world and reality. Besides, the thought of hours being naked together, just the two of them, was a delight in itself.

"You’re obviously thinking of your coach, you have that infuriating smile on your face again," Jules said.

"I was actually thinking of our travels."

Jules laughed. "Liar."

If Jules could read her like a book would she be able to hide her doubts from Stewart? With what she felt was a steely resolve Alice attempted to suppress them, determined to enjoy herself and not waste a single hour she got to spend with him. God knows she had wanted this so much, for so long.

"There’s probably going to be a festival next weekend down in Devon, somewhere called Smeathorpe. I’m thinking of going," Jules said.

"What if Leafy’s there? You might bump into him."

"That’s the point. Then he’ll see I don’t care."

Which meant Jules probably did still care, Alice thought. "What about Mike?" she asked.

"I’m going to be a cricket widow that weekend anyway, he’s playing club cricket. I’m turning into Becky," Jules said.

* * *

Alice chose another short and hopefully seductive dress that evening, and from the reaction in Stewart’s eyes when he came to pick her up she had made the right choice for her plans.

As he drove off she put her hand on his thigh and moved it up, causing him to start. "You’ll make me crash," he warned.

Moving her hand higher she felt how he was already hard for her. "That’s going to be awkward in the Dog & Duck, isn’t it?"

"If you keep doing that, it is."

She looked at his profile; he was trying to stay fixed on the road. "Why don’t we just go back to your place?"

"What’s brought this on? Can’t you wait for it?" he asked. He was smiling now, glancing at her as he drove.

"Can you?"

"Not easily, with you wearing that."

"Drive faster then," she ordered.

When they got to his place they practically ran up the steps. Inside he grabbed her and pulled her to him. She didn’t resist. It was raw, passionate and urgent. A mutual need.

She found herself clawing at his back to bring him closer into her, begging him for more, faster, harder.
 

He was in charge, pulling her whichever way he wanted, screwing her from the side, behind, on top, underneath. Even in some positions when he was almost thrusting too deep, almost hurting her it was ok. She still wanted more, deeper. She was insatiable.
 

And he couldn’t get enough of her, he had never been so forceful and so demanding. Even when he had taken her over the sofa after the cinema was nothing compared to this.

"God I love you," he cried out just before he came. "You’re perfect, you’re mine and you’re perfect."

It brought her over with him, she was calling out his name and her need for him.

They lay there together for some time, limbs tangled, slick and exhausted.

He restarted by trailing his hand over her nipples and down between her legs. His touch was like electricity to her. All her nerves responded. Even though she was almost sore from the intensity of what he had just been doing to her, she still gasped as he flicked a finger over her most sensitive button.

But this time he was slower, gentler, playing with her. He ran a finger around her entrance and then inside her. Compared to how he had filled her before it was nothing, but then he slipped a second finger in. Reaching in deeper, his other hand playing with her nipple he curled his fingers inside her.