Authors: Nicola Yeager
She looks at me and smiles, but her eyes are as dead as ashes.
‘Please don’t think I’m naïve, Sassy. It is part and parcel of being the sort of women we are. We have to grab it when and where we can. If you manage to grab it with a fit young surfing instructor, then good luck to you. I wish I could be as lucky. I wish I could limp into breakfast like you did this morning. You go for your surfing lesson. Who knows? You may be able to fit a quickie in before Franklin returns. Your secret is safe with me.’
She’s got me. I have to go along with this, but I still don’t trust her.
‘Thanks, Estelle, dear. Thank you for being so understanding.’
‘We’re going to have to have a little girl time together soon. I want you to tell me absolutely everything that happened last night. Every tiny detail. You mustn’t leave anything out, promise? When a girl like you limps up the beach with
that
sort of look on her face and
that
sort of glow on her skin, it has to be a tale worth telling, don’t you think?’
I smile, nod and stuff another mini chocolatine in my mouth. I feel a little sick. Ideally, some hostile aliens would burst into the room and Estelle would be vaporised, but I think that’s a little too much to ask.
When I get to the sports reception area, Janica is there behind the counter, as she was yesterday. She’s wearing a pale blue wetsuit, but hasn’t got into the top bit yet, so it flops around her waist. She’s got a fluorescent pink rash vest on, but it’s not high enough around the neck to hide a pair of very conspicuous love bites, which she’s tried to hide with the wrong sort of makeup. She laughs as she sees me looking.
‘Surfing injury. Came off the board, board got hit by a wave, came flying back and hit me in the neck. I turned around the other way and the same thing happened on the other side. What are the chances of that happening, eh? A million to one, I reckon.’
I rummage in my handbag and give her a large stick of concealer.
‘Try this. I think it’s your skin tone.’
‘Well, it’ll come off in the water soon enough, but I’ll give it a go. Thanks, Saskia. Or can I call you ‘Sask’ now?’
‘Sask’ll be fine. Is Kirstan around yet? I’m a bit early. I wanted to get away from someone.’
‘No. He’s not here yet. Fancy a coffee?’
‘Please.’
She hits some buttons on a coffee machine and drums her fingers impatiently against the side as it noisily pours out two coffee-flavoured concoctions.
‘Here we are.’
‘Thanks.’
‘So what happened?’
I tell her about my walk on the beach after dinner, closing my eyes and thinking about the past and what happened when I opened them. Tears appear in her eyes. We’re both going to be suffering from severe dehydration at this rate.
‘Aw, that’s so, so romantic. It’s like you were being guided along the beach by The Force. It’s like when Luke Skywalker is trying to hit that thing with the Lightsabre when he’s blindfolded, y’know? Don’t worry – I won’t ask what happened after you’d kissed each other.’
‘Thanks.’
‘I don’t have to. I could
hear
what happened, and I wasn’t back until well after midnight last night!’ A serious expression crosses her face. ‘I’d like to say it was severely unarousing, but I’d be lying!’ She grins cheerfully and beams those teeth at me once again.
‘Oh, god,’ I laugh, ‘What must you think of me?’
‘Don’t worry. It happens all the time around here. We’re used to it. In fact, I believe the sound of frequent noisy intercourse and animal-like cries of ecstasy is featured in the online brochure as one of the hotel’s biggest attractions.’
‘I remember reading that now.’
‘The golf and the sexual eavesdropping; that’s why they all flock here in the summer. So what are you guys going to do? Are you going to elope? You’re in a bit of a sticky position, aren’t you, but it’ll make a great story in years to come.’
‘He said he was never going to let me go again. He didn’t care what happened, or who I was with.’
‘Confident bugger, isn’t he. Did he tell you about Italy and Australia?’
‘Yes, but he didn’t force them on me or anything. I think Sardinia would be a good first move. I think it would be a good thing if we both got away from here. Lots of reasons.’
‘I think so, too. You need some time to get to know each other again, assuming last night wasn’t enough. If he runs out of money, he can always get in touch with my brother.’
‘He told me about that. He’s afraid of getting eaten by a shark.’
‘The big pussy.’
I tell her about Estelle and about how she spotted me leaving Kirstan’s chalet.
‘God almighty, this is dramatic, isn’t it? And about as bloody romantic as you can get. Now you’ve got the evil wrinkled tit-job queen trying to thwart the course of true love. Didn’t I tell you? This is the real deal.’
‘It sort of spoils things that she knows, y’know? I don’t know what she’ll do with the information. She’s not really very pleasant. A bit screwed up, maybe. I don’t know what’ll happen.’
‘Just take it one chunk at a time. You’ve got a big hurdle to get over today, but it’ll be cool. You’ll do it. It’ll be fine. If your guy is a man, he’ll take it on the chin. He’s not a baby. He knows the score. Think about it – how many times were you dumped by guys when you were younger? It stings a bit at first, but you soon get over it and then you forget about it. In twenty-four hours, you’ll be free. All the crap’ll be behind you.’
‘I just hope it runs as smoothly as that.’
‘It will.’
Kirstan strolls into the reception area, looks at Janica and then looks at me.
‘Have you been talking about me?’
Janica looks at him, a mock sincere expression on her face. ‘It’s all we ever talk about. You must know that.’
‘Right.’ he says to me. ‘Get a locker and get into a wetsuit. We haven’t got all day. We’ve got work to do!’
***
The waves are bigger today, so much so that I have problems getting my surfboard into the water. It keeps getting knocked into the air, or forced against my body. I get hammered into the sea about half a dozen times before I can even turn it around to face the shore.
Still, at least the water is nice and warm and I can feel the sun burning my face. I put on some of that waterproof sunblock, but Janica says it’s was a waste of time and money. Apparently five minutes of surfing in the sea (or falling off the board) will wipe even the hardiest sun cream off your skin.
Kirstan is trying hard to click into professional instructor mode, but we keep smiling at each other and making shy eye contact, so it falls flat on its face.
‘OK. You’re going to be standing up on this thing today. Remember all that you did yesterday. This is just taking things a little further. Yesterday was the heavy petting, today is full penetrative sex. When a good wave comes, get on the board, look behind you, paddle like a bastard, hold the sides, push yourself up and then jump up into the crouching position. It’s easy.’
‘For you, maybe.’ I say, as a wave almost knocks my head off.
‘Don’t worry. I’ll be here next to you. I’ll also be shouting instructions at you, ‘cause I know you’re a bit slow.’
‘Thanks.’
‘And could you stop looking at me like that all the time, please? It’s putting me off.’
As I hold onto the board, I take a look at Kirstan. I suddenly feel a little dizzy and disorientated. This is all so perplexing. I’m in the sea with someone I thought I’d lost forever with waves crashing all about me. I’m hours away from finishing with someone who I’ve been in a relationship with for years. Someone I never loved and someone who sometimes treated me as if I was one of his many possessions. Yet I still feel nervous about what I’m going to say and what’s going to happen.
I try to put it out of my mind, but it keeps on bouncing back, begging for attention. Am I being a real cow, doing this? I don’t know. This has all happened so fast.
I knew a lot of people who were in relationships, biding their time until ‘something better came along’. When it did, they’d be off with whoever it was, dumping the old one without a thought. I have to say that I always looked down on people like that. It was as if they were using others rather cynically, which I hated.
You’d often come across it with friends, too. People who seemed to be your best mate until they suddenly got a really well-paid job and then you never saw them again. It was as if they were just killing time with you. Waiting, yet again, until something better came along, whether it was a new job or just supposedly superior, more interesting people to hang out with.
I don’t want to be like that. God knows, I’ve changed enough over the last few years and not all of that change has been for the better. I’ve become blasé and snobbish. I’ve taken for granted things like expensive trips that would be the holiday of a lifetime for most people. I’ve turned my nose up at ridiculously priced designer clothing that, in some cases, probably cost more than a small car.
‘Here it is! It’s got your name on it! We’re going to do this! Go!’
I turn around to see a sizeable wave rising up about fifteen feet away, the white water just breaking on its crest. I scrabble up onto the board, look over my shoulder to check it again and then paddle as hard as I can.
I feel that rush that I experienced yesterday as the board is lifted by the wave and pushes me forward at that surprisingly fast speed. My hands grip the sides. I can hear Kirstan shouting ‘Jump up! Now! Do it!’
I raise myself up and get both feet onto the board. Then I let go of the sides. For a glorious couple of seconds, I’m actually standing up, only my feet making contact. I don’t know why, but I decide to make a small adjustment to my left foot and suddenly it’s all over. I fall off into the crashing wave and do a somersault under the water. It’s like being trapped inside a huge washing machine on fast spin. For a brief second I don’t know which is up, or which is down, and then I feel Kirstan’s strong hand grabbing my arm and pulling me up.
‘That was great! Did you see yourself? Well, obviously you didn’t. You were up! Standing. That was it. You fell off, but sod that. Now you know what to do and what it felt like, you’ve got to do it again. No time wasting. Come on.’
I laugh. It was a lousy attempt, but he was right. I did it, even if it was only for a short time. I try to get my mind back on track to my concerns of a few moments before, but it’s impossible. You can’t mope over negative bullshit when you’re surfing. Maybe that’s why it’s so popular.
I attempt to take the very next wave that comes along, but blow it completely. I do however, manage to take the board right to the shore in the lying down position, which is better than nothing and still an A1 rush. I’m starting to see how you can become addicted to this.
It takes about a dozen failed, water-swallowing attempts over about twenty minutes before I manage to stand up again. My back is hurting, my neck is hurting and my arms ache. This time, the wave is scarily big. Kirstan sees the fear in my eyes and pats me on the back.
‘Don’t worry. This is it. Nothing will happen. You’re safe. Start paddling now. Don’t look behind you. That’s it. It’s got your name on it. Paddle!’
I almost fall off straight away, but manage to manhandle the board so that it’s facing straight towards the shore before that happens. My knuckles are white as I grip the sides of the board. I push myself up and jump up onto my feet in one fluid movement, my right leg forward.
And then it happens. I’m standing and not falling off. As instructed, I look straight ahead and not down. I almost feel a disappointment that I’m going so fast that it’ll be over soon. I can feel warm spray on my face. I can feel that I’m grinning like an idiot. I can feel the adrenaline coursing through my veins. I lean down slightly and touch the front of the board with one finger, just because I can. It’s so, so fast. I wish I had film of this. I can hear Kirstan shouting something but can’t hear him properly because of the surf.
If it wasn’t so exciting, it’d be scary. The board finally runs out of water and skids to a halt in the sand. I step off the board and stagger forward a few steps with the momentum. I’m laughing my head off.
‘I did it! I did it! Did you see? Did you see me?’
Kirstan has run up and is standing by my side. ‘Yes, I saw you. Don’t get all big headed. It was only a straight run to the beach. You can unleash your ego when you’re carving up thirty footers in Maui.’
‘Did you see me, though?’
He smiles and hugs me, lifting me up off the sand. My arms are around his neck. I look into his eyes. I love him so much.
I’m in the water for another twenty-five minutes or so, before I start to feel suddenly exhausted. In those twenty-five minutes, my scores were as follows (approximately):
Totally embarrassing wipe-outs – 10
Lying down straight into the beach – 7
Standing up, but not for long – 5 (quite pleased with that)
Standing up all the way to the beach – 3
Not bad going, I thought.
We walk back to the hotel. The sun is hot now and it’s getting warm inside my wetsuit again. The sand is soft and warm. Kirstan looks at me.