Sugar And Spice (21 page)

“You’re lucky to have a family, people who really care about you.”

“You’re right. I am. It’s just that Darrell proposed to me on Christmas Day.”

Mack came over to her but stopped short of touching her. “You have to let him go, honey. Put him where he belongs—in the past.”

Fighting to keep her smile in place, she swallowed hard. “You don’t understand. You’ve never loved someone the way I loved Darrell.”

Mack frowned. “Probably not.” He lifted his hand and gently caressed her cheek. “But my old man loved my mother that way. When she died, he went to pieces. He started drinking and moving from job to job.

Women came and went in his life. I had four stepmothers in the span of eight years.”

“Oh, Mack, how sad.”

“Just as I was getting used to a stepmom, she’d be gone and another one would show up a few months later. But I survived. I learned not to get attached to any of them.”

She wrapped her hand around his where he held it to her face. “It must have been terrible for you.”

Mack sucked in a deep breath. “Yeah, but not half as bad for me as it was for the old man.”

“I don’t understand how it could have been worse for him.”

“He kept trying to find my mother. Every one of his wives resembled my mom, but none of them were his Leah. He couldn’t let her go, couldn’t free himself from her ghost.” Mack turned his hand over and grasped Katie’s. “He eventually drank himself to death, grieving over her. My mother wouldn’t have wanted that for him.”

“No, I’m sure she wouldn’t have.”

“Do you think Darrell would want you to stop living and loving?”

“No, of course he wouldn’t, but—”

“You don’t have to stop loving Darrell. But you can’t feel guilty if another man comes into your life, a man you love just as much or maybe even more than you did him. The right man won’t feel threatened by your memories of Darrell. He’ll be grateful that you’re the kind of woman who can love that deeply and completely.”

Katie couldn’t bear to hear another word. Tears filled her eyes and lodged in her throat. She shook her head and turned away from Mack, but he held fast to her hand, stopping her from running.

“Just in case you’re still here for Christmas, do you want to do something to make the cabin a bit more Christmasy?” he asked.

Swallowing her tears, she stared at him, totally taken off guard by his question.

“Do you mean decorate the cabin? Put up a tree? Exchange presents?”

“Yeah, I guess. Whatever you’d like.”

“Do you mean that?”

He tugged on her hand, slowly pulling her toward him. “Sure. We could bundle up right now and go find a small tree. I don’t have any decorations, but maybe we—”

“We could string popcorn to use for garland and we could make stars out of aluminum foil. Oh, I know what else—we could tear colorful pages out of magazines, cut them into pieces, glue them into rings and make a chain and—”

Mack whirled her around, patted her on the butt, and said, “Get your coat, woman. If we have to do all that, we need to start now.”

Not until she was bundled in Mack’s old coat and cap and they were trudging through the nearby woods did she realize how adeptly he’d maneuvered her from tears and sadness to laugher and joy.

“I’ve never done this before,” she told him.

“What—stomp around in a foot of snow?”

“No, silly, I’ve never cut down my own Christmas tree. We had live trees when I was little, but Mom’s used an artificial tree for years.”

“It’ll be a first for me too,” he said. “The last time I had a Christmas tree was before I left home to join the army. Dad’s wife at the time put up a tree my senior year in high school. It was one of those silver trees, and she hung purple satin balls all over it. It was the ugliest thing I’ve ever seen.”

They both laughed. It felt so wonderful to laugh, to truly enjoy the moment, to find pleasure in being with someone.

“How about this tree?” Mack reached out and shook the snow from a five-foot cedar. “The shape is good and it’s not so big it’ll take up a lot of room.”

Katie stepped back and surveyed his choice. “It’s perfect.”

Mack hoisted the ax that he’d taken from where it had been covered with a tarp, inside the wood box on the porch. “Stand back.”

Katie watched while Mack chopped down the tree, one hard, powerful lunge after the other, until the cedar toppled into the snow. Mack grinned triumphantly. Katie clapped her glove-covered hands together, gleefully praising him for his hard work. He handed the ax to Katie, then grabbed the tree by the trunk and dragged it to the cabin. After placing the ax back under the tarp, she rushed up the steps and opened the front door. Mack pulled the tree into an upright position and carried it into the living room.

“Where do you want it?” he asked.

“In the corner, away from the fireplace,” she told him. “If we had lights to put on it, we’d put it in front of a window.”

Mack hauled the tree over to the corner and laid it flat on the floor. “I’ll have to get some wooden strips and build a stand, then attach it to the tree.”

“Oh, I’d forgotten all about a stand.”

“I’m in charge of practical, manly stuff. You’re in charge of decorations.” He winked at her.

Katie laughed, once again reveling in the marvelous sensation of pure happiness. She felt alive—totally, completely, gloriously alive. Thanks to Mack.

If anyone had told him a week ago that he’d be helping string popcorn for Christmas tree decoration, Mack would have told them they were crazy. But here he sat, on the floor in front of the fireplace, following Katie’s instructions as he slipped one piece of popcorn after another over the needle and onto the long string. He glanced over at the tree, already filled with aluminum foil stars and ringed with colorful paper chains.

“I appreciate your going back outside to gather some greenery for the wreath we made and hung over the fireplace and to put in all the windows,” Katie said. “Don’t you think it’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas in here?”

“Absolutely. Who’d have thought you could use the red ties from plastic garbage sacks to make bows for the wreath? Honey, you’re incredible.”

“Why, thank you, sir. But it’s no big deal. I’ve got that magic interior designer’s touch. I can take a few inexpensive items and decorate a room.”

“You love it, don’t you, being an interior decorator?”

She cleared her throat. “That’s interior designer, if you please.” She giggled. “And yes, I love it. Kim and I both do.”

“You and your sister are really close, huh?”

“Very. She’s my best friend as well as my sister. Of course, we adore Kit, too, and his wife is fast becoming like a real sister to us.”

“You’re lucky.”

Damn, why had he said that again? Now she’d get all mushy and sympathetic. He didn’t want her sympathy. He hated the very thought of anyone feeling sorry for him. That was one of the reasons, after he’d come out of the hospital with a bad leg, he’d bought this place up in the mountains. He didn’t want to have to interact with people any more than necessary.

Katie laid down her popcorn garland, a work in progress, and reached over to squeeze his hand. “If I didn’t know it before how lucky I am, I know it now. I just wish you had a family. You need someone to love you.”

Mack cleared his throat. “As soon as we finish up here, how about I grill us some steaks for supper?”

“Sounds great. And you know what I want to make for dessert?”

“I don’t have the foggiest.”

“Snow cream.”

“You’re kidding.”

“No, really. I don’t know why I haven’t thought of it before today. We have all that wonderful clean snow outside and we have sugar and milk and vanilla. All the ingredients we need.”

A peculiar, surprising thought flickered through his mind. We have all the ingredients we need to make this thing between us work. I make you happy. You make me happy. We’re sexually attracted to each other. We’re both single and available.

What had gotten into him? You’d think he was in love or something. Here he was thinking about Katie and him as a couple. And not just in bed, not just a one-night stand.

How the mighty have fallen! And the one who’d brought him down hadn’t even been trying. Katie had crashed into his life unexpectedly and totally unwanted. She hadn’t chased him, hadn’t pursued a relationship with him, hadn’t tried to trap him. And on top of everything else, she was still hung up on her dead husband.

So don’t get any more involved with her than you already are. If you can keep your hands off her for another day or two, she’ll be gone and out of your life forever.

Why did the thought of never seeing Katie again bother him so damn much? The answer was simple—he was an idiot. He’d gone and gotten hung up on a woman who would settle for nothing less than forever after.

“Mack? Mack!”

“Huh?”

“Where did you go? You looked as if you were a million miles away,” Katie said.

“Just thinking about what else we can do to make this a good Christmas for you. Just in case you’re stuck here past tomorrow.”

“I’ve decided that even if the roads are clear tomorrow, I might stay over until Christmas morning.”

“Why would you do that?”

It was pitiful how badly he wanted her to stay.

“Well, we could have Christmas Eve together and then you could drive me home to Cleveland and spend Christmas Day with me and my family.”

“I don’t know, honey, your folks wouldn’t be expecting an uninvited guest and—”

“You would be my invited guest.”

What would it be like to spend Christmas with Katie and her family? It wouldn’t change anything between them, wouldn’t obligate either of them to more than that one day. And it might be great to sit down to a big home-cooked Christmas dinner.

“Mack, please say yes.” Katie looked at him pleadingly. “Remember, you did rescue me and open up your home to me. It’s only right that my family should return the hospitality.”

“I don’t know. Maybe.”

“Ah, come on. Say yes.”

“If I do drive you home and stay for the day—”

“No strings attached,” she told him. “Come home with me for Christmas and you don’t have to come back to Cleveland to see me ever again…unless you want to.”

Yeah, that was the kicker. The problem was he’d want to see her again and again and again.

“What if I decide later on that I do want to come back to see you?” he asked.

She looked him square in the eyes. “Then you’d come back and we’d take things slow and easy and see what happens.”

Slow and easy wasn’t Mack’s style. When he wanted something as badly as he wanted Katie Hadley, he usually didn’t wait. He was accustomed to reaching out and taking what he wanted. If she was talking about a long courtship where they held hands and kissed good night after a date, then she had the wrong guy. He wanted Katie in his arms, in his bed, and the sooner the better.

She was his woman. She just didn’t know it yet.

But she would. And soon.

Katie curled up on the sofa, pulled the covers to her neck, and burrowed in for the night. Everything was set. She had called Kim and explained that she was bringing Mack to Christmas dinner and that she wanted everyone to be very nice to him.

“Is there something going on between you two?” Kim had asked.

“We’ve become friends.”

“Just friends?”

“I like him a lot and I think he feels the same.”

“How much is a lot?”

“No more questions,” Katie had said. “Just tell Mom and Dad. Okay?”

Katie gazed at the corner where they had put their tree. Although in the dark it was difficult to see just how beautifully they’d decorated it with homemade items, in her mind’s eye Katie could see every aluminum foil star, every strand of popcorn and paper rings, and all the twigs of holly leaves and red berries.

Today had been such a lovely day. Moments out of time.

The snow cream she’d made had been almost as good as her mother’s. Mack sure had liked it. He’d eaten three helpings. She loved doing things with him, loved doing things for him. Despite his size, his occasional gruffness, and his military background, Mack really was a kind, gentle man. He was the sort of man who should be married and a father instead of being holed up in the mountains all alone. What he needed was the right woman.

But she wasn’t the right woman for him, was she? Mack deserved a woman who could love him with her whole heart.

If only I could be that woman.

How could she give Mack what he deserved when she still loved Darrell?

You don’t have to stop loving Darrell, but you can’t feel guilty if another man comes into your life, a man you love just as much or maybe even more. Mack’s words echoed inside her head. Was it possible that she could actually love Darrell and love someone else too? Could she keep on loving Darrell and love Mack?

Did she love Mack?

The right man won’t feel threatened by your memories of Darrell. He’ll be grateful that you’re the kind of woman who can love that deeply and completely.

It took a man with a great deal of self-confidence not to be threatened by the memory of a woman’s dead husband. Could Mack really accept that a part of her heart would always belong to Darrell?

Wasn’t that what he’d said, in a roundabout way? So did that mean Mack was the right man for her?

And was she the right woman for him? Would loving Mack be a betrayal of the love she’d shared with Darrell?

Katie tossed back the covers, stood up, and took a deep, fortifying breath. Before her courage deserted her, she climbed the stairs, one slow agonizing step at a time, until she reached the loft bedroom. The wall of windows at the front of the house and across the back at the loft level allowed moonlight to flood the area. Katie tiptoed closer to the bed where Mack lay sleeping, the covers pulled up to his shoulders.

Oh God, can I do this? Will I regret it later?

She moved to the side of the bed and stood there, her pulse accelerating with each wild beat of her heart.

“Mack?”

Without saying a word, he reached out from beneath the covers and grabbed her wrist. She froze.

“I thought you were asleep,” she said.