Suffocate (8 page)

Chapter 17

Luke

After a bath consisting of making the two of us dirty rather than clean, we dried off and managed to make our way down stairs where Stuart has surprised me again by deciding to cook for me.

Who doesn’t want a man that can cook?

Lowering my favorite I Heart Doctors mug to the table, I pull my legs to my chest in the chair, leaning one arm on the table, “Where’d you learn to cook?”

“Daniel Davidson,” he answers flipping the bacon, my eyes wandering over his tight ass in his black boxers. “Chef I dated while I was in college.”

I try to bite back the jealousy sting before he can see it.

Of course he’s had other boyfriends, err lovers, but that doesn’t mean it thrills me to hear about it. I know I asked, but I didn’t ask
that
. Now that you bring it up though...

“How many,” my voice starts before I clear my throat. “How many boyfriends have you had?”

Stuarts gives me a cocky smirk looking over his shoulder. “You really wanna pull at that thread?” I wince as my response causes him to chuckle. “Once you know...you can’t un-know.”

True. Do I wanna know? God, I should just do it like a Band-Aid huh? What is it about him that turns me into...this?

“I know.”

He nods and turns back to the frying pan. “Two.”

“Two?!” I shriek loudly in disbelief.

He tosses his head back in laughter and nods. “Just two.”

“But—”

“You asked for boyfriends. Not lovers.”

True. But don’t you feel like he’s feeding me bullshit?

“Still. Shortly after we met, you had a boyfriend.”

“Jack,” he answers removing the bacon from the pan. “Jack and I were a couple on and off for years. He’s part of the reason I didn’t need to settle on other guys. He always came back to me. We started dating shortly after I started college and believe it or not he’s the reason I ended up in Texas even though he didn’t stay, I did. We’d make up to break up, the span between the break ups longer each time. The last time was the final time.”

“You had, had enough?”

“He was leaving the country with a guy he had been seeing behind my back, so yeah, you could say I had had enough.” The answer is accompanied with him delivering the plate of bacon to the table.

Can we say fucked up?

“That had to be hard.”

“Not as hard as I figured it would be, but hard enough to push me to do something stupid that I will pay for, for the rest of my life.”

“What’s that?”

Stuart takes a deep breath and starts like he’s going to say something but stops. “I’ll explain later. Let’s just enjoy breakfast. Okay?”

I nod and watch him put a bowl of fresh cut strawberries on the table, a small glob of whip cream in the middle, reminding me of the way my mom used to make them when I was a kid.

Fighting off the memory I pick the conversation back up. “What about the other one?”

Stuart puts an egg white, spinach and mushroom omelet in front of me and sits in the chair beside me. With a heavy sigh he says, “Mitchell McDougal.”

“M&M? Like the candy?”

“I shouldn’t be surprised you didn’t say the rapper.” When he gets a smirk from me he continues. “I was 17 when I dated Mitchell. He wasn’t the first guy I hooked up with, but he was the first one that meant something. We kept it on the DL because he was the quarterback with the cheerleader girlfriend and captain of the wrestling team. Very cliché.” Stuart insists taking a bite of his toast. “But he promised me when we graduated things would be different. We had plans to go to the same college out of state. Away from all the prying eyes and judgmental views of our prude driven town. One night, I was leaving his house and he um...he kissed me goodbye at the door. Nothing alarming. Nothing to raise an eyebrow about. It was so quick we didn’t even realize his uncle had seen us when he pulled in the driveway. Calmly he told Mitchell to get in the house and when the door was closed he...” the words stop and Stuart’s bottom lip trembles. Instinctively I drop my legs and reach over to place a hand on his leg. “He got violent. Extremely.”

“He beat you up?”

“Inches within my life. And at the end of it he threatened to kill me if I ever came near his nephew again.”

Unsure of what to say, my jaw bobs without a sound coming out.

Stuart puts back on his playful demeanor. “He did do the nice thing and call the ambulance to come get me.”

“What did you tell them? Did you tell them it was him?”

He shakes his head at me. “No. I told them I was jumped and didn’t see who did it.” Picking up his fork, he starts in on his own omelet. While looking down he mumbles, “I’ve never told anyone that before.”

“Not even C.J.?”

His blue gaze meets mine. “No.”

Curious I press my luck against my better judgment, “So your parents don’t know you’re—”

“No.” I nod and decide to let the pushing end there picking up my own fork. After I take a bite of breakfast a moan escapes me, forcing a smile on his face. “Good?”

“This is fantastic,” I compliment him in a hurry to have another forkful. “And this chef guy wasn’t a boyfriend? Cause he should’ve been.”

Stuart chuckles and grabs a strip of bacon. “Nah. He suffered from the same thing many guys I slept with did.”

“What’s that?”

“Too easy.” He wets his lips and waggles his eyebrows at me.

Feeling slightly offended I snap, “So is that why you keep coming after me? Because you want a challenge.”

Quickly he offers his hands in surrender. “Slow down captain jump to conclusions. I simply meant, why keep something that you didn’t have to put time in with? I think you appreciate someone more when they didn’t blow you in the backseat of their car the first night.”

I don’t wanna know. I don’t.

“I don’t mind putting in work if it’s worth it. And you, Luke Hart, have been worth it,” he says grabbing a strawberry dipping it in whip cream and offering it to me. After I take a slow nibble he asks, “What about you? What’s your deal? Why don’t you have a boyfriend?”

The gnawing truth has me forcing my attention back down to my plate. “Because the guys I date end up asking me to choose between my family and them.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean they ask me to move out of this house. Away from this last little piece of my parents. Away from Logan. Away from Maxx. Away from my sister...and until recently it wasn’t even something I would consider. Taking care of them first has always been my priority.”

“But they can take of themselves now.”

“I know,” my voice croaks looking up at him. “And that scares the shit out of me. I’ve spent most of life taking care of them and now....I’m scared that they don’t need me anymore. They have their own lives.”

“Maybe...” Stuart scoots closer to me, his face leaning towards mine. “Maybe it’s time you have your own too.”

He gives me a sweet smile and leans his lips so they press warmly against mine.

Maybe he’s right. And I’m hoping that it now includes him.

Chapter 18

Stuart

Resting my face in my hand I stare at the most gorgeous display. Luke’s face looks soft and worry free as it’s angled towards me. His hand is stretched across his six pack.

I did happen to lick whip cream off that last night, thanks for asking.

The sheet is loosely hung around his hips really only covering one part.

Huh. Isn’t this how the little roller coaster ride between us started?

“It’s really weird for you to watch me sleep,” Luke comments from behind his closed lids.

“How do you know that’s what’s happening if you’re asleep.”

“The erection poking me,” his light snicker is followed by him opening his eyes. “Good morning to you too.”

“Morning Nurse Man.” I lean over and plant a kiss on his lips. Luke’s hand reaches behind my head, spreading his fingers through my hair. Moaning through the contact, I keep our lips together as I crawl on top to straddle him. My lips slip off trailing kisses down his chin and over to his neck, hungry for him again.

Don’t ask how long has it been since we went at it. I don’t feel that should affect how often I wanna have him.

“Can I ask you something?” he hums as my tongue ring circles the spot above his collarbone that forces his legs to spread wider.

“Hm?”

“That cross tattoo on your chest,” the words are clearly having trouble coming out.

Helping him out, I stop and lean my body up, continuing to straddle him. “What about it?”

“Is it for religious reasons? In memory of someone? Drunken ‘it looks cool’ decision?”

“It’s a reminder that my choices and my sins are mine to bear. That I need to be responsible for the actions I make. They have consequences that I have to deal with it.”

My answer causes his hand to stroke it with his thumb. Tilting his head to the side he states, “That’s why your initials are in it.”

“Yeah.”

“Are you willing to let anyone else share that burden? The weight? The responsibility?”

Surprised, I’m knocked backwards. “I don’t know. No one’s ever asked.”

Before Luke can ask I pounce on his lips in an attempt to entomb the emotional attachment that’s growing instead of dying. His mouth invites my tongue in at the same time his hips grind his hard cock against mine.

Between sharp and intense kisses Luke manages to ask, “Your turn?”

Peppering kisses down his neck once more, I flirt, “That an invitation?”

The nod is the only answer I need before burying my tongue back in his mouth, this time more aggressively than before. Impatiently I stretch out and grab the bottle of lube from the nightstand beside us, flick the lid open, and squeeze a decent amount on my fingers, dropping the bottle thoughtlessly. Slipping off, back onto my side, I graze his balls with the cool liquid to hear him whimper in pleasure before working my fingers to loosen him. I start gentle at first, wrapped up in the emotional high that comes from the trust he’s giving me and the simple fact I think when I tell him about Sara he’s gonna stay, but before I know it the barbarous desire to claim him pushes my fingers faster. As soon as he’s withered enough to test all the patience I have, I climb on top, lift his legs up, and dive in imprinting my name on the imminent orgasm. Roughly I piston into him while his hands are clutching at the sheets for dear life. His legs are hooked around my hips keeping me in place for each blow that’s tearing him apart. With every moan that comes out of him louder than the last, a feeling of untamed pride swells in my body, pumping though my system knowing I’ve never had a lover give himself to me the way Luke is.

And I don’t mean I’ve never topped before. I mean I’ve never gone bareback or had someone look me in the eyes during sex.

“Nurse Man,” I whisper holding back the orgasm that is knocking at my door.

Luke’s eyes force themselves open. “Yeah?”

“Can you look at me?” the simple request slows my jack hammering hips down. “I want you to see what you’re doing to me.”

He moans again at my cock nudging his sweet spot, but keeps his eyes on me. Lowering my body down so our foreheads are pressed together, I slow down the speed but increase the intensity. We continue this enticing, torturous rocking while I watch his gray eyes swim to the blue side giving me another piece of him he gives to so very few.

The familiar changing of his breaths occurs and I’m thankful because I’m right there with him.

“Come for me Luke and I’ll come for you,” I whisper shutting my eyes tightly letting his guttural groan reverberate through me. He comes quickly over both of us at the same time I free mine inside of him, provoking another soft cry of ecstasy.

Neither of us move for the next couple of minutes stuck in a beautiful frozen moment some people never find in a life time.

One I never thought I would.

“You didn’t wrap it,” he mutters still slightly breathless. Before I can rebuttal his nose brushes against mine forcing my eyes open. “I’m trusting you would have told me if you weren’t clean.”

Smiling at his comment, I nod. “I’m clean.” With a quick glance down I add on, “Well not at the moment.” When Luke starts laughing, I get up, retrieve us a warm cloth to clean up the aftermath of the greatest sex I’ve had in my life.

What do you mean that wasn’t sex? Love making? You think I’m in love? Is that what all this is? Okay then answer me this, why didn’t I feel it with Jack? What do you mean true love? Now you’re just adding words to try to make your case. Don’t go to court with C.J.

Once I’m finished wiping Luke down I stand and just smile at him as he looks up at me with a dopey expression.

I know that expression. I’ve seen it on all our friends before. It’s the one of...shit. Love. We’re in love huh?

A cell phone ringing cuts through our thoughts and Luke declares, “Not mine. It’s still on silent.”

Confused who could be calling me this early in the morning, I grab it from my pocket, my eyes popping out of their sockets at the sight of my mother’s name on the screen.

Quickly I turn my back to Luke and answer, “Hello.”

“You can’t possibly still be sleeping,” she fusses. “We taught you better.”

“No. I’m not,” I rush out the words.

“Oh good because we’re headed for your apartment.”

“What?” I snap louder, alerting Luke to sit up. “Why?”

“Don’t be rude,” my mother shames me. “We came in for the banquet tonight remember?” Having completely forgotten I shut my eyes and squeeze the bridge of my nose. “And I came up with the brilliant idea to stop by to see you before going to the hotel! Isn’t that lovely?”

“Lovely...” I mock rushing to grab my boxers and slip into them. “How far are you?”

“Well when the check comes, about thirty minutes,” she describes giving me a slightly larger window to breathe. “You’re home aren’t you?”

“Uh no...but I will be,” I assure her tossing my shirt on over my head.

“Where are you?”

“Nowhere special,” the words come out of my mouth before cutting to Luke who clearly looks hurt by the comment.

Fuck.

“I’ll be there. I gotta go,” I say hanging up on her before she can say anything else. Pulling out my keys I insist, “That didn’t sound the way it came out.”

“Oh good because that sounded like what just happened here didn’t mean anything,” Luke gripes pulling on a pair of sexy silk boxers that make me want to yank them off and go one more round.

Shaking off the thought, I open his bedroom door. “I swear, it did. But I have to go.”

“Why?”

Not ready to get into everything I shake my head. “I just do.”

Luke follows me out of his room and down the stairs to the front door, angry huffs coming out of him with every chance he gets. At the front door he finally snaps, “You just do?”

“Yes.” I bluntly answer.

“But—”

“No buts.”

“Can’t you—”

“No. I can’t. And I can’t explain.”

“Stuart—”

“Luke,” I cut him off. “I’ll call you later.”

Opening his front door for me to leave, he sighs defeated, “Okay.”

Prepared to rush to my car, the nagging feeling that this will be the last time I get to see him like this kicks me in the ass. Turning back around, I recklessly grab him by the back of the neck, join our lips, and shut my eyes tightly. With everything I have in me, I suck his bottom lip, his top lip, and taste his tongue one final time before pulling away leaving his face flushed and lips swollen. It’s the look I know I’m going to miss. Without another word, I walk away and hurry to my car.

What choice do I have right now? Sara may be the princess of hate, but my father is the king.