Authors: Sylvia Sarno
The noise level was rising. People stood in the aisles talking to one another. Others were hunkered down in their seats, cloth-covered books in hand. A boxed-in area about ten or fifteen rows behind Ann’s seat contained two big cameras on tripods. A third camera mounted on a moveable arm hovered over the rest of the equipment.
Her perusal of the church complete, Ann faced forward again. Unexpectedly, Pink Floyd’s
Wish You Were Here
played in her head. She had heard the song on the car radio on the way over. The haunting lyrics spoke to her sorrow. Did heaven and a hell really exist, or were they just a state of mind?
“Ann.”
She jerked her head up.
Chet stood beside her. “Are you okay?”
“Yes,” Ann said gratefully. She glanced around to see if others had noticed her discomfort. She noticed a middle-aged woman in a red dress
and high heels across the aisle staring at her. Beside her, the woman’s companion snapped chewing gum as he checked out a young woman in fitted jeans and a tight shirt, one row over.
Ann focused on the pastor. “Will you begin your sermon soon, Chet?”
“First some music, a few announcements, and then I start. I’m glad you found a seat up front,” he winked. “So I can keep an eye on you.”
It seemed to Ann that Chet was being overly friendly, almost as if he were playing the role of pastor for the benefit of a friend visiting his church for the first time. She shrugged her thoughts away. As co-founder of this rapidly growing church, Chet understandably had many concerns, like the drug clinic, and surely other things, she didn’t know about.
The musicians and the singer, a young woman, took their places on the stage. As soon as the music started, the entire congregation got to their feet and started swaying to the harmony. The band’s singer belted out Christian pop tunes with such heartfelt emotion, Ann found herself singing and moving to the music along with everyone else.
Hundreds of arms pumped the air keeping time with the music. The words
We are forgiven in you, oh, Jesus. We are forgiven. Oh yes we are. Oh yes we are
, streamed across the bottom of the screen above the stage, alternating with close-up shots of the singer.
Oh, Lord Jesus, there is no one else for me. No one but You. No one but You
. Her eyes to the screen, Ann tried to stay on key. The last song,
Hallelujah
, brought her to tears.
After the band stopped playing, commercials for upcoming New Way events flashed across the screen.
A few minutes later, Chet took the podium. His voice boomed across the packed space. “Dear friends, old and new.” He smiled down at Ann. “Today, I want to talk with you about God’s love. His infinite Love for man and woman. Book of John, Chapter 3. ‘For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.’
“Why would God give us his one and only Son? The answer, my friends, lies in the scope of His love. The greater His love, the greater His challenge. His accomplishment? To prove His love. Think about it.
You can’t just say
I love you
, and leave it at that.” Chet raised a finger in admonishment. “Remember. If you truly believe in an idea, you must
act
on it. Integrity requires it. God took action. He sacrificed His only Son for each and every one of us.”
Her son
. The vision of Travis’s bruised body the day he jumped off the swing swam before Ann’s eyes. His scared face when the police came to the house after the laptop incident. How could she not have known that being a mother was the most important part of her life?
Chet was studying the pages of his sermon. When he finally lifted his head, his eyes were shining. “Our Lord pledged His only Son, Jesus Christ, so that we, depraved sinners all of us, could have a chance to fulfill His vision. Psalms 49, Verse 7.
‘No one can redeem the life of another or give to God a sufficient ransom.’
Except Jesus, of course. Only Christ can be a sufficient ransom to God so that we may live.
“Timothy Chapter 2, Verses 5 and 6. ‘For there is one God, and one mediator between God and men who gave himself a ransom for all, to be testified in due time.’ There’s that word
ransom
again, my friends. Jesus gave his life as ‘ransom for all.’”
It was so quiet Ann could hear her heart pounding in her ears.
Chet continued. “Jesus gave His life for us so that we, born in original sin, could walk in the righteous path of the Lord. He knew His purpose on earth was to die. Jesus
wanted
to die so that we would have a chance to live.”
Ann felt a sudden impulse to run from this talk of sacrifice and death, but she had to hear the rest.
In the voice of a father leading his children through their studies, Chet announced, “Book of Romans, Chapter 10. Christ is the culmination of the law so that there may be righteousness for everyone who believes.”
Everywhere, people opened their bibles. Ann felt a nudge. Her neighbor, an elderly woman in a flowered dress and white pumps, offered to share her bible. Propping the book on the armrest between them, she urged Ann to read along.
Nodding her thanks, Ann leaned over and tried to follow the words. “If you declare with your mouth, ‘Jesus is Lord,’ and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.” Her heart full of sorrow, Ann imagined Jesus nailed to the cross to redeem mankind’s sins.
The sermon ended, the audience streamed toward the doors. Someone touched Ann’s arm. Turning, she saw Todd Pannikin looking down at her with a benevolent smile. “I’m so happy you could make it today, Mrs. Olson,” he said.
When Ann said something vaguely appropriate, the Pastor added, “By the way. Did Chet invite you to New Way’s annual retreat at the end of the month?”
Ann shook her head. “Sorry, I don’t know anything about it.”
A dark-haired man with black eyes stepped up to Pannikin. He stood waiting for the pastor to acknowledge him. Apparently sensing the man’s presence, Todd turned slightly. “Come to my office in fifteen minutes, John, and we’ll settle that matter.”
John bowed and disappeared into the crowd.
As he turned back to Ann, the pastor’s smile was ingratiating. “What were we talking about? Oh yes. The retreat. Every year hundreds of our devoted gather in the San Bernardino Mountains for a weekend to honor the Lord. We would love for you and your husband to join us.”
“I’ll talk to Richard,” Ann said. “But honestly, I don’t think he’ll go for it.”
The Pastor’s eyes were questioning. “Your husband? He couldn’t come today?”
“I’m afraid not,” she replied. “Pastor, I want you to know that we appreciate everything you’ve done for us.”
As she turned away, Ann noticed Pastor Todd’s eyebrows lift in surprised consternation. She followed his gaze to a group of people clustered around a well dressed man and woman at the end of the entrance hall. Like reporters swarming a pair of celebrities, everyone seemed to be talking to the couple at once. But unlike Hollywood types, these people
were clearly uncomfortable with all the attention. His arm outstretched in a protective gesture, the man guided his companion toward the doors. Spotting the pastor across the sea of people, the man pointed to the doors, indicating Pannikin should meet them outside.
“Coming through!” Pastor Todd announced. “Make way, please!”
Ann turned to the first person whose attention she could attract. “Who’re those people?”
The woman whispered: “Mr. and Mrs. Villarreal.”
Eager to talk to the family whose daughter had disappeared days before Travis, Ann pushed through the crowd. Outside, she spotted the Villarreals walking with Pastor Todd in the direction of the administrative offices, a row of low-slung buildings several hundred yards past the main hall. Ann reached the trio just as Pastor Todd was unlocking the door to what looked to be his office. “Mr. and Mrs. Villarreal!” she said, trying to catch her breath. “Please, I’d like to talk to you.”
The Villarreals’ eyes were suspicious as they appraised Ann.
Pastor Todd tried to mask his obvious annoyance at the interruption with a curt smile. “What is it?”
Addressing the Villarreals, Ann swallowed hard. “I’m Ann Olson. It’s about your daughter. You see, my son—”
Pastor Todd cut her off. “Not now, Mrs. Olson. We’re having a private meeting.” He pushed the door open. “Please Reyna and Mateo. Come in.”
Mateo Villarreal’s eyes darted to Ann and then back to Pannikin, apparently unsure whether he should follow the pastor, or stay put and talk to Ann.
His lips pursed, Pastor Todd stepped into his office and waited for his guests by the open door.
Reyna Villarreal moved closer to her husband, a frightened expression on her face.
“I want to talk about our children,” Ann said. “If now’s not a good time, I can come to your house, or—” She rummaged through her purse. “You can come to mine. Here’s my card. I’ll be home tonight if you want to call.”
Mateo Villarreal reached for the card.
Ann tried to sound hopeful. “Or tomorrow even. Promise you’ll call.”
Eyes averted, Reyna Villarreal stepped into Pastor Todd’s office. Her husband followed reluctantly.
Hiding her disappointment as best she could, Ann repeated her wish to speak to the parents, before Pastor Todd signaled with the closing of the door that the interview was over.
Walking to her car, Ann tried to understand what had just transpired. The Villarreals had treated her like an intruder. And why was Pastor Todd annoyed with her, when minutes before he had been so kind?
C
HAPTER
18
Friday, October 19
8:00 A.M
.
T
he next morning at breakfast, Richard was tense and distant.
“You don’t think it’s weird the Villarreals wouldn’t talk to me?” Ann repeated. It wasn’t like her husband to sit staring out the window. “Richard, are you listening?”
He slammed his coffee mug down, spilling some of the liquid. The crisp white tablecloth soaked up the spreading stain. “Like I said two minutes ago, maybe they didn’t feel like talking. They were with Pannikin. Probably had something private to say to him. That didn’t occur to you. Did it?”
“Why’re you mad at me all of a sudden?” Ann said. “What have I done?”
Richard pushed his chair back and stood up. “What
haven’t
you done?”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Every time I see you, you’re about to run off with that asshole, Chet.
Again
. And I have no reason to be pissed off?”
Ann wanted her husband to understand how she felt, but he didn’t look like he cared. “Not everyone is strong like you, Richard,” she said.
His next words were quieter and more earnest. “I’m strong enough for both of us, Ann. If you would only trust that we’re on the same team. This church stuff—it’s like you’re putting your energy into magic. It’s distracting everyone. As if prayer can bring Travis back. If Chet wanted to be useful he’d get his people off their asses and out there scouring this town for clues.”
“He did that, Richard. Remember the searches and the volunteer center?”
“Chet has done some wonderful things,” Richard said. “I practically loved him for it myself. But then—”
“Are you jealous of Chet?” Ann asked. “Is that what this is about? Because if you are, I’m telling you, you have no reason to be. He’s just a friend.”
“I am jealous, but not in that way. Can’t you see, Annie? Little by little he’s taking you away from me, feeding you passivity through the back door. It’s changing you.”
“Think of religion as temporary medicine, until….” Ann’s voice dropped to a whisper. “Until we get Travis back.”
“It doesn’t work that way,” Richard said. “You can’t just believe, and then not believe, whenever you feel like it. By accepting any of it, you’re deeding over your soul to their way.
New Way
. It’ll have lasting effects on your ability to think. If you accept one thing on faith what’s to stop you from accepting the next? And so on. You open the floodgates, and anything goes.”
“I don’t see it that way,” Ann said. “I don’t think we can know. And if it’s helping me now, which it is, then maybe there’s something to it.”
Her husband placed his hands on her arms as if to try to anchor her. He looked directly into her eyes. “It’s times like these when we have to dig deep and tap that perseverance that has served us well our whole lives. Instead, you’re giving up what’s most important: Travis and your own soul. Can’t you see what’s at stake?”
Ann threw her husband’s hands off. “All you do is rag on me! You say I’m with Chet all the time. What about you? You came home late last night. Where were you?”
Richard hung his head. “With Kika.”
Ann blinked. “Kika? What’s she been doing for you?”
“She called my cell phone while I was leaving the website people,” Richard said. “I told her I was heading over to the Aziz’s. She offered to come along. She’s left you a lot of messages, Ann. You never call her back.”
It was true, Ann had been avoiding the social worker. Her former enemy had been nice enough, but Ann still felt uncomfortable around her. She asked, “What’re Tom and Julian saying?”
“Tom’s coming by in a while to give me a report. You know, he asked about you the other day. He wondered how you’re spending your time.” He looked defeated. “He’s noticed you’re never home.”
Richard’s urging her to reject Chet’s friendship held no sway over Ann. She felt so tired and discouraged. She needed the pastor and his message of redemption to get through the long empty days.
C
HAPTER
19
Monday, October 22
12:30 P.M
.
T
wenty days had passed since Ann last saw her son. Ann had spent the last three days attending Chet and Pastor Todd’s sermons at New Way, and listening to their earlier preaching on the Internet.
The situation with Nora wasn’t any better than it was with Richard. Nora seemed to have adopted Richard’s views concerning Ann’s interest in religion. Like Richard, Nora argued that reality-based action was the only thing that would get Travis back. But Ann wasn’t buying it. Every action she had taken to find her son had resulted in spectacular failure. Crippled by self-doubt and dogged with guilt, she was no closer to the truth now than she had been.