Suckers Bite Back (San Francisco Vampires #5) (Vampires of San Francisco series) (16 page)

“Sophie, I don’t know what I’m doing.”

“I can understand that. It looks like you enjoyed being with Sebastian, though. Let’s start there. How did all that come about?” she asks me.

I start at the beginning of last night and tell her about my kick boxing incident and then dinner out and then the mess with Mark and Sebastian’s revelation. After that I tell her about my make-out session with Sebastian. How I felt about it and how he was treating me today.

“Sounds like Sebastian is looking for a deeply committed relationship,” Sophie says. “How do you feel about that?”

“He’s always said that, since he decided I was more than a little sister. It took me awhile to trust him. He was such a player.”

I took a moment to really think about it. Aidan flashes across my thoughts and for once I clamp down on those thoughts and put them aside. And I don’t feel guilty. Not at all. My internal monologue is finally making some sense. It is liberating.

“I think I feel really good about it,” I say smiling, truly smiling for the first time in a long while. All thoughts of hurt feelings over Aidan’s new attachment suddenly feel less powerful. They don’t cripple me or distract or make me feel guilty. I let them go. It feels so good.

“What about Aidan?” Sophie asks. “You’ve been hurting over him.” As if she’s read my mind.

“I know. I know that he is happy with Manda and that makes it easy to let go of the guilt that I was feeling. I feel like a weight is being lifted off of me.”

“Lily, you are making progress in leaps and bounds. I can see that you are really working. I think your background has something to do with it. I also want you to know when we get through this I want to tackle your OCD issues and your abhorrence to taking blood.”

“Ugh, okay…”

“It will be for the best. From my understanding you are going through gallons of hand sanitizers and cartons of handi-wipes a week,” she says and then smirks at me.

“Not quite. But yeah, it’s been worse lately. Whenever I’m stressed it gets bad.”

“We can work on that. Get to the root of the problem. Am I making you nervous,” she asks raising an eyebrow.

“Why?”

“Because you reached for your sanitizer. You are using so much it is dripping on your jeans. I don’t think you even know you are doing it.”

I look down and see she is right. Man that is just spooky. I realize my fangs have descended too. I’m trembling.

“My fangs. Why am reacting this way?” I ask.

“Because I am threatening your only and deepest coping mechanism. It’s instinctive. No worries, Lily. We won’t push it and we will take it slowly,” Sophie says carefully as if talking down a person on a ledge.

I laugh nervously and put my hand sanitizer away. I sit on my hands as I desperately want to get my handi-wipes out now.

“It’s okay, Lily. Use them. Don’t try to go cold turkey and don’t feel bad about using them.”

I sigh and take out my handi-wipes and wipe down the table in front of me. I instantly feel better. Walking over to the trash can to dispose of the now germy wipe, I notice myself in a small mirror. What have I become?

“Oh Goddess, Sophie,” I say before crumbling to the floor. She’s instantly at my side, arms around my shoulders.

“Let it out, Lily. What’s going on? Talk to me.”

“I can’t even function without these damn things. What a fucking mess.”

“Lily, look at me. Look at me.” I look up at her eyes and only see concern, no judgment.

“This is not who you are, Lily. This does not define you. Repeat that,” she says.

“T-this is not who I am,” I say.

“And this does not define you.”

“And this does not define me,” I gasp as I say the last affirmation. I don’t believe it deep down yet, but it does make me feel better.

“What triggered this, Lily?” Sophie asks.

“I saw myself in the mirror and was disgusted with what I saw.”

“I think this is the first time you’ve seen your OCD clearly, but that doesn’t make you disgusting. It’s not disgusting, Lily,” Sophie says, taking my hands. “It’s a coping mechanism. You’ve needed it and it’s seen you through some hard things but now it’s time to for you to leave it behind.”

“I don’t know if I’m strong enough, Sophie. I feel so dirty inside.” I’m shaking and can’t stop. I feel my stomach roil and I lean to the side and retch but nothing comes out as there is nothing in there. I heave again and again until my eyes burn from unshed tears. Sophie scoops me up and takes me to my favorite chair and wraps me tightly in the blanket. She kneels in front of me. There are advantages to having a vamp shrink.

“I think you are in shock, Lily. You need blood. I’m going to get Sebastian. Hang tight, Lily,” she says and is gone in a blink. I continue to stare vacantly out of the window, numb, freezing and dazed.

Slowly I come to enough to feel the warmth of Sebastian’s hands covering mine, which means I am freezing and colder than usual if Sebastian feels warm. I slowly swing my head to his to face him. I hear him gasp.

“Lily, ma cherie, you must feed. If you don’t want my neck, take my wrist, please, ma petite. Take my blood, please,” he says. I hear his voice crack on the last word and it gets through to me. We have never fed off each other for sustenance, only during sex. It is unusual and the costs mean a lot more feeding on humans to sustain the level of blood the other vamp is taking.

“Bast?” Relief floods his face.

“Yes, Lily, please cherie, Sophie says you need to feed. You’re in shock.” He inserts himself between my legs and tilts his head to the side, exposing his neck.

I hesitate for a second not sure what I am supposed to do. Everything is foggy. I look up at Sophie and plead with my eyes.

“Lily, blood is not bad. You need it to survive. It is healthy. You do not kill. You do not kill. You are not dirty, Lily. You are clean and pure and kind. Sebastian’s blood is good and safe and clean. He is not dirty. Don’t you think so?” she asks me. Something clicks and I know I could never feel that Sebastian is dirty and wrong. I nod at her.

I trace my fingers through Sebastian’s hair and he shivers. Nuzzling his neck, I inhale his dark spicy scent and images of our bodies entangled together, of our love, flash through my mind. I cradle his head and sink my fangs into his neck as gently as I can.

As I pull his blood into me, Bast lets out a low moan, and his taste explodes in my mouth. He pulls me closer into his strong, warm arms and runs his hands up and down my back. I drink long and hard. His is the purest blood I have ever taken and I feel the love in it. I pull back and lick the wound clean, helping it to heal. I lean my head against his forehead. He continues to hold me while I kiss his head softly, over and over, I move down his face to his mouth and he waits for me to take the lead. I slip my tongue across his lips. Sophie has discretely left the room.

Bast groans and pulls me closer to him, moving his mouth hungrily against mine. I meet him with everything I have. I run my hands through his hair and he growls possessively. That’s when I hear Sophie clear her throat. I gradually pull away from Bast. He won’t let me go far, though. He picks me up and holds me in his lap. I cuddle up in it.

“Lily, how are you feeling?” she asks.

“Restored. Not just physically, but emotionally too. I’ve answered an internal debate I was having with myself,” I say as I look at Sebastian. He searches my eyes and squeezes my hand.

“Sophie, for now I don’t think I can take a human’s blood yet. If Sebastian is willing, is it possible to live off him?” I ask.

“Yes, it is. He will have to feed more often of course.”

“I will do anything for Lily,” he says with such an intensity I blink and the burn is back in my eyes. Bast notices and kisses each one of them.

“My time of the month will be coming with the full moon. I will change into a were-vamp then and go through a feeding frenzy. I won’t be able to feed on Bast then,” I say, suddenly scared.

“Lily, we have a lot of work to do before we get there. Let’s not worry about it today. I think you should go home and talk to Sebastian about the other things that are going on between the two of you. We’ll start working on your issue with feeding at our next appointment,” she says with a warm smile.

“Thanks, Sophie.”

“Thank you, Sophie. I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you taking care of Lily,” Sebastian whispers. Sophie takes his hand and squeezes.

“Take care of each other,” she tells us as we walk out of the office. Aurora is at her desk putting on some Goth makeup and looks like she is getting ready to go out for the night. I know there is a vampire nightclub a few blocks from here. It caters to a Goth-like crowd. A mix of humans and vampires. I make a few more appointments with Aurora and she smiles at Sebastian as he stands checking his schedule so he can make sure to take me to all of my appointments from now on in case something like this happens again.

We finalize our arrangements. Sebastian wraps his arm protectively around my waist and leads me down the stairs and to the car. The fresh clean ocean breeze lifts my spirits. I lean my head on Bast’s shoulder. He tightens his grip and kisses the top of my head before opening the passenger door and buckling me in. I could have done it, but I know he wants to do it and for once it doesn’t irritate me.

The Mercedes glides through traffic. The insulation and tight construction keep the noise out and the ride smooth. Bast takes my hand again. He rubs my palm with his thumb. It sends tingles through to my core. My body starts to heat up. If he only knew how much I want him right now. He inhales sharply.

“Lily!” he says hoarsely and narrowly swerves, missing the car in front of us.

“Yes, Bast. I know you smell it on me. It’s not just hormones. It’s my heart.”

“Mon Dieu, Lily. How can I concentrate? Thank goodness we only are a few blocks from home. Then we are going to talk about this before anything happens,” he says.

“Yes, I want that to, my love,” I say as we pull up to the manse. Sebastian is a blur to a vampire’s eye, and that is saying something, as he retrieves me. He lifts me out of the car and cradles me to his chest.

He kicks open the front door. A man on a mission, he glides up the stairs, ignoring Helena’s questions. I smile at her and she nods and smiles. Sebastian walks through my open bedroom door and puts me gently down in one of my overstuffed chairs under my stained glass windows. Our stained glass windows. The room was made for Sebastian and me. And I know it is time for both of us to live in it.

Sebastian sits next to me in the matching chair. Deep brown eyes capture mine and he inhales deeply again, scenting my arousal.

“Cherie,” his voice cracks as he takes my hand.

“Bast,” I get up and kneel between his legs. “Remember when I told you I wanted unending love?”

“Yes,” he whispers.

“I was wrong. What I have for you is all-consuming, unstoppable, undying and heart wrenching all at the same time. I feel incredibly vulnerable because I don’t want to be hurt again. I want you. It may be selfish because of all I’ve put you through. But I chose you. I will become yours and you will become mine. I’m overflowing right now. I feel like I will combust if you won’t allow it…” I can’t say anything else because Sebastian has put his hands on either side of my head, pulling me to his lips. His kiss is far from tender. It is hard and bruising. I meet him with just as much force. I can’t get enough of him. When our tongues clash my mouth explodes with his taste again. He is so delicious. Fresh and full of life. Our fangs clash and it is so erotic. Sebastian scoops me up and I think he is going to carry me to the bed.

Instead he puts me on the chaise longue. Sebastian moves his body between my legs stretching my body out. Our kisses turn tender yet still bruising. Like we can’t get enough of each other. Sebastian and I slowly reacquaint ourselves with each other’s bodies. My hands roam over his taut back and chest, the muscles ripple under my touch. I move my hands further south and pull his sweet, sweet derrière against me, reveling in the friction that it gives me. He is so hard. Sebastian half growls, half groans in my neck, sending shivers down my body to my core, hardening my nipples in the process.

Sebastian pulls my shirt up and I lift my arms up to help him. Then I go for his shirt and he takes it off and tosses it to the floor. He unclasps my bra and just stares at my body. I feel adored and cherished under his gaze.

“I love you, Lily. I long to be the other half of you.”

He lowers his mouth to my neck and gives me soft butterfly kisses down towards my collarbone, moving to the space between my breasts. Then he licks my hardened nipple causing me to arch my back and send it further into Sebastian’s mouth. I reach down and run my hands through his silky hair. He groans and moves to my other breast, kissing his way over, worshiping me. The heat is building in me like a furnace.

Just when I think I can take no more, Sebastian moves his hand down and takes off my jeans and panties in one pull. His hand then moves to my very wet folds. He growls when he feels me.

“Oh my sweet, sweet girl. So ready for me,” he says as his thumb comes in contact with my core.

I buck off the chair. It has been so long and I ache for a release. Sebastian takes pity on me and helps me find it quickly and masterfully. Then he licks his fingers and it is so hot. His smile is so wicked.

“Cherie, you taste sweeter than anything I have ever had. I would taste you more but I need to be inside of you now.”

“Y-yes,” I whisper, totally overcome with love and lust.

I help him strip out his jeans and he lowers himself between my legs again. I wrap my legs around his waist as he takes me slowly. Sinking into me until he is all the way in, both of us crying out at the feeling. We stay that way, connected. Breathing in each other’s scent. It’s intoxicating. I feel so close to him right now. My eyes burn with my inability to shed tears. Sebastian notices.

“Lily, what’s wrong,” he says, moving a strand of hair off my forehead and kissing where it was.

“I just love you so much,” I stammer. “Take me Sebastian, make love to me. I want this, forever.”