Street Love (7 page)

It came to him

Like a cold rush of a wave

On a dark and foggy beach

Shocking the senses

Dazzling the brain

And when he had caught his breath

Had regained his balance

Had clawed his way through sleep to

Wakefulness

He saw clearly and finally

That nothing he had thought about her

Mattered

Not that she was soft

Or firm, or sweet or wondrous beyond compare

Not that her smile

Sang to his heart

Or that her voice

Soft against the hard jazz of the city

Filled him with a delight he had

Not thought possible, no

It was the becoming that he loved

The becoming of him and her,

Of Junice and Damien, and what more they

Could be together than he had ever dreamed

Alone.

It was not just the girl

He loved, but the Them

Of them, the city shape of them

The hard concrete of them

Against the dark-blue sky of them

The sweet promise of them

Of them, and them

And them

Them

The phone ringing, Damien sits cross-legged

On his bed, wondering what to say

The phone ringing

Forever in your arms

Is where I want to be

Holding you close

Within the space

That once held only me

The phone ringing

Forever in your warmth

The place for me and you

I feel the sun

Our life’s just begun

I know you feel it too

The phone ringing

No one answering

He listened for her footsteps, heard a distant radio,

A creaking sound, Miss Ruby filling the doorway

“Junice ain’t here,” she said. “Maybe she’s at church.”

He imagined drawing a line along the tops of

Miss Ruby’s shoulders, another through the hips,

And wondered in what dimension they would meet

“You know it’s Sunday,” she said.

“And she ain’t really gone, just out for the moment.

Just away. Maybe church, or maybe just away

From heartbreak. You know how you people

Like to bring heartbreak to a woman’s door,”

Miss Ruby said. “And what was your name again?”

Damien wrapped himself in despair against

The cold wind, merciless as it lifted off the

River and pushed its way crosstown.

There was so much to say to Junice, he knew

And so little time to fit the words into his

Mouth.

His stomach churned, ached

For Junice, for her to hear his

Please, his pleas, his desperate “I love you”

The passion in “I need you so much!”

He went home and called her from his

Room

He called her as he walked down the

Street, searching passing faces

Looking for her eyes, all the

While trembling inside, trembling

That it might already be too

Late. She might have taken

Her heart to another place.

Damien, where have you been, bro?

I’ve been seeking and peeking

Around the corners and down

The streets since I heard that you and

Sledge had a serious throwdown

What was that about, man?

Issues, my pride in myths

Against his emptiness

I put love and Junice in the

Same breath and Sledge,

Whose soul barely peeks above

Indifference, scoffed and clawed

At the idea of it.

In the end, with no chance of

Winning, we both slunk away with

Our tails and tales between our legs

With only the children watching

Applauding our violent dance

Junice said something about a wound

But I see you’re merely scratched

You saw her? You spoke to her?

I’ve been calling, but there’s been no answer

I thought you knew

She’s going to Memphis

Tennessee? When?

Tonight. What will you do?

Go after her.

What airline is she going on?

She’s walking the dog, man

Greyhound. Tonight at nine.

But hear me. Hear me though

The words are coming up like

Blood from my throat because

I don’t want to speak them.

You can’t chase her, Damien.

You’d have to surrender your life

She doesn’t know what she’s going to

Do. All she got down there is an old woman

With an older Bible who might take them

In. Give them a room, a roof

The squareness of walls. But her

Situation sounds impossible.

It’s impossible for her to stay here

To surrender Melissa to a system

That doesn’t love her. To put

Her own oar into the waters of that

System.

What will you do if you find her?

Stay with her forever. Longer

If God chooses.

Damien. I love you like a brother, but

You can’t do this.

There is an excitement about Junice

I feel it when I see her, I sense it

In your voice. But excitement is not

Enough, it is not a Forever cast

True, my brother, but the flash of

Danger that surrounds this girl

Illuminates her spirit

Like lightning zagging across

The rooftops on a steamy August

Night

And in that terrible flash

I see a spirit too noble to

Put aside. And the angel of her

Presence, too precious not to love

Standing in the only

Path left for me to take

Damien, what will you do?

Gather my courage, scrape together my

Resolve, withdraw all the character I can

Muster, and go after her. Maybe in Memphis

I can find the hope of an answer, or the

Certain pain of failure. Otherwise

It’s all nothing but the constant stumble

To the grave. Wish me luck, bro.

Damien, I got your back

Wherever you are I’m going to be

There with you. I’m not a praying dude

But I’ll be talking to the Man for you

Two. You deal with the Memphis

End, and count on me to be

Here. To the end, Damien.

And on from there, Kevin.

And on from there.

The New York bus terminal is dark

Is dark despite the garish lights assembled

Along the tiled walls. Dark as if,

As if some malignant spirit has settled

Down with the tortured souls that rest

There until the police move them.

As if the desperate late-night travelers

To Salt Lake City and Savannah

And Memphis don’t deserve the brightness

Of hope.

On the lowest floor, among the shuffling

Ragged and hairy men, families guarding

Cardboard boxes and plastic shopping

Bags, Damien found Junice.

Sitting next to an old man

Brazil-nut brown on the hard bench

His legs as restless, as aimless

As his restless, aimless tongue

She caught her breath when she

Saw him, turned quickly

Away.

Melissa peered wide-eyed around her

Sister’s shoulder.

“Memphis is a special place,” the old

Man said, remembering a distant brawl

Of nights and thinking it might have

Been Memphis. “Good people fall in

That town, but only strong people rise again.”

Damien sat next to Junice

Knowing she could feel his warmth through

The space between them.

Junice

Damien I don’t want to see you.

I’m so glad you came.

I don’t want you to say good-bye. Good-bye

I need to be brave, now. I’m so scared

I’m going with you

You’re not strong enough. Go back

Home. I love you, but go back home.

You belong in a safer place. There’s

So little for me in Memphis, a distant relative,

A life I don’t know. You need to be safe.

It’s all I want for you. Don’t kiss my fingers.

Junice, there’s no leaving in me.

No gentle grieving and going on

This is a forever moment

We hold in our hands

Yes, we’re in a storm

But it’s a storm we can stand

As one, as Damien and Junice

And Melissa

Wherever your heart rests

There I will live and be blessed

I’ve tried to line up the things I

Needed to say but now my feelings just

Tumble from me. I am half foolish,

Half drunk with wanting you

With wanting to take your hand

And leap into the darkness of whatever

Life will bring. Love makes me

Brave and without love I’m made

Nothing.

Aren’t you afraid?

Trembling. A bird on a leaf

My hands are numb, my knees weak

With resolution. I am Adam, reeling

From the Garden

Can I be your Eve?

Can you really leave

Yesterday’s Damien behind?

I’ll never find him again if I search a thousand years.

They’re getting on the bus, Melissa says.

We’re getting on the bus.

Yes. Yes.

As Damien sleeps, I lie with my cheek against

His side. His clothing smells of nervous sweat

The sound of his heart is comforting.

The occasional highway lights flicker through

The half-empty bus. A ghost White woman with

Dark, shiny eyes presses her face against a window.

Damien has written a letter to his parents

I imagine him typing, searching for words

Thinking again and again how useless words can be

“I will call you soon,” is all that I left for Miss Ruby

What would I add, that it is crying time?

I am crying for Miss Ruby, and vow to find

A place for her, as I will find one for Melissa

In this fearful moment I am crying for Mama

Vowing to forgive her. One day. Some day.

Melissa woke and came from her seat to

Where Damien and I huddled. I smiled

At her and she didn’t smile back. But she

Lifted my hand from Damien’s shoulder,

Kissed it, and put it carefully back.

I am crying for Damien. He is so beautiful with

His gifts of love, so wise in his reasoning, but I

Wonder if I can be strong enough for him.

And then…And then…And then I am not

Crying. I am not on a bus but a captain

Battling the tossing sea and I am peering

Straight ahead through the fog and darkness

Knowing that somewhere there is safety,

Somewhere there is a land where we can

Build and plant and grow.

Damien tells me that he has withdrawn

His savings, but worries that it will not

Be enough. I don’t answer.

Damien, I am Street, we will make it.

Damien says that we must have a plan to succeed.

Damien, I am Street, I plan to survive.

His voice dropped when he said…perhaps…we should

Marry, his arm pulling me closer.

“We’ll see, my love,” I answered.

As Damien sleeps, I lie with my cheek against

His side. His clothing smells of nervous sweat

The sound of his heart is comforting.