Storm on the Horizon (Fated For Love) (5 page)

She frowned and released him.
“Perhaps.”

“
You know I’m right. Being on a ship does not grant immunity from the social mores. Honor and duty are very much alive here, if not more so. It is my duty to protect you, Olivia.”

“
Yes, you have said as much.” She ducked under his arm and returned to the railing.

Smith appeared from below deck
at that moment and returned to his position at the helm.  Colton escorted Olivia back to his cabin. His blood was still heated; his awareness of her still simmering under his skin, and in his mind was the echoing realization that she may have designs on him. It was surreal. To think that she wanted him made him want to howl with need, but it could not be. Nothing had changed. She was still far out of his reach, more so now than ever. He wasn’t completely convinced, but only because it seemed too good to be true. Even now, he could feel the slide of her hands up his back, but he had to remain in control. Perhaps she was only teasing him, flirting with him as she used to as a young girl for the sake of practice and entertainment. He could only take so much before he would have to firmly deny her what his heart and body wanted so much. His feelings weren’t a game. For too long, he had wanted her, and he was not about to be toyed with like a dog. He was a man, and he wanted her as a woman. She should know something about men after three seasons.

They entered the cabin
, and Olivia found it pleasantly warm after the chill of the outside air.

“
It’s cozy in here,” she commented. Colton had not said a word after the crewmate had returned and she was worried. Were her actions that distasteful to him? She had playfully stroked his back and felt the hard muscles. She wanted to feel more, knowing that that muscle would cover his broad shoulders and chest. She wanted to touch him with her bare hands, skin to skin. The thought alone brought a fevered blush to her cheeks.

“
Vents from the galley allow the heat from the stove and oven to warm the room. With the large windows, the cabin can become quite cold without it. I do have heavy drapes I can hang in the colder months to contain the heat. Do you find them necessary now?”

“
Oh, no, the blankets are quite sufficient. I like all the light that comes through the windows, it’s cheerful.” She sat before them and looked out. She couldn’t meet his gaze now. She felt a little rejected.

Colton turned to his desk and sat down. He didn’t have any
pressing duties to attend to at the moment. It was awkward between them now, something they had never had before, and he didn’t know how to fix it. In the past, it had been so easy to pretend he felt nothing, to be polite, courteous, and teasing, but always correct. Now there was nothing in between them, no buffer, and no filter to soften his own desires. And now he was afraid he wouldn’t be able to hide them. He opened his desk drawer and pulled out a ledger. “I just need to write in some reports, and then I will leave you to rest before dinner. We should hear the bell momentarily.”

Olivia looked up.
“All I do is rest, Colton. I can assure you that I have adequate energy. Please do as you need. I won’t disturb you from your duties.”

He nodded and began to make entries in the ledger. Olivia watched him for a moment before looking away and letting her eyes wander about the cabin. Each beam and seam
was familiar now, unfortunately. There was a knock on the door and at Colton’s bidding, Willy peeked in.

“
I have some vittles for Lady Olivia, cap’n.”

“
You may enter,” Colton bid.

Willy pushed the door wider and brought the tray to the table. Olivia was disappointed to see only one plate of food.
“Will you not be dining with me?”

“
Oh, ah... I have to discuss the course with Timms, and we usually do it over our plates. If you will excuse me, I will see you tomorrow.” Colton ducked through the door and was gone.

Olivia watched
the door close behind him with a frown and a growing ache in her heart. She had that icky feeling of doubt that one gets when they feel as though they’re the only one who can’t see the obvious, or the last to understand a joke. Was she a fool? Was she living in a fantasy when in reality he still viewed her as a gangly young girl? She turned to the table and thanked Willy for bringing her dinner. She sat down and pushed some plain rice around on her plate accompanied by a slice of mutton and boiled carrots. She was not interested in eating. Her stomach had much to complain about after the day she had.

“
Is it not to your liking, m’lady?”

Olivia was surprised to find Willy still standing there.
“It is fine, Willy. I think the problem is me.”

“
I can bring you something else, if you like,” he said encouragingly.

Olivia hesitated
. She was an unplanned guest and perhaps that meant less food for the crew. She did not know enough about ship life to know how much food was kept on board. “Willy, is there plenty of food for everyone with me being here? I don’t want to take from the crew.”

“
Oh, no, m’lady. There be plenty of food in the stores, this being a short trip and all. It’s no bother at all to have another belly to fill.” The boy paused and blushed. “I mean...”

Olivia smiled at him.
“I won’t tell if you won’t. After all, we are all born with belly’s are we not.”

“
Aye, m’lady, but the captain did say not to use crude words wit ye,” he said contritely.

“
I’m not at all offended. I will proudly claim that I know quite a few crude words myself. Think nothing of it. It will be our little secret.”

He turned even redder and ducked his head.
Lud, but she never knew boys could blush as much as girls. She took pity on him and changed the subject. “The food is more than satisfactory, Willy, thank you. I don’t want to keep you from your dinner any longer.”

Thank
ye, m’lady.” He smiled at her and gave a quick bow before darting from the cabin.

Olivia sighed and turned back to her plate. She picked up her for
k and resigned herself to eating at least half her food. She did not want to insult the cook by sending back a barely touched plate.

She hated to be alone. The majority of her time was spent with family and friends
, and she was heartily disappointed Colton was not dining with her. He did have duties, she reminded herself, and he had made it clear he didn’t have time to entertain her but still...

She took a timid bite of her rice. It was plain with a slight salty taste but so
far, her stomach seemed pleased with it. Good. More sickness was the last thing she needed. She moved onto the carrots, also plain, but sweet and tender. The mutton was seasoned lightly, and Olivia found that the more she ate, the heartier her hunger became until she had finished almost all the food. Sipping some water, she moved to the bed and set it on the window seat. She tentatively sat and wondered what to do with herself now. She still felt unsettled, but for reasons other than her stomach. She was at odds with her feelings, how she felt about Colton, and her doubts about how he felt about her. She wanted to be sure, wanted to believe in her heart that there was something there, because that is what her heart told her, but now she wondered if that were true. Was she creating something from nothing?

Olivia decided there was no use in staying awake any longer and decided to go to sleep. She circled the cabin and blew out the oil lamps, dressed down to her chemise by the light of the full moon
, and slipped into Colton’s bed.

She felt enveloped in his scent.

When she closed her eyes and nuzzled deep into the pillow, it was like lying right next to him. She could smell the musk of his cigars, the clean scent of his soap. Her heart ached with all the unfulfilled wishes of a future she might never have with him, love that would not be made, and children that would never be born. She mourned the loss of something she’d never had, and as always, the tears threatened to fall, but she was getting better. She had not yet cried, and she considered it a personal triumph. She slipped into sleep with that one positive thought.

It was near midnight and Colton was craving a cigar. He had meant to have Willy grab some from his desk when he tended to Olivia after dinner, but it slipped his mind. There was nothing to be done except get one himself or go without, but he had a feeling if he didn’t satisfy the craving, sleep would elude him. He crept from the small cabin into the hall. In two
steps, he was at his cabin door, and he turned the knob silently. Entering, he saw Olivia on the bed, bathed in a pool of moonlight. His heart stopped, he froze—hand still on the door—and just looked at her. She looked like a sleeping angel fallen from the heavens. Her dark curls were thrown over his pillows, and Colton was acutely envious of them. One hand was curled under her cheek and the other draped over her hip. He was so mesmerized he wasn’t even aware he had moved towards the bed. He stood over her and memorized the tranquil peace that blanketed her face. Each deep rise and fall of her breath was music to him, and her lips, relaxed, were slightly parted. A shudder of longing went through him. It was so deep and so painful, he nearly moaned aloud. His gaze roamed her face and form. Before he gave up any and all hope of ever claiming her love, he wanted one thing.

He slowly bent down, willing her to not wake. He drank in the sight of her face so close to his, and then ever so lightly touched his lips to hers. He applied a little pressure, just to feel the full shape of her lips against his and held it. It was only a drop of ease into his ocean of need, but it was all he would ever get. It was enough to daze him, to make him believe that her lips moved under his
, and then he pulled away. Looking down at her, she was still deeply asleep. Perhaps she was dreaming of a man who never spoke a harsh word to her, never raised a voice, and worshiped the very air she breathed. She deserved all of that and more.

Colton left his cabin, the cigars completely forgotten. He wanted to fall asleep immediately and dream of that kiss, dream of her waking up and pulling him down to her.

***

Olivia sat up as the door closed. She blinked away the darkness until the shadows of the cabin began to reveal themselves. That was the last thing she had ever expected to happen. Confusion and anger swamped her. Questions darted through her mind and chased away all sleepiness. He had kissed her! Why did he come in the middle of the night and kiss her? Was he foxed? Olivia had no doubts about who her shadow visitor was. From the moment the door opened, a draft of cool air with it, her mind had tracked the entrance of the person, and when he approached the
bed, she could feel him.

It was Colton. And then he kissed her. Her mind reeled, her senses rejoiced
, and she smothered the impulse to follow him. What did it mean? Was it a sign that he did indeed care for her? She bit her knuckle and stifled the building scream of frustration. She couldn’t go to him now. Given his recent behavior, she did not feel confident about her welcome and the assumptions she would make.

Neither would she be able to fall asleep. She snuggled back down under the covers and stared at the stars visible through the window. The endless expanse of sky mirrored her mind set. She was utterly lost when it came to Colton. Nothing was the same anymore and that was true for her life beyond this ship as well. So much had changed internally and externally. Her friends were different, her brother was different, Colton was
different, and even she was beginning to not recognize herself.

***

Colton had no idea dreams could be so vivid, but all night he had dreamed of Olivia; salacious dreams, romantic dreams, dreams built of his wildest fantasies and when he woke up in the morning, he resented the sun for rising. Was he worse or better off for having stolen that kiss? Only time would tell. As it stood, keeping his distance from Olivia was imperative to keeping his hands to himself. He shaved and dressed himself, happy to see that only a few clouds marred the sky. As he left his cabin, he saw the door to Olivia’s cabin open and Willy speaking to Olivia.

“
Did you not sleep, m’lady?”

“
Willy, I give you leave to use my name. Please call me Olivia.”

“
Shucks, m’lady—I mean… Olivia.”

The boy positively sang the word. Colton rolled his eyes as he walked into the cabin.
“Willy, take the maps to Mr. Timms, please.”

Olivia and Willy both jumped as if startled. He suppressed a smile and adopted a serious frown. He didn’t mind playing the ogre if it meant Willy would leave them alone. He didn’t know what to do or say to Olivia, but he craved her presence. In fact, he was a tad jealous that Willy, a whelp of ten and four,
was able to spend frequent moments throughout the day with her, talking and ogling. Colton used to have that privilege.

“
Cap’n,” Willy saluted. “Lady Olivia did not sleep well last night.”

“
Willy,” Olivia blushed. “The Captain does not care how I slept.”

Colton’s facade faltered, but he recovered in time to catch Olivia’s eye. She did indeed have dark circles under her eyes. Was it his fault?
“The maps, Willy. Mr. Timms is waiting.”