T
ess tapped at the wood frame of the screen door. Ben, who was sitting on the porch
in a rocker, his feet up on the inner railing, looked over at her, smiled, and gestured
for her to come in. He used his good arm, the one that was not taped to his chest.
Tess opened the door and shivered. “How can you sit out here in this weather? It’s
turned so cold,” she said.
Ben got up from the rocker. “You’re right. I was just about to go in,” he said.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to disturb you,” said Tess.
Ben leaned down and gave her a lingering kiss. “You could never disturb me,” he said.
He reached for the knob on the front door. “Come on. Let’s go in.”
“Thanks,” said Tess. She followed him inside and put the bag she was carrying down
on the dining table in the great room. “I raided the gourmet deli and brought us some
dinner,” she said. “And Dawn sent along some apple cake.”
“Between your mother’s cake and the doc forbidding me to run,” said Ben, “I’m gonna
be a blimp.”
Tess smiled. “You’re lucky to get any. Dawn is busy trying to fatten up Kenneth.”
“Ah, the way to a man’s heart,” he said. “So, where’s young Erny tonight?”
“He went to the movies. With his uncle. It’s an action picture.”
Ben chuckled. “They’ll both enjoy that.”
“You know it,” said Tess.
“Here. Come and sit.” Ben sank down into the corner of the sofa and indicated the
cushion beside him.
Tess sat down beside him and shifted her body so that she was looking directly into
his lake blue eyes. The urge to touch him was irresistible. As soon as she did, they
moved together, cheek to cheek, their eyes closed, and then they were kissing and
kissing. Tess felt like she was floating under the sun in a warm ocean as a wave of
desire rose within her, around her. No, she thought. Time is short. We have to talk.
Reluctantly, she pulled away from him and more reluctantly, he let her go. For a minute
they gazed at each other. “How are you feeling?” she asked.
“Good,” he said. “Great. Doc says I can go back to work next week.”
Tess nodded. “That’s good.” She was quiet for a moment. Then she looked away from
him and said, “I’ve got to get back to it, too. Erny needs to get back to school.
And my team has been calling me. They’re taking turns, calling me in shifts. They
got grant money for a new film. It’s a documentary about this suburban, junior league–type
woman who moved to the inner city to try and do something meaningful with her life.”
“This is a true story?”
“Oh yeah. Her husband divorced her and all the kids stayed with him except for her
oldest son. He went with his mother and they run a shelter together. It’s very bizarre.
I think it’s going to be an interesting film.”
Ben nodded. “It sounds like it.”
Tess glanced at him. “Still, I hate to go back,” she said.
“Really?” he said. “Why?”
Tess shrugged. “Lots of reasons.”
Ben reached for her hand with his free hand and kneaded it. His touch was electric
to her and she did not dare to look in his eyes. They sat in silence for a few moments.
Then they both spoke at once.
“You know I…” he said.
“It’s not that…” she said.
Then they both stopped. “You first,” she said.
“Oh. Well, I was just going to say that I got a call from the county prosecutor this
morning,” Ben said. “Apparently they’ve made a deal with Chan Morris.”
Tess nodded, disappointed. She thought he was going to say something about their future—if
they had one. They had spent a lot of time together since the night of the shooting—some
of it in the hospital, some with Erny, and much of it alone, sharing their thoughts,
their laughter and their feelings, complicated and passionate. She recognized what
was growing between them—she could see it in the way he looked at her and feel it
in her own heart—but neither one of them had said a word about what would happen when
they had to part. Besides, there had been so many distractions. Like the upcoming
trial, which had been very much on her mind, as well. “I know,” she said. “They called
us, too. I’m kind of glad. I didn’t want to have to go through another trial. We know
what happened.”
“Chan will have to allocute and the judge will require a full recounting. But you
know that this means…”
Tess looked at him. “What?”
“Well, he’ll go to jail for life. The death penalty is definitely off the table.”
“I thought Governor Putnam was putting a moratorium on the death penalty in this state,”
Tess said calmly.
“He’s announced it, yes. But it hasn’t officially gone into effect yet.”
“Why are you bringing up the death penalty?” asked Tess.
Ben avoided her gaze. “I wasn’t sure if you knew.”
“Is this a test?” she asked coolly.
Ben thought about it for a minute, then he looked at her directly. “I’ll tell you
something, Tess. Chan Morris was my test. I thought about killing that man myself
that night at his house. When he wouldn’t tell me where you were, when he implied
that you were dead, it did cross my mind. I’d be lying if I said it didn’t.”
“Well, I know you’re saying that for my sake,” said Tess. “The old ‘solidarity’ thing.
I feel your pain, et cetera.”
Ben looked slightly embarrassed. “Maybe a little,” he said. “But it happens to be
true. And I’ve been harsh on this subject. Self-righteous, you might say. So it’s
only fair to admit it. I did think about killing him. Just to get even. Just to make
him pay.”
“Payback,” she mused, thinking about Chan’s rationale for killing Phoebe. “Where does
it ever end?”
Ben peered at her. “What does that mean?”
“It means that I hope Chan Morris lives a long and terrible life in prison. And that
I never have to see his face again. But that’s the only payback I’m interested in.
Nothing else makes sense. There’s been a lot of killing. And, as far as I can see,
there’s been no justice in any of it.”
Ben nodded and they were silent again for a moment. “So, no trial. I guess that means
you can leave at any time.”
“Yeah,” said Tess. She felt as if something precious was slipping through her fingers
and she didn’t know how to stop it.
“You know,” he said, “this place used to be our summerhouse. When Melanie was alive.
And after she died, I moved up here to…get away from it all.”
“Yes, so you said.”
Ben frowned. “I’m not sure it’s the right pace for me, though, this rural life. I
don’t know. It was perfect at first. But then…well, I was thinking of maybe starting
over again in a more…urban area.”
Tess nodded. “Back to Philadelphia?”
“I don’t know. How do you think I would like Washington, D.C.?” he asked.
Tess looked at him and saw that his face was pink. She felt as if the weight on her
heart had turned into a balloon. “Are you thinking of moving there?”
Ben chewed the inside of his mouth. “How would you feel about that?”
Tess’s mouth dropped open. “Do you mean it?” She pulled back from him and searched
his face for any sign of teasing. “Really?”
“I don’t want to crowd you, Tess. I know you have your job, and Erny.”
Tess shook her head. Then she put her arms around him and embraced him as tightly
as she could until he let out a little groan of pain.
She let him go. “I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
He put his hand on his bandaged chest. “It’s just…this. Oh baby, wait until I get
rid of this.”
Tess and Ben smiled into each other’s eyes and an unspoken admission passed between
them that they were both imagining that day. Living for it, in fact. Tess could feel
all her senses tingling at the thought. “I can’t believe it,” Tess said at last. “I
felt so blue coming over here. At the thought of leaving you.”
“I can’t lose you. I can’t afford a mistake like that,” he said seriously.
Tess smiled. “Me, neither.” She nestled carefully under his good arm, her face against
his shoulder.
“I think I’ll keep this place, though,” he said. “We’ll want to visit here.”
From the safety of her position in his arms, in his heart, she looked around the room.
“I guess it has a lot of good memories for you,” she said. “I can understand that.”
Ben did not reply.
Tess looked up at the mantel and frowned. “You took down the painting of your…of the
woman in the woods.”
Ben nodded. “Yeah.”
“I just want you to know,” she said, “that I’m not going to be jealous of your memories.
I mean, you lost her and no one can really take her place in your heart.”
Ben frowned. “About that…” he said.
Tess heard the reservation in his voice and turned to look at him. “Ben?”
Ben sighed. “I need to tell you about that. It’s not exactly what you think.”
In his eyes she saw him struggle with something secret and painful that was coming
to the surface. She was not afraid. “Tell me,” she said settling back down beside
him. “I want to know everything.”