Stephen King: Uncollected, Unpublished - Revised & Expanded Edition (34 page)

The Killer (1994) 

The Killer
is effectively a rewrite of
I’ve Got to Get Away
, one of the stories in King and Chesley’s self-published collection,
People, Places and Things
(see separate chapter). It was obviously written in King’s teenage years and the only publication was in
Famous Monsters of Filmland
, issue #202, for Spring 1994. Readers wishing to access the story will have to purchase this publication from one of the specialist online King booksellers. 

In
On Writing
King has this to say of a story he submitted to a magazine called
Spacemen
: 

In the late 1950s, a literary agent and compulsive science fiction memorabilia collector named Forrest J. Ackerman changed the lives of thousands of kids
–
I was one
–
when he began editing a magazine called
Famous Monsters of Filmland.
Ask anyone who has been associated with the fantasy-horror-science fiction genres in the last thirty years about this magazine, and you’ll get a laugh, a flash of the eyes, and a stream of bright memories
–
I practically guarantee it.  

Around 1960, Forry (who sometimes referred to himself as “the Ackermonster”) spun off the short-lived but interesting
Spacemen,
a magazine which covered science fiction films. In 1960, I sent a story to
Spacemen.
It was, as well as I can remember, the first story I ever submitted for publication. I don’t recall the title, but I was still in the Ro-Man phase of my development, and this particular tale undoubtedly owed a great deal to the killer ape with the goldfish bowl on his head.  

My story was rejected, but Forry kept it. (Forry keeps
everything,
which anyone who has ever toured his house
–
the Ackermansion
–
will tell you.) About twenty years later, while I was signing autographs at a Los Angeles bookstore, Forry turned up in line . . . with my story, single-spaced and typed with the long-vanished Royal typewriter my mom gave me for Christmas the year I was eleven. He wanted me to sign it to him, and I guess I did, although the whole encounter was so surreal I can’t be completely sure. Talk about your ghosts. Man oh man. 

It is quite possible this anecdote refers to
The Killer
, as the author is in possession of a photocopy of a one-page manually typewritten copy of
The Killer
by “Steve King,” which is signed by King, with the dedication, “For FJA – With all best wishes.” If in fact this is the story, signed about 1980, it would seem to explain its subsequent publication in
Famous Monsters of Filmland
. 

However, Ackerman’s introduction to
The Killer
in
Famous Monsters of Filmland
tells a different version. As Ackerman tells it: 

Stephen King was at my house sometime in the early 80s and I surreptitiously produced this manuscript. “Steve,” I said, “I’d like to try a little experiment with you. I’d like to read a portion of a story and see if you can identify its author.” … I wish I’d had a vidicam to record the expression on his face when the dam finally broke and he realized it was
his own story
from … two decades out of the past!” I asked him at the time I tested his memory if I could publish it, and he gave me his blessing. 

King’s link with Ackerman does not stop there
–
he wrote an introduction for Ackerman’s book,
Mr. Monster’s Movie Gold
. The introduction’s title is
The Importance of Being Forry
–
in it King lauds the influence of
Famous Monsters of Filmland
on the young Steve King, growing up in rural Maine. He says Ackerman “…stood up for a generation of kids who understand that if it was junk, it was magic
junk
.” It is clear that this influence and King’s understanding that he was part of a wider circle of “kids” in love with the genres of science fiction and horror lead directly to his continuing interest in the genres and almost directly to the best-selling author he is today
⁷¹
. 

The Killer
begins, “Suddenly, he snapped awake, and realized he didn’t know who he was, or what he was doing here, in a munitions factory.” The subject could not remember his name or, indeed, “anything.” Picking up a gun, on which he had apparently been working, he approached another man packing bullets, “‘Who am I?’ he said slowly, hesitantly.” The other man did not answer and our protagonist screamed out, “Who am I? Who am I?” but all the other workers ignored him, not even looking up. 

He then “swung the gun at the bullet-packer’s head,” knocking him out. He then picked up some of the bullets, which “happened to be the right calibre” and loaded his gun. Another man approached on an overhead catwalk. When the “killer” yelled, “Who am I?” to the newcomer the man reacted by running away. Instantly, “the killer” shot at the running man who, though hit, managed to press a red button, setting off a wailing siren. 

“Killer! Killer! Killer!” a loudspeaker screamed, yet still the other workers did not look up, but simply “toiled on.” The “killer” ran but came across four uniformed men who “fired at him with queer energy guns.” He managed to shoot one of them but now more were coming, from all sides. “He had to get away” (effectively the title of the other version of this tale). “’Please! Don’t shoot! Can’t you see I just want to know who I am?’ They fired, and the energy beams slammed into him. Everything went black …” 

The twist of the tale is revealed in the last three paragraphs of this one-page story. As the body of the killer was loaded onto a truck one “guard” said:  

“One of them turns killer every now and then …” “I just don’t understand it,” the second said … “Take that one. That he’d say – ‘I just want to know who I am.’ That was it. Seemed almost human. I’m beginning to think they’re making these robots
too
good.” They watched the robot repair truck disappear around the curve. 

Other than
I’ve Got to Get Away
, this story is not linked to any other King fiction. There is no timeline setting other than the future. Derivative of pulp science fiction, this short tale is nevertheless fairly well written for a probable 13 or 14 year old, and King must have had some affection for the story to allow it to be published more than thirty years after it was written. 

⁷¹
Ackerman died in 2008, aged 92
 

The King Family and the Wicked Witch (1977) 

The King Family and the Wicked Witch
has one of the more interesting histories of the stories that have been published but have never been included in a King collection. It was published in
Flint
, an obscure Kansas newspaper, no longer operating. It is effectively impossible to secure an original copy of the newspaper but photocopies of the story circulate within the King community. 

Beahm stated the newspaper was based in Flint, Michigan in
The Stephen King Story
, (page 301) but Stephen J. Spignesi disputed the certainty of this, stating only that it is assumed
Flint
was a Michigan based publication. In 2004 researcher Justin Brooks was able to confirm that the newspaper was based in Manhattan, Kansas and that the publication date was 25 August 1977. 

The editor, Roy D. Krantz, prefaced the story with this note:  

Stephen King and I went to college together. No, we were not the best of friends but we did share a few brews together at the University Motor Inn. We did work for the school newspaper at the same time. No, Steve and I are not best friends. But I sure am glad he “made it.” He worked hard and he believed in himself. After eight million book sales, it’s hard to remember him as a typically broke student. We all new (
sic
) he’d make it though. Last January I wrote of a visit with Steve over the Holiday vacation. We talked about his books,
Carrie
,
‘Salem’s Lot
,
The Shining
, and the soon to be released,
The Stand
. We talked about how Stanley Kubrick wants to do the film versions of his new books. We didn’t talk about the past much though. We talked of the future, his kids, FLINT … He gave me a copy of a story he’d written for his children. We almost ran it then, but there was much concern on the staff as to how it would be received by our readers. We didn’t run it. Well, we’ve debated long enough. It’s too cute for you not to read it! We made the final decision after spending an evening watching TV last week. There were at least 57 more offensive things said, not to mention all the murders, rapes and wars … we decided to let you be the judge. If some of you parents might be offended by the word “fart,” you’d better not read it
–
but don’t stop your kids, they’ll love it! 

As intimated by the editor, for reasons that shall become obvious, the story is also known as
The King Family and the Farting Cookie
. Spignesi states this was the original title of the story and says Douglas Winter had a copy of a manuscript with this title
⁷²
. 

In this Maine Street Horror tale a witch plots against a local family. Witch Hazel, who lived “on the Secret Road in the town of Bridgton” did not like the King family because they were “the happiest family” in Bridgton, Maine. She was so wicked that she turned : 

…a prince from the Kingdom of New Hampshire into a woodchuck. She turned a little kid’s favorite kitty into whipped cream. And she liked to turn mommies’ baby-carriages into big piles of horse-turds while the mommies and their babies were shopping. She was a mean old witch. 

Witch Hazel disguised herself as a fan of Stephen King, bought some of his books at the Bridgton Pharmacy, and drove out to the King house, pretending “…she wanted daddy to sign his books. She drove in a car. She could have ridden her broom, but she didn’t want the Kings to know she was a witch.” After “Daddy” signed her books, “Mommy offered her tea” and, to thank the family for their kindness, Hazel gave them four magic cookies. 

After the Witch left the Kings made the mistake of trying the cookies. The first evil, magic cookie turned Daddy’s nose into a banana and “…when he went down to his office to work on his book much later on that terrible day, the only word he could write was banana.” The second cookie turned Mommy’s hands into milk bottles, “What an awful thing! Could she fix food with milk-bottles for hands? Could she type? No! She could not even pick her nose.” 

The last two cookies made Naomi and Joe cry all the time, “They cried and cried and could not stop! The tears streamed out of their eyes. There were puddles on the rug. Their clothes got all wet. They couldn’t eat good meals because they were crying. They even cried in their sleep.” 

After suffering this fate the “…Kings were not the happiest family in Bridgton any more. Now they were the saddest family in Bridgton … Daddy couldn’t write books because all the words came out banana, and it was hard to see the typewriter anyway because his nose was a banana.” On the other hand, “Witch Hazel was as happy as a wicked witch ever gets. It was her greatest spell.” 

While out walking in the forest about a month later, Mommy found a woodchuck caught in a trap, “…Poor thing! It was almost dead from fright and pain. There was blood all over the trap.” The mother ran for the rest of the family, who banded together and released the animal, using ”six drops of banana oil” from Daddy’s nose to loosen the trap’s rusty hinge. Then we read, ”Have you guessed yet? Oh, I bet you have. He was the Prince of the Kingdom of New Hampshire who had also fallen under the spell of Wicked Witch Hazel.” With the woodchuck’s release all the spells were broken and the Prince appeared before the Kings, “in a Brooks Brothers suit.”  

Daddy’s banana nose disappeared and was replaced with his own nose, which was not too handsome but certainly better than a slightly squeezed banana … The Prince … shook hands with daddy and said he had admired daddy’s books before he had been turned into a woodchuck. 

“All five of them went back to the nice house by the lake…” and plotted to teach Witch Hazel a lesson. They made a cookie out of 300-year-old baked beans that Daddy got from New Hampshire and took it to her home. They disguised themselves as poor people and when the witch opened the door, “She was wearing a tall black hat. There was a wart on the end of her nose. She smelled of frog’s blood and owls’ hearts and ants’ eyeballs, because she had been whipping up a horrible brew to make more black magic cookies.” 

Witch Hazel did not recognize the Kings and the Prince in disguise, so they tried to sell her their cookie, with daddy claiming, “It is the wickedest cookie in the world. If you eat it, it will make you the wickedest witch in the world, even wickeder than Witch Indira in India.” Greedily, Witch Hazel, saying she would not pay for something she could steal, “…snatched the cookie and gobbled it down.”  

However, the old witch soon began to realize she had made a mistake – “It was a Farting Cookie. Witch Hazel felt something funny. She felt it building in her tummy and her behind. It felt like a lot of gas. It felt like an explosion waiting to happen.” The Prince and the Kings revealed themselves and the evil old witch tried to cast a new spell, to turn them “…all into cheap antiques that not even tourists will buy … She felt a big fart coming on. She squeezed her butt to keep it in … but it was too late. WHONK! Went the fart. It blew all the fur off her cat … Witch Hazel went up in the air like a rocket.” When she landed she let out another, blowing down her house and the Bridgton Trading Post, “You could see Dom Cardozi sitting on the toilet where he had been pooping.” The Witch went even higher in the sky this time and, just before she landed, “...she cut another fart, the biggest one of all. The smell was like two million egg salad sandwiches.” 

This time:  

“Up and up went Witch Hazel until she was out of sight. During the news that night the Kings and the Prince of New Hampshire heard Barbara Walters report that a UFW had been seen … over Bridgton, Maine – an unidentified flying witch. And that was the end of the wicked Witch Hazel. She is on the moon now, and probably still farting. And the Kings are the happiest family in Bridgton again … Daddy writes books and never uses the word banana … As for Witch Hazel, she was never seen again, and considering those terrible farts she was letting (
off
) when she left, that is probably a good thing.” 

The article carried three line drawings “by Naomi” (almost certainly Naomi King), which are childish in the extreme but suit the tone of the article. One is presumably the witch, another appears to be of two of the King children, and the last is of the witch with the “windy” effects of the cookie spiralling from her rear end!  

The King family lived in the town of Bridgton, Maine in 1977 and this is both the location and timing of the tale. It can also be determined from the Editor’s Note that the story was written that year. Bridgton is mentioned in many King stories, the most important being
The Mist
, in which the supermarket central to that story is located. Witch Hazel bought some of Stephen King’s books at The Bridgton Pharmacy, also mentioned in
Cujo
,
Dreamcatcher
and
The Mist
. 

The other links to King’s fiction are via the King family (“They were nice people”). Stephen King appears in this story; although his first name is not mentioned (“There was a daddy who wrote books”). He is also referred to but not named in
The Leprechaun
. King is a horror author mentioned by Ardelia Lortz in
The Library Policeman
; is mentioned as an author in
The Regulators
,
Thinner
and
Slade
and in the
Prime Evil
version of
The Night Flier
; and is mentioned as the narrator of
The Blue Air Compressor
. He appears in the last three books of
The Dark Tower
cycle, with his family also being mentioned in
The Dark Tower VI: Song of Susannah
. 

Tabitha King appears in this story as “Mommy” (she “wrote poems and cooked food”) but her first name is not given. She is also referred to but not named in
The Leprechaun
. Joseph King is the four-year-old son of Stephen and Tabitha and the brother of Naomi in this story. He also appears as the older brother of Owen, although he is not named, in
The Leprechaun
. Naomi King is the six-year-old daughter of Stephen and Tabitha and sister of Joe in this story. She also appears as the older sister of Owen, but was not named, in
The Leprechaun
. 

Of course, not only was this story something of a nightmare for the Kings, can you imagine the nightmare suffered by millions of King fans if “Daddy” had indeed been unable to write any word other than banana from 1977 onwards? 

The story shows King entertaining his young children with a little harmless toilet humor. It can best be described as a children’s fairytale but, due in part to its subject matter and in part to the inclusion of the King family, it seems certain King will never allow it to be republished. 

⁷²
The Lost Work of Stephen King
, Stephen J. Spignesi, p.107-110