Stepbrother JEEZ! (The Stepbrother Romance Series - Book #4) (3 page)

In the middle of rubbing and stroking myself in the
shower, the water started to cool—and I realized exactly what I was doing. It
had sneaked up on me completely. I had been working so hard to not think about
Jaxon that I hadn’t even been paying attention, so tired from the workout that
my brain had gone on. I shook myself and finished the shower as fast as I
could, not letting my hands stray or linger anywhere interesting while I rinsed
the soap off of my body and grabbed my towel. I would just have to do my best
to completely ignore Jaxon at practice the next day. It was the only thing I
could do. And maybe it would be easier to forget about him after that.

***

When it came time to head out to the practice
facility, I felt on edge—but determined. I was going to get through it, and
then everything would fall into place. I didn’t
have
to pay any attention to Jaxon; he had managed to completely
ignore me after we’d had sex the first time and before I found out he was my
stepbrother, after all. If he could do it, then I could do it. I would just
focus on my own practice and working on my own tricks, and pretend that Jaxon
didn’t even exist.

I drove myself to the practice spot; normally we
car-pooled, since parking was scarce, but I hadn’t been keeping in touch with
anyone on the team at all apart from confirming that I would be at practice. I
unloaded my gear from the back of my car and walked into the huge practice
area—half the team
was already there, warming
up,
doing stretches. I decided that it wouldn’t do be any good to continue being on
the team if I was just going to ignore everyone else—they’d kick me off for not
getting along just as easily as they would for sucking. So I chatted up the
senior girls on the team, the ones who’d been helping me the most on my tricks
and technique before the holiday. I found out that Jess had pulled a muscle out
partying with friends the night after Thanksgiving—and we joked about her
clumsiness. “Yeah well, I’m good on a board, just not anywhere else,” Jess
said, grinning.

To be fair, I told them about the horrible time I’d
had going down the slopes over break; I didn’t tell them that I’d been with
Jaxon, just that it was a family visit and I’d been trying to master some of
the tricks I knew would come in handy once competition season really got
started—and that I’d eaten more snow than I cared to in the process. Everyone
was laughing as I described the epic failure of all my tricks, how often I’d
body-slammed the slopes, or landed on my ass, or ended up face-planting or
missing the landing to an aerial. We all started sharing “war stories” about
tricks gone wrong, laughing it up, and all of my tension at the thought of
having to deal with being around Jaxon started to go away. It was nice—it was
good to stop thinking about him for a while.

As soon as the squad I was on was warmed up, we hit
the slopes, doing runs. I remembered that it had been a while since I’d gone
down the practice slope—I was used to real snow after the holiday—so I took it
easy for a few runs, testing out my reflexes, getting a feel for the material
under my board; how slick it was, how fast and where there was drag. It was the
closest thing to regular snow that they could come up with, but it still wasn’t
exactly the same. “You know,” I said at one point to a member of my squad,
“they really need to make it more cost-effective to actually build snow slopes.”
Everyone agreed—it would be awesome to get real snow experience while we were
practicing. I started to do a few flashier tricks, building on what little
practice I’d been able to get while I was on Thanksgiving break; as I did,
though, Jaxon’s advice to me kept popping up in my head. I’d hear his voice in
my mind, telling me how to twist out of a bad trajectory, or how to smooth out
a landing that had already gone bad without falling.

I managed to make it about halfway through the
practice session before Jaxon caught my eye. My squad was taking a break,
sitting on the sidelines to catch our breath before we worked on balance and
cross-coordination with one of the trainers at the facility. Jaxon’s squad, all
upperclassmen guys, took to the practice slope. I tried not to watch. I tried
to just pretend
like
it was anyone at all—but I had to
admit to myself that Jaxon looked good in his gear. He looked even better
busting out grabs and aerials. No matter how screwed up the situation between
us was, I couldn’t deny that he was an awesome boarder. I knew from watching
him before and from seeing him on the slopes that he was focused, dedicated,
that he worked for hours on a trick without even caring if he injured himself.
“Every injury is a lesson,”
he’d told me
before we’d gone our separate ways.
“If
you’re going to break your arm or your leg, you might as well learn something
from it.”
I knew he’d broken half the bones in his body in the different
sports he did—mostly in snowboarding. He’d broken both of his clavicles, an
arm, one of his legs—even the bones in his hands and feet.

But watching him go through his runs, I couldn’t
take my eyes off of him—and neither could most of the other girls on my squad.
I tried not to blush as I heard what they were saying about him; how hot he
was, how much fun he’d be in the sack.
You
guys don’t even know,
I thought to myself. They had no idea just how good
he was in bed—but I did.

While I watched him go through his practice runs, I
realized that I wasn’t even paying attention to anything around me. Everyone
might as well have been speaking Mandarin for all that I heard them—and the
worst part was that I was feeling more and more attracted to him by the minute.
It hit me all at once, and my heart started beating faster. Even when we moved
over to work with the trainers, I couldn’t keep myself from watching Jaxon; he
was that good. I started to shake all over, sweat breaking out on my skin that
had nothing to do with exercise. I couldn’t take it. I had to get out of there.
Obviously it had all been a huge mistake; I wasn’t ready to deal with him, I
couldn’t ignore him, I couldn’t even be around Jaxon in a crowd without getting
all hot and bothered thinking about and watching him. I swallowed against the
tight feeling in my throat, the dryness in my mouth.

“Hey, guys, I think I must have actually hurt myself
over the holiday, planting my face in the mountain,” I said, trying to sound
less nervous than I was. “I think I’m just going to head back to the dorms and
put some icy hot on my quads and hams—they’re killing me.” I was paranoid that
someone might realize what was going on, that everything would come tumbling
out of me: the fact that I’d had sex with
Jaxon, that
we were step-siblings, the whole stupid, ugly, disgusting mess. But everyone
was sympathetic. Someone told me to make sure to pop a couple of Aleve, someone
else recommended catching a yoga class once the pain went away, everyone told
me they’d make sure to let me know about the next practice session, and in the meantime
I should take it easy. I got out of there as fast as I could, making myself
look straight ahead, pushing back the temptation to look over my shoulder and
watch Jaxon doing his thing on the practice slopes. That was the last thing I
needed to do, when my hormones were raging and my whole body was buzzing for
him. I needed a cold shower and a long study session to get my mind off of
everything else.

Chapter
Four

The entire drive back to the dorms I was cussing out
loud, slamming my head against the seat back in my car, my hands against the
steering wheel. I hated myself for pushing a bad situation too far. I hated the
fact that, in spite of telling Jaxon I couldn’t deal with having anything to do
with him, I still found myself wanting him. I had worked so hard to try and get
over him—I’d completely deprived myself of being around my best friends because
they belonged to the same frat as him! I didn’t even really have a social life
anymore, all because I was trying so hard to avoid him and get over him. And
then all it took was maybe a half hour and I was thinking about him again,
staring at him, remembering how good it had been to have sex with him.

By the time I got back to the dorms, at least, I had
it out of my system. My throat was a little raw from screaming, and my head was
aching—along with my hands—but I wasn’t going to be walking to the dorms
looking like some weepy girl who’d just gotten broken up
with
.
I took a deep breath and promised myself a long shower—maybe hot instead of
cold, to work out the pain I felt throbbing in my muscles—and maybe a beer
stolen from the communal fridge in the common area of the room. It could be
worse, I kept telling myself. I could have been just as distracted in the
practice facility as I’d been on the slopes the last time I’d gone out with
Jaxon, Bob and Mom. I could have humiliated myself by bursting into tears in
front of everyone. I could have told the whole damned team about what had
happened between Jaxon and me. Instead I’d made my excuses and left, and hopefully
by the time the next practice rolled around, I would be okay enough to stick
through the whole thing without getting distracted.

I was still psyching myself up when I got to my dorm
room door; I was ripped out of my thoughts at the sound of someone saying my
name.
“
Yo
, Mia!”
I looked up
from my gear, my heart pounding—for just a second I thought it might have been
Jaxon, that he might have taken a short cut. Instead, it was Jeremy, the guy
who’d been my entry into the
frat
, who’d introduced
me to everyone in the first place. I tried not to be obvious as I sighed in
relief.

“Hey,” I said, smiling at him. “I’m just getting
back from practice—had to leave early, my legs are just not up to it today.”
Jeremy’s face was serious—almost worried—and he looked me up and down.

“Can I help you with your gear, or are you too tough
for that?” he grinned and I handed over the strap on my duffel. I dug my keys
out of my pocket and unlocked the door to let us both
in
.
For just a moment, I almost wished that it had been Jeremy I’d gotten attracted
to instead of Jaxon; Jeremy was pretty easy on the eyes, he was on the baseball
team, and he’d been my closest friend in the frat ever since we’d played a game
of basketball together before I’d even heard of Phi Kappa. He was even
single—I’d seen him date a few girls but never anything serious.

“What brings you over to my neck of the woods?” I
asked, sitting down in the empty common room. Suddenly I was nervous all over
again; had Jaxon told Jeremy about what had happened? They didn’t seem to be
that close—but it was hard to tell in the frat. Guys talked amongst themselves
in stupid little cliques that didn’t make any real sense to me, and maybe Jaxon
had just let everything out after a night of drinking.

“
Kinda
getting worried
about you,
Mi
-mi,” Jeremy admitted, sitting down in
the ugly-but-comfortable chair a few feet away. “You missed out on a total
blow-out the other night; that’s not like you.” I shrugged.

“Well, you know, just trying to get my grades in
order—I slacked off big time before the holiday.” Jeremy looked at me levelly.

“Bullshit. You’re smart, and I know you wouldn’t
have let your grades fall in the first place.” I bit my bottom lip. Jeremy knew
me well enough by now to know when I was lying. We weren’t quite as close as
the guys in the frat were to each other, but we’d talked enough times—and I’d
given him enough advice—for him to know that I was avoiding the frat house.

“I’m just trying to get my head in order,” I said,
picking at imaginary lint on my pants.

“Look,” Jeremy said, brushing aside any excuses I
might make. “If you were really okay, you’d come by and watch the game with us.
It’s Denver-Portland, sure to be a total shit-show.” I laughed.

“I can’t. I’ve got a lot going on here—and man, I
just need a shower and a beer, you know?” Jeremy shook his head.

“If you’re really okay, if everything’s all right,
you’ll prove it by hanging out with us like always. I’m not the only one over
there wondering what happened.” I bit my bottom lip.

“Jeremy, come on. I’m just…I’m tired and shit.
That’s all.”

“You’re avoiding us.” Jeremy shrugged. “I don’t know
what’s going on with you. I mean, I can sort of figure that it has to do with
Jaxon, but that’s all I know.
Jax
isn’t even going to
be there—he’s got a late class. It’ll just be me and the usual guys you always
hang out with.” I thought about it for a long moment. Jeremy was right; I had
been avoiding them. I’d been avoiding the whole frat house because I didn’t
want to have to deal with Jaxon—I didn’t want to run into him, didn’t want to
talk about him or to him, didn’t want to think about him.

But I’d missed them. I’d been completely miserable
hanging out in the dorms, going straight to class and only hanging out with my
roommates. It was so boring—and I thought to myself that if things could just
get a little bit closer to back to normal, I would be okay. If I kept avoiding
everyone and everything to do with Jaxon, how would I ever get used to him
being my brother? I wouldn’t. I needed to relax and hang out with the guys. It
would be a good break, and I didn’t even have to worry about running into
Jaxon.

“At least let me take a shower first,” I said,
grinning. “I’m stinking from practice. No one should have to deal with that.”
Jeremy laughed.