Stealing Ryder (11 page)

Suddenly
, a loud noise rattled me from my fear and I tried to find out where it was coming from, but there was no one in the room. I was lost in the abyss of my own soul. I tried pawing at the walls, but nothing was coming from it.

How did I become so trapped? Shit. I needed to get out of here, so I tried to close my eyes and open
ed them again, but still, nothing happened. I was still sitting there in the dark room, so I curled up in one of the corners, hoping this nightmare would end soon.

As the loud noise came again, I was rattled from my shaking desperation. Suddenly, as if someone was writing on a chalkboard, words appeared in white on the pitch black walls.

“SLUT.”

“RUNNER.”

“ALONE.”

“ALWAYS THE MISTRESS.”

These words appeared sporadically on the dark wall, and immediately, I began freaking out. Where was this all coming from?! Who was saying these things?

“Who are you? What is this?” I cried
, hoping that someone would answer.

Instead
, I heard a dark, low rumble of laughter that seemed as though it was coming from the wall. The words stopped, and again, I was consumed by the silence of my past. What was going on? I was confused and dizzy. My mind was spinning in a hundred different directions.

Who was trying to tell me this? Was I dreaming? Where was I? Why
wouldn’t anyone answer my damn questions? I was desperate for knowledge. Shit, even Tye appearing in this place would provide me some sort of comfort.

I sat in the corner for a few moments with my hands over my ears for fear the penetrating voice would come back and haunt me. When it didn’t, I got up to explore the small
, closet-sized room.

It was full of nothingness. It was dark,
dreary, and bleak. The walls were painted black, and the floor felt like cold tile underneath my feet. It was a room full of painful reminders of the past. The booming voice was nothing but a trace of who I used to be.

“Are you comfortable yet?” The voice echoed again
, and I patted the walls to figure out where it was coming from. I didn’t see a speaker, or even a small hole in the wall that could have a hidden a microphone in it.

“What do you want?” I cried
, hoping that the owner of the mysterious voice would answer, and I could finally escape the numb feeling that was permeating through my body.

“Please,” I begged, “tell me what you want, so I can get out of here.”

It was quiet for a moment, and again, I was left to ruminate in the thoughts in my head. Breathe, Harper. Just take a big deep breath and breathe.

“You will always be that other woman
, Harper. You are useless. A waste of space in the world. Ryder will never love you because you can’t love yourself.”

“What are you talking about
?  How do you know me? How do you know that I don’t love myself? That could very well not be true,” I huffed.

Damnit, look at me. I was sitting here huffing and yelling at a damn wall in a
freaking dream. I swear I needed to check myself into an institution, because crazy was taking over my body.

“HA. HA.” The voice starte
d cackling like an evil witch from a Disney movie. “Harper, you are nothing to Ryder. He will always choose his family before you. Can’t you see that, little girl? He didn’t even initially tell you he was coming out here, but he did anyways.”

What was this…thing talking about?

I paused for a moment, thinking briefly. This thing could have a valid point right now. Ryder initially didn’t even tell me he was coming out to Texas. In fact, he lied to me and didn’t tell me anything at all. I had to find out on my own, and he didn’t think about inviting me. Was it because he was hiding something all along? Was it his plan to hook up with Kylee and fall back in love with his hometown?

“What if you
’re right?” God, I really was losing it now. I was trying to reason with a voice in the wall, but I wanted to hear what this thing had to say.

“The truth of the matter is that you will always be the other woman to Ryder. You will always be that woman back in California
, but Kylee will be that woman from home. Do you see how that sounds? You will
always
be the other woman, Harper. A mistress. A slut. Nothing but a waste of space.”

“No, thi
s cant be true. It simply can’t.” I crawled to the corner, sitting and clenched my knees tightly to my chest, heaving in slow breaths. I tried pounding the side of my forehead to wake up. I even picked up the skin around my eyelids to attempt to snap out of this dream.

The harsh reality of all of this was that it was true. I would always be that other woman for Ryder
, and nothing more. It was time to face the facts. No matter how hard I tried, or how badly I wanted this, it would never happen. I would never be the woman for Ryder.

I wasn’t going to be the one to remind him of his home, his childhood, his life, and the biggest one
—his daughter. He was always going to have that intimate connection with Kylee that I would never be able to achieve. While I was okay with it, it still secretly stung.

Part of it was jealously. I was jealous that I wouldn’t be able to
experience that intimate family moment between Evelyn, Ryder, and myself. The fact that I entertained these ideas was obnoxious and juvenile, but love wasn’t going to be the bond that kept us together. It was going to take so much work and effort to even surmise being with Ryder.

I was weak, insecure
, and vulnerable. I wanted something comfortable and easy. It was completely ridiculous to think that could happen with Ryder. Nothing was ever easy with Ryder; it was always going to be difficult and frustrating. Between Ryder’s past and mine, nothing was ever going to be the same between us.

When the voice spoke up again, it
’s tone changed, and was much gentler and more solemn than earlier. “There is nothing else you can do, Harper. You have to leave him before you end up in the same pattern of running. One word of advice...” There was a dramatic pause for effect.

“When you love somebody
, it’s supposed to be easy. You know something is wrong when your relationship becomes hard work.”

With that
, the room was lit, and I was sitting in what appeared to be a normal bathroom. There were white walls, a toilet, a shower, and white tiled floors. I was digesting what the mysterious thing said to me, when tears flowed down my face.

When the stream of tears hit the floor, instead of just disappearing, they turned blood
-red. As more tears appeared, more blood pooled beneath me.

Why? How was this happening to me? I needed to run away. I needed to go
—make this whole thing stop—but I didn’t know how.

I got up and treaded through the
redness of the floor, marking up my legs with bloodstains. I pounded on the door, which started to turn red, itself.

“HELP ME! GET ME OUT OF HERE!
” I screamed, as I continued to cry, and the blood on the floor continued to pool.

As the growing ocean of red increased,
I was suddenly covered head to toe with the stains. All I wanted was to make this stop. All of this to stop.

I wanted Ryder out of my life because he was too hard,
too complicated, and brought too many memories out from within me. I was struggling with making all of this work, and it was just so much easier without him in my life. These nightmares scared the shit out of me.

I wanted out.

I needed out.

***

My hands were pulsing under me as I searched for the blood-red stains of the bathroom. I was shaking, as if I was having a seizure and my body was in a state of cold shock. I patted the bed around me, hesitant to find out where I was or who surrounded me.

When I realized there was no blood around me
, and I wasn’t in a bathroom, I popped my head up to survey the room. The covers were kicked into a pile at the edge of the bed, and the pillows messed up around the sides of the bed.

Holy crap. What just happened to me? Where was I
, and what sort of message was trying to be conveyed? Confusion was pounding against my head and I couldn’t wrap my thoughts around what that strange unconscious voice was saying in my dream.

Was I really always going to be that other woman to Ryder? Was I too stupid to realize this before we got involved? I mean, seriously, how
had I not seen this coming? Of course he was always going to be with Kylee. She was a part of his family because she was the mother of his child. While I loved him with every fiber of my being, I would never be good enough for him. I was always going to be that other woman.

If not literally, then
I would figuratively be stuck in that mistress role. If he wasn’t going to be with Kylee romantically, I would still always come second and be that other person to him, because he would have to put her first. Truthfully, I wasn’t prepared for that. Tye put me second in our relationship, and I didn’t deserve to be there. I wasn’t prepared to put myself second, and I didn’t deserve to have to be put in that position. I was a first-pace kind of gal. Damnit, I should have been treated like a princess, if not a queen.

I guess I was sort of having a moment of what growing up felt like. Intrinsically, I
knew I had to move on, and regardless of what my heart was telling me about Ryder, I knew my brain was right in this situation. If this had happened before, when I was still with Tye, I would have let him convince me that everything was actually okay. I would probably have gone back to him, clinging desperately for some sort of emotional connection that I craved.

But this wasn’t me back then, this
was the here and now. I didn’t want to be that girl who goes crawling back to their significant other because they crave the closeness and comfort and that’s it. I didn’t want to be in a relationship with someone just because it’s convenient, or just because its there. I wanted to be in a relationship with someone who would make me his everything. I deserved that, didn’t I? After all the shit I had to put up with over so many years with Tye, I knew I fucking deserved it.

Ryder couldn’t be that person for me. There just couldn’t be a possible way for us to be together without everything becoming so complicated and hectic. Our little life we thought we created a few months ago was nothing but a façade, a fake
, bullshit love story you read in books, and not real life. This is real life. This is heartache.

I turned over and picked up the covers
, and did my best to fluff them and straighten up. I noticed my phone had dropped to the floor. Instinctively, I picked it up and turned it on. There were over thirty missed calls, and a dozen texts, all from Ryder.

“Baby, you saw something that didn’t mean anything.”

“Harper, please pick up the phone I am begging you.”

“I am coming to see you.”

“Don’t do this
, Harper. Don’t run away.”

It was almost as if he read my mind. He knew what was running through my thoughts, but I couldn’t let him manipulate me into thinking everything was okay. I grabbed my bag and started to gather my things.

I
was getting ready to leave when I heard knocking on the door. I walked over and looked through the peephole, which was black.

“Who is it?” I called out.

“Room Service,” a low male voice responded.

What the heck? I swear I didn’t order any room service. Maybe I did when I was
locked in my crazy, subconscious dream world. I carefully peeled the security lock from the door and cracked it open just a tad.

I was quickly thrown back as Ryder busted through
and into the small hotel room; sweat was beading on his brow. The rage that burned in his normally cool blue eyes was frightening. His brows were furrowed inward, which showed some of the wrinkles on his forehead. His lips were pursed in a pout, which was so incredibly sexy in a sad sort of way. It took me a moment to react to what was happening, but I felt two strong hands on my wrists. I pulled away and looked at Ryder. His cheeks glistened with a mixture of sweat and tears.

“Harper Mae.” He sighed breathlessly.

“How the heck did you find me?” I asked curiously, with a slight undertone of bitch laced in my voice.

“I paid the guy at the front desk to tell me your room number. When you left a
t the wedding, I followed you. I couldn’t let you leave. I could never just let you leave me, Harper,” he responded.

“That’s kind of creepy
, Ryder.” I said nonchalantly, and pulled away from him as if I was completely uninterested in what he was saying.

I had to get away from him before I let him convince me that everything was going to be okay. I kept thinking of the dream
, and what that weird voice was telling me. I was always going to be that second woman for Ryder, and nothing more. Always a mistress, never more.