Steady (40 page)

***

Dr. Gaston came to see them after the surgery. He looked tired. They stood and walked over to meet him.

“How did it go?” Colburn asked.

“Great. As smooth as we could have expected. He should make a full recovery.”

Katrina felt the relief in Colburn’s frame and she put her arm around his waist.

“Thank you,” she said.

“How soon will he be able to resume his old life?” Colburn asked. “He was a very active man. We run a local gardening store here.”

“I know Abernathy and Co. I love that place. My wife spends way too much money there,” Dr. Gaston said with a smile. “It will take some time for him to get back to where he once was. He will have to give up smoking and change his diet,” he said.

“Sure thing,” Colburn answered, extending his hand to shake the doctor’s. “Thank you,” he said.

“You’re welcome,” he said, taking Colburn’s hand.

“I’ve got to look in on some other patients, but if I can, I’ll try and stop by his room before I leave,” he said, looking at Katrina.

“Sure, thank you.”

Dr. Gaston turned and walked out of the room. “That’s great news!” Katrina said.

“It is,” Colburn said, taking in a huge breath of air.

“Are you hungry? We could get something to eat.”

“I’m not sure I should leave. You never know, they may need to talk to me about something else, or Charles may wake up early. You know he has a mind of his own.”

“That’s fine. I’ll go and grab us something.”

“Sure. Thanks, Katrina.”

It took her about ten minutes to locate the cafeteria. She purchased two cups of coffee and a couple of sandwiches. Colburn was where she’d left him. She took the seat next to him and handed him a coffee cup and a sandwich.

She took a sip, letting go of some of her worry for a few minutes. She smiled at Colburn, who smiled back and added his standard wink. They were more hopeful than they’d been since they’d arrived.

April

Charles stayed in the hospital less than a week. Things had progressed better than they’d expected, and he was discharged Thursday morning. Katrina had met Colburn at the hospital early that morning while C signed papers. She followed them home and helped them get settled.

She hadn’t been in to work at all this week other than to stop by and talk with her manager. She’d given her notice, and that had felt wonderful, like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Those who had loved her—Amber, Lola, the godfathers—had always encouraged her to leave, to work on something that made her feel whole.

When she hadn’t been at the hospital, she spent the time at Abernathy & Co. filling in for the godfathers. Although Colburn was back to work, he was visiting C three to four times a day. She was managing the center sooner than she’d expected, and she loved it. Why had she waited this long to do something she so clearly prized? Why hadn’t she? Oh, that fear thing again.

She was headed home now for another life-changing meeting. She’d scheduled an appointment with Ms. Morgan, a real estate saleswoman who had come highly recommended. Katrina turned on to her street, unconsciously checking Will’s home. She felt awful about him, but it was for the best. No need to drag a goodbye out. She hadn’t spoken to him since Monday morning, coward that she was. He had another week in Singapore, so she had time to come up with something other than the “I love you but your love scares the pants off of me” excuse. Katrina pulled into her drive. Ms. Morgan was here early, and Katrina walked over to meet her.

“Hello, Katrina. Nice to put a face to a voice,” she said, extending her hand.

“Yes, thank you for responding so quickly,” Katrina said, shaking her hand and leading her inside.

“You have a lovely home, and this is a highly sought-after neighborhood. Being contest winners three years in a row makes for low taxes,” she said, looking around in the way that only real estate people did, sizing up and calculating.

“Feel free to explore,” Katrina said.

She was now walking around Katrina’s home, making notes and cataloging the amenities. “I don’t have to tell you that you should have no problems selling this home. Are you sure this is what you want to do? You were one of the first to purchase in the new section of the neighborhood, and since then the property value has increased tremendously.”

“Yes, I’m sure,” she answered, following Mrs. Morgan into the kitchen.

She was pleased with herself for finally taking control of her life, although it warred with the feelings of guilt at not having discussed the godfathers’ offer or the decision to sell her home with Will. Not talking to him about it was wrong, she internally argued. True that, she thought, but it was her life and finally she was taking the reins and making changes that should have been made ages ago.

“You have a beautiful garden out back,” Ms. Morgan said, interrupting Katrina’s internal debate. “It’s fantastic. I hope you’re ready to move, because this home will not be on the market for long.”

“I’m ready,” she said. She sure hoped she was.

***

Finally, he was home. He’d managed to leave Singapore this morning. He’d changed his flight to leave Thursday, thirty hours ago, putting him home Thursday evening, the day after his meeting. He was exhausted; he had worked hard to tie up loose ends to get back to her. He worried most of the ride back because he hadn’t heard from her, and he decided he was done with extended business trips.

He was angry and disappointed in Katrina. Beyond their conversation on Monday, he hadn’t spoken to her. He knew she was preoccupied, he could understand that, but even so, she could have called at least once. Fuck, she could have just answered his calls. “Busy, C’s okay,” she responded once to the many text messages he’d sent.

He was angry and afraid as he pulled into his neighborhood. He turned the corner and drove toward his home, taking a moment to look over at Katrina’s home, taking in the new sign in her yard, a for-sale sign. It was a sucker punch, and he had to catch his breath. He pulled into his drive, parked, and hopped out of the jeep, long angry strides leading him to her door.

He knocked hard and stood staring at her for a second when the door opened, just taking in the woman he’d grown to love. She was surprised to see him, her eyes wide. He saw love and longing in them, and tried to match those feelings with her selling her home and not returning his calls.

“You’re back early,” she said quietly.

“It appears so,” he said, brushing past her as he walked inside.

He stopped just inside her door and turned to face her, his hands in his pockets, staring at her heatedly.

“What’s up, Katrina? You won’t answer my calls. There is a for-sale sign in the yard! Weren’t you going to even tell me?” he asked, his voice rising in volume. “Don’t you think you owe me more than that?”

She watched him struggle with his temper. Hell, she hadn’t known he had one. He stood before her looking tired, angry, and hurt. That part she could tell from his eyes. He turned away from her abruptly and sat on her couch. She closed the door and followed him in.

“So that’s it, Katrina? I don’t even warrant a call? I’m sorry, Will, I’m moving on. This isn’t what I want,” he said.

“I’m sorry, Will,” she said, realizing she had made a huge mistake.

He sat there looking at her, not saying a word, his face set in stone. He stood up, too angry to talk, and left the way he’d entered, closing the door firmly behind him.

She walked over to the door, cracking it a little to watch him walk home. When he disappeared from view, she walked back to her couch and sat down. She hadn’t meant for him to find out this way, but really, what had she expected? He didn’t deserve to be treated that way.

She started crying again. What was with these tears? She’d cried lately like she’d been assigned rain-replacement duty. What a dufus. The only thing she could say in her defense was that she’d been in turmoil, had been since he’d left two weeks ago. She was scared of her need for him, and Uncle C’s condition had amplified her fear.

She’d taken the coward’s way out instead of facing him, using her Uncle C as an excuse to not stick it out.
Bad move, Katrina
, her heart said.

***

Later that evening Will pulled into the driveway of his sister’s home. The garage door was down; he hoped they were home. He needed to talk to someone he knew cared about him. He rang the doorbell and waited. Maybe no one was home. He waited a minute longer and it opened. It was Jennifer. Just seeing her made him feel calmer, more in control.

“Hey, Will, you back from overseas, huh?” she asked, stepping away from the door to let him enter. “Your brother-in-law took the kids to their practices today. They just left. I was working out in the yard. Come on back,” she said, leading him outside and moving to sit on the sofa.

He sat across from her, his back to the house, and looked out over the yard. Beautiful, he thought. His sister’s gardening style was more like Katrina’s than his.

“You okay?” she asked.

“Not really. It’s been a long two weeks.”

“Your trip wasn’t productive?”

“No, it was. I cut it short, though. It’s Katrina. I returned early for her. One of her godfathers became ill, had a heart attack.”

“Is he all right?”

“Yes, better now, and at home.”

“And how is Katrina?”

“She’s fine,” Will said, placing his arms on his thighs and leaning forward, looking out over the yard, restless and angry. “She’s selling her home in the neighborhood and is going to work with her godfathers. She quit her job. She’s ready to pull back into that shell of hers at the slightest sign of trouble. Tell me that I’m better off without her.”

Jennifer was silent, letting him talk, sensing that he needed to.

“Here I was thinking I was going to ask her to marry me. Again. Turned me down once. What am I, stupid?” he said, turning to face her, hurt evident on his face.

She felt bad for him.

“I must not have meant as much to her as I thought.”

“I’m sure you do. She’s probably going crazy, and this is her way of taking control. You told me she lost her parents, right? Lost her adopted parents, too?”

“Yes.”

“I’m sure this is tough for her. You were young when our father died. I was the oldest and knew more than you did. You’re the baby boy, remember?”

“As if you’d let me forget,” he said, smiling weakly.

“I was scared, too. I know our mother was. Thankfully, we had Grandfather, who was not so old that he couldn’t help. He took control and steered us until Mom could get it together. Losing someone you love is painful, and Katrina has gone through that twice. She lived in foster care until she was adopted, and then she lost her parents. It has to be tough for her right now. Just continue to be patient and support her.”

“I know. I have been, or I thought I had been, but why, if she believes in me, does she up and make all these changes while I was away?”

“Those changes worry you?”

“Yes, because she’s given serious thought to giving up on us. I’m a patient man, more than even I’d realized, but what if she can’t overcome her fears? What if I end up without her?”

“Are you willing to quit now?”

“She’s not giving me much choice.”

“You know, I’ve watched you climb mountains, ride bikes, surf, ski, anything to test yourself against life. You did those things, but you weren’t really afraid. They were small risks for you. You have always been a fearless kid, and now you’re a fearless young man. So now life throws you a real curve ball. You’ve finally, truly found something that you fear losing. It’s Katrina. She is your test. Can you keep going, unsure of the outcome, knowing you may be hurt, really hurt?”

Will didn’t say anything for a while. He took comfort in his sister’s presence, his second mother’s wisdom. Here he’d thought he was different from Katrina, less fearful. He had always known that he’d been loved, so he could challenge life and its risks by plunging headlong into each new conquest, one after another, while Katrina stayed close, doing what she considered safe.

Could he, risk this one thing that really mattered to him? Could he quit, cut his potential losses? He knew he would continue on. His heart wouldn’t let him stop; not yet, anyway. He blew out a deep breath and turned to look at his sister. She smiled and put her hand on Will’s knee, a silent show of support. They sat a while longer next to each other, letting the garden’s calm and beauty soothe and refresh their spirits.

***

Katrina wanted Will back, wanted to risk whatever life had to throw her way with him. She had panicked, plain and simple. Katrina needed Lola.

Lola stood in her backyard watching Syd and one of the Sheppard boys play in her sandbox. Oh, to be four again.

“Hey, girl, what’s up? How’s the house selling business going?”

“Good, I guess,” she said.

“I’ve got to tell you, you surprised me. I didn’t peg you for the type that quit. You stuck around when John would have driven any sane person away, you’re always around taking care of those godfathers of yours.”