Authors: Portia MacIntosh
‘Oh
wow! Do you have any famous friends? Apart from these guys obviously. Oh my
God, I was so shocked when Ben got the job in this band, they’re dead famous
aren’t they? Who else do you know?’
‘I
don’t like to name-drop.’ I laugh, genuinely embarrassed.
‘She’s
best mates with Dylan King,’ Luke interrupts, having crept up on us unnoticed.
‘Oh
my God, are you really? He is dead famous, and so gorgeous!’
‘It’s
true.’ Luke sits down. ‘I keep asking her to introduce us but she never does.’
‘I’d
thought about inviting him long tonight,’ I say unenthusiastically.
‘Oh
my God! Do it!’ Carla cries. ‘I am in love with him.’
‘Really?’
Luke asks.
‘I
was going to, but I haven’t really heard from him since the wedding. I don’t
think Mrs King is overly keen on him contacting me.’ Another awkward silence.
‘I’ll text him though,’ I say, rummaging in my bag to find my phone.
‘Yeah,
that would be dead good,’ Carla enthuses. ‘Tell me more about your job!’ she
demands, grabbing my hand and rocking backwards and forwards on the edge of the
sofa.
Before
I have chance to say anything, a guilty looking Ben wanders over.
‘Can
I borrow you, Nicole?’ he asks without a trace of his new found confidence.
‘Sure.’
I jump to my feet, forcing Carla to let go of my hand. Ben ushers me towards
the door, and we walk along the corridor in silence until we reach the
backdoor.
Once
outside, Ben waits for one of the roadies to walk out of earshot before letting
me know what he wants to talk to me about - as if I didn’t know.
‘Nicole.
Carla is...’
‘...
a very sweet girl,’ I interrupt. ‘How old is she?’
‘Just
turned eighteen.’ He looks down at his feet, examining his Vans trainers –
anything to avoid eye contact with me.
‘Please
don’t tell Carla about that girl you saw me with,’ he pleads, suddenly straight
to the point.
Looking
back into his sad eyes, I’m not really sure what to say. It’s not really my
place to tell Carla. I don’t know her and to be honest I don’t know Ben that
well yet.
‘I
admired you, you know,’ I tell him sincerely. ‘You weren’t like the rest of the
guys. Don’t get the wrong idea, because I love them all to bits, but when it
comes to women... well they’re not that great, are they?’
‘No,’
he says softly, still looking at his trainers. ‘This is pretty new to me, and
when the band is together, especially now we’re on tour, it feels like... I
don’t know.’
‘A
different world?’ I ask, able to relate to all of this.
‘Yes,
exactly!’
‘None
of it feels real, does it?’
‘That’s
exactly what it feels like!’ his eyes fill with emotion. ‘How did you know?’
‘Because
I only hang around with these people and I get caught up in it. But you know
what? I’m turning my life around. I have a boyfriend now, no more messing
around with bands.’
‘I’ll
never do it again. I can’t believe I did it in the first place.’
‘I
won’t tell her.’ I place an arm around Ben, who is looking closer to tears by
the second. He must feel really bad. ‘You are an awesome guitarist, and you’re
going to do well, be it with these guys or another band. There’s going to be
loads of girls throwing themselves at you, but if you really like Carla...’
‘I
do,’ he insists.
‘Then
you know what to do. Don’t be so hard on yourself though, Ben. You’re young and
it’s a hell of a lot of temptation.’
‘I
was terrified about talking to you, but I’m glad I did.’
This
is what happens when you’re a female and you tour with a bunch of guys, you end
up fulfilling all the female roles they’re missing from their lives while
they’re on the road. It doesn’t matter that I can hardly look after myself when
I’m at home, suddenly I’m playing mother, taking care of them, putting away
their shopping, comforting them and looking after their things. When people
think of groupies they see 80s-style, coke-sniffing, orgy-having, good-time
girls but that isn’t the case at all – although I do admire their fashion.
Ben
hugs me and as he squeezes me tight he whispers in my ear, ‘For what it’s
worth, I think Luke really likes you.’
‘Well
isn’t this cosy?’ Mark interrupts. ‘Moved on to another band member already, Nicole?
And with his girlfriend just inside...’ Mark smiles and I presume he is joking.
‘Something
like that.’ I smile back.
‘Eddie
wants you, Nurse Wilde. Something about getting changed.’
‘You’re
kidding me, right?’
‘What
do you think?’ Mark laughs, lighting his cigarette. ‘Run along.’
Back
in the dressing room Carla is still sitting on the sofa. She’s fiddling around
with a digital camera and a laptop is open in front of her. As soon as I walk
in the room she calls me over.
‘I
sent you a friend request on Facebook. You can use Ben’s laptop to accept me if
you want. I’m so excited that we’re going to be friends!’ She pushes the silver
MacBook towards me and I dutifully login and accept.
‘Oh
Nurse Wilde!’ I hear Eddie calling out. I am still, of course, wearing my
nurse’s cap and therefore must report for duty.
‘Coming,
sir,’ I call out cheerily, although there’s a slightly flirtatious tone to my
voice that I hadn’t originally intended – this is well received by Eddie who
replies with, ‘You will be.’
Eddie
struggles to his feet. ‘I can hop to the bathroom, but can you hold my bag
please, nurse?’
‘Oh,
I’m sure I can manage that,’ I reply with a giggle.
This
is like something for a Carry On film. It’s nice. Nice and normal. Luke is the
only one being weird with me now. He’s still lurking by the table, looking over
at me every now and then. It’s kind of embarrassing, you know the look I mean,
I look up and see him looking at me, he pretends he wasn’t looking at me, so I
pretend I wasn’t looking at him etc.
I
follow Eddie into the bathroom as instructed, carrying his bag. I’m not entirely
sure the whole Nurse Wilde thing is a joke, you know. Carrying his bag in from
the bus meant leaving mine on there – to be honest I’m just glad I remembered
it this time.
‘Unbutton
my jeans for me please, darling,’ he asks with a cheeky grin.
‘I’m
fairly sure you can do that yourself, sweetheart,’ I reply.
‘Yes,
but I have to hold my crutches while you pull me off - I mean pull
them
off.’
A
loud and exaggerated coughing noise comes from the other room. It has to be
either Luke or Carla, and it sounded a bit too manly to be the latter. I share
a silent look of recognition with Eddie. He raises his eyebrows.
‘Shut
the door first, nurse. There are ladies out there.’
‘There’s
a lady in here too,’ I protest, doing as I’m told.
The
bathroom is very small. There is a shower cubical taking up half the room and
Eddie and I are currently squashed quite close together somewhere between the
toilet and the sink.
‘Bit
of privacy, much better,’ he says, before nodding down towards his jeans. ‘If
you don’t mind.’
Despite
the flirty banter I decide that he probably really does need my help to change
his jeans. This is probably just his way of dealing with being dependant on
other people. It can’t be much fun being a twenty-something year-old man and
needing help to get dressed.
I
crouch down and fiddle with the button on his jeans. Should anyone walk in now,
this would look seriously suspicious.
‘While
you’re down there...’ he jokes. This makes me hurry back to eye level.
We
just stand for a few seconds, Eddie in his underpants, me with my silly, whorey
nurse’s cap, our bodies are just about touching and our faces are only inches
apart.
‘I
hate making promises.’ He bites his bottom lip and abandons one of his crutches
so that he can place a hand on the back of my neck.
‘What
promise did you make?’ I ask. ‘And look at that, you could’ve taken your own
jeans off!’
‘You
know the day we met you Luke took one look at you and said “That one is mine”.’
The
expression on my face must say it all because he quickly backtracks.
‘Not
in a disrespectful way, he actually liked you, and band law, well that means
more than the actual law. None of us could touch you.’
I
don’t bring up the fact that Mark tried it on with me, although I’m pretty sure
he’d be out on his arse if the matter went to band court.
‘Why
are you telling me this?’ I ask.
‘Because
we’re in here alone and my pants are down. You’re a very sexy girl.’ He strokes
my cheek and I cringe internally – although I can’t say I’m not flattered or
tempted. ‘But I know how much Luke likes you. Actually likes you. He hasn’t
even looked at another girl on this tour you know. It pains me to say it, but I
think you had better put my pants back on.’
I
laugh and oblige, unsure what Eddie’s point was in all this. I feel a bit freaked
out about the fact that Luke put a claim on me. Bloody band law. The phrase
gets knocked around a lot. I think it’s an attempt to create some kind of order
in a world where real laws and morals are ignored. So you can take lots of
drugs and sleep with anyone and everyone - as long as your bandmate hasn’t put
first dibs on them. You can trash a hotel room, put the phone in the toilet,
throw the kettle out of the window and replace the contents of all the bottles
in the mini bar with urine, but you never sleep in another band members bunk
without permission. You know, the important stuff.
For
Eddie to use the words “actually likes you”, well that must mean something,
right? For Eddie to sleep with someone they only need to have a pulse (and to
be honest I wouldn’t put it past him to limit himself to that), so to really like
someone must mean something.
As
he hobbles out of the bathroom I hang back, thinking about what he just said.
It probably didn’t mean anything, maybe he realised I had a boyfriend and would
probably reject him, maybe that was his way of backtracking?
Luke
is standing in the bathroom doorway.
‘Can
I, erm...’ he gestures towards to toilet.
‘Oh
yes, sorry. Go ahead.’ I squeeze past him through the narrow doorway, smiling
at him as our eyes meet. For a second he smiles back, but then it quickly vanishes
and he closes the door behind him. Ben and Mark are back in the room, sitting
on the sofa chatting with Eddie. Carla is standing next to them, snapping
photos as they chat which they occasionally pose for midsentence.
‘Nicole,
quick, get in the photos! I’m going to take so many pictures tonight!’
‘That’s
awesome!’ I reply, sitting down next to Eddie.
‘Hey
Nic, guess what?’ he says to me in a hushed voice.
‘What?’
I asked, ready for some gossip.
‘Mick
has a date!’ he says, falling about laughing.
‘No
way! With who?’
‘Some
old bird he met out front, she works here, cleans the place before gigs.’ Eddie
laughs even harder, even Ben and Mark are laughing. Carla is still snapping
away, not even noticing to what we’re actually talking about – bless her, she
just looks so pleased to be here.
Tour
manager Mick isn’t the best looking bloke in the world. He’s completely bald
but what he lacks in hair he more than makes up for in tattoos. There is a big
spider tattooed right on the top of his head. A big hairy tarantula – oh the
irony. Years of touring and drinking free beer have left him with a belly to be
proud of and it can often be seen poking out from underneath his beaten rock
band t-shirts. If I remember correctly, today’s t-shirt is a Guns N’ Roses tour
t-shirt, circa 1987. I remember glancing at the dates on the back and thinking
to myself how the shirt was even older than me. Before he was a tour manager he
was a roadie for some of the big bands in the 80s - that scruffy t-shirt is
probably worth something. I’ll bet he has some amazing stories to tell, but
Mick is a man of few words. That’s why I am surprised that he has managed to
bag himself a date, we can’t have been here more than an hour or so.
‘And
get this,’ Mark takes over. ‘He’s waiting for her to finish, and then fucking
off with her! He’s not staying for the gig, he’s going to miss the after-party
and everything.’
‘Nic,
come on, let’s go have a look at her. These two saw her before, Mark says she’s
a total moose,’ Eddie says.
Poor
Mick. I’m happy for him, if he wants to have a little end of tour party of his
own then he should go for it. After weeks of running around after these guys,
he deserves it.
We
walk down the corridor and out onto the stage. In front of us we see Mick,
propped against the barriers, watching a rather large lady who is bent over,
picking up empty plastic cups. Eddie grabs my arm in suspense as we wait for
the woman to turn around. I feel a pang of guilt just standing here, waiting to
catch a glimpse of the “moose”.