Authors: Portia MacIntosh
‘Do
you want me to do that?’ I ask.
‘I
can do it,’ he snaps.
I
thought maybe he was just nervous too, but he looks terrible. His eyes are red
and watery, and between attempts to get the door open he is rubbing his nose.
If we were in the “real world” I’d probably thing he was coming down with a
cold, but we’re not in the “real world” are we?
In
a way I am proud of myself, I’ve always been very anti-illegal drugs and
there’s a huge amount of temptation in the biz – well I’ve never been tempted.
Sadly, it looks like Luke has. I know a lot of bands are close friends of Mary
Joanna (say it quickly), but I’m guessing Luke is on something much harder. So
the rumours are true.
Finally
he gets the door open, laughing as he falls through the doorway, barely
managing to stay upright. Kicking the door shut, Luke puts his hands on the
wall either side of me, I can’t move and I’m being forced to look into his
eyes. I’d imagined this moment being intense but this just feels all wrong. Not
only that, but he looks a mess – sexy doesn’t spring to mind at all.
He
starts kissing me but it doesn’t feel like it did earlier. Earlier was great,
this is awful. I feel uncomfortable and his constant sniffling is making me
feel kind of sick so I pull away.
‘Everything
ok?’ asks the snotty-nosed man of my dreams.
‘Are
you
ok?’ I ask.
‘I’m
fine, let’s just get on with it,’ he insists, sounding slightly annoyed that I
stopped him.
‘Get
on with it? You smooth talker.’
He
ignores my sarcasm and starts kissing me again, pushing me onto the bed. After
five minutes of awkward – and to be honest, slightly snotty – kisses, he rolls
off me and sits on the edge of the bed, facing away from me. He seems
frustrated and he’s swearing under his breath, banging his hands on the bed
like some kind of mad man.
‘For
fucks sake!’ he shouts to himself. To be honest, I’m a little scared.
‘I’ll
be right back, just going to the bathroom,’ I tell him. I don’t wait for a
reply before heading into the huge bathroom and locking the door behind me. I
put the lid down on the toilet and sit down. The bath looks so inviting, I’d
love to have a long soak with lots of bubbles, pull on one of the fluffy bath
robes, eat room service, watch TV and then fall asleep in the big comfy bed –
rock and roll. With a wasted Luke waiting for me in the big comfy bed, I can forget
about relaxing tonight, and even though I would rather sit here until morning I
know that I have to go back out there. I’m not sure what has happened to the
man I was pretty much in love with, but that isn’t him sitting in there waiting
for me and that definitely wasn’t him throwing me around the room before. It’s
only a matter of hours since we kissed in the dressing room but now it’s like
that perfect kiss never happened.
I
check the time and realise I have been sitting in here for twenty minutes now.
It’s time to face the music, or in this case, the musician.
I
turns out I have nothing to worry about. Luke is fast asleep, the wrong way
across the bed, with his jeans and his boxers around his ankles. His mouth is
wide open and even though his eyes are closed they still look so sore. I don’t
think I’ve ever seen him look so unattractive. A lesser woman than me would
take a photograph – who am I kidding? If my phone battery wasn’t flat I’d
probably snap a quick one, if only to remind myself that I never slept with a
coke head. That has to be the reasons he’s acting like this, it makes too much
sense not to be.
I
can see his chest moving so at least I know he’s breathing, but I still don’t
fancy sleeping in here with him. I grab the spare keycard for the room next
door. I might as well head to the party, drink this out of my mind and try and
get some sleep in there.
Opening
the door to Eddie and Mark’s room (with ease, because
I'm
not high) I
realise there isn’t a party going on because all is quiet. This room is much
bigger than ours, and thinking I hear someone in the bedroom I walk though,
only to be greeted by Ben’s bare arse and a rather embarrassed looking girl
underneath him. From the way he described his girlfriend to me earlier, I can
safely say that isn’t her.
With
no idea where anyone else is I head back to the bar, plonk myself on a sofa and
gaze at the fish. Maybe Eddie and Mark will appear, maybe Ben’s female friend
will leave and I can go back up, or maybe Luke will come looking for me.
The
past couple of days have been so weird. I thought these guys were my friends -
I’ve know them for years, I’ve got drunk with them a million times before, I’ve
crashed on the bus and in hotels with them countless times – but these past few
days I’ve seen another side to them, their true colours or the side effects of
fame? I just don’t know. Eddie, the one who I expect the least of based on past
experiences, is the only one who has pleasantly surprised me, or at the least
remained consistent.
I
thought this was going to be the best tour ever and I thought things were going
to work out great between me and Luke, but after several bad experiences with
boys in bands you’d think I know better by now. I guess I just thought things
were going to be different this time.
I
don’t know how I’m going to face them all tomorrow. After this business with
Luke, my argument with Mark and catching Ben in the act I’ll be avoiding
everyone apart from Eddie tomorrow. To be honest, all I care about right now is
finding someone I know, getting to bed and getting some sleep. I’ll just wait
here until someone passes.
Another
day, another night sleeping on another uncomfortable sofa – Nicole Wilde, this
is your life.
This
morning I woke up on the sofa in the hotel bar. I slept there all night, I’m
really lucky a member of staff didn’t wake me up and ask me to move because I
really don’t know where I’d have gone.
It’s
9am now. I’ve just been in the toilets freshening up and before I have chance
to worry about what to do next, I spot Mick at the reception desk – he looks worried.
‘Everything
ok, Mick?’ I ask.
‘Nicole,
I wondered where you’d got to. Everything is not ok – one sec.’
He’s
on the phone, saying something about a hospital and cancelling the rest of the
tour. All kinds of thoughts are running through my head. Was Luke definitely ok
when I left him last night? I was sure he was breathing when I left him, but
I’ll never forgive myself if something happened to him after I left. I wait
patiently for Mick to finish on the phone and tell me what’s going on.
‘Right,’
he composes himself, exhaling heavily and running a hand through what little
hair he has. ‘There was a bit of an accident last night.’ He stops again, this
time to punch something into his phone. ‘At some point last night, while I was
fast asleep might I add, a couple of the boys took the party to the hotel
pool.’
A
wave of relief comes over me as I realise that Luke might be alright, but one
of the other guys isn’t...
‘Eddie
was pissing around on the diving board, he tried to jump in and hit his leg on
the side of the pool. He’s at the hospital now, they say his leg is broken.
We’ve got to cancel the rest of the tour. They’re giving him some pain relief
and putting a temporary cast on it, and then we’re heading back to London so he
can see his own doctor. Are you coming back with us?’
‘Don’t
worry, Mick. I think I’ll head home.’
This
is a blessing in disguise. I can go home without having to face Ben, Mark or
Luke. I feel slightly guilty for being so happy when poor Eddie is in the
hospital with a broken leg, but it’s best for everyone if I just leave.
‘Could
you let me on the bus, please?’ I ask Mick as I try to look at least a little
bit disappointed. ‘I just need to get a few things.’
‘I’ve
got calls a few more calls to make,’ Mick tells me, then he spots Mark walking
across the lobby.
‘Oi,’
he calls to him. ‘Mark? Let Nicole on the bus to get her stuff, mate.’
‘Sure,’
Mark replies as Mick tosses him the keys.
I
follow him reluctantly.
‘It’s
just down the road,’ he tells me. I wasn’t expecting him to talk to me at all.
‘Were
you with Ed when he fell?’ I ask.
‘Yeah,
I was. He was off his fucking head. That’s him and Luke, always taking it too
far.’
Don’t
I know it. If Eddie was half as wasted as Luke then it’s no wonder he had an
accident.
‘I’m
sorry for calling you a slut,’ Mark tells me as we approach the bus.
‘Actually,
you called me a tart,’ I correct him without thinking, and I instantly regret it.
‘Whatever,’
he laughs. ‘You are neither of those things and no one has the right to call
you either of them, remember that.’
I
smile at him and he sighs.
‘I
liked you, and I thought you liked me, but then I realised you liked Luke. You
do like Luke, don’t you?’
‘Sort
of,’ I reply sheepishly. I thought I did until last night.
‘I
shouldn’t talk this way about my band mates – my friends,’ he corrects himself.
‘But Luke is bad news, Eddie too. Anything they come into contact with they’ll
either shag or snort. You’re a nice girl, maybe a bit naive and easily lead,
but nice all the same.’
He
unlocks the bus door and gestures for me to get on first. As I collect up my
things from the living area, he carries on talking.
‘It’s
not my job to warn you off these guys, and yeah, they’re my friends, but so are
you and I don’t want to see them mess you around. I only snapped at you because
I was jealous. Will you forgive me?’
‘Of
course I will,’ I tell him, and he offers me a hug which I accept. ‘I’m sorry
for shouting at you too.’
‘Forget
about it, I’m just glad we’re still friends. Just tell me that I wasn’t a bad
kisser.’
‘You
weren’t a bad kisser.’ I smile at him. He actually was kind of a bad kisser,
but that’s probably not the best thing to say out loud right now.
‘So
are you heading for the train station?’ he asks.
‘Yep.
Wasn’t expecting to have to do this today.’
‘Do
you want me to walk you there?’
‘Don’t
worry, I’m sure I’ll find it. You go help Mick, he’s so stressed out. Give
Eddie my love won’t you? Tell him I’m putting this in the magazine.’
‘Oh
I’ll tell him, don’t you worry about that.’
We
laugh. I am so glad that we are on good terms again. We say our goodbyes and he
gives me a kiss on the cheek. My next impossible task is to wander through
Birmingham, trying to find the damn train station.
Oh
Leeds, how I’ve missed you. My train journey back from Birmingham was absolute
hell. I just couldn’t stop thinking about the past couple of days and when I
wasn’t obsessing over every little detail I was falling asleep, all under the
watchful gaze of an elderly lady who clearly couldn’t wrap her head around my
dress.
Speaking
of my dress, I’m going to drop by the office and show the gang - because I know
it will give Emily a laugh and provide Jake plenty of piss-taking material for
the foreseeable future – and then it’s home to bed for some much needed sleep.
Armed
with the coffees I picked up at the station, I bum-barge my way through the
ByteBanter doors with my usual baby elephant-like elegance. ET pokes his head
out of his office door.
‘Wilde,
I thought you were on the road?’
‘I
was. I’m back!’ I say cheerily, holding my arms out in a “voila” kind of way. I
clock one of the nerdy desk boys (probably not his official job title) staring
and blow him a kiss. Of course, he turns bright red and I feel slightly bad.
I’m just glad to be home and it’s really showing.
This
explanation obviously satisfies my boss, who has vanished as fast as he
appeared, so I trot on to my office.
‘What’s
up, bitches?’ I yell as I enter the room.
‘Are
you high?’ Jake replies without missing a beat.
‘High
on life, babes. High on life.’
‘And
wearing orange,’ Vicky chimes in.
‘Yep,
you know me and secondary colours,’ I say, still with a huge smile on my face.
‘Love them!’
At
this point Emily walks out of my office with a very worried look on her face.
‘Oh
God, what’s happened?’ I ask.
Jake’s
face has fallen too but Vicky I still smiling, so I know it must be bad news.
‘What
are you doing here?’ Emily asks me.
‘Eddie
broke his leg. What’s happened?’
‘We’ve
been trying to call you, why was your phone off?’
‘I
forgot my bloody charger, tell me what’s happened!’
‘Did
you know about Dylan?’ Emily asks me.
‘What
about him?’
‘About
him getting some random girl pregnant!’ she squeals, holding up today’s paper
as evidence. The headline reads “You must be joKING: Dylan to be a dad” - very
pun-ny, I have to admit.