A.J. swallowed, her voice coming out raspy. “How did she make you desperate?”
“She drugged my food and shut me in a heavy cabinet in the cellar. I’d try not to eat, but I could only hold out so long against hunger. I can’t tell you how I hated that weakness in myself.”
“That wasn’t weakness.” A.J. clasped his face to help her words sink in. How anyone could want to hurt him was beyond her. “That was you surviving.”
The expression in Luke’s eyes was soft. “I know that now. My shrink and I worked on it long enough.”
A.J. let her hands relax, stroking his cheek instead.
Luke turned to kiss her palm. “One of the worst things my abductor did was claim the world had abandoned me. No one would come to save me. Even if my family had cared once, she said they’d given up on looking. I began to believe her, until one day, when she’d trusted me to walk around for a few minutes, someone crouched down by the window of that forgotten cellar and saw me.”
“Me,” A.J. murmured, barely able to credit it.
“You,” he agreed. “Even shut in the wardrobe, I heard each time you crept down the alley to check if I was there again. I prayed you wouldn’t give up, that I’d get a chance to speak to you and get a message to someone. The morning I saw that key glinting in the dust on the windowsill, I could hardly believe it. I knew somehow, some way, you’d stolen it for me.
“It was the key that opened the door at the top of the basement steps. If I could trick Vivianne into thinking I was drugged and compliant, she might leave me out of the cabinet for a bit. Then, with the key, I could gain access to the ground floor. As long as she didn’t see me, I’d be able to escape. I just needed enough time to accomplish it.”
“I take it that’s what happened.”
“9-11 is what happened. I can’t imagine what went through Vivianne’s mind when the towers came down. Rational New Yorkers were shocked enough. All I knew was she wasn’t in the house. I didn’t let myself wonder what was going on. The end of the world wouldn’t have seemed strange to me.
“By the time I got free, I was only strong enough to stumble, but the general exodus from the city gave me the cover I needed to get away. I ended up in a Laundromat I don’t even know where. A crowd of people was inside, watching their TV. Every cop who could get downtown was, but someone called social services for me. My memory of the next couple days is muddled. I was in a hospital for a while before my parents sprang me. That was a good day. I knew I’d really escaped then.”
“I imagine it was a good day for your parents too.”
“Yes,” he said and smiled sweetly.
Their hands lay together on his knees, fingers wound together. Hers were sweating, her emotions running riot. If she released her hold on him, she felt as if her mind would stop functioning. His story was incredible, and yet she knew he couldn’t be pranking her. She’d only ever told her dad she’d seen Luke in that cellar and never about the key. Only she knew that. Only she and Luke.
She cleared her throat. “What happened to your abductor?”
“The FBI apprehended her a week later. I guess she couldn’t stand the strain of being captured and had a mental break. She was declared unfit to stand trial. She’s been in a psychiatric facility ever since.”
“You’re sure about that.”
“Positive. My dad checks in with them every month. And the nurses know to call him if her condition changes. She hasn’t gotten out. She hasn’t even been responsive. We found out mental illness ran in her family. Her mother didn’t run away with another man. She was institutionalized as well. Schizophrenia, too severe to function on the outside. After a couple years, she committed suicide. Lennart Danielson thought his daughter was better off not knowing.” Luke squeezed A.J.’s hands. “I know you’d have preferred I told you before now but, trust me, Vivi Danielson can’t be orchestrating these attacks.”
Even if she accepted that, A.J. couldn’t let it drop.
“I have to tell my dad,” she warned. “He’ll want to run the details down. Something about that old situation might be connected to today.”
Luke’s breath caught, but he seemed to think better of protesting. “I guess I can live with that.”
A.J. stared at the marvel that was his face. The trauma wasn’t written there. His green eyes were no sadder than anyone’s who’d lived a bit. The lines at their corners seemed to be from smiling and the bright California sun. His lovely mouth was relaxed, his perfect brow unfurrowed.
No one would guess his looks had once cursed him.
“No one knows about this,” she said. “I’ve never seen it in any of your bios.”
The implication that she’d read them caused one side of his mouth to twitch. “Daniels, Minnesota is a small town. After I got home, people were protective. They kept what happened out of the papers.”
“And you never shared the story? Even though it’s a doozy?”
He laughed wryly. “Yes, I understand it would make amazing talk show fodder, but I want to be known for what I’ve accomplished, not for what was done to me as a kid.”
Guilt stung her as she realized something else. “You remembered me. You recognized me that day in the bar even though I was years older.”
Though she was aghast at her blindness, he drew his index finger playfully down her nose. “I recognized these whiskey eyes. I couldn’t remember from where until after you’d given me the bum’s rush. Even then, I wasn’t a hundred percent sure you were my angel.”
“Is
that
how you think of me?”
He wagged his brows, amused by her apparent horror. “You’ve saved my life twice now. The idea of you being heaven-sent isn’t inconceivable.”
“But the way I treated you! I was horrible!”
“That’s not how I remember it. You defended a total stranger, at some risk to yourself. You took me to the ER, then into your home, where—as I recall—you fed me, gave me a place to sleep, and made sure I didn’t slip into a coma. Then, if that weren’t enough to earn my gratitude, you did me the favor of inviting me to your bed. Believe me, I have fond memories of that.”
“But you said it yourself: I bum-rushed you the next morning. Then when you called, I totally blew you off.”
“You only did what thousands do every day when, for whatever reason, they’re not ready to be in a relationship.”
“I should have given you a chance. I shouldn’t have hurt your feelings!”
“I understand why you did. It wasn’t the right time for you. For all we know, neither of us was ready then.”
He seemed to be suggesting that wasn’t true anymore. Was he right? In spite of having wished no more than seconds ago that she could be more like him, her chest tightened nervously. Uncomfortable, she had to drop her eyes. “This is a some crazy coincidence. No wonder you think we’re—” She clapped her mouth shut, not ready to go there.
He guessed what she’d been reluctant to utter. “That we’re meant to be?” He laughed softly. “I’m realizing it’s not that simple. Not with you, anyway.”
That hurt her illogically. “Oh thanks,” she said without thinking.
He caught her chin and smiled right into her soul. “I love you, Alexandra. I don’t know if you’re ready to believe it, but I need you to hear the words.”
Oh boy
, she thought, her heart instantly racketing inside her ribcage. She didn’t know what she was feeling. Elation? Panic? Both simultaneously? Because she was her, her next words came out surly.
“I’m not going to die tomorrow. Maybe look like an idiot but not that.”
He laughed, his hands chafing her shoulders. “I need you to hear the words because I feel them so deeply.”
Crap
, she thought, aware that she was about to cry. She fought succumbing as best she could. “I like you a lot. You snuck underneath my walls.”
“I know,” he said, clearly entertained by her grudging tone.
She wasn’t saying enough. As brave as he was, he deserved the same from her. “Maybe I more than like you. I’ve never been in love before, so—”
He laid two fingers across her lips. “Don’t push yourself to say it if you’re not comfortable. I’ll take you liking me a lot for now.”
Oh he’d take it
for now
, would he?
“I’m teasing,” he said, easily reading her reaction. “I promise I won’t take your feelings for granted.”
Just like that, her annoyance drained away—even though she knew he was managing her. Possibly she needed managing where he was concerned. She shook her head in wonder. “How can you be so open and forgiving after what you went through?”
“That’s how I win. Every day I choose who to be . . . or try to. As much as possible, I
want
to trust people. I want to be happy and not haunted. I want to enjoy my life. That’s my victory over her.” He tugged coaxingly at her hands. “Come on. I’m exhausted. Let’s you and I get some rest.”
“I need to call my father first. You go ahead and lie down. I’ll be in the sitting room.”
He pulled a face, but he didn’t argue.
She didn’t realize she was nervous to explain all this to her dad until she was in the next room alone. She wanted to prepare what she was going to say, wanted to somehow separate having slept with a client from the information her father needed to do his job.
Just tell him everything
, she thought.
Don’t edit. He knows you’re not perfect. If you have to take your medicine, you will
.
She made the call standing up, one hand clamped on the back of a retro chair.
“Hoyt,” came his sleep-blurred voice.
Shit
, she thought. “Sorry. I forgot about the time difference. It’s A.J.”
“A.J.” He cleared his throat. “You okay, sweetie?”
“Yes.” Was she? “Sort of. Fuck.”
Her dad laughed softly. She heard a rustle like he was sitting up in bed. “Okay, you’ve got my attention now. Is this business or personal?”
“Both?” Her voice went up at the end.
“O-kay,” he said more slowly.
A.J. swallowed. “Dad, I slept with Luke.”
There was a little pause. “Ah,” he said as if he weren’t sure how he should respond. “Okay, well, it happened before, so we knew there was a chance it would again.”
“That’s not all, or not the important thing.”
“I’m already sitting down, so I won’t ask if I should. Am I going to be a grandparent?”
“What? No!
Dad
.”
“That is not an unreasonable question,” he reproached.
A.J. tried to get her brain back on track. “Luke told me something about his past, because we’ve . . . gotten close. He thinks it doesn’t have to do with the case, but I think I’d rather be safe than sorry.”
“What did he tell you?”
“It’s kind of weird.”
“Sweetie, please spit it out.”
“Do you remember when I was twelve, and I thought there was a boy locked in the cellar of the creepy brownstone down the block from us?”
“Vaguely.”
“Okay, I don’t want you to feel bad for doubting me, because I know how wild my imagination was back then, but it turns out there was a boy and it was Luke. He was locked in that cellar.”
“A.J., that’s too crazy to believe.”
“I told you it was weird, but he can’t be pranking me, and why would he anyway? He knew about the key I shoved in to him. That’s how he got away. On 9-11, when the towers came down. I didn’t tell anyone about that. Not you. Not Nigella. No one.”
Her voice had risen again with stress. She was more rattled than she’d realized.
“All right,” her dad said, infusing the words with calm. “Start at the beginning. Lay it out for me logically.”
She did what he asked as well as she was able, telling him everything she’d done and everything Luke said. Her dad must have had his laptop nearby because she heard him typing as she spoke—taking notes, she presumed.
“I’m going to check this out,” he said when she finished. “See what I can confirm.”
A sureness she didn’t expect settled over her. “I know Luke didn’t lie to me, Dad. I don’t know what all this means, but no matter how crazy his story sounds, I know he told the truth.”
He told the truth about loving her as well.
She had sufficient control of her mouth not to share that with her dad—or that Luke loving her seemed more earthshaking than the rest. She needed to think about that, to turn it over in her head and consider it from all sides.
You just want to think about it
, she taunted.
By the time she returned to the bedroom, the lights were out. Luke was on his side underneath the zillion thread-count sheets. She undressed and slipped in behind him, wrapping her arm around him without prompting.
Since she was being honest, she admitted snuggling with him wasn’t really that difficult. His skin was warm, his muscles smooth and relaxed. Telling her about his past had eased something inside him. When she kissed his nape, he made a soft pleasured sound.
“I thought you were a vampire,” she confided.
“Excuse me?”
“When I spotted you in the cellar. You were skinny and pale, and I decided you were a boy vampire. I figured someone trapped you there to steal the secrets of eternal youth.”
His shoulders shook with laughter. “I’m lucky you didn’t push a blood bag in that window.”
“Don’t think it didn’t cross my mind. I had some notions involving bendy straws.”
“So, once upon a time, you weren’t this hard-nosed and practical.”
“Back then, every light in the sky was an alien ship to me. It’s no wonder my dad didn’t believe I’d seen anything.” She winced at the thought of what Luke had been enduring. “I should have tried harder.”
“You tried hard enough. What you did enabled me to get free.”
She was silent for a moment. “It’s just so odd. The way our paths keep crossing.”
“Probably you should stick with me, so even odder things don’t happen.”
She recognized his tongue-in-cheek tone by now. He was teasing her and being serious simultaneously. She rubbed her face on his muscular shoulder, pressing her lips to it gently. Luke hugged her arm closer.
“’Night,” he murmured.
“’Night,” she answered back.
She wanted to tell him to have sweet dreams, but that seemed too much like mothering. The impulse took an effort to resist. She knew the origin of his nightmares now.