Stand (Black Addiction Book 3) (12 page)

“I’m not sure I can go there with you.” He shook his head, confused why I had decided now was the time to flip the switch on our merry-go-round.

“You can, and it will be better than what we had before, I promise.”

“Then why do I want to kiss you right now? And not in a friendly way.” He moved his head closer, his nose skating across mine.

“And right now, I would probably let you. But it would go nowhere.” Not long term, not in a way that would matter.

“Then let’s find out.”

Before I could answer he did what he had threatened to do. Because of all the things Max was, a liar wasn’t one of them.

His mouth crushed mine, my rebuttal not even fully formed in my head when his tongue slipped through my opened lips and sought refuge in mine. It wasn’t just our mouths that were misbehaving, our bodies had disregarded everything I’d said and were clawing at each other too. Mine just as badly as his. And as much as I wanted to keep kissing him, I hated what we’d become.

“We need to stop, please stop.” I finally found the courage to whisper.

His head snapped up no less violent than if I’d grabbed his hair and yanked it back myself, his body completely disengaging as he took a step back.

“You have never asked me to stop before.”

“I’m asking you now.”

He raked his hands through his hair, before his eyes settled back on me, on his face was an emotion I couldn’t read.

Just as he had, I also took a step back. The distance necessary because I wasn’t sure my body wasn’t going to pull him back in again.

“No, don’t do that.” He raised his hand, the shake of his head following soon after. “You don’t want to be with me in that way, all right. But don’t move away from me. You know I would never hurt you.”

“I know. I didn’t think that.” He would be the last person who’d hurt me, it hadn’t been him that I’d been worried about.

“Then what were you thinking?”

It hadn’t occurred to me that that one step away might be seen as something other than what it was. Distance. But he was right; I had no idea what was going on in his head, which meant he had no idea what was going on in mine. Being afraid wasn’t it.

“That this is my fault. I’m leading you on.” My actions had certainly pointed to it. The hot and then cold. It wasn’t fair.

“That’s something else I won’t allow you to do, take responsibility for how I’m feeling and what I’m doing.”

“Max—”

“Fuck, Beth.” He blew out a curse. “I showed up on your doorstep and it was obvious that you had put distance between us for a reason. I might not have tracked you down, but I sure as hell pushed the issue.”

“Do you think we can move past this? Just be friends?” God, I hoped so, because if he couldn’t this would be the first time I would ever have to say goodbye. And that would hurt more than I could ever imagine.

“Yes, because losing you again isn’t an option.”

This time when he reached for me it wasn’t with the intention of kissing me, but it was with no less intensity. My head nestled against his chest as his arms wrapped tightly around my body but he didn’t try for more. The steady thump of his heart matched my own as we stood still. Just there. The two of us.

“We should go back, everyone is probably wondering where we are.” I was the first one to speak, the words getting muffled by his chest.

“Yeah, are you and Jules sticking around for a little while? I’d offer you guys a ride but the ‘Vette only has two seats.” He slowly let his arms fall, this time the distance being initiated by him as he took a step back.

“No, it’s fine. We’ll grab a cab. And I don’t have anywhere else to be.” I tried so hard to force my lips into a grin. “A good friend of mine’s band played tonight. I want to hang out with them. They are pretty awesome.”

“Yeah?” Max laughed, “Maybe you should tell your friend how awesome he is all the time. If he’s in a band he probably has a huge ego and would love to hear it.”

“Then I should probably get going. I think I saw Joey out near the bar.” I laughed, glad the tone of the conversation had turned.

“Oh God, please no.” He shook his head, pulling back in mock horror. “Not even as a joke, Beth. His head can barely fit through the doorway now, anymore and we’re going to have serious problems.”

“Okay, Okay.” My body shook as I laughed. “As long as you buy me a new beer.”

“Deal.”

If anyone had noticed
we’d been missing, it hadn’t showed when we came back.

Rusty had a larger than usual circle around him, girls vying for his attention even though his girlfriend was right there. Joey was talking the loudest; his hands moving constantly with whatever he was talking about always seeming to need visual cues. And Angie was sitting on a bar stool, chatting to Alison who seemed completely cool with her dude being the center of attention.

Even Jules didn’t notice, the long line at the bathroom keeping her away longer than we’d been gone. Something we all heard about when she returned and expressed her displeasure of being inconvenienced because of her lack of dick. The comedic relief a welcome addition to what had been pretty intense a few minutes before.

Last call was announced and I walked the two girls out to the street, making sure they were safely in a cab before I went back inside the bar. Then I said my goodbyes, grabbed my shit and headed to the garage where I’d parked my car. One of the perks of the larger success was having roadies to take care of your rig, the guys already taking care of our instruments while we’d been shooting the breeze at the bar.

The drive home fucking sucked. Even the joy of driving my car didn’t raise my mood with Beth’s let’s-be-friends speech rolling around in my head on constant repeat. Yeah, ‘cause that shit was easy.

Oh, I’d agreed to it. Of course I fucking did. Not like there was an option. But while my mouth had been all yeah-let’s-be-bffs the rest of me wasn’t buying it. Which was a really shitty thing to do to say the least.

I wasn’t in the business of BS and I had never fed any to her. But there was also a bigger chance of me putting down my bass and winning an Olympic gold medal for the US swim team than giving up on her. Not because I wanted to fuck her—because if that were all it was I’d go find someone else to fuck—but because I honestly believed she was wrong.

She had been accurate in presenting the facts. We’d gone around the same block a few times, but that didn’t mean we were done. Not the way I saw it. In fact, I thought it proved the fucking opposite, that fate had seen what we’d not been smart enough to see ourselves. We belonged together and every time either of us tried to stop that and moved away, whatever force that was moving the chess pieces saw to it that we course corrected. Which was back to each other.

Now, I had never been a big believer in destiny other than the one you made for yourself. But I had seen some pretty strong evidence to suggest that some shit was in the cards whether you wanted it or not. Beth had always been in my cards and I sure as shit wasn’t changing my deck now.

So where did that leave me? Apart from the obvious—I was a sad sack who wanted what apparently wasn’t his anymore. But it also meant I was going to have to win her back.

This time for good.

My work was well and truly cut out for me. Flowers and candy weren’t even an option, neither was almost anything else I had in my bag of tricks. She had seen it all before. So if I wanted to change the outcome, I needed a completely new game plan. One she’d not only hadn’t seen from me, but from any of the assholes she’d dated over the years. Because my end game, was long term. As in there would be no other assholes. Just me. Asshole, number one.

Friends? Not an option, sorry. This was the only way it was going to be. That or I was going to end up the breaking news bulletin when I was arrested on stalking and harassment charges. Jail time would ruin the touring schedule so I guess we hope for the best.

It was something that kept me up most of the night, tossing and turning after I’d gone to bed alone. Not like I didn’t have options to share the sheets with someone if I’d wanted, but there was zero chance of that happening. As in, if it wasn’t Beth, I wasn’t interested in any other women. I didn’t even mourn the loss; happy to give my dick a time out while I figured out a way to convince her she was wrong.

So the next morning instead of sitting around in my empty bed and feeling like a jerk-off, I got up and started to put the pieces into place. I’d wasted enough time and if the band’s success had taught me anything it was that if you wanted something, you went out and got it. Not sure why it had taken me so long to wake up. Possibly because I’d been a self-centered dick with his head up his ass, or maybe I’d been too focused on my career. But thankfully I’d woken the fuck up, and there was no mistaking what I wanted. Her. And not in the way she’d suggested.

First thing I had to put up with was the bullshit charade where I didn’t seem interested in more than just friends. Well, okay then, can do. Of course it was going to be close to impossible to hide the fucking hard-on she gave me with little more than a smile, but we’d just have to work with what we had. And short of cutting my dick off, that shit wasn’t going to stop.

And being that I was such a good
friend,
I knocked on her door bright-eyed and bushy fucking tailed at eleven the next morning. Two obscenely large coffees I’d snagged a few minutes before, in my hands as I rapped on the wood.

“Hey.” Beth pulled open the door, the messed up hair and eye rub hinting she hadn’t been awake. “You brought coffee?” Her eyes moved from my face to the two cups of piping hot java I was balancing in my hands. The fucking smile it earned me better than I’d hoped.

Better yet, she opened the door and invited me inside, the view infinitely better of her in all her mussed up glory.

“Sure did.” I tried to not notice the fact she was wearing sleep shorts and a tank top with no bra. That hard-on that threatened to be my undoing, looking for a way out of my jeans. “Figured you might need it. There’s one here for Jules too.”

“That’s so sweet of you.” She took one of the cups from my hand and gave me the best hug she could considering neither of us wanted to end up with third degree burns. “She’s still sleeping.”

Yeah, sorry Jules but didn’t really care you weren’t awake
. “No sweat, I’ll just leave it here then.” The other cup I’d been holding was lowered on to their kitchen table. “She can have it later.” I stepped back and watched as Beth’s cup moved up to her lips, the way her eyes closed as she savored the mouthful.

Annnnnnnnnnd on that note. “Need to get going. Catching up with Joey and Kenzie. Chat soon, okay?” I gave her a two finger wave and headed back toward the door.

“Oh, well thanks.” She followed, her grip on her coffee maintained as she walked me to the door. “This is heaven.”

“No probs.” Seriously, the least I could do. “See ya.”

I didn’t look back.

Just turned my ass around and headed back to the elevator, unsure if she’d still been looking from the door.

The catch up with Joey and Kenzie was a real thing. He’d been too drunk to drive his sorry ass home and even though I’d offered, he instead caught a ride with Eric, his drum tech. The offer I’d extended had been partly for my own benefit, wanting to see his sorry ass stumble up the front of his stairs and try not to wake his six-month old while Kenzie shot him the evil eye. It was great because Joey wasn’t quiet so the chances of his wife tearing him a new one were high if his kid so much as cracked an eyelid open.

Sadly while I was initially denied the pleasure, I was hoping some of it was still playing out this morning when I went to get Joey so we could pick up his truck.

“Hey Max,” Kenzie threw her arms around me as she answered the door. “Come in, he’s still in the shower.” She stepped aside so I could walk past.

Just after Kenzie and Joe had tied the knot—before Layla had made her entrance—the two of them got serious. They did the grown up thing by buying property and dropped mega bucks on a sweet, newly renovated townhouse in Chelsea. The place was ridiculous, fully pimped out with a pool and everything and thankfully not turning either of them into douchebags. Not that I had been seriously concerned.

“There’s my girl.” I scooped up my goddaughter who had been too enthralled with some singing and dancing dinosaur on the television to notice I’d walked in.

Her cheeks puffed as her lips pulled into a grin, a squeal of delight being my reward as I twirled her around. Her giggles louder than what would seem reasonable given such a small package.

“She loves her uncle Max that’s for sure.” Kenzie watched amused as I planted kisses all over Layla’s face.

“Yeah, well the feeling is mutual.” Layla stopped squealing as I laid her against my chest. “And if anyone ever hurts her they better have their headstone picked out.”

That wasn’t idle talk either. The kid in my arms couldn’t mean more than if she’d been my own and I’d throw down for her in a heartbeat.

“Ha, like there’d be anything left of them once I got done.” Joey’s hair was still wet as he strode into the living room, his face not looking morning fresh despite it being closer to the afternoon.

“You guys are both terrible.” Kenzie held out her hands, her daughter mimicking the action. “God help any of her boyfriends.” She laughed moving her daughter into her arms.

“No need to worry about that.” Joey dismissed his wife, kissing his little girl’s forehead. “She’s never dating. Ever.”

“Agreed.” I nodded, willing to back up my best friend if any kid had the balls to ask her out.

“You’re both delusional.” Kenzie rolled her eyes, her smile mirrored by the sweet girl in her arms. “Now go get your truck, dumbass. Layla and I need a nap because I have a gig tonight.” She shot me a wink before she left the room.

“So, how you feeling, Joe?” I popped the bastard right in the arm knowing full well his answer wasn’t going to be “peachy, thanks.”

“Why did you let me drink so much?” His fingers squeezed the bridge of his nose. “I feel like an air bag exploded in my head.”

“And ruin your great night?” I scoffed, the asshole big enough to make his own bad decisions. Especially ones that amused the hell out of me. “Not how I roll, brother.”

“Yeah, well fuck you.” Joey flipped me off. “Let’s go get my fucking truck.”

***

Problem with karma was it went both ways. Joey had a motherfucking field day grilling me about what the score was with Beth. And despite being lit up, apparently noticed we didn’t leave together nor seem to be together.

Which of course meant I had to come clean that while we weren’t together I was planning on changing that. The heated stare he threw me from the passenger seat enough to tell me he didn’t approve. Which was completely fine considering I didn’t need his approval, my mind stuck on the one track.

“You better know what you’re doing, Max.” The evil looks hadn’t been enough so he’d started verbal warnings as well. “This has epic fall out written all over it.”

“Oh, because you would have just walked away from Kenzie if she’d said she wasn’t interested. Yeah, I seem to remember how
okay
you were with it when she’d tried the let’s-just-be-friends BS.” He winced as I reminded him about his ass being sidelined over a massive misunderstanding. His girl had been willing to walk away except he hadn’t been so keen.

“That was different.” He swallowed, not having more of an argument.

“For you. Not for me.”

And that was the end of that. He’d said his piece and I’d said mine, and we were happy to disagree. I’d delivered him to his truck and waved him on his way.

My morning charity efforts had left me hungry, so rather than heading back to my pad, I parked my ride in search of lunch.

The Raw Deal was bustling with activity. Every hipster, hippie or douchebag was itching to try their uncooked rabbit food which looked exactly as unappetizing as it sounded. But, right next door was a burger joint that made the best cheeseburger and chili fries I’d argue in Manhattan. And it gave me a warped sense of pleasure to walk past the vegan haunt and chow down on cooked meat. Yeah, I know that makes me an asshole but I didn’t much care.

“Hey, I know you.” I felt a tug at my arm.

Not for nothing but I got that a lot. Some days more than others, and usually after a photo or an autograph I was back on my way. No one mobbed us in New York, the residents spoiled for choice with the amount of celebrities living in its city limits. So I was all set to say hello and get on with the task at hand i.e. feeding my face, when I turned to see who it was getting my attention.

Funnily enough, I knew him too.

“Hey, dude. Don’t think you do.” The smug smile was unable to be suppressed. “Are you a fan?” I pulled off my shades so I could get a better look at him.