Stalking the Dragon (8 page)

“The cure sounds worse than the problem,” complained the goblin.

“Well then,” said Jeeves, “I could tie your arms over your head, and hang you from a tree until you stretch out—but I don't have any rope with me.”

“Felina,” said Mallory, “go straighten him out.”

Still smiling, the cat-girl approached Chou En-lai Smith, extended a forefinger, slid it just beneath the point of his chin, and pressed upward—and as she pressed, he straightened up until a few seconds later he was standing erect.

“Thank you,” he said. “She's quite a weapon, that cat-thing.”

“You just have to know how to aim her,” said Mallory.

“So can I come along with you?” asked the goblin.

“What the hell,” said Mallory with a shrug. “They've already taken a shot at me. Who knows? I may need two bodyguards before this case is over.”

“Case?” repeated the goblin.

“I'm a detective.”

“Have you got an oversexed secretary called Velma? I'm told they go with the job.”

“No,” said Mallory. “I have a partner who's addicted to romance novels and shooting things, an office cat who's a walking appetite, and a magic mirror with an attitude.”

“Pity,” sympathized the goblin. “What kind of case are we on?”

“We're after a stolen dragon.”

“Good!” enthused the goblin. “Finding dragons is one of the very best things I do.”

“Right up there with fighting, is it?” said Mallory.

“I won't tease you about not having a Velma, and you don't tease me about my slipped disk, okay?”

“Deal,” said Mallory. He checked his watch. “And now we've really got to get going.” He began walking toward the dragon pond. “What should we call you?”

“All my friends call me Chou,” replied the goblin.

“Joe it is,” said the detective.

“Just one moment,” said Joe the goblin. He stepped ahead of Mallory and shouted: “This man and his friends are under my protection. Be warned that anyone who threatens or even hinders us faces my fierce and righteous wrath.” He turned to Mallory. “Okay, we can go.”

“Now?” asked Mallory. “Or should we wait for all the laughter to die down?”

C
HAPTER
10

10:33
PM
–11:01
PM

“I think I see it,” said Jeeves, peering into the darkness.

“Either that, or someone is playing with matches,” said Mallory as small flames briefly darted out.

“Not to worry,” said Joe, moving to the front of the procession. “I'll protect you.”

“From the pond's attendants, or from my partner?” asked Mallory dryly.

“It's not easy being a superhero,” said Joe in hurt tones. “The least you can do is not make fun of me.”

“Do you really come from Vietnam?” asked Jeeves.

“Almost,” said the goblin.

“Almost?”

“I come from the Vietnamese section of the Bronx,” replied Joe.

“That's only a block or two long,” noted Mallory.

“Even so, we have our heroes,” said Joe.

“For example?”

“Danny Diem,” said Joe. “He moved to Hollywood ten years ago. Whenever you see Jet Li or Jackie Chan kicking the shit out of someone, odds are it's Danny.”

“Why not root for a winner?” asked Mallory.

“He's from the neighborhood,” answered the goblin. “We used to cut classes together and sneak off to watch Slinky Sally and Her Educated Snake at the Rialto.”

“Well, that puts a different light on it,” said Mallory.

Joe smiled happily. “I knew you'd understand.”

“John Justin!” called Winnifred. “Is that you?”

“Yeah,” said Mallory, looking around until he spotted her standing near the extensive structure that formed the dragon pond. “Any luck?”

“Not so far,” she said. “And you?”

“Well, I know a few places where he isn't.”

“And who is this?” asked Winnifred, indicating the goblin.

“Joe En-lai Smith at your service, ma'am,” was his response. “Villains defeated, armies destroyed, enemy strongholds laid waste to.”

“Forget all that,” said Winnifred. “How are you at finding dragons?”

“I don't know,” he answered honestly. “I've never lost one.”

“I'm glad you're here, John Justin. Let's get on with the inspection.”

“Who is this…this
female?
” demanded Belle.

“What was that?” asked Winnifred.

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you,” said Mallory.

“Try me.”

Mallory pulled the cell phone out of his lapel pocket and held it up.

“You're kidding, right?” said Winnifred.

“Do I look like a joke?” demanded Belle.

“The mind boggles with questions,” said Winnifred.

“Let's look at the pond,” said Mallory. “You can ask them later.”

“All right,” said Winnifred, opening the front gate and walking through into the large interior. She was followed, in order, by Felina, Jeeves, and Joe.

“Lose the cat-thing and the fat broad, Big Boy,” purred Belle as Mallory put her back in his pocket. “I'm all the woman you'll ever need.”

“I can't tell you how comforting that is,” said Mallory as he closed the gate behind him.

The interior of the pond reminded him of a cross between a kennel and a zoo. There was a row of small runs with tops on them to prevent the small dragons within from flying away…but there were also large open areas, filled with trees, ponds, asbestos toys the size of horses, completely fenced off from onlookers, where huge dragons, some fully as large as dinosaurs, were kept. One of them noticed Mallory's little group, opened his mouth, and shot out a flame that would have incinerated them, but it bounced off a transparent fireproof barrier that they hadn't seen in the darkness.

“What stops them from flying away?” Mallory asked Jeeves.

“I don't know,” answer the gremlin.

“I thought you were the dragon expert.”

“I'm the
toy
dragon expert,” explained Jeeves.

“Look,” said Joe, pointing to a nearby behemoth's back leg. A chain was attached to it.

“I wonder how they got it on him?” mused Mallory.

“Probably just poured some salt on his tail and that nailed him to the spot for a minute,” said Joe.

“I think that only works with fawns, not ten-ton dragons,” replied the detective.

“It doesn't work with fawns either,” said Winnifred. She raised her voice. “May we please have some help here?”

Suddenly lights came on in a small building at the back of the compound, and a troll emerged wearing a nightshirt.

“We're closed,” he said irritably.

“Your gate was open.”

“The fact that I'm careless doesn't give you the right to intrude and wake me up,” said the troll.

“We have a few questions to ask,” said Mallory.

“Come back tomorrow and I'll be happy to answer them.”

“We need answers now.”

“Well, I need my sleep now,” said the troll.

“Joe?” said Mallory. “Can you encourage him to be more helpful?”

The goblin struck a karate pose, moved his hands back and forth rapidly, and uttered some intimidating screams.

“Sorry,” said the troll. “I don't speak French.”

“I think we're going to go with the old standards,” said Mallory. “Felina, if he doesn't answer our questions, he's all yours.”

Felina grinned, stepped forward, and displayed her claws. “Please don't answer,” she said.

“Perhaps I was being hasty,” said the troll promptly. “What do you want to know?”

“We're looking for a dragon that went missing this afternoon. How many new arrivals have you got?”

“Well, let me see,” said the troll. “Daisy's back again.”

“Daisy?”

“The big girl off to the left. Keeps killing her keepers and coming here because she likes the food we serve.” He shook his head sadly. “She could save us all a lot of trouble if she'd just eat her keepers.”

“Dragons are clearly thoughtless creatures,” said Mallory. “We're not looking for anything like Daisy. We're after a toy dragon that went missing this afternoon. Eleven inches at the shoulder.” He pulled out the photo, but it was too dark for the troll to see it.

“Hey, Percy!” yelled the troll. “We could do with a little light.”

Another huge dragon, confined about fifty feet away, roared and emitted a brilliant flame that shot out almost to Mallory's group. The troll had time to study the photo before the flame vanished.

“Thanks, Percy,” said the troll. “He's my pet,” he added confidentially. “Sweetest little fifteen tons of love and devotion you ever saw.”

“So did you get a toy dragon in today?” persisted Mallory.

“Got three of 'em, but I don't think yours was one of them.”

“Do you mind if we look anyway?” asked Winnifred.

The troll cast a quick sideways glance at Felina, who was staring unblinking at him, her pupils mere vertical slits. “Not at all. Let me point them out to you.” He led them to the small runs. “The first three.”

Three small dragons walked up to greet the visitors, each with a please-take-me-home-with-you look on its face.

“Well?” said Winnifred to Jeeves.

The gremlin shook his head. “She's not here.”

Mallory turned to the troll. “Sorry to have bothered you. Are there any other dragon ponds in Manhattan?”

The troll shook his head. “There's one up in Westchester, and I think New Canaan over in Connecticut's still got one.”

“Okay, thanks,” said Mallory. His group walked out through the gate. He expected to hear it lock behind him, but when he turned to check he found it swinging open and the light in the troll's building already extinguished.

“Well,” said Mallory, “we've eliminated Fire Island, Greenwitch Village, and the dragon pond.” He checked his watch. “It's almost eleven, and we're no closer to finding him than when we started.”

“Who cares about dragons?” said Belle. “You found me, and that's all that matters.”

Winnifred frowned. “We can't stop looking. Where next?”

“I think it makes sense to split up again,” said Mallory. “We've got a lot of ground to cover, and only one clue.”

“A clue?” she said. “You didn't mention one.”

“It's not much of a clue,” he said.

“Well?”

“Someone took a shot at me.”

“Where were you?” asked Winnifred.

“Out in the open. Easy target. They missed.”

“They were lousy shots,” said Jeeves.

Mallory stared at the little gremlin for a moment. “Tell him, Winnifred.”

“If they wanted to kill him, they'd have taken more than one shot,” said Winnifred. “They wanted to scare him off.”

“I never thought of that,” said Jeeves.

“You're not a detective,” said Winnifred.

“Well, nobody had better try again,” said Joe. “Or they'll have
me
to answer to.”

“I don't believe you heard a word,” said Mallory. “They weren't trying to hit me.”

“A poor shot could try to miss and bury a bullet between his eyes,” said Joe. “You got to think these things through.”

“I'll take it under advisement,” said Mallory.

“You know,” said Winnifred, “there are a number of upscale pet shops on the Upper West Side. No one over there ever goes to bed before two in the morning, so some of the shops may still be open. As long as you have Jeeves, why not give me one of the photos and I'll check them out?”

“She's worth thousands!” protested Jeeves. “Whoever stole her knows that. They won't be selling her for peanuts.”

“Not selling her,” said Winnifred. “Stashing her until the show's over. Where better than right out in front of everyone?”

“Good idea,” said Mallory. “As for me, I think I'd better get back to Seymour Noodnik's and see if he's got any answers for me.”

“You think someone sold her as meat?” asked Joe.

Mallory shook his head. “He's finding out what stores carry her favorite food.”

“When and where shall we meet?” asked Winnifred.

“One thirty?” suggested Mallory.

“Sounds good,” she said. “Where?”

“I don't know where I'll be,” said Mallory. “Wait a minute. I'm carrying a cell phone. Call me when you're ready and we'll decide on a place to meet then.”

“Fine,” said Winnifred. “I'll need the number.”

“Belle, what's your number?” said Mallory.

“I'm not telling
her
,” said Belle.

“You're telling
me
,” said Mallory.

“And then you'll tell her,” whined Belle. “You're mine, damn it! I'm not sharing you.”

“Joe,” said Mallory, “you want a cell phone?”

“
No!
” screamed Belle.

“Then give my partner your number.”

“And then we can be together?”

“Until tomorrow, anyway,” said Mallory.

“I want more than a one-night stand,” said Belle.

“Joe?” said Mallory, pulling the phone out of his pocket.

“But I'll settle!” said Belle quickly. She rattled off her number to Winnifred.

“All right,” said Winnifred. “I'll walk to the west side of the park, and then start scouting out the pet shops.” She stared at Mallory's entourage. “You're not going to sneak up on anyone with that crowd, John Justin.”

“I view it as three alternate targets in case the shooter gets new orders,” said Mallory.

“Four,” said Belle.

“Four,” amended Mallory.

“I'll check in with you in two hours,” said Winnifred, heading off into the darkness.

“What if someone attacks that poor old woman in the dark?” asked Joe, staring after her.

“If they do, I feel very sorry for them,” said Mallory. “Especially if the emergency rooms are full.”

“You're kidding!”

“Am I smiling?” said Mallory.

“That's some partner you've got yourself,” said Joe, “if she's able to walk alone through Central Park in the dark.”

“She's got the easy job,” said Mallory as he began walking south across the grass. “I may need all of you to protect me from Noodnik's notion of salesmanship.”