That wasn’t true. It wasn’t that he didn’t care about love. He was afraid of love, probably more than anything he’d ever faced in his life. He knew too well the deep void left behind when love was wrenched away too soon. He closed his eyes and sighed. Losing Chase and Kate… No, not an option.
“So what happened?” Her voice softened, and he heard compassion instead of judgment.
He didn’t want to have this discussion with her, but she was his partner now, like it or not. They had a history, like it or not.
“I don’t know. One day, it just changed on my part. I had always been attracted to her, but it was never an issue. Somehow, the feelings went from being her friend, her partner, to being…more. She says—” He swallowed. “She says I’m not in love with her. That what I love is how Chase has changed, and that I want what Chase has. I love her because she’s good for my buddy, and I want that for myself.”
“Isn’t that the same thing? She made Chase change, so wouldn’t you love her?”
“She says it’s not.” Jake looked at her. “And I’m not allowed back in her life until I make things right.”
Tia frowned. “You’re sure Chase doesn’t know.”
“Not yet.”
Tia frowned deeper. “So why did he pull her?”
“She’s pregnant.”
“Yours?” Her brows flew up over her brown eyes as she assessed him.
“Christ, Tia. Give me some credit.”
“I know you’ve slept with her—you had that look in Paris. So it’s not that far of a jump.”
“Never as her lover—only as their third.” Jake met her surprised gaze, and he shrugged. “Chase enjoys that sort of play, and Kate decided she could go there if I was the third.”
“Awkward now, huh?”
Jake shrugged again. It wasn’t awkward. It was miserable torture.
“So what does she want you to do?”
“She wants me to find a woman of my own.” He laughed, and it sounded sharp, bitter. “I thought I was happy. I spent years living this life, loving every minute. The new cities, the adrenaline rush. I never realized down deep that maybe I wanted something different.” Not in years. Not until Kate.
“With a partner like that, you don’t need enemies.”
Jake shot Tia a glare. “It’s not like you’re any nicer to me.”
She winced. “I deserved that.”
“You didn’t have to leave.” It was time to shift the heat back to her, to make himself feel less of a dick. “I would have taken care of you. I wouldn’t have hurt you. Didn’t we spend enough time together for you to trust me with that little gem of information? Jesus, Tia. I should have known you have issues in the orgasm department. There’s nothing I would have wanted more than to help.”
“I know.” She sighed and brushed her hair out of her face. “I don’t trust people easily. And I really thought this time…” She shook her head. “Well, it didn’t happen, and when I realized how badly I had treated you, I was just so ashamed of the lengths I would go to for something so selfish.”
“You’re not selfish. You deserve fulfillment. And we need to work on the trust thing. We can’t be partners and you not trust me.” Jake shifted and stared at his phone again.
He
deserved fulfillment, damn it.
“So now what?” Tia asked.
“Fuck if I know.” Jake rubbed his forehead. “All I know is that I have to try to make things right and try not to get killed.”
“How? And what makes you think Blondie won’t come running back?”
“She doesn’t feel the same way.” But what if… Kate didn’t want him now, but what if she changed her mind? If she called, he’d go to her. If he went…
No.
Jake felt like the walls of the truck were closing in, stealing his air. He didn’t want to cross the line. They both meant too much to him. He couldn’t lose Chase any more than he could lose Kate. He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. If he didn’t want to cross the line, then he needed to go away. Somewhere far enough away that if Kate changed her mind, he couldn’t return quickly. And then he could get his head back in the game.
Home. He had to go home. Now.
He texted Chase quickly.
You need to clear me for a long weekend. I’m going home.
You have a partner to train,
Chase responded.
Shit, yes, he did. He thought for a moment, and his devious mind came up with a plan that would make both of them happy. Tia was beautiful, and she had easily made him forget Kate for the night. If he brought Tia home with him, she would get her proper orgasm and he would hopefully move on from Kate. Even Chase’s brilliant planning mind couldn’t top that.
I’ll take Tia with me and do that team building crap that you like. I need to go. Clear me or I walk.
Chase would know he was desperate. He never threatened to quit unless he was desperate. Jake only hoped he didn’t connect the dots to Kate.
“Texting Blondie again?”
“Nope. Lord of the Spies.” Tia looked skeptical, and Jake said, “Chase. That’s what Kate calls him.”
His phone dinged.
What about the house rules?
Damn Chase for remembering. Jake had rules for going home, because any real home had rules, just like the ones his mother had imposed on him. Basically, anything he did in D.C. was off limits on his farm in rural Virginia. And as Chase well remembered from his visits home with Jake, going home meant no sex.
I’ll get around the rules.
He’d come up with something that would appease his need to separate work from home. He had over an hour’s drive to figure something out.
Still a bad idea. BAD,
was Chase’s answer to that. Yeah, it probably was, on so many levels.
It’s my life to fuck up.
Okay, so maybe it wasn’t a great idea. Jake was out of ideas, and he wasn’t the planner Chase was, so home it was if the ass would just clear them.
And then Chase finally replied—Y
ou have until Monday. In my office 0900 Tia too.
Jake felt as if the weight of the world had been taken off his shoulders. Now he just had to convince Tia to go. That shouldn’t be too hard. He was a good-looking guy. They had chemistry and a sexual history. She had a quest. He mulled over the options. He’d never taken a woman home before. It wasn’t an option before today. What could he tempt her with? “Do you like horses?”
Tia frowned. “What girl doesn’t?”
“How long has it been since you’ve had a vacation?”
“Never? I don’t know, but there’s no hope of one. I just started.”
Time to move in with the Texan charm. Jake gave her a slow smile, one the ladies liked enough to drop their panties on many an occasion. “Time off and horses have to do with home. I need to go away for the weekend. Chase just cleared me—us—until Monday. I need to go home. And I’d like you to come.”
“Why me?”
Why her…
“Because you are my new partner, and if I don’t take you, Chase will be pissed and I’ll do courier runs for the rest of my life. But more importantly, we need to get to know each other. You need to learn to trust me, and what better way than to go home?” He ended with another woman-melting smile. Not exactly romantic, but it was the truth for a change.
Tia wasn’t buying it, given that she crossed her arms over her chest and turned to arch a shapely brow.
Jake tried a different angle, same smile. “You and I, we have unfinished business. This would be the perfect opportunity to work on getting you that proper orgasm. A long weekend away, no work. Lots of relaxing under my favorite oak tree. Massages. Horses. Hot sex. Doesn’t it sound perfect?” And for good measure, he touched her thigh with the pads of his fingers, just the smallest, gentlest brush, one that would send shivers down her spine.
“No.”
No?
The charm that worked luring women to his bed didn’t seem to be effective with Tia and it pissed him off. “Why the hell not? I’m offering horses and a proper orgasm. I could book a hundred women for this weekend on that alone.”
“Then book it, Tex. I’m asking Chase for another partner as soon as I get out of this vehicle. I’m not going to be second best to his wife. Not as your partner or in your bed.”
He sighed, hating that he had no relationship skills to speak of. He was flying blind, no radar, no ground support. He decided to go complimentary and see where it landed him. “You’re not second best. You have copious experience as an agent, and you must be damned good or Chase wouldn’t have hired you. I got Kate as a rookie. I already know what you bring to my bed, and no one can top that.”
“Copious?” She glared harder.
“I know a few big words.”
“We both know you’d choose Kate if Chase would let you, rookie or not, so…”
Well, shit. He decided it was best to use Kate’s advice and just not mention her at all. He glanced at Tia. The way her hair tumbled over her shoulder reminded him of how she had looked, straddling his cock, so gorgeous. “All I’ve thought about since Paris is your half-naked body over mine, and how I couldn’t touch you. I want to touch you. All weekend.”
She pursed her lips, not impressed. “I’m not stupid, Anderson. You’re so smooth, lying through your teeth as you sit there, trying to seduce me while you’re thinking about Blondie. You forget, though, I’m trained to read between the lines. I won’t be second best.”
“You’re not second anything.” He pounded the steering wheel softly with a closed fist and then ran a palm over his face. “Okay, you want the truth? The truth is I can’t do this anymore. I’m in agony. I think of her, and then I have flashes of you, half-naked in those fucking crotchless panties, hovering over my face. I saw that image today, as you walked into Chase’s office, and I had an instant hard-on.
“My life is not working. I can’t sleep. All I think about is when I can fuck either one of you, and I am at the point where I don’t care if Chase kills me or not. That’s a bad, bad place, and I’m not proud that I’ve sunk this low. So what you are is the woman who makes me forget her. And that’s what I want. To forget.”
Her glare lessened, and she almost looked sympathetic. “So you’re going to use me to banish Blondie.”
“I’m not using you.” When she put it that way, it did sound bad. “You’re going to help me. You get something out of it, too, remember. You’ll get your proper orgasm.”
“Jake.” She pursed her lips and then shook her head. “This is just wrong. I can’t go. I’m sorry.”
Something inside him snapped. Charm didn’t work with her. The truth wasn’t working, either, so he was going to play dirty. And he knew exactly what buttons to push.
He turned to stare at her, his expression very stern. He adopted his Dom voice, the one that didn’t accept no from her or any other woman. “You
will
come home with me. That will be your punishment. You said I could punish you however I wanted for Paris and you’d pay in flesh. You said I could have a weekend of you. This is what I want.”
“
If
you were over Blondie. You forgot that important bit.” But her voice wasn’t as strong as before, and he knew her inner submissive was cringing at not giving him what he demanded. Oh, yes, she was so his.
“Well, I’m not going to get over her until you come home with me, and if you don’t come home with me, your punishment will be that you live out your darkest fantasy in my bed. Knowing you, your darkest fantasy is probably not something you want to live out.”
Tia sucked in a breath as she stared at Jake, taking in his mutinous glare, his arms crossed over his chest. Oh, she hated it when men pulled the Dom card on her. She trembled just a little in her seat, a mixture of fear and desire tingling up her spine. She didn’t want to go home with him, but how could she say no to that voice? That commanding voice with no hint of Texan charm had talked her through many fantasies, had extracted delicious punishment countless times. That voice was connected to the man who had almost made her come.
She shifted under the heat of his stare. She didn’t want to live out her darkest fantasy in his bed, either. That was something she kept locked up, deep in her mind. She wasn’t going there with him. But home…just the word home smacked of relationships and love and all that crap spies couldn’t have.
Jake tapped the steering wheel with his fingers in a show of impatience. “Home or darkest fantasy. Choose now, because I’m leaving, and we’re either going to the club to start your darkest fantasy or I’ll let you go home to grab whatever you need for the weekend.”
“All I have to do is go home with you.” It sounded way too easy. In her experience, nothing that sounded easy ended up being that way. She was almost willing to bet him a year’s paycheck this would end up being the weekend from hell.
“That is your punishment. I want you to come home with me.” His eyes darkened like a stormy sea, and she caught her breath on the gaze he leveled in her direction. So lustful that her panties were damp with moisture. “I also intend to spend the weekend fucking you, licking every inch of your body, making you scream with pleasure. It’s not like we haven’t had sex. You know you’ll enjoy every minute.”
Tia closed her eyes. He’d changed from his Dom voice back to Mr. Persuasive, that drawl low and sexy in her ear, and the thought of him licking every inch of her body interested several areas. Her pussy throbbed, her panties were soaked. Her breasts chimed in, aching in time to the throb in her core. She licked her dry lips and crossed her legs, pressing her thighs together to quell the urge. “And Monday it’s over.”
“If that’s what you want.” His hand inched up her thigh, the heat of his palm burning her skin though her leggings. He stopped a fingertip’s length from her crotch, and she wanted him to bury his fingers inside her. Now.
“Is it really so bad, spending the weekend with me? You get a vacation and a little something extra. I get to clear my brain and not get myself killed, because if I stay here, I’m going to do something stupid. If Chase kills me, you end up with a new partner, and then you’re screwed because the only one who’s been without a partner is Crazwalski and he makes me look like the King of Vanilla. You game?”