Spun by Sorcery (36 page)

Sue’s loss was traumatic. I can’t even begin to understand or say I know what she felt because I did not. I still do not. I tried to show her that I loved her and cared about her but eventually she moved out of the local area to try to figure out how she was going to continue on as a widow and what she wanted to do. We fell out of touch for the last three or four years with only the occasional update or e-mail but I still thought about her and wished her well.

About six months ago, I got a call from Sue with some fantastic news. She had met a wonderful man and was living with him but wanted to know if I would be her maid of honor at her upcoming wedding. She sounded great—probably the most upbeat and positive I’d heard her in years and really happy. Everything I wanted for her—happiness and security—was on the horizon. I told her I was thrilled to be her maid of honor and we shared a lot of updates before I had to get off the phone.

I immediately knew I wanted to make her something for her wedding. Something special. Something that spoke to her and myself and the journey we’d traveled together and apart. Something that could capture the memories and the dreams we’d shared with each other. I’d taken up knitting after she moved away; I loved lace knitting and I remembered how much Sue loved lace and also how much she hated being cold and that she hated clothes with sleeves. Not the best combination, especially in the Pacific Northwest. Suddenly, I knew what to knit—a shawl. The very first lace shawl I ever knit would be for Sue.

From there I went on a hunt for a pattern. There are a lot of patterns out there and I’m a fan of a site called Ravelry (
www.ravelry.com
), where knitters and crocheters gather and you can see patterns, yarns, and people’s projects and even buy patterns. I must have looked at hundreds of lace shawl patterns—I must have saved two-thirds of them because I knew someday I wanted to knit them—but when I saw a pattern called Oriental Impressions Triangle by Sylvie Beez, I knew that was the right shawl for Sue. If you want to see the shawl pattern I chose, you can go to
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/oriental-impressions-triangle
.

Oriental Impressions is a symmetrical triangle where a center line separates two identical sides that are a pattern of squares, triangles, and eyelets. When I looked at the sample shawl on the pattern page, it looked like the winding path my friendship with Sue has taken, complete with walking together, then away, then reconverging. A large area of eyelets seemed to indicate the time of only spotty contact and then a lovely border that looked like the eye of a peacock’s feather—something I’ve always associated with happiness and beauty.

Pattern decided, I needed to make a decision on color and fiber. By this time Sue had sent me a link to the picture of her dress so I knew she was wearing a sea green sleeveless dress for this second wedding. I knew I wanted something that would coordinate but I didn’t want to take the chance of clashing or being “close enough but not quite.” I also wanted something warm and luscious and not too heavy. Something that would enfold and embrace my friend but not weigh her down or seem too oppressive. A friend at work had done a large lace piece in Jagger Spun’s Zephyr yarn—a lace-weight wool-silk blend—and I loved the feel of it, so I chose a lovely vanilla color of the same yarn for Sue’s shawl.

By the time I got my supplies, the wedding had been moved up to Beltane (May 1) to accommodate other obligations. I cast on with size 2 needles (little!) and started knitting. I’m relatively new to lace and this is finer yarn than I’ve used before so I can’t multitask while knitting Sue’s shawl. I have to keep my attention on the work or I either miscount or drop a stitch. Because I have cats who love yarn and want to be on me all the time, I can’t work on it downstairs where the TV is. Instead this shawl is being knit in my bedroom with my full attention.

Every stitch is accompanied by thoughts of our friendship, memories of times we’ve shared, and wishes and dreams I have for Sue’s future. There are moments of intense concentration when I have a tricky series of stitches mixed with coasting along on the return row of only purl stitches. It reminds me of the give-and-take of a friendship—times of complexity and working to feed the friendship alternating with being fed by it. Through it all, the yarn is unbroken. There are no knots or joins; it’s all one long, long thread that ties us together.

Right now I’m about halfway through the pattern and am working at it every night to get it done on time. There are a few flaws—I miscounted once or twice—but none of these are horrible or ugly. I thought about ripping back and fixing them but I decided not to. This wedding shawl is not about perfection or illusions of infallibility. I’m flawed, Sue is flawed, our relationship has had flaws and bumps; so it’s right that her wedding shawl should keep the flaws it has, despite my care and attention.

Even tears have touched this shawl. Several times I’ve had memories move me to tears and a few have fallen on the yarn. I left them there to soak in and dry. What friendship has no tears?

I want Sue to be able to wrap this shawl around her and think of the love that went into making it. It can warm her when she’s cold, touch her softly when she’s fragile, hug her when she needs a hug, and be a visible symbol of the beauty that emerges from years of friendship, even though the whole was never without flaws, wounds, and scars.

I already have a card made to go with it that says: