Splintered Heart (26 page)

"It's not glass, is it?"

She shook her head. "It's aquamarine."

"Man!" Ernie said. It was his preface, his favorite exclamation for everything male, female, or neuter. "Man, you really shouldn't be wearing a ring like that, I mean, at night, when you're out alone. You sure don't want to give people around here the wrong ideas," Ernie gave Marian a friendly wink.

For no logical reason, Marian started to cry. She pretended she was looking for something in her purse.

Ernie immediately went to one of the nearby tables, pulled a bunch of paper napkins out of the dispenser, returned and handed her a couple.

"Thanks," she said, "I've got something in my eye."

"You better rub it, a little, under here — " Ernie touched her cheek to show her where. "You got some mascara — you don't want people to see you looking like that." He handed her another napkin.

She spoke with the paper napkin at her nose, "I'm a mess, aren't I?"

"No, you look much better now," Ernie said.

Izzy was listening and he was impressed. The kid was young enough to be
 
her
 
kid, but the kid had her eating out of his hand. Izzy could hear his wife saying, "Sweetheart, you got a big imagination, now mind your own business."

Izzy knew the wife was right, but people watching was part of getting material for that book — "Who knows, it could become a movie." Izzy could see the title rolling, his name in big letters. But then Izzy noticed the weirdo and the business man — they were signaling him, both standing up. He didn't like the way they looked.

Izzy approached them, calculating how fast he could get to the shelf. If it was trouble — his gun was hidden behind the bottles.

The businessman said, "I'm buying pal, keep the change." He flipped a ten onto the bar, put a friendly arm around the weirdo's shoulder. The weirdo slipped his arm around the businessman's waist and out they went.

"Struck out on that one," Izzy shrugged to himself. He was surprised but not too surprised. Fifteen years ago you could sort the sheep from the goats. Not these days.

"Well, you can't win 'em all!" Izzy jingled his keys. He started switching off the lights.

"I think we have to get out of here," Ernie announced courteously.

"Oh, yes. Of course." Then it came to her, who he was. "You're Nancy's friend?

"Sure." He laughed.

"I've been trying to place you." She slid him her wallet which was sitting on the counter. "I'm so embarrassed, Eddie. I've been in a fog. Would you pay for our drinks, please!"

"How much, Izzy?" Ernie held up the ladies' wallet.

"You paid for yours, kid. Jacko already paid for the Lady..." By the time the words were out of Izzy's mouth, the kid had the entrance door open and he was escorting the Lady out.

"Win some, lose some, some rained out!" Izzy said to himself, admiring the lady's long legs. He could see the two of them outside, making plans, already two good friends. Izzy was already thinking of how he was going to describe it to his wife — how some uptown hooker had put one over on him.

Of course, Izzy planned to dress the story up some — a hooker and a college kid were no big deal so he'd make it sound a little more wicked, a little more dangerous than it really was.

++++++++++

Chapter 38

Outside, Marian looked up. The window eyes of the huge building across from the bar were now mostly dark. The shades were pulled, curtains drawn, like eyelids closed for the night. The sky was still red. There were no stars, but there were rarely stars to be seen in the night sky that belonged to the city.

"Do you think you could help me get a taxi, Eddie?" There were none in sight.

"Sure thing, if that's what you want?" He said it cheerfully, made it into a question.

Marian hesitated. She wanted to explain to Eddie why his boss, "Mari" had been in the rather sleazy bar alone. She couldn't see Eddie's face. He was standing in the shadow of the street light. She was surprised to see him put on sunglasses — it made him look a bit like a musician, rather than a mailroom clerk.

"I wonder what time it is? It must be very late." Marian noticed that Eddie was wearing an expensive looking computer watch — the kind with all sorts of gadget buttons.

"I've got plenty of time," He was adjusting his shirt, his string tie.

"I'd like to explain... I don't suppose there's another place in the neighborhood where we could go?"

"Sure, there's all sorts of stuff available around this neck of the woods," he said.

There was something about the way he said it that made her wonder for a second, if he'd misconstrued why she'd let him escort her out of the bar. But then, looking at him again, she knew he was just a nice young man from the office trying to be helpful to his employer. "Please forgive me, Eddie. I'm not myself today. It's already tomorrow isn't it, it must be about three o'clock in the morning?" She felt disoriented. A few blocks away in the distance there were lights from a restaurant or bar. It seemed miles away. "My feet are telling me I've got to take off these silly shoes, probably the best thing would be if you could find us a taxi, Eddie."

He made a mock salute. "Eddie — at your service, ma'am!" Ernie stepped out into the middle of the street to flag down a taxi that was approaching. When the taxi stopped, he opened the taxi door with a flourish and assisted her in, then got in, sat down beside her and slammed the door.

She started to say something, but she felt exhausted, dazed. Leaning back against the cool plastic leather of the seat, Marian watched the streets go by. There was very little traffic, the driver was making all the lights. She was seeing landmarks of other evenings she'd spent with Ferris — restaurants, theaters, apartments of friends, a store where they'd shopped — a marquee, a door, a number, a street corner. Her past life was streaming past the window, telescoping, fading away.

The Doorman opened their taxi door. "Good evening, Mrs. Cooper."

Eddie/Ernie paid the driver with bills from her wallet.

"How's Mister Cooper?" The Doorman asked, as he was holding the main door open.

"He's fine, Pete."

"Seee-se-suuu..." Ernie whistled very softly as they were going up.

Jimmy turned to Mrs. C. "And how is Mister Cooper? I don't believe I've seen him around lately."

"My husband's on a trip, Jimmy, but he'll be back in a few days." Marian said.

"Eddie, it's very kind of you to escort me home," Getting out her door keys, Marian felt awkward. She wanted to say goodnight, send him on his way, but knew she needed to say something. Grapevine rumors could not be allowed to circulate.

"Want me to help you with that?" He took the keys from her, pushed his sunglasses back and bent over to work on the lock.

Marian used the moment. "Eddie, I know you aren't planning to stick it out in the mailroom forever, and I just want you to know that I'm grateful to you, for your help tonight." To Marian's great relief, the door swung open.

The young man whistled appreciatively. "Nice place you got." He slid the sunglasses back on as he turned back around. He was smiling, holding up her key ring, dangling it in a teasing sort of way.

Marian took the key ring quickly. "Thanks Ernie, I'll see you at the office on Monday."

"Aren't you forgetting something?" "Eddie"/Ernie said.

Just for a second she felt that he was expecting to be invited in.

"You don't want me to walk off with this, do you?" Smiling ingenuously, Ernie held up the wallet.

Marian laughed, took the wallet and said, "Thanks" once more as she went inside, closed the door behind her. She dropped the keys, the wallet in the pewter dish. With the door closed, he was gone, out of her mind, dismissed.

In the quiet of the early hours of the morning, she could hear the refrigerator humming. A single horn honking from the street far away. The silence was noisy. She switched on the stereo. On her way to the bedroom the bright and cheerful opening cadences of Hayden's "Variations" began to play.

"Like taking candy from a baby," Ernie said to himself, as he was sliding one of her credit cards into the lock. The door made a noise as it closed behind him, but the loud music was great. He didn't even have to tiptoe. He took a good look around the living room, took his own sweet time moseying down the hallway to the door where the light was coming from, and when he peeked in he gave a loud appreciative whistle. "Seee-se-suuu ooo!"

She was just about to step out of the half-slip. Yellow dress and bra were on the bed, she was in bare feet, her breasts were exposed. "My God, what are you doing here!" She grabbed her kimono, slipped into it, fumbled for the ties.

"Such a fancy place you got. You need a better lock on your front door Mrs. C." He spoke loudly, she looked like she was maybe going to pass out. "I didn't scare you did I?" Ernie acted surprised. "Didn't I hear you say your hubby's on a trip?"

It was one of those moments — you either rise to it, or you fall. You can panic, scream, try to run away, get to the phone, get out of the apartment, or you pull yourself together. You pray, you try to handle it — one human being to another — with every weapon of logic and intelligence you can summon up.

Her fingers were trembling. She concentrated on tying the ties of the kimono, trying to sound in control. "My husband might come back at any moment."

"I'd swear I heard you say he was gonna be back in a few days!"

She moved away from the bed, in the direction of the doorway. The boy's arm was on the door frame, blocking her. "Excuse me Eddie, please. I want to go to the kitchen."

"Gonna fix Eddie a drink?"

"Eddie, I think there's a misunderstanding. I hope I haven't given you any wrong ideas."

"Wrong ideas." He imitated her intonation exactly. His eyes, his smile said he had lots of wrong ideas.

"I think perhaps you've misunderstood."

"I don't think I've misunderstood, Mrs. C."

"I appreciate your kindness in bringing me home, but — "

"You changed your mind? " He took her hand and put it on his fly front.

She tried to pull her hand away, but he was holding on tight. The strength of his grip was unexpected. "Eddie, you've got it wrong, please — "

"You want me to play tough guy? Force you? Is that the way you like it?"

He pushed her to the bed. She tried to hit him, he caught her other wrist.

"You want to play rough, I'll play rough. As long as you pay me, Lady!"

"I want to pay you. For bringing me home. For helping me. I don't keep much cash around the house but I'll give you what's in my wallet — "

He was unbuckling his pants belt.

"Please Eddie, please don't do that!"

"Please Eddie, please don't do that!" He imitated her. "You cunts are all alike." He yanked the belt out of his pants, brandishing it like a whip.

Marian put her hands up to protect her head, afraid that he was going to strike her with it. "I have jewelry, you can take my jewelry. See — my ring!" She tried frantically to remove it from her third finger but the more she struggled, the tighter it got — it wouldn't budge. "In my top drawer I've got other things, real pearls. I've got amethyst earrings, I've got a beautiful gold pendant watch..."

"I already got a watch." Ernie shoved up his shirt sleeve to show it to her. "Got it yesterday off a dude, real nice manners, talked real educated. Why he could have been your brother or your hubby, Mrs. C."

"Eddie, if you don't get out of here I'm going to scream!"

"You know somethin', that's just what that old Queer said last night." Ernie imitated the terrified man, "'Oh, please, don't hit me! I'll scream!'"

The sound was too perfect, the voice shrill, a high-pitched sibilant falsetto that was utterly terrifying.

"That old faggot, snot running out of his nose, he's pissin' in his pants, boo-hooing like a baby. And then the bugger says, 'I've got a beautiful expensive watch,' and he's stripping off that watch! Man, he can hardly wait to put it in my hands." Ernie put the watch under Marian's nose forcing her to look at it. "What do you think it's worth?"

"You can have anything you see around here. I've got silverware. The pearls are worth — "

"Zilch! That's what your shitty jewelry's worth." He smiled, "Give me your hand, lady." He kept smiling but when she didn't give him her hand, he grabbed it roughly.

"You can take my ring!" Marian could feel her voice getting shrill, like voice of the old man. "Please, let me run cold water on it so I can get it off!"

"Maybe yoo got wazor blade in da baffroom," he said, playing baby. "Maybe I borrow yer wazor an take fingur too!"

"Oh God!" She could feel herself slipping into hysteria. "Please, just get the soap from the bathroom — "

The boy forced her hand to his mouth. He kissed her finger. He screwed up his mouth, and spit all the saliva he'd gathered on her finger — did it twice, so that her finger was very wet. He started to twist the ring back and forth, shimmying it up to the joint of her finger. He did it slowly, up and down, screwing it around with excruciatingly tender care.

As the ring came onto the knuckle, he bent over — with his eyes on hers the entire time — he put out his tongue and began licking her finger. She could feel his teeth on her skin as he began sucking on it.

He moaned, made noises, went on and on sucking and moaning until finally the ring came off in his mouth.

Breathing heavily, beads of perspiration on his brow and under his nose, he spit out the ring. Rubbed it on his shirt, then held it up to the light.

The aquamarine gleamed very green. The diamond chips in the setting were sparkling.

"Maybe I'll wear it to remember you by!" He slid the ring onto his pinkie finger.

"Seee-se-suuu ooo... " He began winding his belt around her wrists. "You got me all sexed up! Don't tell me you didn't enjoy it — didn't it sex you up?" With a powerful yank, he knotted the end of the belt, so that her hands were bound together

"O.K., on the bed!"

"Please, I beg you..."

"Get on the bed, cunt!"

"OK!" She began backing away slowly.

He shoved her. "Go on, get your ass down," he shoved her again so she fell back onto the bed. "Where the fuck does he keep his belts?" He was in Ferris' closet, shoving hats, sweaters, "Hey nice," yanking hangers, "Oh man, neat-o!" Things were falling. "Ernie should have neckties like this — " he grabbed a handful, "You like the brown or the blue-stripe better?"

He got on the bed.

That he called himself "Ernie" registered.

"Please, Ernie, don't do this, please..."

He straddled her, whistling seeese-suu, he tied her ankles together. Then knotted two ties together and forced the knot into her mouth.

The cloth in her throat made her retch.

"On your stomach, lover, go ahead, roll over."

She couldn't see him, but she felt his hand patting, then tugging on, smoothing out and arranging the folds of her kimono dress neatly along her sides.

Then she felt the heat of his breath on her cheek.

"You picked me up, lady," Ernie whispered. "Bartender saw you give me your wallet. Pete and Jimmy think I'm friend of the family. If a cop asks me, I'd hafta tell how you begged for it." He imitated Marian's soprano with chilling accuracy, "'Get us a taxi Eddie! Take us home Eddie! Do it to me Eddie!'" Then in his own voice he answered the cop, "Officer, she wants me to play her Eddie game. She gives me her ring — payment for my services, right? Older women need to be serviced when the hubby's out of town, right?"

He made an obscene slurp-kiss sound.

She felt him getting up from the bed.

"Maybe I'll phone you when I get home. Give you a weather report. Make a date to fuck you tomorrow."

Marian could hear the door close behind him, when he went out the front door.

++++++++++

Chapter 39

The phone was ringing.

She used teeth, thumb and forefinger, pushing, biting, until finally her hands were free.

She untied the neckties that were around her head, coughing out the knot that was inside her mouth.

As she was attending to the tie that he'd bound around her ankles, the ringing stopped.

She caught sight of herself in the dressing table mirror. In the half electric, half morning light, she looked more than her real age — streaked mascara, puffy eyes, twigs in the corners, H lines — she looked as if she'd spent the night in hell.

At the window to open the curtains and the shades to let in the morning brightness, the window pane was icy cold. Her hands felt frozen. She wanted to lie back down, be asleep in her bed, tucked safely into a warm blanket. She wanted the vision of the boy, the words he'd said to be gone.

To have walked the streets, followed a girl who was maybe Andrea, stood outside her building for hours was sheer insanity. But it was inexcusably naive to have gotten into a conversation with a boy at the bar, assumed he was Eddie because he vaguely resembled Eddie, who resembled a dozen other young men his age! And then, given him her wallet, asked him to get a taxi — no wonder he thought she was one of those lonely older ladies who need to be serviced.

"Didn't you enjoy it a little?" His words kept pounding at her. "Didn't it sex you up?" His mouth was hideously vivid, licking, sucking. She covered her face. She wanted to scream out a denial, drown out the thought that was coming in at her. "I brought it on myself — the humiliation, degradation — everything!"

The telephone was ringing again.

The boy had said he was going to call her, give her a weather report, and make a date to "fuck" her tomorrow.

He hadn't
 
fucked
 
her.

He could have.

She couldn't move for a moment. She was paralyzed by the sound. Then she grabbed the nearest thing at hand — the white pocketbook — threw it as hard as she could at the phone.

Comb, Kleenex, loose change, lipstick, keys, papers, hand-mirror spilled and fell every which way, but the purse only dislodged the receiver slightly and the phone kept ringing.

Clothes, shoes, sweaters, hats, Ferris' belts and his ties were on the floor. She got down on her hands and knees on the rug, to gather them up. She desperately needed to restore some order to the room, some order to her life.

The phone kept ringing, relentlessly.

++++++++++

Chapter 40

At nine a.m. someone knocked on the door.

"Marian? Marian, it's me! Jeanna Dawson!"

Marian unlocked the door.

"I hope I didn't wake you, Marian. I figured you were an early bird. I hope I'm not disturbing you?"

"No. I was up."

"I just
 
had
 
to barge in on you this morning!" Jeanna followed Marian into the kitchen. "I did something, I hope you don't mind — I got an address for you, a wonderful place for your Mom."

Marian filled the kettle without comment.

"There are three good Nursing Homes — I know I'm butting in — I called a half dozen friends and now I've got the inside scoop on all the nursing homes in this area."

The phone began to ring.

Jeanna paused.