Spark (5 page)

“He said he has feelings for me, and I asked him what kind of feelings …” I take in a deep breath. “He said he thinks he’s in love with me.”

Crystal gasps, covering her mouth.

“I know.” I shrug. “What the hell am I supposed to do?”

Crystal removes her hand from her mouth, and shrugs.

“I asked him how long he’d felt this way. He said he’d always had a thing for me, but spending more time together, he said his feelings had changed.” I eat some more.

“You know … that probably explains why he hasn’t had a girlfriend for a while.” Crystal furrows her brow. “In fact, I don’t remember Rob or you telling me about him dating anyone since you guys finished school.”

I’d never paid much attention to the fact that he didn’t have a girlfriend. I guess I figured he was busy with his studies, work, and rugby. Jon wasn’t one to go out clubbing, or on the lookout for girls. I’d had my own issues to deal with, and had been oblivious to Jon’s lack of female affection all this time.

Wait … had he been waiting for me?

I wipe my mouth, and toss my napkin onto the empty plate.

“What else did he say?” Crystal pushes her dish aside, ready to continue her interrogation.

“More coffees, ladies?” the waitress says, clearing our table.

Crystal nods.

“Another two coffees, thanks,” I say, and the waitress disappears.

“So?” Crystal pumps me for a response.

Tears prick in my eyes, a lump forming in my throat. Crystal leans across the table and squeezes my hands. Her comforting expression gives me the courage to continue. My hands tremble in hers, the rest of my body threatening to follow.

“Basically, I be his girlfriend, or lose him all together.” I cover my eyes with my palms, hiding the tears that have started to fall. I pluck a tissue from my pocket, and dab at my eyes.

“Hey, don’t cry, babe. Fuck … he really said that? He must have it bad.”

“That’s not all,” I sniffle. “After I turned into a blubbering mess … we kissed.”

“You kissed?” Crystal says, again, far too loud. “God, how do you feel about
that
?”

“I don’t know … I need time to think.”

“Yeah, I’d say you do,” Crystal says softly, giving me a reassuring smile.

“I don’t know if I can feel the same. There’s never been that kind of chemistry between us … well, at least not from my point of view.”

The waitress slides our coffees on the table, and gives me a soft smile.
I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep it together.
I add sugar to the coffee, and vigorously stir it in. I am determined to at least drink
some
of this coffee while it’s hot.

“Just don’t rush into anything. Have a think about how you feel, and if you could be with him.”

Could I be with Jon? That’s the burning question.

I give her a weary smile, and shrug my shoulders.

“But you’ve still gotta tell me … how was the kiss?” Crystal asks, and I’m right back to last night. It certainly was memorable.

“It was … immobilizing.”

“
Really
?” Crystal raises an eyebrow.

“It was unexpected. I’d been crying, but I didn’t pull back straight away.”

“Any spark?”
Good question.

I shrug.

“Like I said, don’t rush it,” Crystal says.

I clear my throat, and try to fix my face up. “So, what’s Rob up to today?” I ask, needing to change the subject.

“He’s dirt-bike riding with Aidan and Pete from work. They’ve gone out to the forest, and with all this rain, Rob’s bound to come back covered in mud.” Crystal grins.

The way her face lights up when she talks about him, I know it’s love. I’m thrilled that Rob found someone as lovely as Crystal. He didn’t seem to have any luck with the girls in college. I don’t blame him, because I didn’t get along with the girls either.

“Has Rob been riding long? He never talked about it at school. He was always mad on water-skiing.”

“He’s only been riding a couple of months, but he’s
totally
obsessed. You should see his mate Aidan ride. I went with them a little while back. Aidan’s been riding since he was little. I think he even competes
professionally
.” Crystal rolls her eyes. “Rob hangs on his every word when it comes to riding. Pathetic, really.”

“Boys and their toys, hey?” I scoff, and we both giggle.

“Yeah, Rob’s spent a fortune on motorbike gear and full-body armour. The way he’s riding right now, he needs it.”

Rob is tall and lanky—an awkward bundle of long limbs. Strap that to a bike, and it has potential disaster written all over it.

Crystal waves at the waitress who returns a moment later with the bill. We leave money on the table, and walk back to the apartment.

When we get home, I scoop up my car keys from the kitchen bench. “I should go and visit the family, and see how things are going. Mum said she’s fine, but I need to see for myself.”

“Okay, see ya later on.” Crystal smiles, like she’s telepathically wishing me good luck.

I mentally prepare myself for what could be waiting for me.

****

Dad’s car isn’t in the driveway when I pull up. I make my way through the cottage gardens, and the curved cement path beneath my feet, littered with weeds. The overgrown lawn sways in the breeze. Up the timber staircase to the front door, the familiar scent of jasmine floats in the air, creepers spread out in all directions up the handrail. The solid timber door is faded and splintered, lacking much needed attention from the man of the house.

I’ve only been gone a month, but already, it feels like so long since I called this place home.

The clang of the tarnished brass door knocker echoes against the timber floorboards inside. The handle squeaks as I turn it, and I let myself in. Surrounded by the aroma of sweet, perhaps chocolaty goodness, I can tell Mum’s been baking. That’s a good sign.

High heels click in the distance, and Mum turns the corner to greet me in the entry. She pulls me in for one of her squishy smothering hugs, the kind that squeezes the air out of your lungs. I rest my chin on top of her head. “This is a nice surprise, Genevieve. You should have told me you were coming. I would have prepared something nice for lunch.”

“Hi Mum. You okay?” I ask, pulling back to try to read her.

“Fine, darling. I’m just missing my baby girl, that’s all. It’s not the same without you.”

I don’t doubt it. She’s the only female in a house full of boys. Dad can be classified as a boy as she has to clean up after him too.

Poking my head into the lounge room, the eldest of my brothers, Chris, is watching TV, and James, the second eldest, is sprawled out on the lounge, playing with his phone. They both look in my direction, smile, and grunt hello.

“Hi, boys,” I say and smile. “Would it kill one of you to run the mower over the grass?”

“Geez, you don’t live here anymore, and you’re
still
bossing us around,” James teases.

I narrow my eyes at him.

“I’ll do it after lunch …” he says.

I soften my expression to a grateful smile. “Thanks, buddy.”

On my way to the kitchen, my baby brother, Tommy, runs at me for a hug, nearly bowling me over. I say baby, but he’s twelve, and in no time he’ll be towering over me. I still see him as that cute four year-old, but now that his voice is breaking, I should realise he’s growing up.

“Did ya bring me any lollies?” he asks. Still cheeky as all hell, and blond-haired and blue-eyed, this kid would get away with murder. I’ve missed him, and by the lingering squeeze of his hug, I can tell he’s missed me too. He’s relied on me for so long, but I hope now I’ve moved out that him and Mum are spending more quality time together.

“Coffee?” Mum asks, filling the kettle.

“Nah, I’ll have a tea, thanks. I’ve had
way
too much coffee already.”

“Darling, you can
never
have too much coffee,” she says and rolls her eyes. She brushes back her wavy, sandy-brown locks. She always reminds me that, as a mother of four kids who didn’t sleep, she needed all the coffee in Brazil to get her through the day.

Mum fusses around the kitchen, assembling matching teacups and saucers, a milk jug, and sugar bowl on a tray. Anyone would think she was having royalty over. She cuts up a chocolate slice, and places some on a matching plate. She seems distracted, nervous, even. Maybe it’s weird for her, having her daughter as a visitor.

We sit down in the dining room, Mum’s flawless skin glowing in the sunlight. Her eyes appear bluer, against the colour of her aqua blouse.

We chat about the usual stuff, and Mum explains how busy she’s been taxiing the boys to and from their various sporting commitments. I’m so glad I don’t have to take care of that anymore, but I hope she’s managing.

“You’d think Chris would have his licence by now. He’s nearly eighteen. It’d take a load off,” I say.

“I know, I know, he’s just waiting for your father to give him some more lessons.” Yeah, Mr Reliable. Chris better not hold his breath waiting for that to happen.

“Well, if he can handle a driving lesson with me, I’d be happy to.”

“No, he wants your father to do it.” I’m glad he’s pushing for it. Dad should have to do something around here.

“Speaking of Dad, where is he?” I ask. Unable to resist, I take a piece of slice.

“Sydney again,” she says.

“What a
surprise
,” I say sarcastically. Is he ever here? Mum basically raised us on her own; well, up until I had to take over.

“I’m glad you came to visit, darling. There’s something I want to talk to you about, and it’s probably a good time, seeing as though your father isn’t home until tonight.” Mum’s nervousness grows as she tangles her fingers in knots. Suddenly, I’m nervous.

“What’s up, Mum? You feeling okay?”

“I’m fine. Dr Hopkins said I should be able to stop the medication soon as it’s at such a low dose now.”

“Oh, that’s good. So what is it, then?” I search her eyes, but she doesn’t hold my gaze for long. What else could it be?

“I don’t know how else to say it, but … I’m leaving your father.”

The air in my lungs dissipates as the weight of her words crushes me. I need air.
Breathe Eevie, breathe.
The hair on the back of my neck stands up, and my stomach flips. I can’t believe the last twenty-four hours. My thoughts turn to Jon, and a volatile mix of emotions from last night threaten to resurface.

“Things haven’t been great between your father and I for a long time, and, as you know, the last couple of years have taken a toll. I haven’t felt any love since I can remember.

“For twenty-five years I’ve been married to someone who’s treated me like a cook, a maid, and someone to bring up our children. I’m sure you know he hasn’t played an active role in that regard.”

As much as it pains me to admit, she’s right. I can only recall a handful of holidays in my entire childhood where we were all together. There were countless short day trips that Mum took us kids on, but I know they were tough on her, doing it all on her own.

“He only ever shows affection towards me when we’re in public, which is hardly ever. Other times, I feel like I’m not even here.” Mum’s weary smile and warm hand on mine does little to stop my tears from welling up.

“Don’t think for a second that I regret having you kids. My children are the best thing that ever happened to me, and I am so proud of all of you … especially my baby girl. I couldn’t have coped these past few years without you.” Mum tears up too, her face blotchy.

“What did Dad say?” I ask, holding back a sob.

“I haven’t told him yet.” Mum rests her head in her hands. “I was planning on telling him when he comes home. There’s never going to be a right time to do it, but I can’t leave it any longer.”

This is going to kill him. I have never really been all that close with Dad, but I’m pretty sure he won’t see this coming.

“I know it’s been tough, Mum, but why now? I only moved out a little while ago. How can things just … change?” My nose begins to run.

“With you moving out, it got me thinking. Once all of you kids leave home, it’s only going to be me and
him
. I don’t have a relationship with this man anymore—that’s if I ever did. We barely see each other, and to him, I might as well be invisible. Frankly, the thought of being alone with him for the rest of my life … well, it terrifies me.”

Oh God. Did I do this?

“Is this my fault?” I sob, hot tears streaming down my face.

“No, no, no. Please don’t think that, darling. If anything, you’ve helped me put things into perspective. For so long I’ve put myself last, but it’s made me realise that eventually, I’m going to have to do something for myself. You kids mean everything to me, and always will, but I can’t stay in an unhappy marriage.” Mum quietly sobs, and I reach over and rub her back. I don’t know what else to do.

For a while, we just sit together and cry.

“Mum, I’m hungry,” Tommy whines as he enters the dining room. We both do our best to compose ourselves, wiping away tears as casually as we can. Tommy’s face drops. He must know something’s up.

“It’s alright, Tommy,” Mum replies. “I just broke one of my favourite teacups.”

Relief washes over his face, and he rolls his eyes. “Oh, Mum. Is that all?” He kisses her on the forehead and walks through to the kitchen.

“Just get yourself a piece of fruit, Tommy, and I’ll fix you some lunch soon.” Mum pulls a white laced handkerchief from her jeans pocket, and delicately blows her nose.

“So, what’s gonna happen?”
Dare I ask
.

“We’ll have to work all that out, darling. I just wanted to prepare you for what’s to come.”

“Okay,” I say, sniffling. A barrage of questions runs through my head. Where will she live? Will Dad move out? What about the boys … where will they go? Will there be a fight over money? There always is.

“Do you want to stay for lunch?” Mum asks with sadness in her eyes. “Your brothers are probably starving, so I’d better get organised.”

“No thanks. I’m not hungry.” I’m definitely
not
hungry after this conversation. “I’m gonna go, if that’s okay.” I take our empty cups to the kitchen as she clears the rest of the table.