Authors: Nancy Allan
Thinking that a little strange, I walked into Bucks and joined the line to order our lattes.
Then, I saw him.
He was sitting at a small table fiddling with a stir stick. My breath caught in my throat and my legs turned to pulp. He looked up and our eyes met. I saw surprise first, then acceptance, and finally excitement. He stood up and walked over to me.
“Hey, let me buy you a coffee.”
I tried to find my voice. “That’s okay,” I heard myself say.
He moved ahead of me and ordered a latte the way I liked it, nonfat, no foam, etcetera. Then he maneuvered me over to the pickup counter. I remembered Celeste and looked around for her. Not seeing her, I glanced out through the glass windows to where she had parked. The Cavalier was gone. “Where did Celeste go?” I asked.
Justin looked around as well. “Looks like she set us up,” he surmised. “A little underhanded for a pastor’s daughter, don’t you think?” he asked with a grin, his handsome face looking down at me.
“She’ll be in deep with her dad, if he finds out,” I added, keeping our conversation light.
“Come on.” He picked up my latte and guided me back to his table. We sat down and I felt suddenly tongue-tied. His hand slid across the surface and touched mine, sending my heart leaping into my throat.
“Hey,” he said softly. “I owe you an apology for how I acted at the pool that last time. I was an idiot, and believe me, I’ve paid for it ever since. Haven’t been able to get you out of my thoughts,” he hesitated, “or my dreams. I think about you all the time, Ashla.”
Wow. I could hardly believe he was saying these things.
“Tried to think of how I could make it up to you,” he continued. “Celeste gave me a rundown on your life since our
meeting
on Blackcomb, and it sounds like you’ve been living through sheer hell. Not just at school, but the attacks, the car accident, everything.”
I nodded, but words weren’t forthcoming.
“Anyway, I guess Celeste has been keeping you up to date on what my mom has put into play at the school…”
I nodded again and realized I must look pretty dumb. His hand never left mine and I swear I wanted it to stay there forever.
“Ashla?”
I re-focused and looked into those gorgeous turquoise eyes. Wow, bad idea. My brain shut down completely.
“Ashla, are you okay?”
I nodded.
“Did you hear what I said?” he asked gently. “Have you seen the PROJECT NO BULLYING site?”
“Yes,” I whispered. “Never seen anything like it. What gave you the idea?”
He shrugged. “I started to notice years ago that bullies can’t take what they dish out. It’s their biggest weakness and they actually advertise that weakness with what they do.”
I pulled my hair back off my face. “I never thought of that.”
“That fact laid the groundwork for the PROJECT NO BULLYING concept. I was looking for the glue to put it all together when I found out Mole was the one building those hate sites against you. That was when it all came together and I knew what I had to do.” He paused. His hand squeezed mine. “These people need to be exposed. PROJECT NO BULLYING is a good medium for that.” He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cell. “Speaking of which,” he brought up a search engine. “Here, type in a couple of the website that were targeting you.” He passed me his phone.
I took it with my right hand and leaving my left under his, I pecked away until the first and worst one came up. But instead of the site complete with my photos and rude remarks, I got a generic page inviting surfers to shop at a new online store.
“Try another one,” he coaxed.
I did with a similar result.
Justin reached for my other hand. “Mole finally removed them all.”
I was overcome with relief. Those sites had almost been my undoing. I couldn’t imagine what kind of person would do something as vile as that. “Mole was your best friend, Justin. Why did he do it?”
“Long story, but he has a mean streak. It’s always been there. I overlooked it. Thought he was a good friend and refused to see that part of him.”
I shook my head in disbelief. “How did you get him to take down his sites?”
“Another long story, but PROJECT NO BULLYING played a part in it. He was ripped up about his photo being on that site. Like I said, if you ever want to get to someone, it’s usually by doing to them what they do so readily to others.”
I smiled sadly. That was becoming a truism. “Celeste wouldn’t like to hear that.”
“No, but it had to be done.” He stood up, still holding onto my hand. “Come on. Let’s go for a walk.”
He let go of my hand and put his arm around me, guiding me out the front door. “Want to go down by the lake?”
Those words had a dreamlike quality. I wanted to be held—to be told everything would be right in my world again. I wanted to be . . . kissed. I wanted to escape myself and feel something wonderful . . . and to have this special guy, Justin Ledger, tell me that he —what?
Liked me? Thought about me as often as I did him?
“Ashla?”
“Hmmn?”
“The lake?”
“Sure.”
He held open the passenger door of his truck and I stepped in and waited for him to get behind the wheel. It wasn’t until that moment that I realized he was walking unaided. “Hey! No crutches. No cane. No nothing!” I was ecstatic.
He grinned. “Thought you’d never notice.”
“I’m so glad, Justin.”
He started the truck and reached once more for my hand. “Yeah, me too. It’s been a long time coming, but thanks to you, I made it.”
“You did all the work.”
“So did you,” he said turning to me. “You inspired me more than you’ll ever know.” Instead of starting the truck, he reached across and put his hand under my chin, lifting my face to his. “You’re a very special person, Ashla. There is no one like you. I see you in my dreams, you’re on my mind, and you are in my thoughts all the time," he paused and then he said . . . "I don't want to be with anyone else, Ashla. Just you.”
My voice turned to a whisper. "Me too."
His expression was intense. Then, I felt his strong arms pull me close. I closed my eyes and felt his lips on mine. At that moment, I was sure that I had left this world.
I had spent most of the night in la-la land re-living my dreamy evening with Justin. When I awoke at dawn, I had a serious case of foreboding. The last time this happened to me, I had learned my Grandfather had passed away, so awakening with that deep, disruptive, rawness inside left me fighting off a whole new sense of dread.
I tried to reason it away by reassuring myself that everything was fine with my dad. His numbers had diminished and he was now officially in remission. All was okay with mom, my little sister, and yes, even my grandmother, so it couldn’t have anything to do with my family. What then? Who?
I wrote my finals, as arranged, at Skagit High, about twenty miles away. Dad drove me, offering reassurance all the way there. I guess he sensed my unease. “You’ve got a ton of brain power, Carrots. Don’t sweat it. You’ll do great.”
During the exams, I struggled to keep the debilitating emotion at bay. It had morphed into a state of fear by the time I was getting ready to go to the pool for what I knew would be my last swim practice with the team. Not a single team member, aside from my three closest friends, had accepted me again. I had long ago resigned as team captain. Today I would resign as a team member. I felt deeply saddened about leaving. The treatment I had received by my teammates hurt terribly. I had always thought them better than that. I had given them credit for their spunk, fortitude, and drive. I had thrived on our past camaraderie, but failed to see the shallow nature of each one. I no longer belonged.
My true friends, Celeste, Tara, and Brenna tried to talk me out of leaving as we walked into the building.
“Come on, Ashla,” Brenna begged, pulling a yellow rose out of her hair and whipping her thick curls into a knot on top of her head. “We need you,” she said with the stem between her teeth. “and besides, it won’t be the same without you.”
Tara added, “No kidding. We’ll lose for sure. You’re going to leave a hole in the water, Ashla.”
It was Celeste who nailed it. “If you quit, I quit.”
Jeez.
I looked at my friends. “We’re friends no matter what, right?”
They nodded.
“So, swimming is just a sport we share. We can share something else instead.”
Tara screwed up her nose. “Such as?”
I shrugged. “You know what I mean. We’ll figure it out. Come on. If we don’t hurry up and change, there won’t be one last swim together.”
Little did I know that those words were to echo in my mind for years to come.
Afterward, we changed and I said a hollow goodbye to the team as we left the locker room. Tara was towel drying her hair as we walked out into the late afternoon, so she came out last, tagging behind Brenna who was checking her cell for messages. Celeste and I led the way, deep in conversation about our upcoming moves. Both of our families’ houses were now on the market and our parents were making plans to move to places unknown. “Dad won’t go far from our church, but he’s willing to commute,” Celeste told me.
“Looks like we may end up down near Portland,” I said. “Dad had a job interview down there this week and is excited at the prospect of relocating.” I glanced at Celeste. “I really don’t want to think about it. Our being separated is going to be rough.”
“We’ll work it out, Ashla, don’t worry.”
As the four of us strolled across the parking lot toward the Cavalier, I heard the gut-wrenching shriek of rubber on asphalt. The sound tore at my eardrums, and I jerked around to look.
Coming at us from behind, accelerating crazily, engine roaring, was an old pickup truck. There was a shriek from behind me and I felt a powerful push. I flew into Celeste, knocking her to the ground, as I hit the asphalt.
The roaring engine and squealing rubber was all but on top of us. I pushed myself up in time to see the truck grill bearing down on us. Tara was running toward Brenna.
Brenna had pushed me so hard she had lost her balance and was stumbling toward me. I reached for her hand. She was right in front of the oncoming truck now!
Our fingertips were only inches apart. Then, there was a sickening thud and her small body flew up into the air. She seemed airborne for an eternity as the three of us ran to catch her.
But we weren’t fast enough.
Brenna hit the ground with a sickening thud. I collapsed beside her, screaming, “Call 911. Hurry!” Tara and Celeste dropped down next to her, both of them struggling with their cell phones.
There was a loud crash, a shriek of twisting metal, and an explosion of breaking glass. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the truck slam into a parked car. The driver door flew open and Mako jumped out. Our eyes met briefly, and I saw in his the sheer hatred that can only exist in the sickest of souls. Celeste’s father called it,
The Darkness—
the evil within a person that can destroy life itself. Crip immerged from of the other side of the pickup, and the two of them fled.
In shock, I looked back down at Brenna. Her skin was so colorless, it was almost translucent. She panted, barely able to breathe. Her eyes stared skyward. “Brenna, please, Brenna,” I pleaded, “Don’t leave us. Fight for life. P-l-e-a-s-e!” I touched her forehead and kissed her. If I could have had the power to change anything, it would have been that moment and everything that led up to it.
Life is so precious and I feared so for Brenna’s that I knelt there almost frozen, overwhelmed with anguish, and sick with worry. I knew the time had come for me to do everything I could to end the bullying.
Looking up at Tara, I saw tears streaming down her cheeks. I heard Celeste praying softly beside me. Finally, I heard the ambulance.
They took Brenna away and we three stood there in silence, dumbfound and riddled with grief. On the ground in front of me was the yellow rose that she had clipped to her hair. I bent to retrieve it.
It was perfect. Unblemished.
That evening we held a candlelight vigil for Brenna outside the hospital. I could think only of her pain and her struggle ahead. I desperately wanted her to graduate, go to the prom, meet the guy of her dreams, go on to college, and travel like she had planned.
I knew her parents and family were inside the hospital with her, supporting her. The doctors had done everything they could and were confident Brenna would recover.
Lighting a candle for her, I carefully placed it below her picture. Celeste and Tara did the same. Others joined us, and soon there was a long line of lights flickering in the night.
Within the hour, a crowd had gathered, and soon it seemed that most of Mount Olympic had come out in support of Brenna. Among the students were a few teachers and parents. Many of my former classmates approached me and whispered condolences. Some actually hugged me. I couldn’t process this. Did it take near loss of life for people to realize what’s important in this world?
Someone said that Mako and Crip had been arrested and charged.
Finally. But it had taken a near tragedy for that to happen.
I doubted
The Darkness
within Mako would ever be extinguished.
I stared at the photo of Brenna’s lovely face, and whispered, “Get well, Brenna. We’re all here for you.”
A strong hand warmed my shoulder and I heard Justin say, “Ashla.” I leaned over and rested my head against his chest and his arms closed protectively around me. “She’s going to be okay, Ashla,” he said and held me tighter.
So much had happened in the past months. A year ago, I would have reveled in being seen with the hottest guy in Washington State. It would have meant
everything
to me. Now, looking around, I saw many students gazing at us in wonder, but they couldn't possibly know what it took for us to finally be together.
My feelings for Justin are deep and sacred.
I felt him looking at me and glanced up. His eyes locked on mine. "Are you doing okay?" His voice was hushed . . . his eyes full of concern.