SOMEONE DIFFERENT (28 page)

I stared at the beams in the roof until something little and fur
ry snuffled across the floor and caught my eye. Great. Sleeping, in a bloody barn; that was bad enough, wasn’t it? But having to share it with a load of mice or rats or whatever, and them running about all over me?

For a second, I actually wondered what they’d found to eat though, and whether they’d share that as well?

Then I stopped myself. Christ, what the hell was wrong with me? What kind of dumb, messed-up loser must I be, that meant I was in this mess and nobody gave a shit?

Gulping hard to get rid of the tightness in my throat, I turned on to my side.

Maybe, some Youth Offenders’ place might not actually be that bad ...

40 – Anna

They never called me up for school the following morning. I was awake, just like I had been for most of the night, but I stayed in bed, clutching on to that duvet like it was a safety harness.

One day old I’d been when they’d brought me home from hospital, and this had been my room ever since. Even with my eyes closed I could picture it; every single square inch. The sixteen spotlights dotted on the ceiling, the swirling patterns in the coving, and the dent in the skirting board where I’d roller-skated into it once.

But if I’d have been leaving it for any other reason – if I’d have been going off somewhere with Jay – I wouldn’t have given it a second thought. It meant nothing to me, and yet
, it was still a million times more appealing than the prospect of sleeping at some wannabe elite boarding school, with a load of equally wannabe elite plastic girls.

Because it wouldn’t be properly elite of course
– nowhere like that would dream of taking me, not with my grades. They must’ve trawled the internet all afternoon yesterday to find one that needed the money more than it needed the results.

A chime rang out then
, which meant someone had either come in or gone out downstairs. From the way the dogs yapped, I guessed someone had come in. It was the only day our housekeeper didn’t work, so who else would it be at that time? I was so jumpy and anxious, I felt like I had to know everything. I left my room and hovered at the top of the stairs.

‘Has our Anna gone to school yet?’ Grandad’s rough, broad voice was unmistakable.

‘No,’ Dad said. ‘Annabel’s not going today ... we’re going to looking around a different school tomorrow, if she likes it, she’ll be starting next week.’

‘Where is she then?’

‘In her room.’

‘It’s just Lady’s had her pups – I’ve been up with her all night – an’ I wondered if o
ur Anna wanted to come and see ’em?’

I dashed halfway down the stairs. ‘Yes, please; can I, Grandad?’ The possibility of being allowed to leave the house on my own was less than zero, I needed to grab any opportunity to get out with both hands.

They both looked at me. Evidently, Dad wasn’t sure; their trust in me must’ve hit an all time low, but finally, he nodded.

‘Give me two minutes to get ready,’ I shouted. But in less than half that time, I was walking through the front door and out into the early morning mist with Grandad.

His other dog, Jess, skipped around and circled us as we made our way across the fields, then down past the stream, and up towards his cottage at the edge of the woods.

He smiled at me occasionally, but typically for him, didn’t speak. That suited me fine though, because even holding a conversation would have zapped up more energy than I had left inside me at that point.

When we reached Grandad’s door, he opened it, then moved aside. The smell of bacon wafted as I stepped into the kitchen, and the warm air soothed my face. Then suddenly, it filled my mouth as well. Because sitting on the rug in front of the range, gently stroking Lady’s head and surrounded by squeaking black and white puppies, was Jay.

The smile on his face lit me up like nothing else could. I looked at Grandad, who’d come to stand alongside me, and then at Jay again. ‘What .... How ...?’

‘Sit down,’ Grandad said.

Steadily, I perched myself on the small, red, velvety sofa. Jay came to sit next to me and gave me a quick hug.

‘Me an’ my dad had a big bust-up last night –’

I gasped, searching for any signs of marks or bruises on his face.

‘It’s OK – it didn’t get that bad. But he threw me out; told me I couldn’t stay there anymore. So ... well, it’s a long story, and it were an even longer walk, but I ended up in your barn.’ He glanced at Grandad, and a faint smile crossed his lips. ‘Until I woke up with Jess’s nose in my face, that is, an’ your grandad shinin’ a torch at me.’

‘Oh, Grandad, thank you – thank you so much for letting him come here, and for not telling anyone.’

He sighed. ‘Well, I’m not as bloody stupid as your mam and dad are, am I? I’ve seen what’s been happening. Like that time you were supposed to be poorly an’ I saw the two of you waving as he left your house.’

‘Oh.’

‘And then when your mam asked me why you’d been round here one night when you hadn’t, and I had to make up some daft excuse.’

My face grimaced. ‘I’m really sorry about that, it’s just ...’

‘I know what it just is, and that’s the only reason I’ve kept quiet about it. Because even though you’ve had a rough time lately, any bloody fool can see you’ve been happier since you met this lad than you’ve ever been before.’

Jay’s head dipped; he really couldn’t handle compliments. I put my hand on his thigh and squeezed it, but he still didn’t look up. It was true though; every word Grandad had just said, and I so wanted to tell Jay that myself. But it felt a bit weird, and I decided to wait until we were on our own.

Grandad took hold of the kettle then. That had been quite a speech for him, and obviously a cup of tea was now in order. He filled it with water, placed it on the range, then turned to me. ‘So, how do they think sendin’ you to some new school’s gonna solve owt?’ he asked.

The grip I had on Jay’s leg tightened
, until I held a handful of his jeans. When I spoke, my voice was so quiet I could hardly hear it myself. ‘It’s ... it’s a boarding school,’ I managed.

Jay’s head shot round. ‘What, you mean like somewhere that’s miles away? Somewhere that you have to stay?’

‘Well, I’m not exactly sure where it is yet. But knowing them, it’ll either be in deepest, darkest Cornwall or on some Godforsaken island off the north of Scotland.’

‘An’ what; they’ll just leave ya there? An’ ya won’t know anybody, an’ ya can’t even come home whenever ya want?’

Blunt words; sharp enough to cut deep. And it must’ve showed all over my face.

Jay’s eyes closed. He ran his hand through his hair, glanced at Grandad, then hesita
ted before saying, ‘Is it just cos of me; because they wanna keep ya away from me?’

‘I –’

‘Cos if it is, I’ll back off – I’ll stop seein’ ya for a bit. I know it’ll be like proper hard, but it’s better than you havin’ to go somewhere like that.’

‘It wouldn’t work,’ I said softly. ‘They don’t even trust me to go to school now without bunking off. That’s why they’ll want me so far away.’

‘Do they know though, that if they wait ’til Monday I might not even be around anymore?’

‘I’ve no idea,’ I sighed. ‘But that’d be even more awful anyway; it’s not what I want, I want you to stay out – and that might still happen.’

‘Not if I plead guilty.’

‘Don’t you dare!’ I’d never shouted as loud in my life, and I don’t know who jumped higher: Jay, Grandad, or the dog. ‘That’d be the most stupid, idiotic, inexcusable, ridiculous thing you could ever do. I’d kill you.’

‘Whoa.’ The shock on his face gave way to a bemused smile. ‘So you’d rather I didn’t then ...?’

‘Yes, I absolutely, definitely, would rather you didn’t.’ I couldn’t help the brief smile his expression brought on, but as I linked my arm through his, it disappeared again quickly. ‘If I’m away at school, then at least I can come back sometimes – holidays and weekends maybe – we might at least get some chances to still meet. But if you’re locked up ...’

‘Yeah, OK ... I get it.’ He took a long breath in as the colour in his cheeks deepened. ‘It just messes me up though, thinkin’ you’re gonna be unhappy. You shouldn’t have to go
; I don’t want ya to go.’

The heat burned through his clothes and my mouth dried up. ‘No, well that makes two of us. But there’s nothing we can do about it; believe me, I’ve tried.’

A flicker of doubt flashed in his eyes. ‘Nothin’?’

‘No, nothing.’

Grandad turned away then. ‘Tea?’

‘Please,’ I answered, still looking at Jay.

But Jay shook his head. ‘I’d better get goin’. I’ve got some right explainin’ to do down at Youth Offendin’.’

‘Then what?’ I asked. ‘What will you do about finding somewhere to stay?’

‘I’ll have to see if they can sort somethin’ out for me. They did it for this other kid I know; it’s a right dump, like proper mingin’ the room he’s got, but what else can I do?’

‘You can stay ’ere.’

Jay and I stared at Grandad like he’d just done a back-flip. He ignored us, carried on pouring the tea, then went on, ‘Not forever mind, but until you’ve found somewhere else.’

Jay’s eyes grew to the
size of plums. ‘But ... are ya sure? I mean I’m on a tag, there’s a box, you’ll have to ...’

‘Just tell ’
em to come an’ see me if they have to.’ He took a long slurp of tea then felt in his pocket. ‘An’ ’ere, have summat for bus fare an’ owt else ya need.’

Grandad held out three ten pound notes, but Jay gaped at me, pleading for help ‘I can’t,’ he said.

‘Oh, of course you can.’ I grinned. ‘I told you he’s loaded, didn’t I? It’s just loose change to him.’ I took the money and put it in Jay’s pocket.

‘Cheers,’ he said to Grandad, then he stood up and looked at me. ‘I will get to see ya later, won’t I?’

‘I’ll do everything I can.’ I smiled, then reached down, scratched Lady’s ears, and cradled her head in my hands. ‘Your sense of timing, sweetheart, is absolutely perfect. Thank you.’

Jay said bye then, and Grandad and I sat in silence for a while. The five little pups snuffled and crawled around us blindly, but I knew that before long, their eyes would open and their little legs would be strong enough to take them anywhere. Occasionally, one wobbled and fell over, and if it didn’t manage to get itself back on its feet, Lady gave it a gentle nudge in the right direction. After a few minutes, she herded them together and they suckled her milk until they fell fast asleep. She checked each one carefully then, and only when she was satisfied they were all safe and well, did she finally settle down to sleep herself.

Grandad smiled at me. I couldn’t believe he’d known about me and Jay all along. All that sneaking around, and planning and plotting we’d done, and he’d been aware of it from the start. I couldn’t help wishing he’d told me sooner though, because just knowing I had someone else to talk to about it made me feel a stone lighter.

I stared at the dozing little dogs again. Grandad’s carriage clock sent a strong, regular tick-tock from the mantle, and Lady seemed to breathe in time with it. Except for every once in a while, when she stirred, cast an eye over her litter, then drifted back to sleep.

At last, I said, ‘They won’t change their minds, will they?’ Even though I knew the answer before the question had left my lips.

He shook his head. ‘No, not if I know your mam an’ dad. It’s what ya mam’s wanted for ages, anyway, for you to go to boarding school.’

‘Is it?’

‘Ey
, she’s just like your nan – they get a few quid in their pocket an’ think they’ve got to behave like bloody royalty. If it’d been up to me, your dad wouldn’t have even gone to a private school, but it’s what your nan wanted.’ He swirled the tea leaves around in the bottom of his cup. ‘Up ’til now though, your dad’s always been able to convince your mam you should stay here, but it looks like he’s finally changed his mind.’

‘But they are wrong though, aren’t they?’

He thought about it. ‘Well, they haven’t thrown you out on the streets like his dad has.’

The sharp reminder of Jay’s situation made me flinch, but I desperately wanted to know what he really thought about mine. ‘No, but they are sending me away, they are doing everything they can to split us up.’

‘If you two care about each other as much as you think you do, that’ll be nye on impossible.’

Genuine or condescending? I wasn’t sure. ‘But we do care about each other,’ I said.

‘Of course you do ... for now.’ Grandad smiled again. ‘Look, there’s plenty of folks out there who’d tell you it won’t last, an’ I’d probably be one of ’em. You’ve lived two different lives you an’ him; you might as well’ve been born on different planets. But that’s somethin’ you’ll have to work out for yourselves.’ He shifted in his chair slightly and shrugged. ‘An’ anyway, who’s to say I’m right? Who’s to say the pair of ya won’t do whatever it takes? After all, that lad’s just offered to get locked up for you – that’s one hell of a gesture ... if he really meant it.’