Authors: Louis Sachar
“Hold on, I’ll check,” said Angeline. She walked to the kitchen window and listened.
“I really wish you wouldn’t do that,” Abel whispered, so only Gus could hear.
“Why not?” Gus asked. “She’s always right. I think it’s great.”
“I don’t,” said Abel. “Okay?”
Gus shrugged. “Okay,” he said.
When Angeline got back she told them that it was going to be very hot, especially hot for October. Abel politely thanked her.
“Gus, can I ride around with you and my father in the garbage truck sometime?” she asked.
“Now, what do you want to do that for?” Gus asked. “It smells in there.”
“I want to,” said Angeline. “Besides, I like the smell.”
“You belong in school,” said Gus.
“School smells,” said Angeline.
Gus laughed. “I never liked school either,” he said, “but that was because I wasn’t too smart. If I was as smart as you, I would have loved school. Someday you’ll appreciate it.”
“You never know,” said Angeline.
“It’s kind of tough on her now,” said Abel. “All the other kids in her class are a lot older. She doesn’t have any friends.”
“I do too,” Angeline insisted. “I have one friend. Gary Boone. He’s my best friend. He’s so funny. He knows so many jokes.”
“Good,” said Abel. “I’m glad you’re finally making friends.”
“Just one friend,” corrected Angeline. “Just Gary. All the other kids are goons.”
Before, when Gary took off his shoe and put it back on and Angeline asked him why he did it and he said he didn’t know, well, actually he had a very good reason. There was a pebble in his shoe. It had been there almost the whole lunch period, but because he was so amazed that Angeline had said she liked his jokes and even laughed and everything, he didn’t think about the pebble. Then when the bell rang and it was time to go in, he simply took off his shoe, dumped the pebble out, and put his shoe back on. That’s all. But when Angeline asked him why he did it, well, he forgot.
He was in the fifth grade, in Miss Turbone’s class. He called her “Mr. Bone.”
The first time he called her that, on the first day of school, it was just a joke, like Goon or Angelopolis. But like all his jokes, nobody noticed—not even Miss Turbone. After that, no matter how hard he tried to say “Miss Turbone,” it always came out “Mr. Bone.”
He liked her a lot. In fact, until he met Angeline, she was his favorite person at the school. Now she was his second favorite.
She had a soft face and pretty brown hair, and she wore big round glasses. He loved her glasses. He thought she looked prettier with the glasses on than without them.
“Okay, who knows the answer?” asked Miss Turbone.
“Uh-oh,” thought Gary. He didn’t even know the question. He looked down at his desk, hiding, like the way an ostrich hides by sticking its head in the sand. He hoped Mr. Bone wouldn’t call on him.
Miss Turbone looked at Gary. She could tell by the way that he was looking down at his desk that he didn’t know the answer. Some teachers, like Mrs. Hardlick, would have called on him for just that reason. Some hunters like to shoot ostriches that have their heads buried in the sand.
Miss Turbone called on somebody else.
She liked Gary. She felt sorry for him because all the other kids called him “Goon” and he didn’t have any friends, but besides that, she also liked him. However, she didn’t think a great deal of his jokes. She didn’t know he called her “Mr. Bone.” She might have thought that one was funny.
When the bell rang and all the other kids left for lunch, she told Gary she wanted to talk to him.
He walked up to her desk. “Yes, Mr. Bone.”
It sounded like “Miss Turbone” to her, probably because that was what she expected to hear. “Can you stay after school today?” she asked.
“I’m not in trouble, am I?”
“No,” laughed Miss Turbone. “I’m going to set up a couple of fish tanks on the back ledge. I thought you might like to help me.”
“Okay,” said Gary. “May I ask a friend to help us, too?”
“A friend?” questioned Miss Turbone.
“Oh, sure, Mr. Bone,” said Gary. “I have lots of friends.”
Miss Turbone smiled. “You may invite anyone you’d like, Gary,” she said. She was glad he had made a friend.
“Her name’s Angeline,” said Gary. “You’ll like her. She’s real smart and she has a great sense of humor.” He headed outside to lunch, eager to tell Angeline about setting up the fish tanks with Mr. Bone.
“Gary,” called Miss Turbone.
He stopped and turned toward her. “Yes, Mr. Bone?”
“I’m your friend, too.”
It was a very hot day, just as Angeline had predicted. It was the hottest October fifth since they had started recording the weather.
Abel and Gus drove up and down the city streets, one house at a time, collecting people’s garbage. Sometimes Abel drove while Gus picked up the cans and dumped them in the back of the truck, and other times Gus drove and Abel did the dirty work. They traded off. Besides everything else, the hot weather made the garbage stink worse than usual, especially as the day wore on and the garbage had been out in the sun all day, baking in the heavy metal cans.
They stopped at a little park to eat their lunch. The bathrooms were locked, so they had to put
their hands in front of a lawn sprinkler to wash up. It felt so good that they ran in front of the sprinkler and let it spray all over them. It was so hot that they knew that by the time they finished eating, their clothes would be dry.
Abel bit into his sandwich. “Yech!” he exclaimed. He pulled apart the bread and looked inside. “Peanut butter and jello,” he muttered, realizing that he and Angeline must have accidentally traded lunches.
“What’s this!” exclaimed Angeline, holding her sandwich away from her. She had taken one bite out of it. “Salami! I hate salami!”
“I’ll trade with you,” said Gary. “I love salami.”
“Okay,” said Angeline. “What do you have?”
“Salami,” said Gary. “I just love salami.”
They traded salami sandwiches.
“Today after school, do you want to help Mr. Bone and me set up some fish tanks?” he asked.
“Who’s Mr. Bone?” asked Angeline.
“My teacher. We’re setting up some fish tanks after school and Mr. Bone said you can help, too.”
“Okay,” said Angeline. It meant that she’d have
to take the regular city bus home instead of the school bus, but she didn’t mind. She liked riding the city buses. She liked pulling the cord when it was time to signal the bus to stop. “Will they be freshwater or saltwater fish tanks?” she asked.
“Will
what
be freshwater or saltwater?” asked Gary with a slight smirk on his face.
“The fish tanks,” Angeline repeated.
“The fish
what?”
asked Gary, still smirking.
“Tanks,” said Angeline.
“You’re welcome,” said Gary.
Angeline cracked up. She thought it was the funniest joke she’d ever heard. “I hope they’re saltwater,” she said when she stopped laughing, “like the ocean.”
“I don’t know,” said Gary. “Come to room twelve. You’ll like Mr. Bone.”
Abel and Gus finished their lunch and threw their litter in the back of the truck. They didn’t have to look for a trash can. They drove one.
After school, Miss Turbone gave Gary the keys to her car and told him to bring her the package that was on the floor of the front seat. “It’s a
yellow car,” she said. “It has a bumper sticker on the back that says
SAVE THE WHALES
.”
As Gary walked to the parking lot, he felt special. He had Mr. Bone’s keys in his hand, and he was walking to Mr. Bone’s car, and was going to open Mr. Bone’s car with Mr. Bone’s keys. It made him feel very special. He jingled the keys while he walked.
Angeline couldn’t remember if Gary had said room twelve or room twenty. She cautiously opened the door to room twelve. She thought he probably said room twelve, but then, when she opened the door and saw a lady teacher and no sign of Gary, she concluded she had gone to the wrong room.
“May I help you?” asked Miss Turbone.
“Oh. I’m looking for Mr. Bone,” said Angeline.
“I’m Miss Turbone,” said Miss Turbone.
Angeline’s eyes widened. “You’re Mr. Bone?” she questioned.
“Yes,” said Miss Turbone. “You must be Angeline. Gary will be right back.”
Angeline stared at her in amazement. “You’re Mr. Bone?” she repeated.
“That’s right,” said Miss Turbone.
Angeline still couldn’t figure it out. “You’re Mr. Bone?” she repeated again.
“Yes,” said Miss Turbone, unable to understand Angeline’s confusion. “Come in. Gary is getting something for me from my car.”
Angeline shrugged. “Okay…” she said perplexedly, “…Mr. Bone.”
Gary returned to the classroom carrying a package. “Is this it, Mr. Bone?” he asked.
“Yes, thank you, Gary.”
“Well, what do you know?” thought Angeline. “She
is
Mr. Bone.”
“What’s in it?” Gary asked, referring to the package he brought in. “Is it for the fish tanks?”
Miss Turbone smiled. “Why, yes, Gary,” she said. “As a matter of fact, that’s just what it’s for.”
She set the package on her desk and then they went to work setting up the fish tanks. It took them over an hour to finish both tanks, yet they still never opened the package that Gary had gotten from Miss Turbone’s car.
“What are these called again, Mr. Bone?” asked Angeline.
“Fish tanks,” said Miss Turbone.
“Fish
what?”
asked Angeline. She smiled at Gary.
“Tanks,” said Miss Turbone.
“YOU’RE WELCOME,” Gary and Angeline said together, then Angeline laughed hysterically.
They filled one tank with fresh water and one with salt water. Angeline said she liked the saltwater best and Gary said he liked the freshwater best. “Better, not best,” corrected Miss Turbone. “When you compare two things, one can only be better, not best.”
“Do you have any fish for them?” Gary asked.
Miss Turbone smiled. “In the box you brought from my car.”
“Oh, no, Mr. Bone!” said Angeline and Gary together.
“They’ve been out of water all this time,” said Angeline.
“They’ve drowned,” said Gary.
Miss Turbone told Gary to open the box.
“I don’t want to look,” said Angeline as she peered over Gary’s shoulder.
Inside the box were three big cookies, each shaped and decorated like a fish.
“One for each of us,” said Miss Turbone, “for setting up the fish tanks.”
“Thank you, Mr. Bone,” said Angeline.
“Oh, yeah. Thank you, Mr. Bone,” said Gary.
“I’ll try to get real fish for the tanks tomorrow,” said Miss Turbone. “Right now, I’ll go get us some milk from the cafeteria for our cookies.”
Angeline thought Mr. Bone was wonderful. She knew Mrs. Hardlick would never eat a fish-shaped cookie. “I don’t want any milk with my cookie, Mr. Bone,” she said. “I’ll have a glass of salt water.”
The next morning, Angeline met Gary on the way to class.
“What’s new?” she said.
“An animal at the zoo,” said Gary.
“Huh?”
It was a joke. There is an animal at the zoo called a
gnu
, which is pronounced like
new
. So, see, when Angeline asked, “What’s new?” Gary replied, “An animal at the zoo.” After Gary explained it to her, Angeline thought it was the funniest joke she’d ever heard. Well, maybe not the funniest.
She hurried to class. She was looking forward to seeing Mr. Bone again, and also Mr. Bone’s fish,
if she got them yet, especially the saltwater ones. But first, in Mrs. Hardlick’s class, they were having class elections, and she was looking forward to that too, not that she thought she had a chance to be elected for anything.
Everybody already knew that either Philip Korbin or Christy Mathewson would be elected president and that the other one would be elected vice-president. Angeline hadn’t decided for whom she’d vote—probably Christy. At least she got to vote, just like all the other sixth-graders.
Besides, she didn’t want to be president anyway. There was only one position that she really wanted, and that was Secretary of Trash. But then, she thought as she looked around the room, who would even nominate her, let alone vote for her?
Philip Korbin nervously approached her desk. “Hi,” he said.
Angeline stared at him. She guessed he was going to ask her to vote for him, and after he had called her a freak the other day, too.
“So, uh, who you gonna vote for?” Philip asked.
“I don’t know,” said Angeline.
“You wanna vote for me?” Philip asked. He smiled sheepishly.
“No,” said Angeline.
“I didn’t mean it the other day when I told you to shut up,” Philip said. “I just wanted to play baseball and Goon wouldn’t get the ball.”
Angeline thought a moment. “I’ll make you a deal,” she said. “I’ll vote for you for president if you promise to nominate me for Secretary of Trash.”
Philip thought it over.
“You don’t even have to vote for me,” said Angeline. “Just nominate me.”
“Sure, what the heck,” said Philip. “It’s a deal.”
“Okay,” said Angeline.
“Angeline!” said Mrs. Hardlick. “No talking after the bell rings.”
The bell rang.
“It hadn’t rung yet,” said Angeline.
“What did I just say about talking?” said Mrs. Hardlick, trying to cover up her mistake.
Angeline sat up and folded her hands on top of her desk. As long as they were folded, she knew she wouldn’t suck her thumb. She knew she’d never be elected Secretary of Trash if she was
caught sucking her thumb again. But who was she kidding? She wasn’t going to be elected anyway.
As expected, Christy and Philip were each nominated for class president and they each had to give a speech. Christy was first.
“I think you should vote for me for class president because I’m very responsible, for example, I always feed and walk my dog, Toby, oh he’s so cute, but for a long time we never had a dog because my parents didn’t want to have to take care of him but I said I’d take care of him, but they said, no you won’t, and I said yes I would too, but they said you say that now but we know you, and something always comes up, but I told them I really, truly would take care of him and then they said, okay, and so two days ago we got a dog, Toby, and he’s so cute, and I always take care of him, except yesterday because I was busy writing this speech, and after all, being president is a lot more important than feeding a dog, and so I promise that if you elect me president, I won’t let my dog interfere with my duties as president of the sixth grade.” She took a deep breath. “Thank you.”