So I'm a Double Threat (Double Threat Series) (13 page)

He doesn’t respond right away. Maybe he is waiting to see if I’m really finished.

“Megan, you’re not some stupid little freshman, relax. It’s Ben who’s stupid.”

“Thanks. But...but...why is he acting this way?”

“He really liked you. I think he got scared when you started talking to Eric. He’s a jealous kind of guy and I think he just took himself out of the game. Maybe he was scared you wouldn’t pick him over the freshman. He’d feel like an ass if you did.”

I think about it for a minute. “Did he actually say this or are you just guessing?”

“Ben doesn’t have to say anything to me. I know him too well.”

“What about the thing at Denny’s?” I need more of his insight.

“It was pretty whack what he did, right in front of Vanessa and Eric. And to you. I don’t know what he was thinking.” He clears his throat. “Maybe he saw how beautiful you looked tonight and couldn’t resist. He could’ve done worse.”

Did Alex just say I looked beautiful? OMG. He is beautiful. How do I respond?

“Alex...you think I’m...beaut...beautiful?” I stutter.

“Uh...yeah.”

“Oh, my gosh, you’re crazy.”

“Meg, you are. Seriously. And the fact you don’t realize it only makes you cuter.”

“Cute. I can handle
cute
.” I can’t help throwing in a joke. “Well, whatever it was, Ben’s an idiot.”

“That he is. So, what are you gonna do now? Who do you really wanna be with?”

You. I want to say, but I know I can’t.

You’re the one I want to talk to. The one I want to stay up with until all hours of the night, texting back and forth and making jokes that only we find funny. The one I want to pick me up after a long day of practice and give me tips so my muscles won’t get sore. You’re the one I want to make me feel better when I’m having a bad day. Because you’re the only one who can put a smile on my face and make my day brighter on a day without light. You’re the one that I want. Even when I shouldn’t.

That’s what I want to say. But I can’t.

I always put my feelings for Alex aside, in a separate place in my heart. They are in there, fighting to come out, tearing through my mind and wanting to spill out into words, into actions. But, it can’t happen, not now. Not while he is with one of my best friends.

“I don’t know,” is all I can manage to mutter.

“You know, you don’t have to hook up with anyone. You don’t have to have a boyfriend.” Easy for him to say when he has a girlfriend.

“Yeah, I know,” I say. “Alex, can I ask you something?”

“Go for it.”

“Besides Amy being gorgeous and having a smokin’ hot body, why are you with her? She’s definitely not as...nice...as you are.”

“I have to admit, I’m like every other guy...I was attracted to her body, but she’s not as bad as you and your friends make her out to be. When we’re alone, she’s pretty cool to be around. She’s not as secure as you think, either. She acts normal, fun, just chill...you know?” He tries to explain to me, but I don’t get it. But maybe I don’t want to. It’s easier to be angry with her without acknowledging she is a great person.

Amy really used to be a terrific person, but once she started sprouting long, lean legs, and C-cup breasts, she changed. She began shopping for brand-name labels only, and showing off like crazy. We all felt like she looked down on us for not shopping at the expensive stores or getting professional weaves whenever we wanted. Even if my parents could afford all that, it’s just not my style.

“Meg, hello?” he says, loudly.

My mind must have wandered. “No, I don’t know. So, that’s it then? Just chill, huh? Do you love her?” I ask, wishing I didn’t. Do I really want to know the answer to that question?

“I like her, a lot.”

“Hmm.”

“So, do you feel better now?”

“Yeah...yeah, I do. Is that why you called? To make me feel better?”

“I thought I’d try.”

“Well, it worked. I’m good,” I say, with a smile.

For a moment, we listen to each other in silence. I feel like I need to say something or like he wants to say something, but we both just...exist, together.

Eventually, Alex breaks the silence. “Well, it’s getting late, so I better go. I could probably fall asleep on the phone listening to the rhythm of your breathing. It’s kinda relaxing, like those kid songs that put babies to sleep. Um, what are they called?”

“Lullabies?”

“Yeah, you can put me to sleep with your lullaby.”

I smile. “You don’t want to do that; you’d wake up with a kink in your neck.”

“You’re weird, Meg.” He chuckles.

“I try.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Ha ha. Gee thanks, Alex.” I giggle.

“Okay, I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

“What, I thought you wanted me to put you to sleep with the musical melodies of my snoring?” I say kiddingly.

“I said the rhythm of your breathing. I didn’t say anything about snoring.” He chuckles more.

“Well, you’re missing out. I was going to work myself up into a full blown concert.”

“Maybe next time.” His silly laugh kills me. “Good night, Meg.”

“Sleep tight, Alex.”

“Don’t let the bed bugs bite.”

“Okay, Merry Christmas.”

“Wait. Merry Christmas? What the?” Alex responds, obviously confused.

“I couldn’t think of anything else.” I laugh quietly, trying not to wake my parents.

“You’re nuts.” He laughs.

“I know.” I have tears in my eyes.

“Happy New Year.”

“What?”

“It’s all I could come up with.” He laughs more.

I bust up. “Okay. Seriously. Good night. We could keep going forever.”

“Okay.” His groan makes me crack up.

“Good night, Alex.” If only he could see my giddy grin.

“Sleep tight,” he says through laughter, again.

I try to get serious. “Byyyye, Alex.”

“Fine. Bye, Meg.”

As he hangs up the phone, I can hear him laughing faintly in the background.

I stare at my phone smiling, replaying our conversation in my head.

I roll over and go to sleep with happy thoughts about Alex, hoping those thoughts will invade my dreams. Hopefully, he will make an appearance as more than just my good friend.

––––––––

A
few weeks have passed since the hideous homecoming dance. My friends have been walking on eggshells around me like I’m on a freakin’ suicide watch or something. I swear. I’m fine. As if I’m going to let some jackass I’ve only known for like three or four months get me down. And I didn’t even really know Ben...not like I
thought
I did. Alex tried to warn me. Eric tried to warn me. But did I listen? Noooo, of course not. That, my friend, would’ve been too easy.

Besides the near throw down between Eric and Ben at Denny’s, the only other thing people are talking about is Brittany what’s-her-name, who won Homecoming. It didn’t even faze me the night of the football game. All I was still thinking about was the great unveiling at the rally. Now that I’ve had time to think about it, I can’t believe the chick really won. Seriously, how did they even know it was her with that black curtain of hair covering half her face? She’s like a dang Cyclops. You can only see
one
of her eyes. She reminds me of Violet from
The Incredibles
, only in skinny jeans and black nail polish. Apparently, this is all the rage at my school and I didn’t even know it.

Cyclops and cartoon characters. This is what I’m thinking about. I’m such a loser. Tonight I’m just chillin’ at home, trying to relax after my first soccer game. Both JV and varsity won today, which made for a wild ride home in the bus. Since it was an away game, we didn’t have much of a cheering section, but I was actually relieved. I would’ve been way too nervous to play well with a bunch of people from school watching.

Buzz...buzz.

That’s my phone. I know it’s here somewhere. I search all over my bed. I didn’t hear it start ringing since the volume on my radio is turned up. I flip up my comforter one last time and it flies off the bed. I pick it up and flip it open. It’s a text.

Congrats on the win. We won 2. Chk ur email...2 long 2 wrte in txt.

Hmm...what could Eric have to write in an email? Why doesn’t he just call me if it’s too long to write?

I was just online, checking MySpace, so it doesn’t take long to bring up my email.

Meg,

Hey, sweetheart. I know you’re probably wondering why I chose to email you instead of just calling, but I figured I wouldn’t get all nervous if I wrote it. Since we both had luck with our games today, I thought I would try my luck with you too.

So I’ve just been kicking back waiting to see what would happen between us or to see if you would end up with that punk, Ben. But now it looks like Ben showed you what an ass he is, so I don’t think I have to worry about him anymore.

Anyway, I know we had a thing last year, but this time it seems different. I like you a lot. I love being around you. Everyone does...that smile of yours makes everyone smile too, even when they don’t want to. You’ve gotta know how I feel about you...it’s not like I haven’t shown you. But I need to know how you feel. Do you think of me the same way? Damn, I hope so...

Can you just tell me...will you be with me? and ONLY me? Don’t play games with me, okay or try to spare my feelings. Be honest...if I’m not the one you want, tell me now, please.

Thinking of you....

Eric

OMG. Why does he have to be so sweet? My head is so full of crap from Ben still, it’s not letting me enjoy this wonderful email from a
nice
guy. Remind me to go to the junior highs and tell the girls to stay away from the seniors next year. By this time, shouldn’t I have had like five boyfriends already? Isn’t that the way high school is supposed to work?

I put my face in my hands and take a few deep breaths. I can feel a pinch of pain in between my eyes. Great, I’m getting a freakin’ sinus headache. Now is not the time.

Relax.

Eric is a great guy. He’s nice. He’s funny. He buys me Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Fudge Brownie ice cream, even though I don’t need it. He likes to hang out with me and my friends during lunch. Well, his friends are trying to get at mine, but still.

Shit. If we don’t end up together, it’ll really screw up our lunchtime routine, won’t it? Will Eric, Jonathan, and Josh still hang out with us if I say no to him? Everyone will
hate
me if I screw this up. Crap.

I click on
Reply
.

Hi Eric,

You have got to be the sweetest guy in the world...or at least at Carver...don’t want you to get a big head or anything. So you like me, huh? And you love to be around me? You like my smile, too? Damn, I’m pretty lucky to have someone like you, aren’t I?

Well I’m not gonna shoot you and put you out of your misery today...no such luck. I think you’re stuck with me ’cause I really like you too, and I can’t imagine who else I would like to spend my lunchtime eating Baked Chips and drinking Naked Juice with. Plus, who else is going to help me improve my soccer game? Well, let’s not base our relationship on my ability to play soccer. We’d be doomed.

No...seriously. Of course, I want you. And ONLY you.

“You complete me.” Get it? Jerry Maguire? “You had me at hello”. Ha ha. I’m so funny.

So boyfriend...is that what I should call you now?? I gotta go. I need to take a shower and get rid of all the grass and dirt from my crevices.

I’ll talk you tomorrow.

Dreaming of you...

Meg

I read my email twice before I hit send. What else can I possibly say? We have a good thing going. I can’t ruin it. Not for me. Not for Eric. Not for our close group of friends. It has to be this way. I’m not
completely
lying. I can see the potential to feel like he’s the only one I want. There is definitely that potential. If I can just get the loser out of my mind, things will work out here. Really. Really?

My inbox makes a sound. One new message.

You had me at hello. Ha ha. Just kidding. You had me when you pouted like a little kid ’cause Ms. Gelson moved you to your new seat. Remind me to thank her.

Good night.

I smile. This might work.

––––––––

T
hanksgiving break flew by leaving little time for me to hook up with my friends, or Eric. My mom is a nut when it comes to shopping so we were out at four o’clock in the morning on Black Friday—along with many other psycho people seeking a twenty dollar DVD player or “buy one get one for a penny” sales. It’s crazy, I know. But it’s actually kind of fun.

Steph was totally busy with her family during break. Relatives came in from Arizona and Texas for the week, and her mom gives both her and Lydia a long list of things to do. Mostly, they had to entertain all of their younger cousins while the adults did their thing. Steph didn’t complain, though.

Amy stopped by my house to visit Thanksgiving Day. I wasn’t too surprised. Her mother doesn’t cook. They buy their holiday dinners. So Amy usually makes her rounds to visit all of us. I know she loves her more fortunate situation when it comes to shopping for clothes or getting the perfect salon highlights in her hair, but when it comes to holidays, I know she’s jealous. She envies the family gatherings and nurturing mothers the rest of us have. So, she popped in and I let her soak in the smell of a freshly baking turkey and a real sense of family, not just money. It was just like old times. We didn’t talk about anything special. We just hung out and relaxed which was a nice change of pace for the two of us. It was almost like we were calling a truce for the holidays which suited me just fine.

Keesh was actually pretty scarce throughout our break. Normally, she would’ve been the one to get us all together, at least once, but she was preoccupied. It wasn’t Jonathan, either. I asked Eric about it and he said Jonathan had hardly talked to her. When I finally got a hold of her, she said she was hanging out with some of the girls on the soccer team. The varsity girls. Well,
excuse me
.

Eric spent some time at my house Thanksgiving Day. He actually ate dinner with us. It seemed a little soon to have him over for a holiday, but my mom insisted. She likes what she sees in Eric so far. He’s polite on the phone. He walks me home after practice and my mom said she noticed a “skip in my step” when I announced I was with Eric, again.