Snowballs in Hell (6 page)

“The crimes against you are numerous. Drug trafficking, assassination, lying, cheating, but the nastiest thing you ever did, by far the most despicable, kidnapping young girls and selling them as sex slaves.”

I and the rest of the crowd grumbled in anger–heinous indeed. But I knew dad wouldn’t let us down.

“I sentence thee…” Satan paused for effect. “To be drawn and quartered daily for the next five hundred years and to serve as a whore for Hell’s army.” The accused finally lost his smile and stood up in a panic. “You can’t do that. I should be rewarded for being evil. It got me here.” My father smiled, not a pretty sight for the uninitiated. “Welcome to Hell. I’ve just fucked you like you fucked over thousands. Enjoy your stay.” Kicking and screaming, the scuzzbag was dragged away to the cheers of the crowd.

Do the crime, do the time, that was my father’s motto. Hell wasn’t a reward for those who did evil, it was the punishment. And those who enjoyed their crimes in their previous life, let’s just say they were made to regret it over and over and…

The damned dispersed and we approached my father, who bounded off his thrown and gave me a hug–which was so totally out of character, I almost screamed in fright.

“What the hell, dad?” I finally managed to say.

“What? Can’t a father be glad his daughter’s come home for a visit?” I eyed him suspiciously, but my dad just smiled benignly back. I didn’t like it.

Something had to be seriously wrong for my dad to be worried enough to hug me in public.

“I take it Auric spoke to you about our suspicions,” said my father.

“Yeah. You guys think maybe the stranger put some spell on me.” I only quivered a little using such an abstract term.

“Don’t fear daughter. We will remove this curse from you and free you to once again to be a blood thirsty pox upon the world.”

With a shake of my head at my dad’s use of words, and a giggle when I saw David’s slack-jawed face, we went to meet with Hade’s finest minds–the ones who still had one that is.

“How big is this place?” asked David, staring around with amazement at the vast arched rooms and frescoes we passed.

“As big as I need it,” boasted my father and, eager to show off, he started pointing out things. “See that painting over there.” The image in question of a satyr licking his lips as he watched maidens bathe in a secluded glen had been beautifully rendered, down to the individual strands of hair. “That was done by Michelangelo. What a coup getting him was! My brother, God, is still pissed over losing him.” As my dad regaled David with stories, it made me think of the memories I had of growing up here. Happy memories, actually, even though I’d done my best to drive my dad nuts.

Like the time, I’d painted his throne room pink because I thought it would look pretty. That he might have tolerated, but the big smiley faces and flowers I’d added as a finishing touch had pushed him over the edge.

A straight A student–my brain had been much sharper back then–my father had often lamented about the fact I studied and applied myself. When I’d complained some of my succubi sisters had straight As, too, he’d informed me they did it the traditional way—by sleeping with their teachers and blackmailing them. Not liking his answer, and being stubborn, I’d responded to it in only way possible. I’d gotten a scholarship. Wow, had the shit hit the fan when that honor had come through. The steam had literally poured from his ears.

Then there had been the whole I’m-staying-a-virgin-until-I-fall in love thing. I’d stuck to my guns on that one no matter how many gifts my father bribed me with.

Aah, the good old days. Now I could do no wrong. I owned a bar and helped people get drunk and lose their inhibitions. I lived in sin with a fallen angel. And I carried a balance on my credit cards. What could I say–all those years rebelling and I ended up turning into a model daughter after all.

One of my father’s demon aides came loping up and handed him a missive. My father opened it and scowled. “Damn my brother. We lost him.”

“Him who?” I asked.

“That kid artist I was keeping my eye on.”

Suddenly I knew who he spoke of. Jimmy Santos. A gifted artist, only sixteen and whose soul my father had been actively working on.

David leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Why is Satan so upset? I mean he’s got millions of souls, so why care if he loses one?”

“My dad takes his work very seriously. This one soul he lost, the kid was a fantastic artist. We’re talking his paintings could move you to tears. And Heaven got him.”

“I thought that was a good thing.”

“Did Auric not explain anything about Heaven to you? He explained it to me and my dad confirmed it. Heaven is a place that never changes. A place of perfect and endless summer days.”

“And what’s wrong with that?”

“Imagine, if you will, the perfect piece of toast. How do you know it’s perfect?”

“Because it’s not burnt?”

“But if your toast was the same every single day, how long before you stopped appreciating it and it turned bland.? Boring? Now back to the artist. He’s gone to Heaven.

His paintings that could evoke such feeling–done. That boy will never paint a masterpiece again, one because Heaven doesn’t like change and two because having nothing to suffer, he’ll lose that depth of emotion. So much talent and all lost because my dad couldn’t get him to commit even one small sin.”

“That’s messed up,” said David, his face thoughtful.

In silence now, we continued on our way until we reached a dark archway inscribed with warnings that kept all but the bravest from entering. I didn’t bother reading or translating the inscription to the boys. Some things just didn’t need to be said aloud.

A twining set of stone steps led us deep into the bowels of the palace. Smoky torches lit our way, their flickering light creating rather than dissipating shadows, and I could have sworn I saw more than one dark shape scurry away. Good thing David had a firm grip on his kitty, although I would have probably laughed my ass off if he’d turned all furry and chased after the rodents that lived down here.

Finally, we arrived. About time, too, since my heels had been made for me to look hot, not actually walk. We walked straight in to Frankenstein’s lair, or at least my visual idea of it. Wooden tables were teeming with beakers and the glass tubing along with colorful potions smoked noxiously. The shelves lining the dark stone walls sagged under the weight of jars–hundreds of them in all kinds of sizes and shapes. The ones with clear glass made even my iron stomach protest as genetic anomalies and creatures–in some cases only parts of–floated in liquids.

Okay, I admitted to being spooked. And the two most important men in my life wanted me to let the owners of said items poke around in my head? If I went home with any body parts missing there would be Hell to pay.

Shuffling steps signaled we weren’t alone, and I watched as three wizened creatures—they might have been human once, it was hard to tell–came forward to meet us.

“I’ve brought her,” said my father with any preamble. “Now fix her.” Gotta love him.

I figured they’d be poking and prodding at me for hours. To my surprise it only took fifteen minutes. And to my relief, it didn’t involve any of the jars. They simple placed their hands–talk about dry and in need of hand cream—on my head. I didn’t feel a darned thing.

Auric held my hand as I stood there trying not to fidget. As if by some unseen signal, they all removed their hands at once and they went off in a huddle whispering which, as anyone who knew me would tell you, annoyed the fuck out of me. Oops, there was that word again. Fuck. Ever since meeting Auric, it had begun predominating more and more of my thoughts and spoken vocabulary. It had a certain elegance to it that I liked.
This is
how I knew I was nervous. I was babbling inside my own mind.

Finally, the Alzheimer candidate huddle broke, and with Auric’s arms wrapped around me–probably more for the mages protection than mine in case I didn’t like what they had to say–they approached me.

The shortest of them, its face so wrinkled you couldn’t tell whether it was male or female spoke for the group. “Lucifer’s daughter, you do indeed have many geas placed upon you.”

Duh! “I know that,” I snapped. Nervous, I didn’t even try to temper my tone or words.

“Most are old and powerful beyond our ken, but, there is one that is much more recent. After examining it, we believe it has only one purpose. To frighten and control you.”

Again, duh! “So how do we remove it?”

“Only you can do so. Think of it as a magical parasite on the part of your mind that controls memory and bravery. When your memory of this so called master is triggered.” I flinched. “Then so is your fear. To remove the magical parasite you need to blast it with stronger magic.”

“How do I get stronger magic?” Ooh, maybe I’d have to go on a quest and find a lost magical artifact.

“Your magic is sexually based?” the wizened one asked. I nodded trying not to blush. It still bothered me. “Then you need to have more sex,” it said bluntly.

Now we were talking. “Hear that babe,” I said tilting my head back and smiling at Auric. “We’re gonna have to increase our sexual intake.”

“No,” interjected the crone. “You need more than just sex with your consort. To achieve the level of sexual magic needed to crush the parasite in your mind, you will need to bring in at least one other sexual partner and indulge in an orgy of multiple orgasms by your partners and yourself. This abundance of sexual energy should boost you enough to break free.”

Say what? Like fucking Hell! It was a good thing Auric held me tight because my fists longed to hit something. “I am
so
not having an orgy,” I yelled. “I have a consort who loves me, thank you very much, and I am
so
not bringing another girl into the mix.

Over my dead fucking body.” I’ll be damned, I didn’t giggle when I said consort.

“Actually,” said the little wizard unfazed at all by my outburst. “Another man would be better as they put out a greater sexual energy than women do.” My jaw dropped and I went still for a moment before struggling in Auric’s arms, an urge to rip the head off my dad’s mage overcoming all reason. I couldn’t get free so I settled for yelling. “You sick little freak. How do you know I can’t get enough magic with just one man?”

“Because my magic is sex based too,” said the wrinkled prune who looked like she hadn’t even thought of sex in a few centuries. “I have a harem of lovers who fulfill me simultaneously to keep my magical reservoirs filled.” That almost did it. Definitely not a pretty mental picture. I almost puked at the thought of it.

Raisin face kept talking over my grimaces, “Lucky for you, you actually need less sex to fill you up. Course, you’d need even less if you learned to restrict its flow. I can see it leaking from you even as we speak. This constant leakage is why you need so much sex with your partner.”

“How do you know how often we have sex?” I asked suspiciously.

The creature laughed. “I can see it and smell it. And while your lover and you seem to make some potent magic together, you still need more if you want to get the fear geas to leave you. Another man should do the trick. Personally, I find that if the males climax in me at the same time as I achieve orgasm I harness the greatest amount of power.” She said it so matter of factly that it took me a moment to process. And then another not to gag. “I am not indulging in some perverted sex games, not to mention betray my one true love. You–you—sick nympho. You don’t know me very well if you think I’d break his heart fucking some other guy. I’d rather stay scared.” The wrinkled face looked at me and tsked, and as I glared at her, suddenly her body seemed to get taller. It wore a hood and it was coming for me, its hand reaching…

I awoke cradled in Auric’s arms, his voice rumbling through his chest against my ear. “What is wrong with you? There was no need to scare her like that.”

“Lucifer’s daughter must face the truth,” said the bitch’s voice.

“There’s got to be another way,” I whispered.

My father frowned at me. “Muriel, you need to calm yourself and listen to the experts here. I am sure Auric will understand. Your sisters do it all the time.” I looked up at Auric expecting him to side with me. After all, he loved me. We were soul mates.

“If we have to do it to set you free, then we do it.” Tears fill my eyes. “Don’t–don’t you love me?” I hiccupped.

“Of course I do. But I also can’t stand by and watch as the woman I fell in love with is destroyed by a stupid spell, one we have the power to remove. It’s just sex, Muriel.” I didn’t believe him. I pushed out of his arms and ran, the tears running down my face. He didn’t love me anymore. He wanted to share me with another man.

I made it to my father’s rock garden before Auric’s arms came around me and lifted me up, crushing me against his solid chest.

“Let me go.” I kicked my feet uselessly against his strength.

“Listen to me, Muriel. I love you. You and only you. I will always love you. I want you to get better. If it takes sharing you with another man, then I will. If it takes two, three or four, I still would, because when all is said and done, you are mine.”

“But…”

Turning me in his arms, his lips swallowed my words, a tender caress that meant more than his words. “We’ll survive this. And don’t forget, it doesn’t have to be a stranger. Actually I would prefer it not be a stranger.” Immediately my mind flashed to David. As if reading my mind, Auric said his name.

“If we do this, I’d like it to be with David.”

“I—. I can’t decide this right now. I need time to think. I mean maybe there’s another solution. Some magical artifact, or maybe if we marathoned on Viagra?” Auric kissed me again. “Think about it, princess. And when you’re ready, know I will support and love you. And just think, twice the hands, twice the tongues and twice the cock, pleasuring you.”

His words jump-started my libido and suddenly I found myself horny. I needed sex from Auric, and I wanted it now. Being in a public area didn’t faze me; actually, the idea of a possible audience excited me.