Snared (Jaded Regret #1) (7 page)

“I caught the end of that,” April said, staring directly at me. I tapped the drumsticks on my legs, the need to play again almost consuming me. “You’re so talented, Beau.”

I nodded but didn’t respond. I had no words that would make any sense to her. She needed to focus on someone else because I wasn’t the man for her. I wasn’t the man for anyone.

“I’m just going to sit and listen if that’s okay,” April said, turning to Johnny and Bex. Tanner eyed her, just like I knew he would.

“You can sit right here in front of me and let me play to you.” Tanner turned on his charm. He knew she was Camryn’s friend, but that didn’t stop him. He’d probably try to have them both at the same time. Sometimes I envied him. He had no problems getting what he wanted and then moving on, and girls were okay with it. He never seemed to have a care in the world. Hell, why would he? He’d had the perfect life.

April smiled and peeked back over at me. What was her thing with me? Had I given her a signal I was interested? “Thanks, Tanner. I’m going to sit in the front row so I can see everyone. This is such a surreal moment for me. Thanks again for agreeing to do this.”

“Yes, thank you,” Dr. Knight said to all of us. “While I have to admit I’m not usually a rock fan, April has converted me. You are quite a talented bunch.”

Bex grinned. “Thank you, Dr. Knight. All right boys, let’s get back to work. Beau, that was an extra amazing solo. Keep that shit up, okay?”

I smiled at her. “You got it.”

I stared at my reflection in the mirror, following the ink from my neck down my chest, arms, and torso. Following the colors back up, I lifted my hand and ran it along my short beard, then to my gauges. I tried to figure out what a woman might see in me. Yeah, I had the whole “bad boy” vibe going on. I was a drummer in a rock band, which did a little something to the female libido. I flexed, watching the muscles ripple across my arms, chest, and abs. Yeah, I guess I had those, too. Years of drumming and beating the shit out of a bag would do that. I didn’t ooze sex appeal like Johnny, or scream “drop your panties” like Tanner. Then again, all I’d ever wanted to do was fly under the radar. It was better that way.

April’s cat-like eyes flashed in front of my face, and I felt myself becoming aroused. She’d sung along to every single song we’d played at rehearsal, her eyes never leaving me. I knew she’d been watching me even while I had my eyes closed. Her gaze was that powerful. After rehearsal, I hadn’t seen her, but we’d been in a hurry to get back to the hotel and get ready for the concert. Which more than likely meant Bex and Johnny were banging each other’s brains out in every position possible. I sure as shit learned not to knock on their door before a concert. Or after a concert. Or ever. Kids or no kids, they didn’t act any different.

The image of April’s ample cleavage in her low cut shirt the first night I met her filtered through my thoughts. I reached down and stroked myself, watching in the mirror as I became fully erect. It would take the edge off, help me relax and play better tonight. It would get her out of my system. I hissed out a breath as I ran my hand over the ridge and down my shaft. I felt the release coming quickly, and I began moving faster.

You’re worthless. You’re just like him. You’re a fucking monster.
I shook my head against the sudden onslaught of memories.
You’re a piece of shit.
I dropped my hand from my dick, my drive deflated.
This
was why I didn’t deserve to even jack off to her image. I was a worthless, piece of shit monster. I was put on this earth to play my drums, and that was it.

I gripped the counter, my eyes wide and wild. I forced air in and out of my lungs, closing my eyes so I didn’t see my reflection. When I inspected myself close enough in the mirror, no amount of tattoos could hide it. I was his son. His blood ran through me. I could never escape who I was.

I
was
a monster.

“Beau,” Natalie called. The roadies ran around us, making sure everything was set up and tuned correctly to start the concert. We were moments from performing, and I could hear the crowd screaming “Jaded Regret” over and over. My blood pumped through my veins in excitement. This was what I did this for, right here.

“Yeah.”

“I know you’re not okay today.” It was a simple statement. To someone walking by, it would be innocent. To us, it was laced with underlying meaning.

“I am. I’m ready to play.” It was a lie, but she didn’t need to know that.

“You’ve been off since you got up this morning. Do we need a visit?”

Her question meant do we need to go to the hospital and get a “boost,” a flooding of medication in my system to balance me out when my regular meds weren’t doing it. I shook my head. “No. I’m all right, Nat.”

You’re a worthless piece of shit.
I gritted my teeth, my blood pressure pounding in my ears. I wasn’t far from needing that visit, but I was determined to fight through it.

She blew out a breath. “Beau. Don’t be afraid to admit you aren’t okay. It doesn’t make you weak.”

I hugged her, wanting to lash out at her but knowing it wasn’t her fault. “I know, Nat. I know. I’m pumped and ready to play. I’ll let you know if I’m not okay.”

She nodded. “Okay. Bex wants everyone for a minute.” I followed her into a small space behind the stage. Johnny’s hand rested on Bex’s backside. Tanner smiled as I walked up, his perfect blond hair resembling a surfer, not a rock star.

Bex stared at me just a beat too long, and I wondered if Natalie had talked to her. I swore I didn’t get one second of peace with the two of them around. On one hand it was a good thing they could keep me stable, but annoying on the other, because I just couldn’t have a bad day with them around.

“Everyone ready?” Bex asked.

Choruses of “fuck yeah” resounded from all of us, including Natalie. We did our Jaded Regret fist-bump handshake combo and then ran for the stage, Natalie standing in the wings as always. I sat down, pulling my drumsticks out of my pocket. Several new sets sat on the floor by my pedals. It was my thing to throw my sticks into the crowd a few times during a concert. Every set had been signed by all four of us, and I’d seen them on Ebay for thousands of dollars. It was crazy, but it was the one way I could interact with my fans without talking to them.

Tanner started his riff, Johnny and Bex coming in as Bex began to sing, effectively silencing the crowd. In between her notes, I could hear shouts from exuberant fans. My head cleared, and it was just me on this stage with my fabulous band.

It was my turn to come in, and come in I did. I took it over, allowing the screams and shouts of my name to fuel me to drum harder, faster, longer. When my solo was over, and Bex began to sing again, the screams continued to reverberate in my head.

Before I knew it, April and her dad were walking onto the stage as we finished up our tenth song. Sweat dripped off my face and onto my shirt, which seemed like I’d taken a shower in it. Before I could stop myself, I stood up and met her halfway across the stage. I held up my drumsticks, which started a frenzy in the crowd. They knew what I was doing. They were seasoned groupies.

April’s eyes met mine as she realized I was walking toward her. That same charge traveled through my body. I handed her the drumsticks without saying a word. The crowd went insane. I could see many flashes as people took pictures, but it didn’t bother me. She beamed as she took the sticks from my hands, her fingers brushing mine. I almost jumped at her touch but forced myself to take one step back instead.

“Did you see this?” April boomed into the microphone. “Beau just gave me his drumsticks! Who is jealous right now?” The crowd screamed, jumping up and down. She glanced over her shoulder at me and grinned wickedly.

I froze in place behind her. Bex’s footsteps came up behind me, her hand lightly skimming my arm. I immediately relaxed.

“We wanted to take a moment to thank you for coming to this Jaded Regret concert to benefit Young Angels Children’s Hospital, which you can see behind us. Because of all your generosity, not only will we get to complete the next phase, but we will also get to help many foster kids who have aged out of the system but still need assistance. Thanks to Bexley Bryant-Gibbons, we’ll be assisting her in funding an assisted living facility here in Orlando for those kids. It will help them with finding jobs, giving them life skills, and assist them in finding a safe and low-cost place to live.”

Bex stepped up next to April. “Thank you, Orlando.” Her voice was gruff through her headset. “Most of you know I have a special place in my heart for kids in the foster care system, especially those who never got to have families and then found themselves all alone in the world just because they were considered adults. It’s my goal to help those who need it and get more kids families.” The crowd screamed and jumped up and down. Bex glanced back at me for just a second, but I knew what she meant.
For kids like us who had no one.

“Now who’s ready to rock?”

Bex nodded at us, and we turned to go back to our respective places. April put her hand on my arm before I could get too far from her. “Thank you,” she whispered into my ear. “I’ll keep them forever.” I allowed a small smile to play on my lips before turning away from her. I grabbed a new pair of drumsticks and watched as she exited the stage. She turned back and stood, studying me the entire time again.

I wasn’t sure what I was doing, but I could still feel where she’d touched me on my arm.

“I’m exhausted,” Bex said, tipping back a water bottle and draining it. She picked up her signature chicken tender—she always liked greasy fried food after a show. “We have to get out there soon.”

As part of the fundraiser, we had sold tickets to a meet and greet. We would sign items purchased at the event, take pictures for a donation to the hospital, and mingle with a few hundred of our best fans. It was enough to make me nervous as hell, but I’d do it.

“All I want to do is crash with my babies.” It shouldn’t shock me at this point to hear her talk about her kids like that, but it did. The softer side of Bex was still taking some getting used to.

“Hell yeah. Maybe I can get April and Camryn to come back with me to my room tonight,” Tanner said, ignoring Bex’s comment about her kids. “Camryn was—”

“Do you always think with your dick?” I interjected. “Who says April would fall at your feet? She doesn’t seem the type to suck your dick while you lick someone else.”

Four sets of eyes swung to me in shock. I never spoke up to Tanner about his shenanigans, but why did he need to try to get April, too? She was too classy for a slut like him.

“Most guys do,” Tanner said. “Just because you are a self-imposed prude doesn’t mean the rest of us have to be. And thanks for the visual, now all I can think of is April sucking my cock while I’ve got Camryn spread eagle.”

“Tanner,” Natalie said, her voice tight. I clenched my fists at the image of April bent down in front of him.

“You got a problem, Beau?” Tanner crossed his arms in front of his chest.

I shook my head, forcing myself to breathe out and slow my heart rate before I responded. “No. I guess I just don’t understand why you need to try to fuck your way through every town we go to. You are a womanizer, and it’s just old. The whole world knows you’re a whore, and you just keep going like you’re proud of it.”