“Thad, Teddy needs you. He has lost his mother, but he should not have to lose his father, as well.”
“He’s not losing me.”
“He is losing you. A son needs to be noticed by his father.”
“I do notice him.”
After a long silence she spoke again. “When my mother died, my father withdrew
into himself, into a shell that excluded me. I was not a child, as Teddy is, but it was miserable for me. It was as if Papa had died, too, and left me alone in the world.”
“But my son is not alone, Leah. He sees us both every day.”
“But he
feels
that he is alone. His father is not here, really—he is always preoccupied. Thad, it feels as if you are somewhere else, somewhere Teddy cannot follow you. He needs you to pay attention to him.”
Thad dragged in a breath. “Yeah. I see.”
He kept silent for some minutes, mulling over her words. Leah was right. Now that she’d laid it out before him, he could see the truth of it.
She touched his shoulder. “The happiest I have seen Teddy was the day he helped you move the sewing cabinet from the barn to the house.”
“So?”
“Perhaps you could let Teddy help you with another task tomorrow?”
“Yeah? What about school?”
She gave a small laugh. “How do you say it…let him ‘play the hook’ tomorrow. Being with his father is more important than one day of school.”
Thad raised himself on one elbow. “You mean ‘play hookey?’ Leah, you are a surprise in a dozen ways.” Without thinking, he leaned over and kissed her.
Too late he realized it was a mistake. It started as a brief brush of his mouth over hers, but almost instantly it changed. She was soft and she smelled good, like soap and some kind of spicy scent. She tasted good. She felt good.
And, God forgive him, he was damn hungry for her.
H
er lips were hesitant, but after his first taste, Thad didn’t care. The slight pressure of her mouth against his sent a bolt of pleasure down his backbone and into his groin. Her skin was as smooth as that silk gown she wore every night. Smoother, even. And warm under his hands. He ran his tongue over her bottom lip, and when he heard her sigh against his mouth, his brain exploded.
He kissed her until he was dizzy with shock and with wanting, until he feared he would hurt her with the pressure of his searching mouth. Her arms crept around his neck. Between kisses his breath came in ragged gasps. Oh, Lord, he was drowning. This was like nothing he’d ever experienced before, not even with Hattie.
Thad felt himself tumble into a bottomless chasm of sensation. His eyes burned; his tongue where it touched her mouth tasted honey-sweet. His mind floated up above himself somewhere. And dammit, his groin ached.
Hell’s bells
. Kissing Leah took him soaring to places he had never been. Unexpected places. Unforgettable places.
He lifted his head, felt her soft breath against his lips and smiled into the darkness. Aye, she was bonnie, all right.
“Thad,” she whispered. “Don’t stop.”
“Got to stop,” He murmured. “I’m getting short of breath.”
And short of caution
. He knew it was too soon, that he would regret it in the morning, and he didn’t want any regrets after their first time. He wanted it to be full of joy.
He would wait. He
had
to wait. Leah deserved a whole man, not one so torn up inside that his heart was split in two.
“Thad?” She touched his face with her fingers, moved them slowly over his mustache until they rested on his lips.
“Hmmm?”
“Why did you stop kissing me? Did you not like it? Or perhaps I did not do it right?”
He groaned deep in his throat. “Hell, yes, you’re doing it right, Leah. More than right. The problem is me.”
He should roll away, leave her alone.
“You do not want me,” she said quietly.
“Leah…” Heavens above, how could he explain something he didn’t understand himself? He wanted her, all right. Any man with half an eye and a beating heart would want this beautiful, unusual slip of a woman. The truth was he wasn’t sure it was the right time.
He couldn’t let himself take her just because he was a man and she was willing. It had to be more than just physical wanting. It had to be because he was fully committed to her, and, heaven help him, he couldn’t do that yet.
“I think I understand,” she said softly. “It is too soon after your first wife.”
Thad let his breath out with a shaky sigh. “Only part of it is because of Hattie. The rest is because of you.”
“Oh?”
She said nothing else and he smoothed his hand over her hair. “I don’t know how to say this, Leah. I don’t want to be unfair to you. I don’t want to do anything that would hurt you.”
She said nothing. He swallowed hard and went on. “And there’s something else. I don’t think I could stand getting my heart broken again. I can’t risk it yet.”
She was silent so long he wondered if she’d fallen asleep, until he heard her quiet, calm voice near his ear.
“You are a good man, Mr. MacAllister. A very special man. I like you very much.”
Morning caught Thad by surprise. He’d slept past sunup, and while a part of him wanted to roust himself out of bed to check his wheat field and feed the stock, another part wanted nothing more than to lie here with Leah beside him.
He’d gone way too far last night. Too far and too fast. But she must have liked it, or she wouldn’t be smiling at him that way, kind of shy and happy, with her cheeks all pink.
In the next moment she sat up, pulled on her work jeans and a shirt and disappeared out the bedroom door. Thad closed his eyes and thought about last night. Before he knew it, he’d drifted off again.
A thump from the kitchen brought him wide-awake. Hell, he’d never slept this late. What the devil was wrong with him?
He rolled out of bed, pulled on a pair of jeans and a clean shirt, and followed his nose into the kitchen. Damn, something smelled good.
He had to laugh at himself.
Everything
smelled good this morning.
“Morning.” Dammit, his voice was unsteady.
“Good morning.” Her voice was soft, almost hesitant.
“Leah—”
She placed one finger across his lips. “I have your breakfast ready,” she said quickly. “You will be surprised.”
Surprised? She hadn’t stopped surprising him since he’d first laid eyes on her.
At the kitchen table he found a mountain of fluffy scrambled eggs on his plate, along with crisp bacon and some kind of crunchy toast Leah had dreamed up using day-old biscuit halves crisped in the oven.
Teddy banged down the loft steps. “Mornin’, Pa.”
“Isn’t it a school day? You’re going to be late.”
“Today’s Saturday, Pa.”
“Ah, is it, now? Well, then.” He shot a glance at Leah. “How would you like to help
me with an important project I’ve been putting off?”
Teddy gaped at his father. “You really mean it? What kinda project?”
Thad glanced again at Leah, bent over the oven where her biscuit toast was warming. “Today we’re going to teach Leah to ride a horse.”
She jerked upright and the baking sheet clattered onto the floor.
“What?”
“It’s time, Leah. Can’t have you stuck out here with no way of getting to town without Ellie Johnson stopping by with her buggy.”
Leah stared at him in disbelief. “Ride a horse?” she said in a thin voice.
Teddy eyed her over his glass of milk. “You ain’t scared, are ya?”
She whirled away and snatched the baking sheet up off the floor. “Y-yes, I am scared. In China we did not have a horse.”
“We’ll help ya, won’t we, Pa?”
Thad reached over and ruffled Teddy’s uncombed hair. Leah’s heart skipped at the sight, then dropped like a stone into her stomach at the thought of climbing up onto a horse.
“I—I will try.” But a horse was so…big. Tall as a hay wagon, and those huge yellow teeth could bite, and it could kick hard enough
to break her leg. Oh, heavens. She wondered how she would survive today.
The horse looked even bigger up close. Thad had saddled the animal in the barn, and now led it out into the upper pasture, where Leah waited. Her breath choked off.
Teddy jigged up and down with excitement. She suspected part of the boy’s excitement was the anticipation of seeing her fail. Taking another step backward, she sighed. Perhaps Thad’s son would never accept her; it was too much to hope he would come to
like
her.
It was a beautiful animal, a glossy dark brown, with slim legs and a steady gait. But it was still a horse. A big, muscular horse.
Thad walked the mare over to a thick pine stump. “Her name’s Lady. She’s real gentle, Leah. You’re gonna like riding her.”
Oh, no, she would not. She gazed up at the big black eye the animal fixed on her and shuddered.
“C’mon, Leah.” Teddy was off to the stump like a shot. She followed slowly, her palms damp.
Thad positioned her in front of the mare. “Most important thing is for you to let the horse get to know you.” He placed her hand
on the animal’s nose. The skin rippled under her fingers, and she jerked away.
“Let her smell you all over.”
Smell her! Leah stood rigid with fear while the horse snuffled at the neck of her shirt.
“Ya must smell good,” Teddy chirped. “She likes you!”
“Now,” Thad instructed. “You watch me take off her bit and bridle, see how it’s done, and then I want you to put them back on.”
She watched his hands, committing his every move to memory. Then he thrust the jumble of paraphernalia at her and stepped aside.
“Your turn.”
Her hands shaking, Leah repeated his motions in reverse order and finished by looping the reins around the saddle horn.
Thad sent her an encouraging grin. “Good. Now, the saddle.”
She stared at the bulky leather contraption on the mare’s back. To her horror, Thad loosened the wide, beltlike thing under the animal’s belly and hefted the saddle, stirrups and all, off the horse. He plopped it onto the tree stump, where Teddy perched.
“Now you do it,” Thad instructed. Leah stopped breathing. She could never
lift that heavy thing. Never. Despite the pleasure his kiss had brought last night, at this moment she hated Thad MacAllister.
He removed the saddle blanket, shook it out and handed it to her. “Put this on first. Then set the saddle on top.”
“But I cannot possibly lift it! It must weigh forty pounds.”
“This is a lady’s saddle,” he said in a patient tone. “It only weighs about thirty-five pounds.”
She lifted her chin. “I weigh just one hundred pounds, Thad. I cannot—”
“Sure you can. One thing I’ve learned about you, Leah, is that you’re stronger than you look. C’mon, give it a try.”
One thing he had
not
learned about her was that she was really, really afraid of this huge horse. She did not want to do this.
But she had to acknowledge that now she was a woman living on a ranch, not a village in China. An American woman would do this every day of her life.
Clenching her teeth, Leah approached the stump, gripped the saddle, front and back, and pulled it toward her. She could do that much. But could she hoist the heavy thing
up onto the horse’s back? Never in a thousand years.
Oh, goodness gracious. She did want to please Thad. Even if she didn’t think she could, she knew he would make her try.
And there was another matter, as well. She wanted to prove something to herself. She wasn’t sure exactly what, but the knowledge straightened her spine.
She refolded the saddle blanket and spread it on Lady’s back, then studied the waiting saddle with dwindling courage.
“Whatcha waitin’ for, Leah?” Teddy yelled. “Ain’t chicken, are ya?”
“I am thinking,” She replied. She decided what she had to do, and prayed she had figured out a way to do it. She rolled up the sleeves of her plaid flannel shirt, stepped forward and gripped the leather contraption.
She tensed her muscles, sucked in a gulp of air and heaved the saddle up off the stump. Turning her body, she began to whirl in a circle, clutching the heavy object and picking up speed as she rotated. With a final burst of energy she aimed the saddle at the horse’s back and let go.
To her amazement, the heavy leather thing sailed up and settled onto the folded saddle
blanket. She could scarcely believe it. If Teddy and Thad were not shouting and applauding, she would think it was a dream.
Triumphant but out of breath, Leah faced her cheering section. “I did it!”
“You did,” Thad confirmed. “Very clever.”
But her pride in her accomplishment didn’t ease her trembling muscles. “Could I please learn the rest tomorrow?”
“Coward!” Teddy chortled.
Thad just snorted and shook his head. “Adjust the stirrups and tighten the cinch.”
She did as he directed, wondering at every motion where she got the strength.
“Now,” he directed, “climb up on the stump, then maneuver the horse close and stick your left toe in the stirrup.”
She sent him a desperate look, but he was leaning over, talking to Teddy, and did not see. Suddenly she regretted suggesting that Thad and Teddy undertake a task together. Now it was not Teddy who felt left out, but she herself. Something began to simmer deep inside her.
She clamped her teeth together and clambered onto the stump.
“Grab the saddle horn and swing your right leg over the horse’s rump,” Thad instructed.
Over the horse’s rump? Impossible. She wished with all her heart that Thad MacAllister would
shut his mouth!
But she knew she must learn to ride sooner or later. She stepped into the stirrup and willed her body upward, over the horse’s hind quarters.
Before she knew what was happening, she flew completely over the saddle and smacked down onto the ground on the animal’s other side. “Ow! Ow, ow!” She sat up and spit the dust out of her mouth.
She could hear Teddy’s laughter and she shut her eyes against tears of embarrassment and pain. Then Thad was bending over her.
“You all right?” His voice sounded pinched.
“N-no.”
Instantly he knelt beside her and laid his hand on her shoulder. “Are you hurt?
Teddy
,
shut up!”
Leah could not speak. All she wanted to do was hit this man over the head with something and then throw herself into his arms and sob.
“Come on, lass.” He helped her up. Keeping his arm around her shoulders, he walked her around the mare and back to the stump.
Oh, no. He wanted her to try again? Every muscle below her waist rebelled.
But all her life she had hated giving up. For one thing, she hated hearing Teddy laugh at her. They had laughed at her in her village in China, too. And for another, Thad was right. She did need to know how to ride. In fact, she and Ellie had planned to meet at the dressmaker’s on Monday. She could not ask Thad to come in from his fields every time she needed to get to town.
She hauled her aching body to the stump and climbed up onto the flat surface once more. Her legs were shaky, but she had learned something. She did not have to take a flying leap into the saddle; she merely had to plant her rear end on the hard leather seat.
Again she stepped into the stirrup, gripped the saddle horn with her left hand and heaved herself upward. Her stiff body settled neatly in the saddle.
The mare stood quietly for a moment and then bolted.
The reins! Leah had forgotten to grab the reins! In a desperate attempt to stay seated, she bent forward, plunged her fingers into Lady’s coarse mane and hung on.
The animal circled and whinnied and finally
bumped to a stop, so abruptly Leah tumbled sideways off the mare’s back. She hit the ground on one hip, but this time landed harder, driving her teeth into her lower lip.
Blood filled her mouth. She spat out the viscous stuff and spat again until her saliva was clear.
This time, Teddy did not laugh. Thad had stood close to his son, gripping his shoulder, but when Lady bolted, he’d let go and sworn. When Leah hit the ground, he sprinted toward her.