Sky Lights (23 page)

The police officers inspected his credentials and satisfied of his identity, handed them back. ‘Sorry to have troubled you, sir,’ apologised the officer. ‘Enjoy the rest of your day.’ With that the two police men set off down the path.

‘That was a near thing,’ said Jack to the professor. ‘Lucky you and Dad were nearby.’

‘I thought you were going to be arrested,’ said Amy, her face still white. ‘I was really worried for a minute.’

‘I’m glad they are still looking for the pirates, though,’ said Wendy. ‘They are up to no good, that lot.’

Jack nodded in agreement but changed the subject. ‘Come on, it’s time to enjoy ourselves! Let’s go and get in the queue. Have you got our tickets, Dad?’ Doug produced the tickets that he had bought earlier that morning and soon the children were lining up to enter the skating arena, happily talking about the fancy dress costumes they had chosen. Wendy was dressed as her namesake in a long white nightgown with a sash of wide pink ribbon round the waist.

Each of them had done a little skating in the past, and soon they were gliding round to the music blasting out from the loud speakers. They were home, they were safe and they were having fun with friends.

After stowing their clothes and weapons behind the ramparts of the castle, the band of pirates flew silently down to Princes Street Gardens. Since Hook had not been covered in fairy dust, Skylights and MacStarkey each held an arm to support him in the air. ‘Take me to the helter skelter,’ demanded Hook, assuming he was in charge as he had always been. ‘I haven’t been on one of them since I was a child.’ The strange looking trio veered off towards the enormous structure while the attention of the other four pirates was caught by the music and laughter coming from the ice rink.

‘That looks like fun, so it does,’ said O’Mullins, dressed as half a horse. ‘I’m going to give it a try.’ He drifted on to the ice and tried to stand up, but immediately lost his balance, slipped and fell on to his ample bottom. Jukes helped him up, lifted him just off the ice, and whispered, ‘See, we can fly, so you don’t need to put your feet down.’

People were soon noticing the band of pantomime characters performing all sorts of tricks so effortlessly. They flew round holding hands, pulled each other through their legs and did balancing acts that seemed impossible. Just when it seemed that every one was watching them, they jumped over the perimeter fence and made their way up to the carnival at the top of the hill. All the skaters clapped, thinking that they had just witnessed a professional display, put on for their entertainment.

Jack had been particularly interested in this group. Was he the only one who had noticed that they weren’t wearing skates? He looked round to see where Amy and Shelley were. He spotted them at the barrier at the far side of the rink talking to their parents. Then he saw Wendy, skating round with Peter Pan. Jack squinted through the crowds. Was it the real Peter or someone in fancy dress? Suddenly Jack was afraid for his newfound cousin Wendy. He made his way through the crowd to where he had last seen her. By the time he got there he was too late. There was no sign of either Wendy or Peter.

Meanwhile the performing pirates had met up with Skylights, Hook and MacStarkey just as they came to the bottom of the helter-skelter. ‘Right me lads,’ said Skylights. ‘Back to the ramparts.’ And he winked at the others, indicating that the time had come to carry out their plan.

‘But I want to have another go on the…..’ began Hook. Skylights and MacStarkey each grabbed an arm before he could continue, and flew up to the castle ramparts with Hook protesting all the way. They judged the descent very precisely so that Hook ended up straddling Mons Meg with a thud.

‘Ouch,’ he cried. ‘That hurt! What do you think you’re doing? Ye mangy dogs, I’ll have you whipped, if you are not careful.’

‘Oops, sorry Cap’n, accident, too much to drink last night,’ mumbled Superman MacStarkey.

‘Well just be warned,’ barked Hook gruffly, climbing off the cannon and standing back to admire it.

He rubbed his good hand up and down the largest cannon ever made which in its heyday could fire a cannon ball at a target 3 miles away. ‘Now this is what I call a cannon, me hearties,’ said Hook. ‘That was a pitiful effort at one o’ clock. I didn’t see it hit anything. Absolutely useless! It’s a shame this gun is so big. The weight of it would sink the Jolly Roger back in Never Land. All the same, how about giving it a try? Let’s get one of those old cannon balls over here and see if we can give these Edinburgh folk a shake. Maybe we could hit that tower.’ Hook pointed at the Scott Monument.

Strutting about importantly, acting the pirate captain, he was still totally unaware of how much Skylights hated him, so well had the pirates deceived him. While Hook was lost in his thoughts about cannons and the Jolly Roger, Skylights quickly discarded his tramp outfit and dressed once more in his blue breeches, striped shirt and weathered leather waistcoat. The other pirates, with the exception of Jukes, did the same and changed into their comfortable but scruffy pirates’ garb.

Turning his attention to Hook, Skylights replied, ‘Aye, aye, sir, we’ll see to it.’ The pirates retreated to a spot where piles of old cannonballs sat by the side of a cobbled path.

‘There’s no way we can lift one of these, sure we can’t,’ whispered O’Mullins, struggling to move one. ‘They’ve been stuck together with paint, so they have.’

‘Relax, O’Mullins. We know that. They are not meant to be used. They are only for show. We’ll pretend to put a cannon ball in, keep him happy, for just a few minutes longer, till we are ready,’ said Jukes.

‘I’m tired of waiting. Let’s get on with what we planned,’ said Skylights, under his breath.

The pirates huddled over the cannon balls discussing the final details of their strategy while O’Mullins was sent to distract the gullible captain. Hook suspected nothing as O’Mullins, true to his character, asked question after question; the distance to the target, the weight of the balls, the mix of the powder and any other query, appropriate or not, that entered his head. The others made a show of pretending to lift one of the cannon balls while Skylights filled his empty pouch with earth and tied it up into a roundish shape. Returning to the great gun, Jukes, MacStarkey and Fitzsmee emptied the contents of their gunpowder pouches into the muzzle of the cannon. Skylights loaded his pouch of earth, rammed it all into the chamber then turned his attention to Hook.

‘Now then Captain Hook, how are you enjoying your last night in Edinburgh?’ he asked boldly.

‘My last night? Who said it is my last night? Don’t I make the decisions round here?’ snapped Hook.

‘Not any more,’ answered Skylights and on that signal, all six pirates drew their cutlasses and advanced menacingly towards Hook. He backed away until he was trapped against the rampart wall.

‘What’s this fellows? We are one crew, we are friends, fellow pirates,’ he said trying to placate them. ‘Split me infinitives, you are such good friends, you…you…you brought me back to life. Is this some kind of joke?’

‘No joke,’ said Skylights, with a glint in his eye. All six pirates stepped closer to Hook; so close he could not only smell their boozy breath but feel it on his face.

‘Excuse me men,’ his voice quivered. ‘I have mentioned personal space in the past. You are invading mine. Now b-b-back off please.’

‘That’s not all we’ll invade,’ snarled Skylights. ‘Just keep your mouth shut and listen.’

‘Right, I will,’ trembled Hook. ‘Speak away.’

MacStarkey leaned in yet further and, with his cutlass, began to shave off Hook’s five o’clock shadow, getting dangerously close to his throat. ‘Better stay still and not move Cap’n. Me hand’s no too steady.’ Hook was paralysed with fear, afraid even to breathe, as MacStarkey’s cutlass scraped and scratched first one cheek, then the other, from his ears down under his chin and over his throat. He swallowed once and felt the sharp blade dig into his Adam’s apple. Unable to speak, his cold blue eyes darted from side to side, appealing to the better nature of his crew, but not one of them showed a morsel of sympathy. ‘Now for your moustache,’ said MacStarkey. ‘Dinna sneeze.’ At the mention of the word sneeze Hook began to feel his nose twitch. He came out in a cold sweat at the idea of the damage the cutlass could do to his handsome face. Some stray hairs from his bounteous moustache fell onto his lips and into his mouth but he was so afraid to move he didn’t dare spit them out. ‘And by the way,’ said MacStarkey, lifting his cutlass high above Hook’s head as if he were about to execute him, ‘this is for all the times that you pulled me from my hammock by the hair.’ With a final flourish he chopped off one half of Hook’s magnificent black ringlets, his pride and joy, and flung them with no regard over the castle wall.

Hook was a comical sight with his hat all askew, no moustache and half a head of hair. MacStarkey stepped back to let Jukes, still dressed as an ugly sister, take his place. One by one he sliced off the buttons on Hook’s jacket until it flew open revealing his vest and trousers. Next Jukes started on the smaller buttons on the fly of Hook’s trousers.

‘Now then,’ said Jukes seriously, ‘this cutlass is a mighty big weapon for cutting off such wee buttons so you’d better not so much as shiver, or more than buttons might suffer a slice or two. And in case you are wondering why I am doing this, let’s just say it’s for all the times you paraded like a peacock in front of us, your loyal and faithful crew, who had nothing but rags to wear.’ In a final gesture, using the point of his cutlass, he tipped up Hook’s hat which flew over the ramparts and tumbled down past the rocky crags after his hair, leaving Hook an even more ridiculous figure. He didn’t know whether to hold on to his trousers or cover his baldness.

‘Enough now,’ cried Hook. ‘I g-g-get the message. I’ll be a b-b-better captain from now on. I’m really, really sorry for all my past cruel deeds.’

In a seemingly well choreographed move, O’Mullins and Fitzsmee stepped forward and grabbing Hook by both arms bent him over the barrel of Mons Meg, and said, ‘Go for it Noddler.’

Holding his cutlass awkwardly as usual, Noddler began chopping at the reptilian tail protruding from Hook’s backside. It was no more painful than having his toenails cut but Hook found it more humiliating than the other assaults, though less frightening. It took Noddler some time to complete the task and to launch the tail in the same direction as the hat.

‘Never again will you send me or anyone else to the deck with that weapon.’

Captain Hook was a pitiful sight, reduced to tears and begging for mercy for the first time in his life.

‘No more,’ he pleaded. ‘I c-c-can’t take any more. Let’s go back to Never Land and you will see how much I have changed. I p-p-promise.’

Now it was Skylights's turn. It was the moment he had been waiting for……waiting for years and years.

‘You are not going back to Never Land,’ said Skylights, his face twisting into a grimace.

‘But you s-s-said this was my last n-n-night in Edinburgh,’ stammered Hook.

‘That I did, so I did, ye mangy weasel, but I said nothing about you going back to Never Land,’ retorted Skylights.

‘Well why d-d-did you b-b-bring me back from the d-d-d-dead?’

‘Shall we tell him boys?’ Skylights looked at the others. They nodded.

‘We brought you back so that I could have the pleasure of killing you. The same way you almost killed me, with no compassion, no remorse. You don’t even remember me do you? You don’t even recognise me. Well, nobody will recognise you after I have finished,’ said Skylights, pointing the tip of his cutlass between the captain’s eyes. He pierced the skin, and a drop of Hook’s blood trickled down his face like a scarlet tear.

‘Is the gun ready me shipmates. Is it ready for a human cannonball?’

‘No please, please not that,’ begged Hook. Playing for time he added, ‘Not yet anyway. What about the pirates’ code? A dying man must have a last wish.’

‘Very well,’ said Skylights, ‘I will show you I am a greater man than you. I will grant you a wish although that is more than you did for me, you scurvy bilge rat. What is it to be?’

‘Could I please have two last cigars?’ asked Hook taking his special double cigar holder and a couple of cigars from his inner pocket.

‘Go ahead,’ said O’Mullins, ‘but remember smoking is bad for your health.’

‘Not that that matters to you any more.’ Skylights laughed. The other pirates sniggered, dropping their guard a little, knowing they had Hook well and truly where they wanted.

Hook’s trousers gathered round his ankles as he released his grasp on them to light up his two cigars, all the time watching, listening and waiting for a chance to escape. He saw Jukes swap his ugly sister costume for his own clothes and heard him say, ‘Are we heading back straight after this?’ Hook stepped out of his fallen trousers and moved slightly closer to the group. His ears perked up at the answer.

‘That’s the plan,’ answered Skylights. ‘The boom will draw too much attention to the castle. We’ll have to leave immediately. Who’s got the fairy dust? We’ll need to fuel up before we set off on the journey back to Never Land.’