“Doing what kind of work?” I ask, trying to remain calm.
“Mostly shelving returned material,” she says. “To cover for our staff who take summer holidays. But we also have a summer reading club for children, and we need some enthusiastic people to help run that program as well. It would include reading stories to our youngest patrons.”
Jon and I look at each other. “Well, go on,” he says.
“How do I apply?” I ask the librarian.
“You're looking for work?” she asks.
I nod.
“Well, that's wonderful! I was secretly hoping you were when I asked. You seem like the kind of girl who would like working in a library.”
“How did you figure that out?” I laugh, glancing at my stack of books.
She steps into her office and brings back a job application form.
“Can I fill this in right now?” I ask.
“Sure.” She hands me a pen. “You can sit at one of those tables.” She motions to an area where people are working.
Jon sits across from me, filling in his library card application. When we're finished, we turn in both forms.
“I will put in a good word for you,” she tells me and winks.
“Thank you! I'd love to shelve books and work with children. It sounds like a perfect job.”
“We'll call you when we start interviewing, which should be the middle of next week.”
“Oh.”
“Is something the matter?”
“No, not really. I'd just hoped to hear sooner than that.”
“We have to go through the proper procedure. But I'm sure you have a very good chance at the job.”
“Thanks. I hope so.”
Outside the library, I slump onto a bench. “I have to leave Abigail's in a couple of days. She gave me one week to stay with her, so I won't be at the phone number I put on my application.”
“Maybe she'll give you an extension.”
“Maybe.” But I know her reputation for sticking with the rules.
WHILE WE'RE WAITING
for the bus, I see someone with a long dress walking into the hardware store across the street. Someone from Unity. It has to be one of Kelvin's wives on their weekend shopping expedition.
“I just thought of something I need,” I tell Jon. “Wait here. I'll be right back.” I jog across the street and slip into the store. Sure enough, there's Kelvin in the automotive section. He's discussing something with the salesperson. I see Lena browsing in the gardening area.
“Lena,” I whisper, hiding behind a display of rakes.
She hears me and looks up. Her mouth drops open when she sees me. I move into the lighting aisle, hidden from the automotive section. Lena follows me.
“How is everyone?” I ask her.
“Irene's not good,” she whispers. “She's in the hospital here. Celeste is with her.”
“What's wrong?”
“High blood pressure, swollen hands and feet.” She peers around to see if Kelvin can hear our conversation.
“How about Celeste? What happened to her after Jon left?”
She checks over her shoulder again. “She's getting married tomorrow. To Martin Nielsson.”
“Martin Nielsson? Jon's father?”
Lena nods.
I can't believe it. Now that I'm once again on the outside, the traditions of The Movement seem much stranger.
“How are you?” Lena asks me.
“I'm surviving. But I miss all of you.”
Lena smiles gently. Then her eyes narrow. “Kelvin and I will be here for a while yet. Why don't you go see Celeste and Irene at the hospital?”
My heart leaps. “I will. Right now. Thanks, Lena.”
She slides out of the lighting aisle and continues browsing in the gardening area.
I race across the street to where Jon is sitting with our stack of books. “Celeste is at the hospital right now!” I tell him, out of breath.
He sits up. “What's the matter?”
“It's her mother. She's there visiting.”
“Oh.” He stares at me, not quite comprehending.
“We can go over there right now,” I tell him. “You can see her.”
Now his eyes widen. He grabs the bag with all the books. “Which way?”
We jog down the street and round the corner. We can see the hospital at the end of the block. “I will go up and see them,” I tell Jon. “And then I'll try to talk to Celeste alone. I'll tell her you're waiting in the front lobby. When she finds you, the two of you need to get out of the lobby as fast as you can so that when her father returns, he won't see you.”
“Where will we go?”
“I'm sure you'll figure something out.”
He nods.
“And Jon, there's something else you need to know.”
“Yeah?”
“Celeste is getting married. Tomorrow.”
His eyes widen. “She is?”
I nod and take a deep breath. “To your father.” I exhale heavily.
He just stares at me, and then he turns completely around so his back is to me. His hands go to his face.
I put my hand on his back. “Are you going to be okay?”
His head bobs, but he doesn't turn around.
“We don't have much time, so I'm going to go find them now.”
His head bobs some more. I turn and walk down the street.
Chapter Nineteen
D
addy and Lena have gone off to do the shopping, so I'm alone with Mother. The nurses have insisted that she wear the standard hospital gown, so she has a blanket pulled right up under her chin despite the heat in the room.
“You will adjust to your new family very quickly, I'm sure,” Mother says, though I can see the look of concern in her eyes. One by one, her helpers are disappearing. First Taviana and now me, and it means a lot more work for the other wives. There have already been signs of resentment from Lena and Deborah, and the fact that Mother gets special attention from Daddy doesn't help matters.
“Perhaps Mr. Nielsson will allow me to return each day to help Nanette,” I say. “Just until you are well again.”
“Perhaps,” she says. “Though it's usually best to cut the ties right away, to help you adjust to your new family.”
“But it's different right now,” I tell her. “It won't be for long. Didn't you say the doctors want to deliver your baby early?”
“That's what they said.” She sighs. “But it all depends on whether your father will allow me to sign the consent papers. He's determined that I deliver this baby naturally.”
“How do they want to deliver it?”
“By surgery. They think it should come out now and that labor might be too hard on me.”
“Then just sign those consent papers!”
She sighs again. “I need his permission, but I think he'll come around.”
I don't know whether she truly believes that or not. It was hard enough for Daddy to consent to her being in the hospital.
“But let's talk about you, Celeste. I am so disappointed that I won't be at the ceremony tomorrow. You'll let Deborah do your hair and help you get dressed?”
I shrug. “I can manage it myself.”
I see Mother staring at someone behind me, so I turn around to see who is there. For a moment I don't recognize her. And then I'm on my feet and in her arms. “Taviana!”
When I finally let her go, there are tears streaming down both our cheeks. She turns to my mother. “Irene.”
“Taviana.” Mother's eyes are filled with tears too. “How did you know to find us here?”
Taviana sits on Mother's bed and picks up her hand. “I saw Lena in town. I was able to talk to her without Kelvin seeing us. I hope you don't mind.”
“It is so wonderful to see you. How are you?”
She shrugs. “Not bad. I'm not living on the streets yet. And I just applied for a job working at the library.”
“That's terrific!” my mother says, though I know she believes the library is stocked with books that fill people's heads with impure thoughts. I believed that not so long ago too. Now I'm not so sure. Taviana's stories always seemed harmless.
A nurse comes into the room and wraps a blood-pressure gage around Mother's arm. “Let's wait in the hall, Celeste,” Taviana suggests.
I'm about to protest, but then I notice how intently she's looking at me. “Okay.”
Taviana takes my arm, and we move a few steps down the hallway. “Jon is downstairs in the lobby,” she whispers.
I can only stare at her, unbelieving.
“Go down and see him,” she tells me. She pushes the button to call the elevator. “But you haven't got long. Your father will be back soon, so make sure you go somewhere so that he doesn't run right into you when he comes back.”
“My mother...” I say. “I'll stay with her,” she says.
“I'll say you're in the bathroom.”
My blood is pounding in my head, and I can barely think. I push open the door to the stairwell and begin jogging down, not bothering to wait for the elevator, which I don't like anyway. When I reach the main floor, I push open the swinging door. Jon is standing right there, waiting. We stare at each other for a long awkward moment, and
then I find myself in his arms. He hugs me hard. His breathing is ragged against my chest. I step back and look into his face. “Are you okay?”
He nods and wipes his nose with his sleeve. I pull a handkerchief out of my apron pocket and realize that it's the one he once lent me. I hand it to him. “It's yours,” I tell him gently.
He takes it and tries to smile, but I notice his hand is shaking. “I'm sorry,” he says. “I didn't want you to see me like this.”
I glance about and notice the stares we're getting. Girls dressed like me aren't usually seen hugging young men. “Where should we go?”
Now Jon glances about too. He nods at a sign that says
Visitor's Waiting Area
. “That should work,” he says.
The waiting room is empty, and Jon shuts the door behind us. He quickly gathers me into another hug. It feels incredible. I breathe him in, savoring the unexpected meeting. Tension melts away.
Eventually we let go of each other and sit side by side on the vinyl couch, facing each other, hands clasped. “I never thought I'd see you again,” I tell him. “This is such a shock.”
“I know,” he says, squeezing my hands. “I've missed you so much.” He leans forward and kisses me. I feel myself floating away.
The door bangs open. We jump apart, but it's just a woman with a small child. She sees us and decides not to stay.
“Celeste,” Jon says, suddenly sitting up. His eyes shine. “Don't go back to Unity.”
My entire body clenches from fear or excitement, I don't know which.
“Stay here with Taviana and me. We've found a nice lady who lets us live in her home as long as we go to school. You can come with us. We'll be together.” Jon's clutching my hands, leaning into me.
I sit back, breathing hard. Should I do it? I could spend every day with them, going to school, just being together, no little children to mind, no mothers to boss me around. And I wouldn't have to marry Mr. Nielsson! A shudder runs through me when I remember his kiss, so different from the one Jon and I just shared. If I go back, I'll be sentenced to spend the rest of my life and all eternity with Mr. Nielsson. It's unbearable to think about.
And yet...running away would cause such pain in my family. I exhale, not realizing I've been holding my breath. I think of my mother, upstairs, lying in the hospital bed, so bloated and unwell. And Rebecca. I would never lay eyes on her again.
I get up and pace the waiting room. This is my opportunity to start a new life. My only opportunity. I do not have to be a wife and mother. I could have a career. Jon and Taviana are both managing. I have a choice.
I take another deep breath and exhale again. I can feel Jon staring at me, waiting for my answer. I know I have to make a decision right now. I look down at Jon, sweet sweet Jon, who is watching me, so hopefully.
But then I think of my father, and I close my eyes. I see the rage in his face, hear it in his voice. My resolve sinks just thinking about him.
I collapse on the couch beside Jon, and now I'm crying again. He passes me the handkerchief. We're back in each other's arms, rocking back and forth.
I'm aware of time passing, that Daddy will be finished his shopping and returning to the hospital, if he's not already here. I think of Mother, upstairs in her hospital bed, so sick that the doctors want to do surgery to remove the baby. I try to imagine never seeing her again, and I think of Rebecca and her sad little face when Mother left us the other night. But mostly I think of Daddy, and his fury. The shame of me running away would tear him apart, and in turn, he would make everyone miserable. I would be to blame. I pull myself away from Jon and shake my head.
He doesn't plead or beg. He simply clenches his teeth and his shoulders slump. He stares at his hands in his lap.
I stand up and walk to the door. I want to say goodbye, say something wise and meaningful, but nothing comes to mind.
“I love you, Jon.”
It's the best I can do.
THE SIMPLE CEREMONY
is not as simple as I'd imagined it to be. All of Mr. Nielsson's family is here, as well as all of mine, except Mother and the smallest babies.
Deborah has pulled my hair up with elastics and pins, and there are a few strands dangling around my face. The dress is long and white, and a little too snug, but I don't complain. I will only be wearing it for a few hours anyway.
At the altar, I stand facing Mr. Nielsson, and the Prophet stands facing the two of us. Across from him, with her back to our families, is Norah, Mr. Nielsson's first wife, who will be part of the service. Mr. Nielsson reaches over and takes my hands in his. He leans forward and whispers in my ear, “You look lovely, Celeste.”
I don't meet his eyes or acknowledge what he has said. I am completely numb, hardly even aware that I am here. Ever since I left Jon at the hospital, I have felt an overwhelming sense of hopelessness.