Sinfully (20 page)

I texted Chloe and let her know I was heading up to Los Angeles for a few days and that I would explain after I got back.  If I told her before I found Ryder, she would try to talk some sense into me and I wasn’t in need of that.  I threw some clothes, make-up, and my charger into an overnight bag and headed for my car.  I would have a few hours to figure out what I wanted to say to Ryder.  I needed to hear
his
side of the story but
mine
needed to get out there, too.

During my stop to get gas, I checked my messages and found I had four unread texts.

Chloe:
 
Better not be going after nerd boy.

Chloe:
 
Love you girl.  I know you’ve got a good head on your shoulders and whatever you’re going to LA for, I trust your instincts.  Thomas said he misses you by the way.  I couldn’t stay away from those Buttery Nipple truffles.

Unknown:
 
I got your number from Chloe.  Hope you don’t mind.  It’s Tucker.  Maybe you’d like to go out with me again sometime?

Tate:
 
Hey baby, I’ll be in Vegas in two weeks.  Let me know if you wanted to meet up.  Miss you girl

I figured I’d text Chloe back tomorrow.  Tucker?  I was about to text him back when I saw Tate’s name underneath.  I missed him, too, but in more of a friendly, occasional fuck buddy kind of way.  I messaged Tate back first, smiling at the fact that he truly cared about me and wanted to spend time with me.

Me:
 
I’ll see if I can make it up there.  Save me a dance?

I thought about how I should respond to Tucker and wasn’t sure how the next few hours were going to play out with Ryder.  I place my phone back on the console and started the drive again, realizing the man I really wanted to text and talk to was only forty-five minutes away from me.  I would deal with Tucker later.  First priority was figuring out what the fuck I was going to do when I saw Ryder and how I had to promise that I wouldn’t give in to his good looks and devastatingly handsome smile.

As I neared Los Angeles, I was still angry as hell.  I wanted to see Ryder insanely bad but I needed to get my shit together.  I knew I probably looked like hell from the drive but I didn’t give a fuck anymore.  Ryder could see me ‘as is’ and take it or leave it.  I pulled into a nearby parking lot and headed into Warrington Strom Publishing Agency’s building.

The building was immaculate inside.  The light marble flooring led you to a sparkling turquoise water fountain in the center of the foyer.  Two banks of elevators were hidden in their respective corners and I wasn’t quite sure where I was headed.  I couldn’t find Ryder’s suite number or anything, just the general address.  I took a chance and headed for the elevators to my right and hoped I would find my way.

As I waited for the next available car, a short and stout man in his fifties came up beside me. “I haven’t seen you around before.  Do you need any help getting around?  I wouldn’t mind giving you a tour, beautiful.” 
Gross.
  The dude smelled like stinky cheese and mushroom ravioli and I couldn’t tell if he still had some on his graying beard.  He might be able to help me, though, unfortunately.

“I’m actually coming to surprise my…uh…my sister’s boyfriend.  He works here but I can’t remember what floor she told me.”  I feigned disappointment. 
Sister’s boyfriend?  Good job, Payton, that’ll convince him.

“What’s his name, sweetie?  I can’t say I’m not excited that you’re not here to see your own boyfriend, which you have I assume.  Right?” 
This might not be worth it.
  I could feel the bile rising in my throat.  The man was sleazy and repulsive. Luckily, the elevator bell dinged and I was saved by the bell. 

“Ryder Strom.  I’m sorry, but I’m kind of in a hurry.  You see, he has a meeting in five minutes and I need to get him his paperwork for it.  It really is urgent.  Can you help me?” 
Please just give me the office number.  Don’t drag this out any longer.

“Eleventh floor.  Corner office on the right.  You’ll make it, sweets.  I’m down on the third floor, in the second cubicle on the left.  Come find me afterward and I’ll show you…
everything.”

Yep.  I could feel the vomit and swallowed it back down uneasily.  When the door opened to the third floor, I thanked the heavens and finally took a breath of fresh smelling air.

As the car ascended higher, I felt nervous and anxious to see him but forgot that I was supposed to be angry.  I stepped out into Warrington Strom’s offices and headed to his office on autopilot.  I kept replaying the reasons why I was supposed to be mad in the first place, and by the time I got to his door, I was remembering seeing him at the zoo with skankasaurus.

I raised my hand up to knock but decided he hadn’t earned the option to let me in or not.  Twisting the handle, I peeked in and saw a distraught Ryder at his desk with his hands covering his face.  He looked defeated.  A glass of whiskey sitting next to his computer, he had yet to look up at me.  I wanted to run my hands along his back to comfort him and kiss his worries away, but I knew it wasn’t the time or place.  Realizing I needed to let him know I was there, I pulled the letter out of my purse, walked quietly over to his desk and slid the letter toward him.  It took him a moment to glance up, and when he did, he looked even more confused.

Ryder

After getting back to Los Angeles, I knew without a doubt that I needed to end things with Kylie.  She kept talking about meeting her parents next time we were down in San Diego and that was a no-go for me.  She didn’t mean enough to me for a sit down with her parents.  The more distance I gave, the more she clung on. 

After work one day, I met her over at her place to talk.  I let her know I had already eaten and I wasn’t going to be staying long.  I broke the news to her and waited for some sort of yelling or breaking of objects, but nothing came.  She walked into her bedroom and locked it without so much as a word out of her mouth.  I waited five or six minutes before heading out myself.  I didn’t need to console her or make her feel better in the situation.  I just hated that it didn’t give the finality that it should have. 

We saw each other in passing for the next week but said nothing to one another.  I assumed she had gotten the hint when I noticed her walking by me and a cute redhead talking in front of my building.  We were just being friendly, but when the new girl took hold of my phone, adding her number to it, I figured why not play it up a bit?  I whispered in the girl’s ear about how exhilarating a night with me would be and she giggled in response.  I could hear Kylie’s ‘hmph’ from ten feet away and thought to myself,
mission accomplished.
 

I never called the redhead but I
did
successfully get rid of Kylie, or so I thought.  I was at work when I got a text from her.   

Kylie:
 
I overreacted that night at my place.  You said you didn’t want serious and I pushed you.
 I don’t care if we’re just fuck buddies again, come over tonight?

Well, I thought I had made it clear to her.  I knew going back to just fucking her wasn’t an option.  If she had feelings for me, I needed to let her go.  Otherwise, I would just keep hurting her, and if I was honest, the sex wasn’t all the great.  I could find better pussy to satisfy my needs. 

I hated dealing with shit like that at work.  It was distracting and I needed a moment to deal with my thoughts.  I still wanted Payton.  I hated that I did, but my dick got hard just thinking about her sweet, luscious lips on mine.  I could almost feel her with me if I tried hard enough.  I fucked up with her and I needed to figure out a way to mend things between us.  It was crazy how I felt her presence when I thought about her.  Things weren’t normally like that with me.

All of a sudden, I heard the swoosh and saw the letter land on my desk.  Confused, I looked at the unfamiliar piece of paper.  Looking up at who was in my office, I’m pretty sure my heart skipped a beat. 
That was why I felt her presence.
  I was too consumed in my thoughts to hear her come in.  What was she doing there?  Looking at the note, I instantly became worried for her.  It wasn’t a friendly letter from a friend.  It was from someone sick and twisted.

I felt the urge to bend her over my desk and spank her for making me leave.  Even with casual clothes on and bare minimum make-up, she looked stunning.  My memories of her didn’t do her justice.  I wasn’t sure what to say and was worried that if I opened my mouth to speak, I wouldn’t be able to control myself. 

“Why do you keep trying to scare me?  You know who I am now.  Why do you keep sending these?”  I could hear the quiver in her voice, and from one look at her face, I could tell she was holding back the tears.  Standing up, I stalked toward her to wrap her in my arms but restrained myself and sat on top of my desk.

“What do you mean ba-Payton?  Those aren’t from me.  Why would you be scared?” 

“They have an ‘R’ on the seal, Ryder!  How are they
not
from you?”  She was getting upset.  I loved a feisty Payton.  I adjusted my pants and moved a step closer, only to have her take the same step back.  I had a strong urge to hold her in my arms but held myself back again.

“I haven’t sent you anything.  Now, tell me again, why would you be scared of them?”  I was curious about the damn letters. 

“Th-they talk about how they know my secret, and how they are tired of just sitting back and watching me, saying I can’t hide.  I don’t think they like me going to Vegas but I stopped!  They know where I live, Ryder.  They knew where I was staying in Vegas.”  Her tears were flowing freely by that point.  Poor thing.  I closed the gap between us and took her in my arms. 

My mind wandered to what she had been through with the letters since it wasn’t the first ones she’d received.  The idea of her being alone and scared of someone, whether it be me or a stranger, made me my stomach churn.

“I swear to you that it wasn’t me but I’ll help find out whoever this sick fucker is, Payton.  Man, I missed you so much.  I’m sorry for finding out you were Reece, but I wasn’t going to do anything you didn’t want me to.  I would do whatever you asked.”  I kissed a tear on her cheek and looked into her stunned and confused eyes.  

I held her tightly and hoped that she wasn’t about to pull away.  “I figured it had to be you.  You knew I was in Vegas and you knew my secret.  The only other person who I’ve told is Chloe and she wouldn’t tell anyone.  I thought you came to Vegas because I was Reece and you wanted that side of me.  I can’t tell you how much that hurt me.”  She twisted my dress shirt into her fists and held on for dear life.  I remembered her saying something about a letter during her scream-fest in Las Vegas but I didn’t have the chance to question it then. 

Did she just come here because of the letter or was it also because she wanted to see me?
  The way she gave in to my touch left me wondering and I craved being close to her again, smelling her sweet strawberry shampoo as I drew closer.  The past few months had made me realize how much I cared for her and wanted to change for her.

“You were with that girl at the zoo.  I saw you, and the little girl.”

“Yes.  She was a fling, to help me move on from you.  We aren’t talking anymore and the little girl was her friend’s.  We set her up with Tristen, my best friend back in San Diego.  I saw you with him, Payton.  Just so you know.”

Her eyes shot up to mine, guilt and sorrow showing through.  “I didn’t even know he was coming with us.  Chloe’s been trying to set me up.  I met him that day.”

“Please don’t run, Payton.  Whatever you do, face whatever fears you have with me right here beside you.” 

“I came here to yell at you.  I thought you were my stalker and had already moved on to someone newer and prettier than me.  I thought you wanted Reece, not Payton.  You kinda messed up my argument.  Jerk.”  She couldn’t hide the faint grin that was beginning to form.  Reaching up on her tippy toes, she kissed me ever so softly and I begged for more.

“I tried finding Reece, but found you instead.  I was captivated by your book.  You didn’t hold back on the details or emotions involved and I know readers would enjoy it, too.  I went to San Diego to find a way to sign the mysterious Reece Edwards but once I realized it was you, I knew I had to pick having you signed or having a chance with you.  When you went to Vegas, I thought you were running into a stranger’s arms and was pissed beyond belief.  I don’t want to share you.  I chose you, not Reece, by the way.  I could care less about your sexual creativeness or landing you as an author.  I want you in my life, for good.  I missed you so much, Payton.  When I still had a chance with you, I wanted to be a better person.  Hell, I started looking ahead to the future instead of living in the present after I met you.”

She looked around my office curiously.  “Do you have any appointments or meetings in the next hour?”  I could tell she was nervous and I still wasn’t quite sure where her head was.

“No, I just finished with a meeting before lunch and was just going to read some manuscripts and email some clients for the rest of the day.  Why?”

“I need you.”  Her lips were on my neck, her tongue flicking out, moving up toward my jaw line.  I hadn’t expected it, but my cock was pleasantly happy at her actions.  My hands slowly moved from her back down to her hips, massaging them firmly before moving to grip her ass.  I missed her touch.  Being with her felt so different than with any other woman I’d been with.

I guided her over to the couch settled against the window and sat down beside her.  While I wanted to take things further with her, I needed to know she was truly in it with me.  I couldn’t handle her leaving again when things got rough.