Authors: Andrea Smith
We picked up a holiday grave wreath and headed back to Ma’s place as I referred to it in my mind. My father turned to me after he’d parked the car.
“You can wait in the car or come inside with me if you want, Parrish.”
“Thanks, Dad, but I think I’ll pass. Watching my surviving parent make his own burial arrangements is kind of a downer, if you know what I mean.”
He nodded, and gave me a slight smile. “When I finish up, I’ll take the wreath over to her grave. I know you don’t particularly like being here, so hopefully, this won’t take long and we can head back to Richmond.”
I nodded, looking out the passenger side window. “Okay.”
I waited in the car, not even bothering to turn the key for some radio music, just staring at the deserted cemetery, noticing many of the graves were already decorated in the holiday spirit. Did it really make people feel comforted by doing that I wondered? Several red stockings hung on shepherd’s hooks by the headstones, blowing in the chilly December wind. What was the point?
As if Santa makes his rounds here…hah!
And then I saw her…
Fuuckk!! I must be in her spiritual sector or whatever the hell she calls it.
I turned my head quickly, as if that would make her go away. I waited a couple of minutes, and then I peeked back around.
Shit!
She was still there, beckoning to me and it was killing me to ignore her like that. I leaned over and tapped the horn of the car several times, hoping my father would come out so that we could leave.
Nothing happened.
Finally I turned around again; and there she was. Smack dab outside of the car, arms folded in front of her, tapping one of her heels and giving me a dirty look of all things.
Whatever.
“Parrish I know that you can hear me because my voice is strong from the energy that I sucked out of you yesterday. Now get your ass out of that car and come talk to Mommy.”
Seriously?
I rolled my eyes and reluctantly, opened the car door, stepping outside.
“Come on over to my place,” she instructed, walking towards the grassy area. If anyone sees you talking to no one, they’ll think you’re certifiable, which I’m starting to wonder about myself.”
“Excuse
me?” I asked, following behind her, trying to keep up with her rather swift pace.
Dayumm! She
had
sucked some energy out of me.
“That whole bit yesterday with you; did you think I couldn’t hear what you said to your father? Why would you not want to say good-bye to me? Why would you deny me closure?”
We were at ‘her place’ now, and she whirled around to face me, fully expecting a logical and rational response, when
none
of this was logical
or
rational.
“I’m waiting,” she said, starting with the foot tapping again.
“Impatient to get somewhere, Ma?” I asked, my voice cracking a bit.
“I’ve already waited more than twenty-seven years, a few more minutes won’t matter, but there are some things that I need to tell you before I go, Parrish.”
“Well maybe I don’t want to hear them,” I said, the petulant child still inside of me.
“This isn’t ‘good-bye,’” she said with a sigh.
“Sure feels like it.”
“You’ll see me again my precious girl.”
“Something tells me I’ll have to croak first.”
“It’s all part of life, Parrish. The ‘walk of life’ as your father so eloquently described it,” she replied wistfully.
“That would be the same father who’s inside the office now, buying up the plot
next
to yours?”
“He is?” she nearly squealed, sounding utterly delighted at the prospect of having him next to her through eternity. “He is such a divine man, isn’t he?”
“I can’t tell you how
divine
it is,” I replied sarcastically, “To be having one last conversation with my ghost-mom who I never really knew, and whom I won’t see again for God knows how long, while the father I met ten minutes ago is inside making
his
burial arrangements! It just doesn’t get any better than this, does it?”
Then she giggled and it felt like magic.
“Oh my precious Parrish,” she said soothingly, coming to put her hands on my shoulders. “Do you know how much I love you? Can you feel it?”
The weird thing was that I
could
. I felt this warmth surround me and I knew it was something she was putting out there just for me.
“I can, Ma,” I said, my voice cracking again. “And I don’t ever want to stop feeling it.”
“It’s always there, my sweet baby girl. Never doubt that. I can finally go on knowing that the two people that I love most on earth have found one another.”
That’s when it dawned on me.
“That’s really what this was about the whole time, wasn’t it, Ma? That was your
unfinished
business,” I said, shaking my head at how obvious it was now.
“Part of it,” she replied. “I couldn’t rest until I was certain that you and your father had connected. I also needed to know that I had your forgiveness.”
“Forgiveness for what, Ma?”
“For dying before you even knew me.”
“Oh Ma,” I choked. “It wasn’t your fault. I mean, I experienced that firsthand, so I know you didn't desert me on purpose. You were trying to make us a family.”
We hugged one another for a moment and it felt so right. This energy between us was stoked with love and understanding.
“Now here is the rest of what you need to know, Parrish,” she continued as she released me so that we were once again facing one another. “The whole thing with your ability to connect with someone in the…spiritual dimension the way that you have with me is a special…gift that you have. It isn’t exclusive to me.”
“So what are you saying?” I asked, feeling my eyes narrow at the sneaking suspicion that seeped in.
“I’m saying my lovely and
gifted
daughter, that you will still see me from time to time.”
I relaxed. “Well, that’s something then,” I said. “I mean that helps a lot, because I’m not ready to part with you.”
“It will be different though, Parrish, once I crossover.”
“I don’t understand?”
“My communication will come to you in your dreams.”
“What?”
“That’s how it works, sweetheart. You see, I have some unfinished work that needs to be done at your end. I will, of course, be providing you with the instructions, but it will be up to you to assist the others.”
“Others?”
This is sounding…weird.
“Yes, other Limbonians.”
“Is that even a real word?”
“It is here,” she replied, smiling.
“So, are you telling me that I will have to deal with other…
spirits
that I don’t even know?”
“I can vouch for all of them,” she assured me quickly. “And they are stalled the same way that I was stalled. Your gift and natural intelligence is what will push them on once they’ve found resolution.”
“For which I’m the mechanism, is that about right?”
“See? You’re a natural,” she gushed, proud as a peacock.
“Oh, Ma. I don’t know,” I replied, thoroughly appalled at the thought of strange spirits taking over my mind and body; putting me in unfamiliar circumstances and unknown situations. “It’s kind of creepy,” I finished, shivering at the thought of it.
“Nonsense,” she said, “You’ll never be in harm’s way. You’ll simply be a voyeur.”
“A voyeur that ends up
dead
,” I reminded her.
“Yes, but you won’t feel pain. You didn’t with me, did you?”
“No,” I admitted. “Will there be time travel involved?”
“Some,” she said, “But isn’t that the fun part?”
“Yeah, fun. As long as there will be modern conveniences I guess it’s not too bad.”
“Can’t make promises on that,” she replied.
“I really have no choice, do I?”
“Of course you do, Parrish. You always have a choice. But think about the good you can do for these stalled souls—like what you did for me, sweetie. These souls are mothers and fathers, daughters and sons, sisters and brothers—”
“Okay, okay, I get the picture. So, now you’re telling me I’ll be taken over by dudes as well?”
“A few. But any time you want to turn an assignment down, you have that option. Will you give it a try? For me?”
How could I possibly refuse when she put it to me like that?
“You know that I will, Ma. Anything for you.”
“That’s my girl. Now it’s time for me to say good-bye, but I’ll see you in your dreams, okay?”
I nodded, getting all choked up.
She pulled me into her arms, embracing me tightly like any mother would do with her child. “I love you Parrish Elizabeth. You let Lana know that I love her too, will you?”
I nodded. Snuggled against her I didn’t want this moment to end. “I love you, Mommy. See you in my dreams.”
I stood there in her arms, my eyes closed, but not tightly enough to hold in the tears that started rolling from them. I felt her warm breath against my hair, and then suddenly the wind whipped up a bit, blowing dry leaves against my ankles.
I opened my eyes.
She was gone.
I looked all around frantic for one more glimpse of her, but there was nothing.
A hand touched my shoulder; I whirled around to face her.
“Parrish?”
“Daddy,” I sobbed, burying my face against his strong chest, feeling his arms wrap around me protectively; one hand brushing through my hair gently. “She’s gone,” I cried. “Just when I got her back, she’s gone from me again,” I sobbed.
“I know bambolina,” he said soothingly, patting my back to comfort me.
“She said that I’d see her in my dreams.”
“Then you will, sweetheart. You will.”
And we stood there, just like that, holding on to one another for a long time until my sobs subsided.
“Are you ready?” he asked softly as I finally pulled away from him, taking the linen handkerchief he offered me and blowing my nose.
“Yes,” I replied softly.
We placed the holiday wreath on her grave, making sure it was staked firmly into the ground before we left.
On the way back to Richmond, I explained to my father what she had told me. “Have you ever heard of such a thing?” I asked him.
He shook his head. “No, but there are many things people encounter during their lives that escape explanation: dreams, nightmares, déjà vu, hearing a voice calling your name when you’re alone, bumps in the night, prayers answered. Your mother refers to this thing you have as a gift, so regard it as such, Parrish.”
“It’s actually kind of exciting,” I admitted, “But how in the hell will I explain this to Ryan.”
“Ryan?”
“Oh, that’s right. We never got around to discussing Ryan. He’s my boyfriend. We live together in New York. He’s a photo journalist on assignment right now.”
“I see. So you and this…Ryan, you’re engaged or what?”
I rolled my eyes. “Nooo…we live together, Dad. In sin.”
I heard him chuckle, but then his tone got serious again. “I’d like to meet him. Have you plans for the holidays?”
I shrugged. “Not really, I mean we typically do something with Mom or with his family in Vermont. Why?”
“If you can arrange to come for a visit maybe over the New Year, Sheila and I would love to have you both as our guests.”
“You know, I don’t even know where you live or what you do. I’m sorry for not asking, Dad.”
He smiled. “You’re forgiven. Sheila and I operate a ski lodge in Park City, Utah. So you’ll check your schedules and let me know if you can make a trip out in a couple of weeks?”
“You’ve got it,” I said. “Ryan loves to ski being from Vermont and all.”
“And you?”
“Well, I’ve got plenty of ski-wear, the perks from modeling it, but I’ve never actually skied.”
He flashed me a smile. “Well, then it’s time that I got my daughter out on the slopes.”
Daughter. I was somebody’s daughter. How cool is that?
“It’s a deal,” I said. “Thanks, Dad.”
December 29, 2014
Park City, Utah
Ryan and I had flown to Salt Lake City the previous day, and rented a car for the drive up to my father’s ski resort. It was breathtakingly beautiful here in one of the best ski regions of the country.
We’d spent Christmas at Mom’s and she knew we were making this trip. She wasn’t nearly as apprehensive about it as I thought she might be, probably because of the fact that Ryan would be with me. Mom was a worrier, no doubt about that.
So far, I hadn’t had a dream visit from Ma, which was starting to agitate me just a tad. It had only been a couple of weeks, but still, I thought she might’ve popped in at Christmas.
When we arrived at my father and his wife’s A-frame, I was totally impressed with their home. It was decorated very festive for the holidays. Sheila was exceptionally warm and friendly, it was hard not to like her, not that I was going for that, but she had totally outdone herself in trying to make it feel like my home as well.
“Now Parrish,” she said, wrapping an arm around me. “I only had a couple of weeks, so I did the best that I could in putting your room together. I never had children, but I can’t tell you how much fun I had decorating a girl’s room,” she said, beaming proudly. “I hope you like it.”
She led me up the open staircase to the large loft that had an open hallway around the perimeter of the second floor. “This is our suite,” she said, as we passed a set of closed double doors, and this is the guest bathroom here,” she said, pointing to the opened door of the next room we passed, and then this is your room,” she said, opening the door.
“Wow,” I said, blinking as the sunlight streamed in through the open mini-blinds. “It sure is pink,” I commented, as I crossed over the threshold and felt my feet sink into the thick, pink carpet. It all smelled new—the carpet, the paint on the walls - everything.
“You do like pink, don’t you?” she asked, her brows furrowed in concern.
“Oh yes, of course. I love pink.”
“I told your father that you would. He was the one that picked out your furniture,” she said, glancing around, her eyes sparkling.