Silent Scars (Surviving #4) (25 page)

“Why did you tell me all this?” I asked, rubbing my hand over his shoulder. I could feel the broken skin, smooth but raised beneath my palm.

“Momentarily lapse of stupidity,” he snarled and scrubbed his hands over his head, pulling at the sides of his cap.

“You’ve not lied to me yet. Don’t start now.”

Had my hand not been touching him I would never have noticed the jerk of surprise at my tone.

“Jesus, woman, have I not bled enough for you? He groaned. At the broken tone in his voice I could no longer keep my distance. I shuffled across the bed getting to my knees, I kneeled behind him and slid my arms around his neck and pressed a kiss to the back of it.

“I would never wish that. I accept enough is enough,” I whispered. I rested my chin at the curve between his shoulders. He lifted his hand and covered mine with his. I immediately laced our fingers together.

Ryan sucked in a breath. “I heard you and Will talking in the music room. I hated that I’d made him doubt himself. Truth be known I panicked I thought...”

I pressed a kiss to the curve of his neck to encourage him to continue.

“What if he walks away? I said some seriously shitty stuff to him. I’m fucked up, Aloura, and I always seem to attack. I didn’t know how to make it better. I had noises screaming at me, and all I could think was I needed to make things good with Will. That’s when the verbal diarrhoea happened. I started talking and the shit wouldn’t stop.”

“Wow, what a visual.” I giggled and tightened my hold around him. A soft rumble echoed in his chest. “You’ve mentioned these
noises
before.”

“That’s what they are.
Noise
, whispers, voices, memories. I don’t know how to explain them. The just take over everything. It’s like I’m lost inside my head. They aren’t there all the time just sometimes. And when they are I can’t breathe.”

“What do they say?”

Ryan scoffed. “You believe me? You don’t think I’m batshit crazy?”

“You’ve survived a traumatic past. No one comes out of something like that without scars.”

“I feel like that’s all I am.”

“No, you’re much more than that. You are a brother, uncle, son to Bill and Ane. Your past doesn’t define you. It’s a memory of how you became who you are. And that man is so completely beautiful it’s an honour to know him.”

Ryan’s grip tightened on my hands and a shaky breath escaped his lips.

“I think you are the only one to think that,” he murmured self-deprecatingly.

“No, the only person
not
to see that is you.”

“Believing in yourself and liking who you are is harder than it should be,” he uttered. I wasn’t entirely sure if the words were meant for me or himself. I hugged him tighter, trying to convey with my body I would support him. But the small grace he had given me in showing me some of the dark inside him was enough to let me know there was no way I would walk away.

I had done a very stupid thing and allowed him to claim a piece of my heart. But I was okay with that; he was worth every piece.

The furry rat let out an impatient bark and waged his tail as he pawed at the side of the bed. Aloura let out a long sigh against my neck, and her chin dug into my shoulder as she spoke.

“Someone needs to go outside to the little doggy room.” She huffed. Her body shifted behind me, and a cold draft drifted across my back. I held onto her hands and tugged slightly, pulling her flush against me. Her heat seared into me and for a moment I closed my eyes to cement the feeling into my soul. It was so natural to have her against me, to feel her body pressed into mine. In those tiny shorts and cami top she was every man’s visual fantasy. But the whole package was beyond any man’s dreams. She was utter perfection, and all that was currently pressed against the most fucked up human. What a sobering thought that was.

“I’ll take him. I don’t want you outside alone.” Without thought or reason I lifted her hands to my mouth and pressed a kiss to her knuckles. Her small intake of breath had me parting my lips to apologise, but my breath was stolen when she returned the gesture by pressing those full ruby lips to the centre of my shoulders, just at the base of my neck. I fought against the shudder racing through my body, but it was no use.

“You shouldn’t grace someone like me with those lips, Aloura.”

She kissed the side of my neck, followed by a kiss to my shoulder.

“You shouldn’t tell me I can’t do something. I’m a brat remember...I do what I want,” she teased. I reached behind me and tickled her side, smiling when she squealed and pulled away. I stood up from the bed and stretched; my muscles ached and my bones clicked. God, getting old sucked.

“Get some sleep. That’s an order.” I pointed at her and schooled my expression to appear stern. The tiny minx lifted her right hand in a salute and pursed her lips.

“Yes, Captain America.”

“Never will I wear blue spandex,” I retorted as I turned to the door. A sly grin graced those fuckable lips.

“That’s a visual any girl would want.”

I bent down and picked up one of the rat’s soft toys and launched it at her playfully. I snapped my fingers and pointed at her, trying to control the grin playing at the corners of my mouth. “Sleep, you little brat.”

“Only if you promise to come back.”

That stopped me in my tracks.

“I think I’m done boring you with all my shit tonight.”

“Just to sleep. I’ll even sleep on top of the covers so you know I won’t cop a feel in the night.”

I knew she was joking. The teasing lilt to her voice was proof enough. And honestly I trusted her, which was a little startling. I trusted no one outside of my brothers. But her wide expectant eyes had me nodding. I headed out of the room, following behind a scurrying dog, I descended the stairs.

“Shit,” I whispered into the night. I’d never, not in thirty-six years spent the night in a woman’s bed. I lifted my hands and yanked at my beanie. There was no way I could do this.

I disarmed the alarm so my room didn’t suddenly look like a disco with all the flashing lights. The dog was scratching the hell out of the glass on the door. I flicked the switched for the light to illuminate the courtyard.

“Hold up, you tiny rat.”

The fur ball yapped at me. He was a ridiculous thing.

As soon as I opened the door, he shot out of it, running in circles and barking at me.

“Don’t sass me, dude. I’ve had shits bigger than you.”

He stopped spinning in circles and crouched down. His front legs stretched out in front of him and his back end stuck up in the air like he was ready to pounce. I cocked my head to the side and stepped out into the garden, and he circled me. Still in a stalking position. A snort of laughter left me.

“Are you picking a fight, you little rodent?” I snorted. The furry ball of fury growled at me and barked.

“Bring it.” I beckoned with my hands. I dipped down, bending my knees slightly, and assumed a defensive position. The miniature squirt seemed to love that. Because he did a weird ass wiggle and yapped, before running at me and darting around my legs. Before scurrying away and coming back at me. He yapped some more and ran away.

“You’ve got to be kidding me,” I huffed. When he ran back at me and jumped on four legs impatiently, his tongue lolling out of his mouth, I shook my head. “I am not playing with a damn dog,” I uttered. I stepped forward to sit on the bench seat when he yapped happily and ran away. I paused to watch him. When I wasn’t following, he came back.

I was losing my damn mind because he looked –
happy.
Pushing my thumb and index finger into my eye sockets, I grumbled. “Do you not have a ball?” Like it fucking understood me, he scampered away into the house. For a small dog he was lightning fast. He came running back out with a ball bigger than his head. As he jumped down the steps, he left it behind and hopped back up to get it.

“Okay, dude, don’t pull nothing.” I reached over him and picked the small soccer ball up. It was seriously bigger than his cranium.

He sat at my feet panting, his tongue out. I reared my hand out and launched the ball in the darkness, and as he followed, a sudden panic took hold. What if he got lost? I jogged to the edge of the building and called out to him.

“Hercules. Buddy, heal. Come back. How the fuck do you call a dog back?” I growled into the night. “Herc!” I shouted and whistled. “Fuck.” I waited a few moments, listening to the night. Had the blast not fucked up my hearing, I would be able to track him better. But I’d lost seventeen percent when the IED exploded.

“Herc, come on, man.” I stepped away from the wall, casting a glance at the open door behind me. I couldn’t leave Aloura unguarded, but I couldn’t leave the little guy lost either. I let out a loud whistle, sure her dad would hear it down at the main house.

I stepped back at the rustling in front of me

“Herc.” I tried to see into the dark, but shadows danced amongst the trees making it almost impossible to spot anything. That’s when I saw the white globe of the ball. The rat was dragging it back. His ass facing me as he tugged at it before getting enough of a grip to trot back to me with it. My chest heaved with a sigh of relief.

“Get over here,” I snapped. I crouched down as he approached and dropped the ball at my feet. He wagged his tail and waited expectantly. “No way. Forget it.” I reached out and pet him behind the ear. He tilted his head into my hand but yapped impatiently when I didn’t throw the ball. I jumped to my feet and placed my foot on the ball. “You want this?” I asked and rolled it under my foot, just like Alfie had shown me. I danced around with the ball and kicked it as the rat went for it. He hopped around my feet giddy, yapping when he missed the ball. I laughed at the small dude as he gave good game trying to get the ball.

“Male bonding, I see,” a heavenly voice said from the doorway. I lifted my head, slightly breathless from jumping around with the ball, and grinned at her. I had a weird feeling in my chest. It was almost light.

Free.

I looked her over as she stood grinning at me. Long smooth strands of liquorice black hair cascaded down her delicate skin. She hadn’t changed, so there was hardly anything covering her gorgeous body. Legs that went on for fucking ever, toned arms, and a slight sliver of skin peeked out from the bottom of her cami, giving me a glimpse of what I imagined to be a silky smooth tummy. She was stunning. I wiped the back of my hand over my mouth.

“He wanted to play ball,” I uttered, feeling under some kind of spell.

“He’s the boss.” She grinned, the smile transforming her face. Her tongue peeked out and moistened her crimson lips. A slight blush pinked her cheeks. She knew she had power over men, but she had no idea how to wield it. A-fucking-men to that, no douche was touching her on my watch. She was innocence and total sex siren in one sexy as hell package, and Christ did my dick know it. My gaze was fixed on her and hers on me. We were lost in each other. I stepped towards her only to pause when the frigging rat barked. Aloura stifled a giggle.

“You think that’s funny?” I asked, trying to hide my grin.

She dipped her chin and released the most adorable chuckle.

“He’s made you his bitch.”

My jaw dropped, and I glanced down at the rat. “Did she...” I asked him and pointed towards her. His answering bark was all I needed. Aloura let out a loud laugh, and that’s when I struck. I darted across the space between us and caught her around the waist. She let out a yelp and slid her arms around my neck as I lifted her into my arms. I was about to tickle her when she lifted her legs and wrapped them around my waist. The breath was choked out of me as the feel of her body against me sent blood rushing to places it had no right going.

The sensible thing to do would be to apologise and put her down, but my arm tightened around her, bringing her gorgeous breasts against my chest. Her breath fanned against my chin. She was as breathless as me, and I could feel her heart pounding against my chest.

“Aloura,” I rasped, shifting her against me. But it was a mistake because her heat rode against my stomach, and in the movement my hand had slid down to cup her fine ass.

“Aloura.” It was like a prayer leaving my lips. I leaned my forehead against hers, her arms tightened around my neck. Her fingertips played with the short hair that my cap didn’t cover.

She rolled her hips against me as she whispered my name. My brain stopped working, and my cock took control. Spinning us around, I stalked over to the table and laid her over it. Her arms loosened around my neck, but she didn’t let me go. I had a feeling no matter what she would never let me go.

I cupped her cheek before moving a strand of her hair from her face. Nothing should ever hide that beauty. I lifted her glasses and placed them above her head on the table. Her hair was fanned out in a halo of black around her head.

“Ryan,” she whispered. Her fingers flexed on my shoulders. I leaned over her, pressing my forehead against the naked skin of her chest. I was a mere breath away from the most amazing tits, and I froze. Sliding my arms under her shoulders, I pulled her towards me, breathing heavily against her. Delicate hands cupped the back of my head, and her cheek rested against the top of it.

“I’m desperate to kiss you,” I whispered against her skin. My lips grazing against perfection. The taste of her flesh was in my mouth.

“Me too.”

I held her tighter, almost crushingly. Why didn’t she get it? I’d spilled
everything
. I’d bled myself dry to her. Why wasn’t she repulsed?

Lifting my head, I gazed down into molten eyes. I pressed my thumb against her plump bottom lip and brushed at it. “I want this.”

“Take it.”

I closed my eyes and groaned. I was wrong. She did know how to be a temptress.

“What I want isn’t what you deserve.”

“Tell me,” she urged. Her hips lifted against me, seeking friction. And my betraying cock gave her what she needed. When a soft whimper escaped her, mouth I knew I needed to end this.

“I want to fuck that mouth. I want to see my cum covering those pretty red lips. I’m starving and want to feed from you, Aloura, devour your pussy, and taste every inch of this glorious body.”

The moan that drifted from those lips wasn’t fear like I’d hoped. It was want, bone deep fucking need. She gripped my shirt and arched her body into me. Pressing hard against my dick.

“Claim it,” she dared.

“I will never kiss you.” I heard my mouth utter. I never kissed anyone. It was too intimate. It was the only thing I felt I could control. But it was also the thing I desired most with her. Those ruby gems parted, and disappointment danced in her doe eyes. I swallowed, hating having to put that look there. She had no idea how close I was to finally relinquishing control and taking what I craved.

“Okay,” she whispered, and it was my turn to feel sickening disappointment.

“Don’t do that. Don’t accept anything less than what you want.” I pressed my forehead to hers, pleading with her. Did she not understand she deserved the world?

“I’d say the same of you. I’m not offering anything I don’t want to give.”

I lifted my head and stared down into her eyes. Something palpable, something real and raw passed between us.  I crushed my lips to hers and groaned against perfection.

She
was perfection.