Sidelined: A Sports Romance (34 page)

S
kye looked
out of the window. She wished it would just rain for once. It barely rained three times a year. She wanted dreary, miserable, bury-yourself-under-the-covers weather because that’s how she felt.

They had crossed over some great divide last night, only for her to realize Ben was going to blow up the bridge all along. He was never serious about her, about them. She threw a pillow across the room. He got what he wanted. She bit the inside of her cheek when she felt the tears well and brim on the edge of her lids. Crying over Ben wasn’t going to happen.

She dumped her overnight bag on the bed and pulled the lingerie from the pile. She stormed in the bathroom and tossed it in the trash. She never wanted to see that dirty reminder of what she had done last night.

Her hands ran over her swollen lips, plump from Ben’s rough and passionate kisses. Kisses that made her toes curl, her body arch, and her mouth scream for more.
Dammit.
She gathered up the rest of the clothes and marched to the washing machine where she set the water to the hottest temperature. Maybe scorching them would wash out the memories.

Really? Japan.
She watched the water fill inside the cylinder. Who goes to the other side of the world without telling the girl they’re dating? She kicked the side of the washer then huffed her way to the kitchen. The only thing on her refrigerator shelves were the leftovers from the dinner her mother made with him. She picked up the plastic container and threw it in the trash, lid and all.

She refused to turn to chocolate and wine, but she needed food. She had barely eaten two bites of pancakes at breakfast. She grabbed her keys, slung her purse on her shoulder, and opened the door.

She stopped. Ben was standing on her doorstep.

“Hey. Can we talk?” The forlorn puppy look almost got her.

Her heart jumped to her throat. “I don’t think so. I was headed out.” She gripped the strap on her purse.

“Five minutes. Please.” His eyes motioned to the space over her shoulder, but she wasn’t going to let him in the apartment. “Ok, I can say it here.” He sighed. “I should have told you about WESTPAC. I should have said it that first week, so you would know I was leaving for six months. You have to believe that I wasn’t thinking about it. I wasn’t trying to deceive you. I swear I didn’t think it mattered. I didn’t know we would be here.” His eyes locked on hers. “I didn’t know I would be here.”

Skye leaned against the door. “And where is
here
?”

She had never seen him like this. His face almost pale, his eyes wide, his expression panicked. “It’s hard for me to say things like this. I’ve never said them before.” He stared at the floor before lifting his chin again. “Skye, I need you.”

The words hit her. Three words that were the most beautiful, sunset-filled, jump-over-the-moon, swim-through-a-waterfall, and roll-with-delicious-laughter words. She didn’t understand how she could feel as if her feet would lift from the floor and at the same time be ready to punch him in his perfectly shaped nose. She wasn’t ready to let him back in.

“I don’t know what to say to you right now. I’m angry. I feel like you used me.”

“I get that. I do. But would I be standing here right now if I just wanted one night with you? I’m here because this means something to me. You mean something to me, Skye. And I screwed up. I don’t know where to go from here, but please tell me we can get past it.”

His words settled on her, soaking through her skin like long rays from an early morning sun. She didn’t rush an answer. She had to know that what she was getting ready to say was the truth. That without a doubt she could say it and stand behind what she needed to tell him.

“If I say everything is ok, how do I know there aren’t other things like this that you’ll keep from me? You’re going to be gone for six long months. What are we supposed to do? Send emails? How does that even work?” She shook her head. “I let you in
again
. I gave you everything I had and you’re leaving?”

“This is going to sound shitty, but I’m a pilot. I’m always going to be leaving. I thought maybe you were ok with that part of my life. I never kept my job a secret.”

“I guess I hadn’t thought about it yet.” She let the bag fall from her shoulder and walked into the apartment. Ben followed her.

“It’s a lot to figure out and I’ve never done it before, but I want to try it with you.” He sat next to her on the couch.

“What do I do? Wait for you for six months? That’s crazy.” Skye thought she heard echoes of Kari’s sad tale about the friend whose boyfriend cheated on her in Japan. What if that was next? What if this ridiculously hot womanizing man was about to bed every woman on the Asian continent and forget she even existed?

“It is crazy. It’s completely crazy. And I can’t ask you to do that. But, just say I can call you, that we can write, that I can think about you when I’m flying.”

After last night, she knew her heart. All the things he said were the same things she had been feeling.

“Ok.” Skye finally lifted her eyes to meet his stare.

“Ok?” His voice sounded hopeful.

“Yes. I’m not saying I’ll wait. I’m just saying right now I’m ok. I don’t want you to go. I don’t want this to be over.”

Ben’s arms circled her waist and he drew her against his chest. She inhaled the hints of cologne on his neck. Gradually, she wrapped her arms around his back and relaxed into his arms. She prayed to God that she didn’t just make the biggest mistake of her life. She didn’t know if she was cut out for military life—constant surprises and goodbyes, but right now she knew she couldn’t let Ben out of her life when she had finally found him.

* * *

T
his was
her first pre-deployment week. She didn’t know how it was supposed to go or if this one was normal, but her only instinct was to go into automatic problem-solving mode. Ben had a list of things he needed to take on his overseas trip, but limited packing space to carry everything. He told her there was a two-bag limit. That alone would send most girls into a fashion tailspin. How do you travel around the globe for six months with only a sack for your essentials? There were parts of military life that she knew she would never be able to handle. She was glad she was on the support side.

Skye searched online for compact travel accessories. She stopped by the store after work and loaded the cart with power bars and protein shakes he could add to his water while he was flying.

She tried not to think about the fact that in the three-leg journey from San Diego to Japan he would be over water for up to nine hours at a time. She pushed that out of her head. But while he was up there, he’d need to eat and it wasn’t exactly the kind of plane you could take along a turkey sandwich for lunch. She researched the currency in Guam and Japan, the types of foods that were available, the time difference, and all the tourist attractions near his base in Japan.

“You’re really into this.” Ben laughed as she handed him a spreadsheet. “This is my first WESTPAC spreadsheet.” He studied the categories she had listed: restaurants, historic locations, entertainment.

“I know you’re really busy at work this week with all the training preparations you’re doing. It’s something I thought could help.” Sitting on the couch, she wondered if she had gone too far with the research.

“It’s awesome. Thank you.” He kissed her cheek.

“I can’t believe you’re leaving in two days.” Skye chewed her bottom lip. Saturday morning was going to suck.

“After we get off work tomorrow we’ll do something just the two of us. Whatever you want to do.”

“But don’t you have to get up early to fly the next morning?”

“I do, but I’d do anything to have another night with you.” He pulled her under him so she was completely flat on the couch. “Starting with tonight.” His lips nipped at her ear.

“Maybe we should make it an early night.” She reached for the edge of his T-shirt, smiling as he pulled it over his head and threw it across the room.

“Oh no, we are going to be up all night. No sleeping for you.” His tongue blazed a trail against her throat.

“Uh-uh. If we do that, I’ll worry about your flight to Hawaii the entire day. Early to bed tomorrow, ok?”

Ben sat on his heels, taking his time to unbutton her shirt. She arched toward him as he played with the outline of her bra. His mouth descended on her stomach.

“If what you’re saying is as soon as we get home from work we’re getting naked and going straight to bed, then I’m not arguing with you.”

His hands clutched at her waist and began tugging on the yoga pants she had thrown on as soon as she got home. His fingers dipped between her legs. His teeth yanked on the silk hugging her hips.

“Mmm...hmm. That’s exactly what I’m saying.” Her head rolled back.

“Baby, you know you drive me crazy.” His thumbs hooked under the silk strings and he peeled them over her legs, dropping them on the floor. “But I want you to feel how crazy you make me.”

“Oh God.” Skye’s hands flew to his head as his tongue lashed at her. Her legs began to tremble as the pressure built. Everything Ben did felt like he possessed her, that he was claiming her every time their bodies met. He could own her, take her, drive into her, she wanted all of it and more. His eyes raked over her body as he kissed her inner thigh. He moved to the other side, dotting the inside of her legs with more kisses. Skye knew her body was no longer hers as his tongue pressed against her again and he began a slow rhythm that had the room spinning.

“You know you’re mine, don’t you?” His fingers dug into her hips, steadying her from wiggling away from him. Although Skye would never leave this delicious torture.

“Mmm…hmm.” She rose to meet his mouth. She was on the edge of letting everything go.

“Say it, baby. Say it.” She heard his pants hit the floor and felt him settle between her legs. She opened her eyes to see his killer smile hovering over her. “Tell me, Skye.”

“I’m yours.”

* * *

T
here were only
two more days until D-day. That’s what Skye had mentally nicknamed the deployment departure date. She sat at her desk, staring at her screen. The emails rolled in, but she didn’t have the focus to muster a response. All she could think about was Ben.

“You here today?” Kari chirped from the doorway.

“Oh hey.” Skye looked up from her laptop.

“Hmm. You are really taking this deployment thing hard.” Kari wiggled into the seat across from Skye’s desk. “He’s not gone yet.”

“I’m trying to be strong. I made a to-do list to keep me busy.”

“Of course you did.”

“But all I want to do is lock him in my room and throw myself on him and tell him he can’t leave.” She looked at her friend. “He
can’t
leave.”

“Aww, honey. He’ll be back before you know it. I promise to keep you very busy for the next six months.”

“Six fucking months.” Skye spit the words. “Do you know what’s going to happen over the next six months? My birthday, his birthday, the summer, the fall, Halloween—”

“You have to stop thinking like this. Have you talked to him about it?”’

Skye knew that was a legitimate question, but she was trying to stay light and positive around Ben. The last thing she wanted to do before he left was appear clingy. She was supposed to be the independent self-sufficient type. She couldn’t suddenly reveal to him that she thought she might actually stop breathing if he left San Diego. What would he think of her then?

She shook her head. “I can’t tell him all of this. I’m trying to be supportive, not stage-nine clinger material.”

“Maybe he’s going through the same thing. Talk to him.” Kari stood to leave. “It’s almost lunch time. Why don’t you see if he can meet you on his lunch break? Spend some time with him and I know you’ll feel better.”

Skye pulled out her phone. “Ok, I’ll call him right now. Thanks”

“No problem. Back to the Beer Fest campaign for me. See ya.”

As soon as Kari closed the door behind her, Skye dialed Ben’s number.

He answered on the first ring. “Hey gorgeous. How’s your day?”