She's Out of Control (20 page)
“I've got the night off Wednesday. Will you be at Bible study?” Kevin asks.
“If Brea's okay with the baby, I will be.” This is awkward. The most stilted conversation I've had since my last bad job interview.
“Could we get a cup of coffee afterwards?” He looks down at me with an austere look.
So
Mr. Darcy. Yum. “Ashley, coffee?”
My hands are flailing like one of Brea's Italian conversations. “Coffee could lead to dessert, and dessert could lead to another meal out, and then, before you know it, I am your girlfriend. And I'm a terrible girlfriend, Kevin. Ask Seth.”
“Seth wouldn't know a good girlfriend if she hit him over the head. Which I'm sure she's been tempted to do. I know I've been coming on strong, Ash, but it's just coffee. I promise.”
“No, definitely no on the coffee.” I start to back away and finish the baby's bottle with a shake. I notice his eyebrows lift.
“If this wasn't so fresh with you and Seth, would you say yes?”
A young woman comes in and stands beside Kevin before I answer. She's got to be in her twenties, with dark brown locks cascading down her back; big, brown eyes; and the tiniest tennis bracelet gracing her petite wrist. She's holding a Bible and she smiles at me, thrusting her little wrist toward me. “Hi, I'm Kendra. Who's this precious bundle?” She is reaching out for the baby.
“That's Miles Wright, my friend's baby.”
She gets no chance to ask when I'm going to lose the baby fat.
“I'm Ashley Stockingdale.”
Her expression changes. I could swear there's an instant change of mood, and her chirpy demeanor is clouded over by a dark, contemplative stare. “I'll be waiting over here for you, Kevin.” Not so much as a good-bye smile for me.
I look at Kevin's apologetic eyes and wonder what I've stepped into. “I'm sorry, did I say something wrong? Are you two . . . you know?”
He laughs. “Of course not. Would I be asking you out if we were?”
I shrug. After nine months with Seth and no boundaries, who knows?
“It's just that maybe,” he continues, “I've mentioned you a time or two before.” He looks away.
“Mentioned me how? Like I eat my young?”
“As the reason I'm not seeing anyone else. You know, avoiding her.” He grins and the corners of his eyes crinkle just as his pager goes off. “Hang on.” He picks up his phone and pushes a button. “Dr. Novak calling in.” There's a pause. “No! Don't let them touch him. I'll be right up.”
Kevin's smile is gone. “I've got to go. Insurance company trying to kick out a very sick child. Think about Wednesday night.” He sprints off.
My head is nodding on its own volition. “Okay.”
“Coffee's good.” He kisses my cheek. “I'll see you then.” I grab for my cheek and Kendra moves toward me. I pull Miles in closer. Kendra opens her mouth to say something, then just stalks off.
Coffee?
I think to myself,
didn't I just say no?
But, really, there's no harm in coffee. Coffee is caffeine-laden. I will have a solid, clear head when I see him again.
I
schlep Miles to the third floor and scout for Brea's room. It isn't long before I hear her uproarious giggle, and I know I've found the right place. A nurse exists, and as we enter, Brea doesn't even look at me. As far as she's concerned, I'm the post behind Miles.
She squeals like a horror movie extra. Her hands go crazy waving toward herself. “Give him to me. Give him to me!”
“You're not supposed to hold him,” I remind her.
She pats the side of her bed. “Put him right here next to the rail. I won't pick him up, but I can cuddle him and nuzzle his chipmunk cheek.” I lay Miles down beside her.
“Oh, Miles, how's mama's baby? Is my big man learning to be a lawyer?” She coos.
“Let's hope not,” I say. “Hans will teach him to be the CEO with extensive stock options and others to do his bidding.”
“Let's pray that's all Hans teaches him. How is your slimy boss?”
“They all slither in Silicon Valley. Some are just more colorful.” I wink, enjoying my brief moment with creativity.
“Spoken like a true cynic.”
“I'm enjoying working for Hans, actually. His personal life is completely
90210
, but he's a good boss if you can put up with the occasional tantrums.” I hand Brea the baby's bottle, she starts to feed him, and he snuggles into her rounded tummy. “I guess I feel a little sorry for him, too. He's just chasing after the wind, you know?”
“What's he think of having Miles at work?”
I shrug. “Didn't give him a second glance. You look gorgeous. Are you really sick? Or just trying to get your mother to clean your house?”
Brea purses her lips. “They stopped the contractions, but I can't do anything for fear they'll start again. I'm so tired of television, I could vomit.”
“Speaking of which, Miles had a little stomach thing last night. He's been fine today. Just really sleepy.”
She rubs Miles's belly. “You'll make a great mother, Ash. When's Seth getting back?”
“He's back.”
“And?”
“Wants me to go to Punjab with no commitment. Yep, Prince Charming awaits. I mean, I can be unemployed and manless here, can I not?”
“I don't want to hear about Seth. He's yesterday's news. What's up with Dr. Kevin?”
“Nothing. Nothing is up with Dr. Kevin, and I plan to keep it that way.”
For once in my life, I'm going to behave like an adult.
“I'm sure you do plan to keep it that way. You'll find some new engineering geek to chase. Some new guy who thinks Prada is a Mexican parade.” Brea clicks her tongue. “You have the weirdest taste in men. Always did.”
“It's not
my
high-school boyfriend who turned gay,” I remind her.
Her laughter dies like a plant in my care. “I just hope this thing with Seth finally tells you that you can do better.”
I walk around the bed and sit at the foot of it. “I thought God was pointing in Seth's direction. I think He's trying to point out what I should steer clear of, but I've got a fairly hard head.”
Granite, I believe.
“Um, yeah you do.”
“I have to ask you a question.”
“I've got nothing but time.” She places another kiss on Miles's forehead. “The longer you stay, the longer he stays.”
“Do you remember in sixth grade when we watched that contra-band
Thorn Birds
tape your sister got us?”
“Do I ever! Richard Chamberlain shirtless on the beach. It lives in infamy.” She points to her head.
Rolling my eyes here. “Remember how Meggie was so in love with Father Ralph, but he couldn't leave her for his God? He loved God more.”
Brea's face screws up and she nods, fanning her face. “I'm
verklempt
. Talk among yourselves. It makes me emotional just to think about it.” Brea starts to tear up. “And that week on the beach when he came and found her. She could never go back to another man.” Brea's sniffling now, nodding her head up and down.
I'm hoping it's just the hormones.
“Putting aside all of the sin contained in that movieâwhich you seem to be relishing, I might addâMeggie loved Ralph, but Ralph didn't love her the same way. Oh sure, there was the temptation and the breaking of his priestly vows, but their love was bigger than that for her, right? It was a lifetime of unrequited love.”
“Your point?” Brea asks.
“A tragic, yet victorious story because Ralph ultimately loved his God more.”
“Actually, I think he loved himself more. Wasn't that the theme of the movie?”
“Just stay with me here, okay? So Meggie couldn't have Ralph, so she married another.”
“Bryan Brown working hard in the cane.” Brea whistles. “Oh yeah, he was some consolation prize.”
“Brea, I'm serious here.”
“You're serious about an '80s miniseries?”
“Yes. And the book was better, I might add.”
“And why are we talking about this?”
“Because I think I'm Meggie. I fall in love with the wrong men. So maybe I should avoid them altogether, don't you think? I mean, the Bible says it's better to cut your eye out than sin with it, right?”
“You need a good theology class, Ashley. It's not your Scripture, but your interpretation that scares me. I'm thinking muddling Scripture with
The Thorn Birds
might be where you're off.”
“Come on, Brea. Help me out here. Why does Kevin want to date me? Or why does God want Kevin to want to date me? Because he's the wrong man in some way and I'm supposed to figure it out, right? Wouldn't it be smarter just to say I've grown and move on before the actual pain begins? I mean, I have a vivid imagination. I can figure out what it will be like.”
Brea ignores all the instructions, lifts Miles over her head, and kisses him. I yank the baby down and put him beside her again.
She rolls her eyes. “When all was said and done, Rachel Ward married Bryan Brown in real life, and Richard Chamberlain turned out to be gay.”
“Thank you,
People Magazine,
1984.” I look straight at her. “I'm serious, Brea. I'm really liking Kevin, but I know where this will end. He thinks about me, and who I am. He remembers I'm on Atkins and still orders me pancakes because that's what I really want. He takes my dog to visit sick children. I love how he can perform surgery in the morning, but still be at the airport to pick me up. I love how I'm important to him. Until he catches me, and it all stops.”
“You were important to Seth, too, Ash. He's just a freak.”
I exhale. “He'd rather run off to a third-world country and support a missionary he barely knows than walk down the aisle with me.”
“A missionary?”
“Arin,” I say reluctantly. The mere name makes me cringe and feel like such a fool. I remember when Seth was first meeting her, that day in Chevys. I should have noticed that he'd never looked at me that way. Why couldn't I know that he never
would?
“Just because Seth wasn't the one doesn't mean there will never be another, Ash. Most women have ex-boyfriends. Even Christian women. You know what they say about kissing a few frogs. Yours just have a few more warts than usual.” Brea starts to giggle.
“It's been a year of on-again, off-again misery for me. I don't want to do that anymore. But I'll admit my weakness for bald men. Why waste a perfectly good head of hair on me?”
“You've got to get back on the horse, Ash. Look, I'd be careful about analyzing
The Thorn Birds
too closely. I mean, they may have made Father Ralph look so desirable, but I can't stress enough that Richard Chamberlain was really gay. Rachel Ward married Bryan Brown in real life, and they've got like three kids or something now.”
I drop my head in my hands. “Did I actually start this stupid conversation?”
“You did. Is that my Jamba Juice?”
“I forgot all about it.” I bring her the cup out of the diaper bag. The once-frozen drink is now sticky, warm red Styrofoam.
“Yum, that looks appetizing. Thanks anyway.” She hands the cup back to me.
“Hey, I brought Miles, and that was enough work on its own.” I laugh. “I can't believe a little blob of cuteness can be that much work.”
“I can't let him go, Ash. Leave him with me.” She pulls off his socks and plays with his bare feet.
“I've got to get back to work. Hans is ready to kill me now. He's taking care of Rhett while I'm here.”
“Are you nuts?”
“I got overwhelmed this morning with the baby. I don't think clearly when I'm overwhelmed.” Which seems to be consistently.
“Quit analyzing everything! You don't have to find the deeper meaning in every raindrop on the windshield, you know?”
“Kevin asked me out to coffee,” I sheepishly admit.
“So you go for coffee. It's not like he asked you to be the mother his children. He didn't, did he? With you, I never know.”
“I gotta get back to work.” I pick up my bag and reach for Miles.
“I really can't let go of Miles. My mother will be here soon. Leave him with me.”
“I can't. What if he gets sick again?”
“Then we're in a hospital. And I can call Kevin immediately. Kevin came here last night and brought me ice cream, did I tell you that? If he's trying to get to you through me, he has my vote. Come on, please let Miles stay. John just had a few things to do at the office. He'll be back soon.”
I hand her the phone. “Call him and prove it to me.”
Miles is at complete peace. How can I break that up? I bring all his diaper needs to her bed and wait as she makes the call, just like she used to do when asking if she could spend the night. But before she finishes, John walks in the door on his cell phone.
“Okay, you're saved,” I announce, reaching for my keys. “If you need anything, call me. I've got one meeting this afternoon with Hans, and then Seth wants me to go to dinner tonight . . .” Brea rolls her eyes. “But I'll change things around for you if I need to. You know that, right?”
“I do, and you're avoiding my advice. It's time to just live your life. Not every event has to be a possible lifetime.”
“Even coffee with a gorgeous surgeon who looks like Hugh Jackman?”
Her eyebrows lift. “Especially that. It was time to cut bait, Ashley. Seth needs to grow up, and that's his issue, not yours. But maybe you should try a practice date with someone who isn't prettier than you.”
We both laugh. “Very comforting thought, thank you.” As I stand up, John kisses me on the cheek. “Thank you, Ashley. What can we ever do to repay you?”
“Oh. Oh!” Brea raises her hand. “I nearly forgot. I had my mother get this for you last night.” Brea lifts up a linen envelope. “It's for a rain-forest therapy at Provence Spa.”