Shelter You (20 page)

“This isn’t over young lady!” My father barks.

Logan moves to stand in front of me, tucking me and Lily behind his back. “No. It is. It’s over because if you show up here again, I will arrest you for trespassing and we will get a restraining order filed against you.”

“You have no idea what you’re doing.”

“Yes I do, because unlike you I actually love your daughter and your grandchild and I will do whatever the fuck it takes to protect them. If that means I have to take you on then so be it, and I’m pretty sure your little lawyer will tell you that the law is on our side.”

They look between each other, casting glances and engaging in silent conversations with their eyes. It seems as if though they’re done for now. My mother walks over to us and moves to touch Lily, I quickly retreat taking a step backwards and shake my head at her.

“Mia, for what it’s worth we just want what’s best for you,” she says stoically.

“No, you’ve never given a damn about what’s best for me mother.”

She says nothing in her own defense and simply nods. “We’re at the hotel on First Street. We’ll be there until tomorrow afternoon if you change your mind.”

“I won’t. Have a safe trip back,” I say as they walk through the front door.

Logan follows after them and makes sure they’ve gone.

I take a deep, calming breath and return Lily to her play yard.

Logan went to see them, he lied to me, I trusted him and he lied. I don’t even know what to do with this information. Why would he go see them? Did he want them to come take me away? That makes no sense, he wouldn’t have defended me just now if that’s what he wanted.

“Were you going somewhere?” he asks, looking at my bags on the floor as he walks back inside.

I stare at him for a minute, not sure of which issue to address first. “That week when you left, you said you were going to training. You really went to see my parents didn’t you?”

“I did.”

“I can’t believe you. How could you do that to me, Logan? I trusted you.”

“I don’t want to argue with you, Mia. It wasn’t some devious plot to hurt or lie to you. You’d just told me that you had been thinking about your mother. You said there was no chance of a reconciliation, but I wanted to make sure. I wanted to go out there and see for myself. I thought that maybe you were wrong, maybe there was hope and I could bring you and your family back together.”

“Well, you did a great job didn’t you? You brought them right to me.”

“No. I NEVER told them where you were or how to find you. After meeting with them I knew that you were right that they didn’t give a damn about making amends. I left right away and I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to make it worse; you were already upset about it. I never meant to hurt you or betray your trust.

I believe him. I know him. I know his heart, and it’s clear to me that he’s telling the truth. I want to fight with him, to tell him that I’m angry, that I can’t forgive him, but after the scene that just unfolded right here in his living room I don’t have the heart. He’s the only person who’s ever really stood up for me. Am I really willing to toss that aside over one bad judgment call?

“I believe you, but that doesn’t explain how they found me,” I say.

“I don’t know, but I’ll see if I can find anything out.” He looks down at the ground again where my belongings lie. “Why the bags, Mia?”

“Logan… I…”

“Were you planning on leaving me?” He probes. He leans against the wall with his arms crossed over his chest.

I look down at my feet unable to answer him. God, this is hard. This is why I wanted to sneak away, this is why I didn’t want to say goodbye.

“You were, weren’t you? You were just going to leave me without one word. You were just going to take Lily and run.”

I look up at him with tears in my eyes but I still can’t find the words.

“Why?” he asks, the hurt evident in his eyes. “Oh wow.” He pushes himself off the wall and takes a few steps toward me. “Last night when we made love, you knew you were going to do this didn’t you?”

“Yes. I knew.” I croak out, the tears now falling down my face.

“How could you do that?”

“I had no choice.”

“You always have a choice unless…You knew didn’t you?” he asks, catching on to the fact that I had a heads up to the events of this morning.

“Knew
what
?”

“That your parents were coming. You said you weren’t in contact with anyone from back home so how could you know?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

“It matters.”

“I can’t, Logan. Please, please leave it alone.” He takes a step forward as I take one back, needing to keep my distance, fighting the urge to run to him and tell him everything.

“I can’t do that.”

“You think that I want this? You think that I
want
to leave you? That I want to be away from the man I love, to take Lily away from a good home? It’s the only way to keep her protected.”

“
I
can protect her!” He yells, throwing out his arms in frustration.

“You can’t. They’re just going to keep on coming. Logan, this is never going to end. I have to take Lily and go.”

He gets in my face now. “You are not leaving. I won’t let you go.”

“You can’t keep me here,” I say, pushing up on my tip toes so that I’m in his face as well. “I’m not your prisoner.”

“You’re right. God, Mia, you’re right and I love you. I would hate to see you go, but if that’s what you want to do with your life,
fine
. Go. But you are NOT taking Lily with you.”

My eyes go wide and I have to control the sudden urge to punch something. “What? You’re out of your fucking mind if you think I’m leaving here without my daughter.”

“That’s exactly what I think. If you go, you go alone.”

I take a step forward, using my hands to push him as hard as I can. “She’s not your daughter.”

“You’re wrong! She’s as much mine as she is yours. I love that little girl and she loves me. She needs me to protect her even if I have to protect her from you.”

“You son of a bitch. I’m leaving with Lily.”

He grabs my arms and holds me in place, making me focus my eyes on him. “You’re not going anywhere, with or without Lily.”

“That’s not what you said a minute ago,” I say, infuriated by him.

“Yeah, I know what I said. I was bluffing.” He lets me go, walks over to my bags and finds the one that holds all of my money and identification. “This is the only way that you can survive on your own,” he says, holding it up in the air. “So, I’m going to take it away from you. Problem solved.”

“Logan…Please, you can’t do that. Don’t do this to me.”

“Who warned you about your parents coming?”

“Lily’s dad.”

“Lily’s dad?” He looks dumbstruck—
shocked
, and maybe a little hurt.

“You’re in touch with her dad?”

“Not normally no. It’s the first time I’ve spoken to him since before she was born.”

“How would he know anything that your parents are doing?”

“That’s it, Logan. I’ve said too much. You have to listen to me. It’s safer for everyone if I just take Lily and go.”

“Are you going back to him?”

“What? No,” I say, shaking my head. “No, Logan. I love you, I want you, and that’s not the problem.”

“Then just talk to me. Tell me what’s going on so I can help you babe.”

His words hit me hard.

I want to tell him. I want to accept his help, but that would be putting him in danger and I could never live with myself if something happened to him because of me.

“I just can’t,” I say sadly. I hate hurting him, hate seeing the look of disappointment in his eyes.

He nods his head and tosses my backpack full of money over his back. “I have to go to work. Keep the door locked and don’t answer it for anyone. Call me immediately if your parents come back here Do you understand?”

“Yes,” I reply meekly. I have no choice, he’s taken my only option away. I’m stuck here and now Logan and Lily are both in the line of fire.

I make sure that the doors are locked and then I sit around and stew for the remainder of the day. I’m angry and I don’t know where to direct it. I guess in theory I should be directing it at Nick for showing up here and messing with my life, but instead I’m mad at Logan for getting in the way of my leaving. In my heart I know that this is where I want to be, but my head is screaming that it’s no longer safe here for Lily and me.

I make an early dinner and put a plate of food in the microwave for Logan. As soon as I’m done eating and the kitchen is clean, I go upstairs with Lily and hide out in what used to be my spare bedroom. If Logan is going to force me to be here against my will then he has another thing coming to him if he thinks I’m going to be in his bed.

He’s been home for a couple of hours now but thankfully he’s been giving me my space. I heard him as he went into Lily’s room to see her while she was napping, she’s almost always his first stop when he gets home. He said he thought of her as his daughter and all I could do was yell at him when I should have thrown my arms around his neck and hugged him. He’s everything I could have ever wanted for her. I couldn’t have handpicked a better father for my daughter and now that she has a chance at that it’s being threatened.

I shut off the lights and try to get comfortable in this bed…alone. I have a hard time sleeping when I’m just across the hall from Logan.

How would I make it a lifetime without him?

I feel like I’ve been awake for hours—tossing and turning and unable to get comfortable enough to sleep, when the door to the bedroom opens. I quickly shut my eyes and pretend to be asleep. Immature I know, but I can’t help myself.

I hear his footsteps getting closer and closer, then they suddenly stop and I know he’s standing by the bed watching me. I assume that he’ll see I’m asleep and leave, but instead he pulls the sheets off of me and scoops me into his arms causing me to gasp in shock.

“What are you doing?” I shriek, wrapping my arms around his neck so that I don’t fall.

He walks me across the hall into our bedroom and literally drops me onto the bed.

“
This
is our room. You sleep here.”

I stare at him in anger and disbelief, “Well where are
you
going to sleep?”

He smiles seductively and lets out a low chuckle. “I’m going to sleep right here with you baby.”

“No, you’re not,” I declare, pulling the sheets up around me.

He strips down to his boxers and glares my way.

“I’m sorry,” he says with a hint of amusement in his voice. He snatches the sheets out of my hands and plops down on the bed next to me. “Did you think you actually had a choice?”

I let out a frustrated huff of air and roll over so that my back is facing him. He lets out an exasperated sigh and shuts the lights off. I feel him settling down next to me and I hate the tension between us. I know that I’ve caused it, that I’m the reason, but I don’t know what else to do. What I do know is that I’m handling this completely wrong.

He throws his hand across my abdomen, gripping me tightly and pulling me back until our bodies are fused together—his front to my back. His face is buried in the nook of my neck and a sense of relief washes over me. I hate that he’s angry with me, and though I’m still uncertain of our future together, it makes me happy to know that he still wants this connection between us. I shut my eyes, trying to shut out all of the worry that swims around in my brain. But the more I lie here, the more it festers.

“Logan?” I whisper, not wanting to wake him if he’s already fallen asleep.

“Hmm?”

“Everything that I said to you last night, about how much I loved you…It was real.” I need him to get that my feelings for him are pure. He and Lily are everything to me and I want him to see that the only reason I’d sacrifice being with him is to keep her safe. 

“I believe you.”

“I just wanted to show you what you meant to me one last time before I left. I needed to show you so that when I was gone you’d know it wasn’t all a lie. That my need to keep Lily safe is the only reason behind me trying to leave.”

He tightens his hold on me and kisses the top of my head. “I understand.”

I settle down and burrow myself closer to him. I don’t care anymore. I don’t think I can go through with leaving him now, even if I had the means to do it. I honestly believe that this is where I belong, but that doesn’t change the fact that there are very real threats lurking just beyond the walls of this little cocoon we’ve created.

“Logan?”

“Yes, Mia?”

“I’m scared.”

He gives me a gentle squeeze. “I know, but baby no one can hurt you or take Lily away from you. I know you’re scared but you can’t keep running. It’s time for you to stand up and fight.”

What Logan doesn’t realize is that the real threat is much more real than just my parents coming to town with a lawyer. The threat that he perceives is nothing compared to the actuality and as much as I hate it, as much as I dread it, I’m going to have no choice but to tell him the truth. I need to give it to him completely so that he can decide with eyes wide open if Lily and I are really worth the risk. I make up my mind, I have to tell him the truth… just not tonight. I need to have him hold me one more night before I have to revive all of the demons that I tried to leave behind.