Shelter (31 page)

“You had everything.”

“We didn’t have you!” he couldn’t hold it back and his voice echoed around the entire hall, “The whole town had you. You were
their
property. If I wanted to see my mom, I’d turn on the local news or look at the paper. I’d wait for you to come home and I’d wait to see that smile that everybody else saw. You never did. You treated us like possessions you could pass around to keep out of the way of your job. Do you know what that does to a kid?”

Her shocked expression only deepened. Leaning fully into the stage, she frantically looked around the hall as though looking for an escape from her son’s truths.

“Don’t try and blame your behavior on me. I didn’t force you to take drugs. That was all you. You were bad from the first day. You wouldn’t stop crying. Ellie, she was a good child. You, you tortured me. You wouldn’t let me sleep and it never got better.”

“Is that why Ellie got the better deal? Because she was a quiet baby?”

“She tried. She was
good
in school. You, I had the principal on the phone twice a week! You can’t blame that on
me
.”

“Who else?” Elias hissed with frustration, “I wanted your attention. I wanted something from you. You were blank, even when I was in trouble.”

“So you took drugs for attention?” she snorted, “You’re living in a fantasy land.”

Taking a step back, he looked down at the ground, focusing on the red and white tiles and noticing the tiny grains of dirt in the grout.

“No,” he shook his head, “I took drugs to forget you.”

“What?” she laughed even louder as if it was the funniest thing she had ever heard.

“I took them to block out the pain,” he started looking at the ground but quickly faced her, wanting her to feel every word, “to forget that you never hugged me, or that you never told me you loved me. I took them because I didn’t want to be a part of it anymore. It started as an escape but it made things worse. It turned me into something else and I got deeper and deeper into that hole and you were willing to send me back there to shut me up?”

“I paid for your rehab,” her voice lowered again, “I wanted you to get clean.”

“So why pay Rigsy?”

The school bell rang and the sound of children spilling out of the classrooms echoed around the huge hall. She looked over to the door and he could sense that she wanted them all to hurry in so she could slip outside.

“You wouldn’t shut up,” she looked back to him, “all you’ve ever done is cause me trouble.”

“Maybe at first,” he admitted, “but I wanted to get as far away from you as possible and you kept dragging me back. What’s that old saying? Keep your friends close but your enemies closer?”

“Do you want me to admit that I’m a bad mother? Is that what you want from me?”

Her voice was frantic, almost hysterical. The hum in the hall died down as a second bell sounded out. Ringing out through his mind, the sharp sound of the bell suddenly reminded him of all of the things he had wanted to say. He hadn’t wanted to confront her about her parenting or the way she treated him. He wanted to threaten her, to deliver Caden’s plan.

“No,” Elias stepped back, tossing his hands out, “it’s too late for that. I came here to tell you to leave me alone. Both of us, me and Caden. No more threats, no more plans, no more newspaper articles. You leave us alone and if you walk by us in the street, you look the other way. I want nothing to do with you. After the things you’ve done, I don’t care if I never see you again.”

Elias didn’t sound as convinced as he had wanted to do and she didn’t look as placid as he had expected. He saw the same shiny look in her eyes that he thought he had seen when looking up to her apartment window.

“If you ignore me, I’ll expose your deepest darkest secret. Caden said something and it made me realize all along that I had the power to cut you off all this time. It was right in front of my face, I just needed somebody to notice it. I’ve been playing your game all this time, lying low and floating silently along so you can keep your power trip running, but I’m done with that.”

“What secret?” she muttered.

Elias took a deep breath, feeling the weight of the world on his words.

“Me,” he shrugged, “I’m your secret. You’ve fought so hard to bury any mention of a drug addicted son because you knew what it would do to you. Information like that will ruin your winning streak in this town and people will see the real you. It’ll all be over for you.”

“The paper would never buy it,” she shook her head, “I know the editor.”

Elias laughed. He couldn’t believe she was still trying to push her manipulation tactics.

“I didn’t even mention the paper. I know that much. You can control them but you can’t control everything. I’ll post it all over the internet, I’ll tell anybody who will listen, I’ll even print out posters and stick them on every surface in town. I’ll tell the world about Judy James’ drug abusing, criminal son.”

“You wouldn’t.”

“I will,” he nodded sternly, “I don’t care if people know because I’ve changed. Secrets are weapons, Mom, you know that. You just need to know when to use them.”

“If you hate me so much, why don’t you just leave town?”

“Because you’ll win,” Elias didn’t mention that he had been close to.

“You sound like -,”

“You?” he cut her off.

She nodded, a strange look in her eyes. He wasn’t sure if he was imagining it but he thought she looked slightly proud in a twisted way.

“So do it,” she said.

“I don’t want to,” he raised his brows, relaxing the muscles in his face, “not if I don’t have to. I don’t want to be like you. Drop it and leave us alone and I’ll keep my mouth shut. This is me taking responsibility for my own life. I'm ending this cycle.”

To his surprise, she looked like she was considering it. They stood in silence, the only sound coming from the pounding in Elias’ chest. He felt strong and powerful. He wondered if this was the kick she got every time she blackmailed somebody.

“Fine,” was all she said.

It was that simple. He looked deep into her empty eyes, shocked that she would agree to it. He was relieved but he didn’t feel the sense of freedom that he thought. He still felt weighed down. Part of him was shocked that she would agree to let herself be cut completely out of his life. A flicker of hope that had been burning silently in the back of his mind for as long as he remembered had still been burning, after everything she had done. All it had taken was one simple ‘
fine
’ to blow it out. There had been another option, clear to all of them. An option that anybody else would have taken. She was never going to apologize and she was never going to promise to change.

“I’m staying with Ellie until I get on my feet,” he tossed her the apartment key, “thanks for the roof.”

“You don’t have -,” she left it hanging mid-sentence, “fine.”

He wondered how that sentence was going to end. You don’t have to, you can live there? You don’t have a chance getting on your feet? He wasn’t going to ask, even if he was dying to know.

Without saying a word, he stood and looked at her for what felt like a lifetime. She looked stunned and exhausted but she didn’t look saddened that her son didn’t want to know her.
Maybe this is what she’s wanted from the start?
Slinging the backpack higher up his shoulder, he clutched onto the strap, finding the power to finally look away and turn around.

“Goodbye,” his words sounded final.

Elias intended those to be the last words he would say to her and he meant them. Walking away, he felt like he had told her more in those last ten minutes than he had in his whole entire life.

“Elias,” she called after him.

Stopping in his tracks, he turned around. The mayor was staring dead at him, her head tilted down so that her eyes were nothing more than shadows as the afternoon sun shone down through the high windows.

“Good luck,” she said as she stuffed her hands into her pockets before disappearing through another door.

Elias gave her enough time to get out of the school. He imagined that she was running back to her car, ready to lock herself in her office so she could start plotting something. It seemed like the most logical step but for some reason, he actually believed her.

The final ‘
good luck
’ could have been interpreted as sarcastic, an ominous warning even. The blank tone was open to interpretation but the smoldering wick on the blown out candle clung onto the thought that maybe, just maybe, it was genuine; the closest thing he was going to get to an apology.

“What happened?” Caden ran toward him when he opened the school gate, “Are you okay?”

“It’s done,” exhausted, Elias fell into Caden’s chest, closing his eyes and inhaling his scent deeply, “c’mon, let’s go home.”

Waking up in Ellie’s guest bedroom would have been strange for Elias but he woke up in the arms of Caden. They were wrapped tightly around him, just like they had been when they’d fallen asleep, making plans for their future. Caden vowed to write a book, Elias vowed to get his high school diploma and a job and then they vowed to live happily ever after in their own house one day with two dogs, whose names they had yet to agree on.

“Morning,” Ellie was already up when Elias wandered downstairs at what he thought was an early hour, “sit down, I’ll make you some breakfast.”

“Shouldn’t you be at work?”

“I’m working the late shift. I don’t start until twelve.”

Stretching out and yawning, Elias sat at the breakfast bar, about to protest his sister making him breakfast but realizing the last time he attempted bacon and eggs with Caden, he had almost set the pan on fire.

“Still like it extra crispy?” she smiled over her shoulder, “There’s OJ in the fridge. Help yourself.”

A part of Elias thought it would be weird moving in with Ellie but it felt comforting, especially since she admitted that she was glad to have someone in the house now that Kobi was split between his two parents until they came to a more permanent solution.

“Thank you,” he said when she placed the plate in front of him, along with a bottle of ketchup and a small cup of coffee.

“Don’t worry about it. I usually do it for Kobi.”

“No, really, thank you. Thank you for letting us stay here.”

With a quick shrug and a smile he knew she didn’t need thanking. Gaining back his sister had made everything else worth it.

“You were right when you said this place was as much yours as mine. I was just mad at you. I’m thinking of selling this place.”

“Won’t John get half in the divorce?”

“It’s in my name,” she said, “mom signed everything over to me and she made me sign a pre-nup before the marriage. She insisted on it, in fact.”

Elias shuddered slightly at her mention, disguising it as a yawn. He felt Ellie sense it because she didn’t push the subject.

“If I sell, I want you to have half the money,” she said it as casually as if she was commenting on the morning’s news that was playing silently on a small TV mounted to the wall.

“What? Why? Are you kidding me?”

“Do I look like I’m kidding?” she arched her already filled in brows, “I want you to have something from all of this. You don’t deserve to struggle until you get your diploma and that will take some time, won’t it? You could use it to get your own place. You could do so much with it.”

Elias let himself get excited for a second but then he realized the truth of the situation. The house might be in Ellie’s name but it was his mother who had paid for it. It was the house he had grown up in as a child and he hated it because of that. Being back here on the other side of the storm felt easier but he still felt the memories lingering like ghosts. It would be tainted money and he knew it would be too easy.

“Thank you,” he grabbed her hands in his, “thank you so much, but I can’t. I don’t want it.”

“Elias!” she laughed, “This house is worth -,”

“I don’t want to know. Whatever half is, put it in a fund for Kobi’s college. Let him have a good start.”

“What about your start? You’re not a lost cause, not anymore.”

“I know,” he smiled, biting his lip ring, “that’s why I need to work for it. It might mean I’m moving with you if you move but it will be temporary. I appreciate the gesture and I hope you don’t think I’m being ungrateful but I need to do this.”

She smiled back without offense, “I understand. You need to be the one to get where you want to be.”

“No more free passes.”

“And no more rehab.”

“I’ll drink to that,” Elias lifted the coffee mug before taking a long, deep sip, “nice coffee.”

“Fifteen dollars a jar, it should taste nice,” she winked before sliding off the stool to go and get dressed for work.

Glancing at the time on the TV, he saw that it was only past ten. He watched the news ticker scroll across the bottom of the screen, reciting the early morning news for Havenmoore. Budget cuts, a rescue dog saving a blind woman from getting hit by a car, hospital staff charity ball; nothing of real interest or importance.

When he finished the bacon and eggs that he had drowned in ketchup, he felt a pair of thick, heavy hands loop around his shoulders.

“Morning,” Caden’s husky morning voice whispered in his ear, “I thought you’d taken off in the night.”

“You wish,” Elias grabbed Caden’s hand, softly kissing his fingers one by one, “you’re stuck with me now.”

“Forever?” a gentle kiss tickled his ear.

“In this life and the next.”

Spinning around in the chair, Elias faced Caden who was shirtless and only wearing a pair of loose boxers. Running his hands down the softly muscled torso, Elias pulled him in by the cheeks to carefully brush their lips together.

“I can cope with that,” Caden gently bit Elias’ lip, “that’s if you can cope with me?”

“I’ll try,” he slid to the edge of the chair, wrapping his legs around Caden’s waist, instantly feeling something hard brush against his thigh.

They kissed deeply, the sugar infused ketchup passing between them. Elias almost forgot where he was as his desires took over him.

“Child present!” Ellie’s shrill cry echoed around the kitchen.

Jumping back, Caden quickly slid onto one of the stools and Elias dropped his hands into his own lap to see Ellie clutching Kobi’s eyes as he scratched at his sticking up bed hair.

“Mom, I’ve seen you and Daddy kissing,” he tried to pull her fingers away, “and I’ve seen him kissing that new lady.”

Ellie coughed loudly, letting go of her son’s eyes. He blinked heavily and yawned, giving them a rub as he shook the last remnants of sleep. Elias checked the news again, completely forgetting that it was Saturday.

“Morning, Uncle Elias,” he yawned, “morning Uncle Elias’ boyfriend.”

“Morning,” they chimed in unison, smirking at each other.

Caden had turned beetroot red as he peered through his fingers, his body hunched over the counter. Ellie busied herself with making them all bacon and eggs, Elias happily taking a second helping. Ellie swore they shouldn’t get used to it because she wasn’t going to be doing it every morning but Elias knew that she loved being busy and she loved feeling like she was helping people out. For all her faults, she cared deeply, even if she didn’t always know how to show it properly. That’s why she made a brilliant doctor. She could hide her emotions when she needed to be professional headed but she still cared enough to get the job done right.

“Grandma Judy!” Kobi cried.

Elias jumped up in his seat, turning around. The hallway was empty. He turned to look down at Kobi, who had ketchup dripping down his chin. Elias followed his gaze to the TV where the mayor was standing on the front steps of the town hall silently.

At first, he wasn’t shocked to see her. She was always on the news, announcing one thing or another. It wasn’t until he saw the
LIVE
symbol flashing in the corner that his stomach knotted.

“Turn it up!”

Ellie grabbed the remote, turning the volume up so that his mother’s voice was blasting through the kitchen, just as it had in the hall the night before.

“ – so it’s with a heavy heart that I stand before you to tell you that this will be my final term as mayor. I wanted you all to hear this from me first. After twenty-two years in this honored position -,”

Elias tuned out as she rambled on, unusually without her large and beaming public smile. She was delivering her lines to the unseen reporters who she no doubt called early that the morning.

“What is she doing?” Ellie wondered aloud.

“She’s lost it,” Caden looked to Elias who was staring at the TV but staring right through it.

“Mayor James,” a microphone jutted out from the bottom of the screen amidst the chatter of reporters, “what will you do next? Do you intend on running for state senator now that Jacob Fines has stepped down?”

“No,” her answer was final and blunt, “no, this is me bowing out of politics.”

“Why?” another microphone and another reporter’s voice, “What’s inspired this sudden change? What will you do next?”

Pausing for a moment, she cleared her throat and looked down at the podium she was standing behind. For a moment, he thought she might be reading off a script that one of her assistants had prepared for her but her eyes weren’t searching, they were staring blankly, just like Elias had been a moment ago.

“I’ll take this time to write my memoirs and do the things I’ve missed out on for the last two decades,” she paused and her gaze wandered from the reporter, right down the lens of the camera beaming into Ellie’s kitchen.

It felt like she was looking right at Elias and it unsettled him.

“What have you missed out on, Mayor?” the first reporter cried, sensing that his chance was running out, “What is it you want to do?”

The pause was so long Elias thought she was going to ignore the question.

“I want to spend time with my family. Thank you, but I need to get back to work. There’s still another six months left and I intend on using them to serve this town.”

She bowed and smiled slightly before heading up the steps as the reporters cried questions at her back. She vanished inside without a second glance over her shoulder. The screen cut to the reporters in the studio who was summarizing what had just happened as the tickers all changed to the breaking news that Judy James, the long running and much loved mayor of Havenmoore was stepping down.

Elias sat in shock, staring at the ketchup stains and bacon fat on his plate. He could feel Caden and Ellie’s eyes on him but he didn’t have the reaction they were looking for.

He was running over what she had just said, as though his mind had recorded it live.

‘I want to spend time with my family.’

At first, he wanted to dismiss it as another one of her lies but it felt like the most honest thing she had ever said.

“What just happened?” Ellie leaned against the counter, shock taking over her face, “I – I – I can’t believe it.”

“Elias, are you okay?” Caden’s hand travelled over his back, rubbing him sympathetically, “Say something.”

Elias looked up from the plate, shaking his head slightly, he looked back to the TV, which was muted again as it replayed clips of the announcement. He saw her lips silently say ‘
I want to spend time with my family
’, her eyelids flickering on the word ‘
want
’.

“She’s either having a mental breakdown,” Elias exhaled heavily, “or, she means it.”

He shared a moment with his twin that nobody else could see or hear. With just the blink of her lashes, Elias knew that Ellie believed it. Could it be true? Was this her way of admitting that she had listened, for the first time, to how Elias really felt?

Suddenly, the simmering candle in the back of his mind reignited, flickering brighter than it ever had done. He felt sick and dizzy but the weight that had pressed down on his shoulders in that hall suddenly vanished.

“I believe her,” he nodded, “is that crazy?”

He looked to Caden, desperate for him to explain things, even though Elias was the only one who’d been there in that school yesterday.

“Whatever happens next,” Caden grabbed Elias’ face, forcing him still so he could look into his eyes as he sat in Ellie’s kitchen in a pair of boxers and nothing more, “I love you and I’ll be here for you, no matter what happens.”

“Me too,” Ellie nodded, a small excited smile flickering across her lips.

“Me too!” Kobi cried out, throwing his arms around Elias’ waist.

Sitting in the kitchen with a sober mind, the man he loved stroking his cheek with a gentle thumb, his nephew hugging him unconditionally, his sister secretly smiling at him and his mother talking to him through the TV, Elias felt like the fight was finally over and he didn’t care who had won.