Shelter (16 page)

They followed her into the kitchen and Elias sprinted over to the cupboard under the sink where the trashcan was concealed. Caden was so embarrassed that he didn’t know if he should start apologizing or just leave. He kept looking to Elias but he looked far too shell shocked to respond. He was her brother so he could imagine it was even weirder for him. He once walked in on Bruce and Lucy having sex one Christmas when they visited him in New York, but hadn’t seen Bruce left holding the condom between his thumb and forefinger.

“I can explain,” Caden offered, “we can explain. It’s not what it looks like.”

“So you haven’t just fucked my brother on my antique sofa?” her voice was almost dolphin-register, “Or am I missing something?”

“Technically, he wasn’t fucking your brother,” Elias mumbled.

“Oh, forget it! I don’t want to know after all,” she slapped her hands over her ears, “I told you! I told you I didn’t want you near my son. And you come here and you do this! Did you have sex with him to see Kobi? Did you think it’d distract him? Is that what this was about?”

She seemed hysterical but Caden couldn’t ignore the apparent lack of a husband and the mascara streaks that had been hastily wiped away from her cheeks.

“Oh, Ellie, don’t be so dumb. It doesn’t suit you!”

“He wasn’t here all night. I called him long after Kobi fell asleep. I didn’t invite him here for that. It just
happened
.”

“You’re his support worker, aren’t you?” she shook her head and her pin straight black hair sprung out from behind her ears.

“We’re kind of a thing,” Elias added, “it’s not what you think.”

“So you’re gay?” it was like she didn’t know who to attack first.

“I wanted to tell you but I couldn’t. Like you said, he’s my support worker.”

“I’ve always known,” she shook her hands, “that’s not important. You think I didn’t know how to check an internet history? You were hardly discreet about it.”

Caden could tell that Elias was the embarrassed one now. They stared at each other silently and they seemed to be communicating without using their voices.

“So you thought you’d use my brother for a quick fumble?” she turned on Caden, advancing towards him with an outstretched finger, “he’s vulnerable and he’s an addict and -,”

“- and he’s standing right behind you,” Elias cried, “damn, Ellie, it’s
not
what you think.”

“What is it?
Please
. Somebody explain what is going on under my roof. I’m so sorry for asking so many damn questions! I just
assumed
the babysitter wasn’t going to turn my living room into a cruising hotspot. I bet you were on that Grinding thing, weren’t you? That gay app? Is that how you got him over here? Did you know he used to live here?”

She was reflecting all of the concerns Caden had had about what he was doing with Elias. She made it sound so seedy and dirty. He felt wrong and ashamed, which is why he quit Elias in the first place. He was overwhelmed and Ellie wasn’t backing down. Her finger seemed to be growing with every second and he flinched, expecting it to spike through his eye without a moment’s notice.

“No,” was all Caden could say.

“Give him a break, Ellie,” Elias rolled his eyes, “this isn’t the first time we’ve done this.”

“How long has this been going on?” she turned back to her brother, “Is this who you kissed when you came begging me for pills? I thought you said that could never work? I thought you said it was over?”

“Look at me!” he laughed, “You said yourself how I was smiling. You said that today! Remember?”

She backed down slightly, shrinking a little. Caden shook his head and took the opportunity to finish buckling up his belt.

“My mom could lose everything over this,” Caden almost choked on the words, “if this gets out while he’s still under this court thing, everything will fall in.”

The gravity of the situation suddenly fell on him. How could he do that to his mother?

“You can’t tell anybody,” Elias said, “not yet.”

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do!” she cried, “In my house.”

“This is no more your house than it is mine,” Elias laughed, “we’re twins and I was born two minutes and 30 seconds before you, so I’m the oldest. When that old witch dies, this won’t be yours. This is hers and it will become ours, unless she’s put it in her will.”

The uncomfortable silence and small cough from Ellie spoke volumes. Elias looked like he was about to burst into a full blown attack but he just laughed silently, shaking his head as he stared at the floor.

“I bet she’s left everything to you, hasn’t she?”

“You can’t be trusted!”

“Right,” he nodded, “you used to say that when we were kids. You were always the responsible one and I was always the leftover. The
mistake
.”

“That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?”

“Don’t turn this on me! You’re the one who went against the one thing I asked. Don’t think I’m going to forget that so easily.”

Caden couldn’t handle it. Their voices were rising with each word and any moment, Kobi would appear at the top of the stairs with sleep in his eyes and no idea what was going on.

“Just stop it!” Caden cried, “You’re twins. Stop fighting over every tiny detail. Ellie, I’m sorry I invited him over. I just wanted to see him. I just wanted to spend time with him. The other stuff, it just happened. It wasn’t the reason, I swear. I would have asked him to go before you got home. I never wanted you to – I just – I
love
him.”

“You what?”

“You love me?”

Caden swallowed and closed his eyes. When he opened them, he would be asleep in front of the horror movie with Elias asleep on his shoulder and it would have all been a bad dream. When he opened them, he had almost identical twins, both glaring at him with the same disbelief in their eyes.

“I can’t help it. I know it’s fast. I can’t explain it. I’ve tried explaining it to myself but don’t they say you know when you know? I was with somebody for five years and I never felt like this. I never felt so – in love. It’s insane, I know but -,”

Elias pushed Ellie to the side and she stumbled into the kitchen island as she tripped over her heels. Hands gripped Caden’s face, pulling him straight into Elias’ lips. It was brief and heated but when he pulled away, those same lips pressed against his ear and whispered four words.

“I love you too.”

That was it. He felt it. The fireworks that people always talked about were an understatement. It felt like an atomic bomb had just been detonated in his stomach. Five years of ‘
I love you too
’ from Finn could never compare. This was the real thing, unexplainable, irrational, irregular love.

“Jesus Christ,” Ellie poured herself a large glass of wine, “are you two for real? He was in rehab about three weeks ago.”

Leaning against the counter, she ran her nails through her hair. It was obvious to Caden that she had more on her mind than her brother for once.

“Could you just try and be happy for me? Just once?”

“I am,” she sounded offended.

“Why were you home so early?” Elias looked around the kitchen, “Where’s John?”

She drank half of the wine and topped it up instantly.

“I don’t know where he is,” fingers tightened around the glass, “we had a fight in the middle of the restaurant.”

She collapsed onto a stool at the breakfast bar, as if delayed shock was just hitting her. Her shaking hands dragged the vat of wine up to her lips but she could barely drink any through the trembling.

“He started talking about divorce and custody. It all started over something small. It happened so fast. I made a comment about his weight affecting his health when he tried to order the Steak Diane and that was it. He exploded, in front of hundreds of people. Some of my patients were in there. It was mortifying. I didn’t mean to upset him. I didn’t want to be that person. I didn’t want to be like – it doesn’t matter.”

Elias walked over and wrapped his arm around his sister. Despite everything they’d been through, it was obvious they did love each other. Nothing could take that away and even if they buried it deep away beneath layers of bitterness and anger, it would always come to the surface when one of them needed the other. Caden wondered if that’s why Ellie had always been the one to give into Elias when he would beg. In his file, Ellie was referred to as ‘
the enabler
’ but Caden could imagine how difficult it was to turn down a brother when he was in a desperate place. He tried to imagine Bruce in pain, begging for money for one last fix. He knew Bruce would never get to that place but he still didn’t like thinking about what it would be like to be in that position. He would want to believe that Bruce meant it was the last one.
No wonder she doesn’t want to trust him ever again.

“Can you not work it out?”

“I don’t know if I have the energy,” she gulped down a large mouthful of red wine, “that’s why I wanted tonight.
Needed
tonight. I thought if we just put a date in the calendar and do something together, we’d get back on track. I’m being honest, things haven’t been fine for months. He’s been gaining weight and he’s been distant. The weight isn’t important. That’s not the problem. It causes arguments. It’s like I can’t
stop
myself. We’ve been at each other’s throats, barely talking. He spends a lot more time at the office and – and -,”

Tears started tumbling down her cheeks and Elias looked as surprised to see them as Caden. Neither of them seemed to know what to do as the stern doctor and daughter of the mayor cried in her kitchen, clutching wine like it held all of the answers.

“What is it?”

“Ronda,” she choked, fighting back the sobs, “thinks she saw John with another woman leaving a hotel on her trip to Portland. I thought she was joking but when I checked where John’s conference was, it was Portland. And the woman she described, she sounded just like his receptionist. Twenty-one and tits under her chin. Blonde, of course. I thought it was a one off, or mistaken identity, or maybe he was just helping her outside. I convinced myself every relationship had one of those incidents. Marriage is
hard
work and I didn’t want Kobi to grow up like we did, without a dad.”

“Oh, Ellie,” Elias looked to Caden for some help, “John is a jerk.”

“You’ve never liked him,” she sniffled.

“Because you were always too good for him. Mom told you not to marry the first guy who proposed. Maybe she had a point?”

“Wait, you’re siding with her?” Ellie wiped away the tears.

Even Caden couldn’t believe his ears. Caden had never heard Elias talk about her like she was his actual mother before. Perhaps there was something there, even if it was just a glimmer. Caden thought about the note he had left with the mayor, wondering if she had read it.

They hung around, until Ellie seemed to forget what she caught them doing and she was too consumed by her own problems, which were being consumed by wine. Caden wanted to mention that it had to stay secret but he got the impression that she wouldn’t start airing his dirty laundry when she barely wanted to air her own.

“We should go,” Elias whispered as Ellie washed the wine glass, “do you want to stay at my place?”

“Sure,” Caden nodded, “I’ll help her up to bed. I think she’s had a lot to drink. Can you grab my bag from the other room?”

Elias didn’t question it. He seemed relieved to be dismissed from sibling duty. He probably wasn’t used to it. Caden wasn’t used to it. Guys were different. He was usually the one with the drama and even he wouldn’t cry in front of his brother. Their relationship didn’t work like that and neither of them would know what to do if they started.

Ellie didn’t want help up the stairs but he did walk with her. He told her about his plan and she listened. He bent the truth and told her that the mayor had already agreed to be a part of it. When he said that, she agreed too, as though scared to miss out on something her mother was in on. When she was tucked up in bed, he headed back to Elias and they walked arm in arm through the dark to the bakery.

He’ll understand. It’ll help.

Salty bacon and creamy eggs tickled Elias’ nostrils and the smell of a freshly cooked breakfast woke him for the first time since he had moved into his apartment. Pulling on a t-shirt, he rubbed his eyes and headed into the kitchen. He was met with the sight of Caden’s smooth bare cheeks as he cooked breakfast, in nothing more than a tiny, yellow apron.

He was about to make a joke but he decided to observe as he worked, unaware that he had a guest. It was the first time he had woken to Caden in his apartment. It didn’t feel empty, cold or too big, like it usually did. He could almost forget that he was living under one of his mother’s many roofs.

When he remembered what they’d said to each other the night before in Ellie’s kitchen, he smiled. When he remembered how those words had practically driven Ellie to the brink of her sanity, he felt bad for his sister. Elias was falling in and Ellie was falling out. For once, he was the happier twin and he was going to try and enjoy it.

“Morning,” Caden grinned when he turned to put the eggs back in the fridge, “how long have you been standing there?”

“Long enough,” he flicked his lip ring and glanced down at his naked lower half, where his morning wood was standing to attention.

“Not around naked flames. Safety first.”

“Butt cheeks are fine, right?”

“Exactly,” Caden slapped his own backside and winked with a playful smile, “c’mon, let’s eat. We’re going to Ellie’s. She called and she wants us there.”

“She called?” Elias screwed up his face, wondering why they were being summoned, “What does she want?”

“Didn’t say,” he shrugged as he placed the plates on the other side of the counter, “but I said we’d be there at eleven.”

“And what time is it now?”

“Erm,” Caden bent over the counter to check the time on the stove, “just past nine.”

“Good,” Elias spat into his hand, the other already spreading Caden’s cheeks, “we have time for two breakfasts then.”

By the time they finally got to the second course, covered in sweat and lacking the apron and t-shirt, the bacon and eggs were stone cold, but they wolfed it down like hungry dogs.

“I need to head out. I promised my mom I’d do something for her,” Caden pulled on jeans, sans underwear, “I’ll be ten minutes. I’ll shower when I get back. You can join me.”

It wasn’t a question, it was an order and it was an order Elias was all too happy to obey. Despite just being used and spent, the morning wood sprung right back and he knew it would still be there when Caden returned from his errand.

He collapsed onto the sofa, resisting the urge to touch himself. Caden softly kissed him on the top of his head before darting out of the door. The absence in his heart was instant and he didn’t doubt that it was love he was missing.

***

Checking that Elias wasn’t curtain twitching in the apartment above, he quickly jogged across the square towards the town hall. The doors were already open but he knew if he got there early enough, he might beat the receptionist to her game or at least catch her off guard.

Silently celebrating when he saw the empty desk, he slipped past it like he belonged there, despite his creased t-shirt, sticking up hair and morning breath. He paused outside of her door, the words ‘
Madame Mayor – Judy James
’ engraved on a permanent gold plaque. He almost knocked but he knew a knock could be ignored. He tried the handle and when it wasn’t locked, he walked right in.

“Emily, cancel my ten. I have one of my headaches coming on – who the
fuck
are you?”

The niceness switched off and ‘
one of her headaches
’ seemed to vanish instantly as she jolted up alert in her chair.

“We’ve met before,” Caden said, “I work with your son. I left you a note earlier this week. Did you get it?”

The glare in her eyes let him know she had. This time, he wasn’t going to let it shake him. He was still in the haze of an intense orgasm, he had a full stomach and he had the love of a good man. One mayor was nothing.

“I think you should leave,” she strained a smile and nodded to the door, “before I call for security.”

She could call security but Caden hadn’t seen any walking around and he guessed that security threats weren’t priorities at half past ten in the morning. Closing the door, he wasn’t leaving until she listened to him and agreed with what he had to say.

***

When he arrived at his sister’s house, she was acting so strange that Elias wasn’t entirely sure why they’d been asked to show their faces. His theory that she had wanted to talk about their sofa antics was blown straight out of the water. It wasn’t mentioned and her wide-eyed expression told Elias to forget it ever happened, which was unlike Ellie. She could hold onto things for months, years if the thing called for it.

Ellie also didn’t mention her husband, nor did she mention her breakdown in the kitchen. When Elias tried to steer the conversation in that direction, her eyes widened even more and he was so scared they were going to pop out of her face, he decided to take the same vow of amnesia.

“Drink?” her smile was fake, “I have soda, or orange juice if you want something a little more fresh.”

“Soda is fine. Are you going to tell us why we’re here, or do I have to start guessing?”

Ellie produced two cans of soda and he noticed a shake in her hand. When she passed a can to Caden, Elias noticed her eyes holding his for a little longer than what felt natural. Caden was smiling a little too much too.
What is going on here?

“Where’s Kobi?”

“School. Are you guys hungry? I could make us a snack.”

“We’ve just had breakfast,” and then some, “Ellie, stop the wholesome mother routine and tell me why we’re here. In all of the years you’ve lived here, you’ve never once invited me here, so what’s changed?”

“I just wanted to be nice,” she twirled a piece of black hair around her index finger, “extend an olive branch. It’s clear you’re trying so I thought I would.”

He wanted to believe her but it felt like a lie. Elias knew Ellie enough to know that she didn’t extend olive branches because she was always the one to wait for those branches to be extended to her. She had always been the same way. When they were kids, Ellie’s best friend, Mia, lived three doors down. They did so much together; anyone would think they were the ones who were twins. One day, Mia took one of Ellie’s dolls home and lost it, which caused Ellie to blow up at her friend. It wouldn’t have been that important to Ellie but it was an antique doll their grandmother had given her. She never spoke to Mia again and Elias had always known that she missed her, but she would never admit it. The months passed and the seasons changed but Ellie would never make the move to repair the friendship. She refused to apologize for shouting at Mia and Mia was too scared to go anywhere near Ellie. Eventually, Mia and her folks moved out of town and they were never seen or spoken about again but Elias saw his sister’s face when that moving van drove away. Even back then, she had that stiff upper lip to conceal all of the emotions she was bottling up.

“You’re up to something,” he said, “tell me or I’m leaving.”

Ellie looked to Caden again, this time begging him to help her. Elias felt like he was the only one not in on the joke as he stood between them, clutching an unopened can of soda. A knock at the door caused Ellie to jump on the spot, seemingly glad of the excuse to leave.

“That’ll be her,” she mumbled as she walked off.

“Are we expecting somebody else?” Elias turned to Caden.

Caden shrugged, clearly avoiding his eye contact. If he wasn’t sure if Caden was in on things, he sure was now. Ditching his soda, he headed for the front door. It wasn’t a woman, it was John, Ellie’s husband. He was standing on the porch, looking like he didn’t want to come in. Ellie’s arms were crossed protectively over her chest and she was keeping her distance. Elias didn’t like John but it was sad to see.
Is this what it all boils down to?

“I just want some things. I’m at a motel out of town. It’s easier for work that way.”

“Alone?”

“Don’t do this, Ellie. This doesn’t have to be that hard,” his words were final.

“It was a dumb fight in a restaurant. Don’t turn it into something it isn’t,” she tried to laugh it off.

“It’s not just that, is it? We’ve been sleeping in separate -,” he looked over Ellie’s shoulder to spot their audience, “what is he doing here?”

Ellie quickly turned, embarrassment on her face and tears forming in the corners of her eyes. She didn’t look angry to see Elias standing there, she actually looked relieved. If he wasn’t mistaken, her eyes were crying out for her brother’s help. Elias stepped forward, compelled to be there for his sister, despite their problems.

“I think you should go,” Elias rested his hand on Ellie’s shoulder, giving it a tight squeeze, “she doesn’t want you here.”

“You’re kidding?” he said this to Ellie, “I’ve been gone one night and you’ve let this scumbag move in?”

“He hasn’t moved in,” Ellie wiped away a tumbling tear, “if you want your stuff, come when I’m not in. I’ll call you.”

Ellie slammed, locked and bolted the door in her husband’s face. He tried his key but he couldn’t open the door more than a couple of inches. His begging for a change of clothes for work turned angry within seconds. Ellie listened but she seemed detached from his words, the face of a woman who’d heard it all before. Elias had always thought Ellie had the perfect life, protected by her high metal fence, leaving the real world problems on the sidewalk. As he watched her stiff upper lip melt away, he knew he had been so wrong.

“Are you okay?” Elias asked when the door finally closed again, “I can go if you want. Is this why you asked me here?”

“No,
stay
,” she wiped away the tears, “it’s fine. I’m fine. I’ve been kidding myself. He’s right. Separate bedrooms are just the start of the problems. Maybe this is for the best.”

She didn’t sound convinced but she was putting on a brave face for her guests. Elias looked to Caden for help, knowing that he was the one with the breaking up experience. He was still hovering at the end of the hallway, looking awkward and out of place.

They sat in the living room, all of them avoiding the couch Caden and Elias had spoiled. Ellie and Elias sat next to each other and Caden perched on the arm, checking his watch every couple of seconds.

“Hang on,” Elias suddenly remembered, “you weren’t expecting John, you were expecting a woman. You said, ‘
that’ll be her
’. Who were you expecting?”

He looked from Caden to Ellie and they both looked to each other, neither of them talking.

“I thought it was Mom,” Ellie gave it up, “we were supposed to have a family counseling session here. We thought it would be better if we didn’t tell you because you wouldn’t have come.”

Elias jumped up and walked around the coffee table so he could see both of them. He instantly knew they were both in on the plan and from the way Caden was staring at the ground, he was the ringleader.
He promised me he wouldn’t do this
.

“Caden?” he demanded, “Anything to share?”

“Elias, I thought it would be better if I didn’t tell you. I thought if I got you all in one room at the same time with me, we could talk about things and get somewhere.”

Attempting to calm his anger with a technique they’d tried to teach him in rehab, he counted back from ten, only making it to seven.

“I told you I
didn’t
want this! Don’t you think we’ve tried this before? Don’t you think promises have been made in these sessions? They’ve always been broken.”

“You’ve broken them,” Ellie sounded angry now, “you always ran back to the drugs.”

If it were only that simple, he would be able to accept it. Promises of support and care from his mother and sister hadn’t lasted more than a couple of days, sometimes a couple of hours. They’d always end up in the same strained place, where none of them knew how to interact or communicate as a family. Elias had given up on that ever happening long ago. Why was Caden trying to drag it all back up now?