Sheisty (2 page)

and completed four years of college a year ahead of time. I'm going back for my Master's after my baby is born. So you see I do have a plan, I am not about to let life pass me by, while I sit around feeling sorry for myself like my mother did. I will give my child the life I never had, no matter what it takes.

I've been with Tucker since I was 16. He's the only man I've ever been with sexually. I love him dearly. So if something were to happen to him, I don't think that I would make it. That's why I wish he would leave the drug game alone. Tucker makes a lot of money selling dope. Business for him is always good, so the money is definitely consistent. And you know what that means: more money, more problems. I know he loves me, so I don't worry about losing him to another woman, but the streets? Now, that's a different story.

It's Friday and all I can think about is hitting the club tonight.

Since K.C., my abusive ass man got locked up two days ago, I don't have to worry about him running up on me in the clubs no more. Trying to smack a bitch up 'cause I'm out doing the same shit he doing. K.C. no doubt is my nigga and he got some good dick, but he be thinking just because he spend his money on me, he own my ass.

I remember one time me and Epiphany was hanging out at Cheetah's on a Friday night having the time of our life. When here this nigga comes, up from out of nowhere making a scene, talking bout "Go home."

I'm like, "What! Go home?" Yo, the way that nigga was acting threw me way off 'cause I just started fucking around with him. Right then and there I should've seen the 'beat a bitch' signs written all over his ass. But you know how that goes.

Instead, I just thought the nigga was really feeling me like that

'cause I'm thinking, '
Why else would he lose it and wanna beat
the shit out of me, if he ain't care.
' Most of the time, it was my fault anyway. I'm just the type of chick that's gonna do what the fuck I wanna do, and deal with the consequences later. Needless to say, getting my ass kicked was always the consequences for fucking with his ass. We stayed on some war of the roses type of shit 'cause he wasn't gon' just be fucking me up without getting a few bumps and bruises too. I'll go hard for mines. But that's still my boo, and shit, ya'll know what they say, "Love is blinder then a muthafucka."

Epiphany couldn't stand K.C. One time she went as far as to say he tried to holla her. Now don't get me wrong, that's my homegirl. I've known her for years, but most of the time I just don't be feeling her whole attitude. She thinks every nigga wants to get with her. When she told me that, I can't say the thought of it maybe being true didn't bother me, but he denied it and I believed him. Shit, this nigga was taking care of me and I loved how he took care of me. On top of that, did I mention the sex was the BOMB! I wasn't letting shit come in between us for nobody. That is until this nigga went and did some dumb shit and got locked the fuck up for a third felony charge. Three strikes and your out, so ain't no need in trying to hold on 'cause K.C.'s finished, finito, outta here, he's locked up for the rest of his life.

Shit, I ain't that stand by your man type of bitch, not if the nigga doing a life long bid. I'll tell you this much though, that's a waste of some good dick and I'll damn sure miss his ass.

My skills ain't as tight as Epiphany's when it comes to pulling a nigga that'll spend his dough on me. So when I pulled K.C., I tried to hold onto his ass.

Epiphany had it good 'cause she grew up in a house. It don't matter what the neighborhood is like, as long as it's a house.

With niggas, that plays a big part in the amount of respect they'll give you. On top of that, she's a pretty girl, plus all the way high maintenance. So, a nigga knows if he come at her, he gotta come correct. Me, I'm a cutie, but I'm from the PJs. So with that fact alone, it don't matter what I look like. Right off the back, niggas don't respect me. They stereotype me hard, assuming I'm a hoe or I got three or four kids by different daddies. One thing that does make me better than Epiphany though, is I can rock with a dude for his cash but I also know how to get out there and get my own paper too.

I'm a hustler, anyway it comes--boosting, credit card scams, cell phone hookups or transporting shit out of town for the cats around my way. You name it, along with the right price, and I'm down. Natural born hustler, it's in my blood. So with or without a trick ass nigga, I'm a get mine regardless 'cause I love the dough. I just started dancing at this strip club called Honey's. Yo!

I made $500 in three short hours just off pussy popping to some R&B and hip hop. Now that's what's up. Shit, for some people that's a month's rent, some food in the fridge with a little pocket change' left over for the club.

I was thinking about putting Epiphany on 'cause she'd make a killing, and for that kind of easy cash, her money hungry ass just might be down to do it. But knowing her if so, she'll only steal the spotlight and fuck up my shine, so on second thought, I'll keep my shit on the low.

Shana has been calling me all day.
I know she wanna hit the club tonight. Lately, I haven't been in the mood to do anything.

It's been a week since that muthafucka got me for some pussy.

All I know is I got the hell outta there as fast as I could. Anyway fuck that nigga, he got that, for now. That ain't the first time the pussy's been taken though and that whole situation just brought back memories. When I was a kid, my father's brother lived with us and I remember him always sweating me.

He would always be like, "C'mere." Bragging to his boyz about my cuteness saying, "Yo, I got a fly ass little niece. She gon' put a hurting on them cats when she get older." Uncle Ramel was always buying me gifts and giving me money. Then, at the tender age of 12, he took my virginity. Only he ain't grab me by my neck and force himself inside of me. It wasn't nothing like what that stupid muthafucka, Smitty, did to me. It was a gentle kind of rape. He was my uncle, my father's baby bro and I trusted him. It was uncomfortable at first, but shit, it went on for so long, I started to enjoy it. He was 18 at the time and out there slanging them thangs for my father. So, his gifts always got better and so did the amounts of cash he would give me. By the time I was 15 and he was 21, I was fucking and sucking his dick like a p-r-o-f-e-s-s-i-o-n-a-l. Call it sick, but after a while you adjust to a situation. That is, until the nigga started getting jealous when boys came around, acting as if I was his girlfriend or something. His behavior made me realize how sick he really was. I started to feel disgusting, him carrying on like that. I would fuck with him by putting emphasis on "UNCLE" when I called him. Every time he would look at me, and I felt it was inappropriate, I would always threaten to tell my father just to have control over him. Guess he couldn't take the heat anymore, or the chance that I might one day tell, so he moved out. Now, we try to avoid each other as much as possible but when I do see him at family functions, I get off on flaunting my cuteness in his face and calling him U-N-C-L-E Ramel. He still looks at me like he wants me. But what can he say, he created a monster.

I guess that's where I get my "get what I can get with the pussy" attitude from, huh? Shit, everything comes with a price.

Thinking back on all this now is crazy, but the point I'm trying to make is even my uncle paid for the pussy, and so will Smitty one way or another!

I picked up Shana a little after midnight. In New York, the parties are just getting started around 1:00 a.m.. It was the weekend so I knew the traffic would be a little crazy once we hit the city. Shit, you gotta fight with the yellow cabs just to get to your destination. The club was off the hook, as usual. Only, I needed to party with the very important people. Since I had the gift of gab to go along with my beauty, I was always able to talk a man into anything. After downing a straight shot of Hennessey, I knew working my gift on the big ugly bouncer guarding the VIP section like it was a meal, would be a piece of cake.

B.I.G.'s "Big Poppa" was playing. Dom P, Cristal and bottles of water was all the bar was selling. Now for those (like me) who didn't know, the water was for the ecstasy poppers. Shana let me in on that secret because she gets down too.

"Girl, what don't your project ass do?" I laughed.

"Shit, I don't need a pill to enhance my sex. If a nigga's pockets is stacking and he don't mind splurging, then I'm like Burger King, he can have it his way."

There were definitely a few hit record makers in the house, along with a couple of one-hit wonders still trying to floss from a hit they made five to ten years ago. I mingled away from Shana because she was being a real groupie. I keep telling her these niggas don't respect groupies. If you want them to notice you, you have to act as if you're just as important as they are and don't pay they asses no mind (you know, a discreet groupie, like myself).

By the end of the night, the champagne had me feeling real horny, and since my discretion wasn't working, I called Malikai on his cell and told him to meet me at my place. He didn't ask any questions before he agreed, and why should he? It was five o' clock in the morning, and the only thing I know that opens up at that time is legs. He knew exactly what I wanted--to be buck naked, getting fucked, listening to some R. Kelly's "Bump and Grind" until the smell of boodussy filled the air (meaning booty, dick and pussy). When the smell of sweat and sex hits the air, you know that shit is good.

Malikai spent the past two nights with me. I could tell he wanted to take our relationship to another level. He is such a sweetie and we do have alot of fun together, but if his pockets didn't run deep, he might've been history a long time ago. We been kicking it for maybe about a year now and his dick game has always been kinda wack, plus it's smaller then your average small penis.

I always wondered if a nigga with a little dick knew his shit was little. Somebody had to get pissed off or frustrated and tell his ass at some point in his life. It's always a catch 22 with these niggas. If he looks good, nine times out of ten the nigga's walking with deep pockets and a short reach (meaning he ain't coming up off no dough). If he got some dough and freely gives it up, he's either ugly as hell, horrible in bed or sometimes both. Who knows if I'll ever settle down. Maybe one day I'll get lucky, maybe not. But if that's the case, I surely don't have a problem with being single and having fun.

I guess everybody can't be lucky like Keisha, with a good looking, faithful man, who takes care of her, stacks dough like crazy; and let her tell it, is a freak in bed, too. Shit, fuck the best of both worlds; she's got the whole world in her hands. Speaking of Keisha, I have to call and see how she's doing. I can't believe she's gonna be a baby's mama. Better her then me. I'm a strong believer when it comes to abortion. Shit, I've already had seven, please believe it. I don't have no time to be having nobody's baby.

I got a call from Epiphany today, we actually made plans to
check out a movie and grab a bite to eat this afternoon.
I was upset with the way she's been treating me since I've been pregnant. Hanging out with Shana and E, reminiscing on old times, made it all better though. I laughed so much I almost peed in my pants, three times. I hadn't seen Epiphany in about five months.

To them, these seven months went by fast, for me, it wasn't moving fast enough.

"I really miss you guys," I said startin' to get teary eyed. E

laughed, then reached over and gave me a tight hug, while Shana teased me for getting so emotional. I finally got to announce my engagement. Although Tucker and I haven't set a date, I made both my girls promise to be there when we got married. We were having such a good time that I didn't want it to end.

So much was going on with them; it was hard playing catch up. Besides the baby and getting engaged, I didn't have anything to discuss that was as juicy as what was going on in their lives.

All I know is I can't wait to drop this load. Not because I feel like I'm missing out on what's in the streets, but because I'm lonely and I missed times like this with my homegirls. For once, Epiphany didn't say anything to piss Shana off, which was good but rare.

Lately, Tucker's been back and forth out of town a lot. I'm use to him being gone all the time, but he promised to stay in town more towards the end of my pregnancy. His bullshit is really starting to bother me. Every time I say something, he says I'm adding on to his stress, or I don't have his back. So, I just keep quiet, but when his son gets here, that nigga better change his program.

I've been spending a lot of time on the computer, meeting some interesting people online. Logging into those kinky chat rooms, since I haven't been getting much loving, what's wrong with living vicariously through others. Hell, I think I'm addicted; I go by the name of BAPS, meaning
bomb ass pussy sweet
. It's just innocent fun. Besides, it helps me keep my mind off my man's whereabouts.

I'm glad that Epiphany finally got around to hanging with
Keisha.
The girl got on my nerves asking about her all the time.

She gotta realize that we all grown up now and shit ain't gon' be like it use to. Everybody is livin' their own life. It was cool getting together and chillin' like back in the days, but this ain't back in the day and that close shit is slowly fading. I met this chick, Chasity, from Pomanock projects in Flushing. She gets her dance on out in Jersey too, we be on the Path train together. She's cool as hell; I don't fuck with too many bitches, but we just clicked.

Tonight, we doing a gig out in Brooklyn with this other chick she's cool with from out there. I didn't really want to fuck with Brooklyn 'cause that shits just too close to home. I ain't ready to be on front street shaking my ass, but fuck it; $150 for three sets plus tips ain't bad at all. When we arrived at the spot, it looked sort of like a warehouse inside, but it was set up real nice. I noticed there was nothing but girls up in there. Now, I know how chicks like to pile up in the club when it's free before 10, but it was almost 12.