Shannon's Daughter (54 page)

The
next thing he knew, two men in white uniforms were loading him in an ambulance
and Adelaide was assuring him she’d telephone Peg.
 
He didn’t have the strength to protest before
whatever Reggie had pumped into his arm robbed him of consciousness.

“Perforated
peptic ulcer.
 
Lucky you were at my place when it blew or
you’d have been a goner, my friend.”
 
Waking in considerable pain to Reggie glaring down on him with a mix of
concern and disapproval, Kendall’s first thought was to wonder how late he was
for his flight.

All he
could manage was a raspy, “Airport.”

“Not
today.
 
Not this month, in fact.
 
You had surgery, Kenny, two days ago.
 
And you lost a lot of blood.”
 
Reggie made his point with a nod to the
needle in Kendall’s arm.
 
“How are you
feeling?”

“Awful.”

“About
right.
 
How’s the pain.”

“Awful.”
 
It was proving an easy enough word to push
past his dry tongue.
 
“Water?”

“Not
yet.
 
Have an ice chip.”
 
Reggie propped a hip against the edge of the bed
and offered the dripping sliver of ice.
 
“You gave us quite a scare, you know?
 
Keeling over at the dinner table like that.”

He
closed his eyes against the vague memory.
 
“Sorry.”

“You
should be.
 
If you’d let me know about
this sooner, you could have at least avoided surgery.
 
And speaking of that, feel up to filling me
in on your history?”

“Not
really.”

“Allow
me to speculate a bit then.
 
I’m guessing
at some point you were assaulted with a sharp implement, a smallish knife most
likely, and a pretty good surgeon performed a bowel resection to repair the
damage.
 
When did this happen,
Kenny?
 
I know we lost touch for a while,
but surely your mother would have put out the word about something like that?”

“She
didn’t know.
 
Still doesn’t.
 
I was at Oxford.
 
I kept it from her.”
 

“
Because.
. .?”

“Long
story.”

Reggie
reached for the file folder on the bedside table.
 
“As luck would have it, I have a copy of the
surgeon’s report right here.
 
I guessed
at when and where it must have happened and my secretary is a genius when it
comes to locating records.”

“If you
already knew, why ask?”

“I need
you to clear up one little detail for me.
 
It says here the assailant was a woman.”

He
nodded, not liking where this was headed.

“Girlfriend?”

“Not
exactly.”
 
He wondered what kind of information was in
that report.
 

“So
when it says your wife attacked you, it’s not a clerical error?”

“No.”
 

“You
divorced her, I trust.”

“No.
 
She’s dead.”

Reggie
slammed the file down with uncharacteristic force.
 
“Good God, Kenny!
 
What sort of secrets have you been keeping
all these years?
 
I thought we were
mates, practically brothers.”

“Sorry.
 
It was complicated.
 
Can we please discuss this later?
 
I need to talk to Peg.”

“You
need to rest, so I’ll table my questions for now.
 
Are you sure you feel up to talking to Peg?”

“Yes.
 
What time is it?”

“Two
in the afternoon.”

“She
should be at home.
 
She knows?”
 
He watched as Reggie picked up the phone and
put through the call.

“Oh
yes.
 
We’ve talked several times.
 
She wants to fly over.”

“How
much have you told her?”

“About
you?
 
Everything.
 
Not the bit about the wife, but everything
about your current condition.”

“She
already knows the other.
 
But thanks.”

Reggie
was apparently listening to the ringing on the other end, rolling his eyes to
the ceiling.
 
“Peg?
 
There’s a chap here who insists he needs to
talk to you.”

His
hand wasn’t quite steady enough to hold the receiver to his ear, so Reggie did
the job for him.
 
“Hello,
brat.
 
Sorry I missed your party.”
 
All he heard was a choked sob.
 
“Darling, please don’t.
 
I’m fine.
 
Or I will be.
 
Didn’t Reggie tell
you he got me all patched up?”

“He
said you almost died!”
 

“He
exaggerates.”

“Kendall,
I want to see you.
 
I can get a flight
tomorrow night.”

“That’s
not necessary, sweetheart.
 
You’ll be
coming in a few weeks.
 
By then, I’ll be
much better company.”
 
He looked to
Reggie for confirmation.
 

“You’re
sure?
 
You know I’m willing.”

“I’m
sure.
 
No need to disrupt your
schedule.
 
Bad enough I missed our
engagement party.
 
Are you going ahead
with the newspaper announcement?”
 
His
energy, the little he could muster, was ebbing and he had an overwhelming urge
to close his eyes.

“I
thought we should wait.
 
Until you’re
well, I mean.
 
There’s no hurry, is
there?”

“No.
 
You’re right.
 
Plenty of time.”
 
He rallied long enough to add, “Feeling a bit
woozy, darling.
 
Call me later?”

“Of
course I will.
 
Every
day.
 
Now let me talk to Reggie
again please.”

Listening
to Reggie’s cautious reassurance, he realized he was relieved Peg had agreed
not to rush to his side.
 
Better that she
not see him like this.
 
At the moment, he
was weak as a day-old kitten and preparing to beg for opiates as soon as Reggie
rang off.
 
He took small comfort from the
thought that this disaster had taken place here, in relative privacy, rather
than in New York in front of a hundred of Michael’s friends as their engagement
was being announced.
 
At least there
hadn’t been photographers on hand at Reggie’s.

“She’s
not convinced I’m taking proper care of you, I’m afraid.”
 
Reggie put a finger on his pulse in an
annoyingly professional manner.
 
“How’s
the pain?”

“Already
told you, awful.”

“I’ll
see what we can do about that.
 
Meanwhile, your mother’s been waiting for hours.
 
Feel up to letting her
see
that you’re really alive?”

“Might
as well.
 
But not for long, please?
 
You know how she is.”

“Five
minutes?”

“Thanks.”
 
He was already to the door when Kendall held
out his hand.
 
“And thanks for keeping my
secret?”

“Right.
 
What are friends for?”

Chapter
Forty-nine

The advantages
to the private room—courtesy of his stepfather—were the peace and quiet, and of
course, the privacy.
 
The disadvantages
were much the same.
 
Kendall sometimes
wished for the hustle and bustle of nurses and doctors, the company of
disembodied voices beyond curtained enclosures he might have enjoyed on the
surgical ward.
 
At least they would
distract him from his thoughts, which were his primary companions during his
slow recovery.
 
He actually came to
welcome his mother’s daily visits.
 
At
least her incessant chatter about his allegedly “delicate system” and how as a
child he’d reacted to any sort of strain with a “tummy ache” broke up the hours
of soul-searching.
 
As far as he could
recall, he’d rarely had a sick day in his life, but he knew arguing with her
would certainly make his stomach hurt now.

Reggie,
who seemed to have more time than the average physician should to sit around and
chat, provided the only other major diversion.
 
His old friend was touchingly concerned, not only with his progress, but
with his state of mind.
 
Kendall had
never considered Reggie insightful in the least until now.
 
Suddenly, he seemed to be reading between the
lines and ascertaining far more than Kendall would willingly have
divulged.
 

Granted,
there was a lot to think about.
 
There
had been for more than a year now.
 
But
all of those issues, the job change, the relocation, marriage, had now been
cast in a different light.
 
Not so much
by his illness, he tried to explain to Reggie, as by something as subtle as the
tone of Peg’s voice.
 

“Maybe
I read more into it than was there, but I could swear she was relieved.”

“That
you were going to live after all?
 
Well I
should hope so.”

“No,
when I said it wasn’t necessary for her to fly over here right away.
 
And she said she wasn’t going to put the
announcement of our engagement in the papers, that there wasn’t any hurry now.”

“Probably
just trying to take the pressure off you.”

He
debated voicing his real fear.
 
“I’m not
so sure.
 
I don’t think Peg really wants
to get married.”

“Don’t
be ridiculous.
 
She’s been mad for you
for years.
 
You said yourself she was
more than willing to have an affair when she found out you were married.”

“I
don’t doubt she loves me.
 
It’s just that
for all those years when she said she wasn’t keen on marriage, I believed she
was trying to rationalize our situation.
 
But now it occurs to me, she really doesn’t want to go through with this
thing.”

“Where
does that leave you, if she backs out now?”

He
shook his head.
 
“Feeling
like an idiot.
 
Once I was free,
all I wanted to do was marry Peg, whatever it took.
 
I was so sure I could make that happen.
 
I was planning to leave everything here, my
career, my home,
everything
, move to
America and play Mr. Peg Shannon, completely ignoring what she’s been saying
all along.
 
I’ve made myself ill, for
God’s sake, flying back and forth between my life and hers, and it may have all
been for nothing.”

“Want
my advice, for what it’s worth?”

“Why
not?
 
I haven’t come up with anything on my own.”

“If you
love her, ask her.
 
If you can’t be
honest with one another before you’re married, believe me, you won’t be happy
after.”

“But
what if I’m right?
 
Then
what?”

“That
would depend on what you’re willing to settle for.
 
Only you know that, Kenny.”

The
answer to that question would depend on his having that honest talk with
Peg.
 
By the time she arrived in early
April, he was out of hospital and temporarily occupying a guest suite in his
mother’s home.
 
Still weak, and on a diet
fit for a convalescing cat, he was none the less determined to convince Peg
this had been a minor setback, nothing more.
 
Her arrival, complete with tearful breakdown and a call to Reggie
accusing him of lying to her derailed that possibility in the first hour.
 

“I
should have been here.
 
Oh, Kendall, you
look awful!”

“Thank
you, brat.
 
I even cleaned myself up just for you.
 
Normally you’d find me with three-days-worth
of stubble and lounging in rumpled pajamas.”
 
He managed to take her in his arms and kiss her with conviction before
she led him to the narrow loveseat and started fussing over him.
 

“You’re
so pale!”
 
She touched his face, moving
down to examine his shoulder.
 
“And
thin!
 
You must have lost fifteen
pounds.”

“Twenty.
 
But I’m on the gain now.
 
I’ll be fine.
 
I just need a little more time.”
 
Convincing her to cuddle against him, he rested his cheek on her
hair.
 
“Now that you’re here, I’m sure to
recover twice as fast.
 
I’ve missed you,
you know.”

“I’ve
missed you too.
 
I worked as hard as I
could to clear my schedule so I could get here sooner.
 
Spring is always a busy time.”

“I
know, love.”
 
Content to rest, inhaling
her scent and enjoying her hand gently stroking his chest, he decided perhaps
he had blown things out of proportion.
 
Barely escaping sudden death might have affected his brain, after all.

They
settled into a routine the best they could under Eloise’s watchful eye.
 
Peg had wisely opted to stay at Brown’s, but
she was on hand from morning ‘til night, often bringing folders of
correspondence and working quietly while Kendall rested.
 
If they never once discussed their plans,
avoiding any mention of jobs or weddings, he told himself to be patient.
 
The right moment would come, all would be
resolved and things would begin to move forward again.
 
Peg planned to stay for three weeks.
 
There was no hurry.
 
His lethargy, which Reggie said was normal,
seemed to give him permission to avoid anything unpleasant, and the level of careful
politeness between them made him think confronting their future might be just
that.

On the
day of his scheduled visit to Reggie’s office, he told Peg he’d call at Brown’s
when he was done.
 
Maybe in a more
familiar setting, away from his mother’s hovering shadow, Peg would be more
herself.
 
He wasn’t sure how the subject
might come up, but it was more likely to do so without the threat of
interruption.
 
He wasn’t even sure he
wanted it to come up, but time was running out, and he was sure he wanted
things settled before Peg went back to New York.
 
In all the time he’d had to think, the single
clearest conclusion he’d reached was that they could not, and he
would
not, go on the way they had been
for the past two years.
 
Life was too
short and too precious to spend racing from one existence to another.
 
He’d realized his needs were simple.
 
He wanted a home, a family, and a job which
gave him satisfaction, all in the same place, and he wanted to share those
things with Peg.
 
All that was needed now
was her answer to one simple question.

Seeing
her at Brown’s brought back so many memories.
 
When she met him at the door, her smile seemed to hold all the old
promises.
 
She ordered lunch, curled up
next to him on the couch and demanded to know what Reggie had to say about him.

“He’s
satisfied.
 
Says I can eat a slightly
more adult diet and get a bit more exercise.
 
Cleared me to go back to work a few hours a day.”

“That’s
wonderful!
 
You look so much more like
yourself than you did even a week ago.
 
But promise you’ll take it easy.”

“I
promise.
 
But I need to get moving again.
 
I’ve lost a lot of time.”

“How do
you mean?”

“If
we’re going to stay on target for a fall wedding, there’s no time to
waste.”
 
She stiffened, almost imperceptibly.
 
It was a cue, a downbeat, his opening.
 
“I need to ask you something, brat, and I
want an honest answer.”

Avoiding
his gaze, she asked flatly, “What?”

“You’re
not going to marry me, are you?”

She opened
her mouth to argue, stammered something about how he should know she loved him,
but he cut her off.
 
“Answer the
question, Peg.
 
Please.”

Still
not quite looking him in the eye, she shook her head sadly.
 
“No.
 
I
don’t think I can.”

“You’re
absolutely certain of that?”

“Yes.
 
I’m so sorry.
 
I shouldn’t have let things go this far.”
 
Finally, her eyes met his, full of apology
and uncertainty.

“It’s
my fault, really.
 
I should have listened
to you.
 
I was so sure I could change
your mind.”

“You
almost did.
 
But the closer we got, the
more terrified I was of failing.
 
We’re
much better off going on the way we have been, don’t you think?”

It took
a moment of soul-searching before he could answer.
 
“No, I don’t.
 
It’s tempting, I admit.
 
But we’d
just be prolonging the inevitable.
 
I
want more.
 
I want it with you, but if
that’s never going to be possible, I won’t settle for a transatlantic affair as
a substitute.”
 
He was surprised at how
in control he sounded.
 
In fact, he felt
some relief at stating his position.

“Are
you saying we’re done?
 
If I won’t marry
you, you don’t want me anymore?”
 
She
didn’t sound angry, or even particularly hurt, just as though she needed
clarification.

“Oh, I
want you.
 
Losing you will be the hardest
thing I’ve ever had to live through, I’m sure.
 
But I’ll lose you in the end, because affairs don’t come with
ivy-covered cottages and happily ever afters, do they?”

There
was nothing dramatic about their parting.
 
The room service waiter arrived.
 
Kendall rose and dropped a kiss on her lips,
refraining from holding her for more than an instant.
 
If there were tears in her eyes, he couldn’t
see them through the blur of his own.

“I’m
sure we’ll see each other around.
 
Family and the like.”
 

She
nodded.
 
He went through the door and
didn’t stop walking until he reached his flat.
 
A man needed a little privacy while he gathered up the pieces of his
heart and tried to remember how they fit together after so many years in the
hands of a woman like Peg Shannon.